Lessons Learned - The College Application Process

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In terms of visits, doing low key short visits, maybe with tours and info sessions, more likely without, beginning freshman or sophomore year is fine, but truly won't have a great idea what type of schools academically are realistic until at least partway through 10th grade and some practice PSATs and more high school grade information. So getting a kid set on a certain school or schools that they have no chance of getting into isn't' useful. However, it can be really good to see how a kid responds to big versus small, urban vs suburban vs rural, so makes visits easier to focus junior and senior year.
In our experience, at least for schools that are realistic for admission and seem very likely to be high on the list, visiting without parents if possible, and staying with a current college student who went to your kids high school or otherwise is a friend was particularly useful for my DDs. The tours and info sessions really all begin to sound the same, and simply a bad reaction to one tour guide or info session speaker can doom an otherwise great fit school for your child. Staying for an overnight or even just a meal with a student who your child is connected to helps much more. Given how much easier it can be to get into some schools by applying early decision , can't really wait for an intensive visit until all the admitted student events in the spring, because by then if applied early too late if a binding decision school.

In terms of testing and prep, we learned over time with subsequent kids, but anything you can do to be done with SATs or ACTs by mid junior year helps take the pressure off, because spring of junior year is so tough with AP exams and finals being so important, so taking SATs in the fall of junior year and January made life much easier for my kids, since the math on the SATs doesn't go beyond math most kids around here have in 9th and 10th grade.


I think this is great advice. OUr DS now a rising 10th grader saw several schools this spring over his break. We did the tours and infor sessions NOT because we are pushing college "X" but rather because we wanted DS to see/hear what such schools alook for in their applicants. ALso, in the event that DS wanted to attend said college, DS "knows what I have to do" (in order to gain admission). We thought it was worht the time and effort (it is all free..you know...!) We are not sure where DS will utlimately go and whether/if he'll actually get into some of the schools he saw (DS grades are "ok" thus far As; Bs etc.) so we will see where it goes.

I'd recommed the visits as soon possible. It cannot "hurt" DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I don't know how you best develop a balance between preparing appropriately for college and losing perspective but I think some of y'all have slid over on the losing perspective side.

To each his/her own. We will be paying a quarter of a million dollars for college. That's a huge investment. And the last really big parental obligation to the future of my child. It's worth the effort.

It used to be that at then end of high school, graduates were seen as young adults who set out to be more independent and to start to live their own life. Now we have parents as early as MS scripting their child's lives all the way through college. Soon it will be that parents script and financially support kids till the end of their twenties - there will be no end to adolescence! At some point you have to back off and start letting your children grow-up and make decisions and live their own lives.

The time to back off for us isn't when a quarter of a million dollars is the investment. Feel free to do that yourself if you'd like. Like I said, to each his/her own.

I find this a particularly troubling post. I know college is expensive, and we are all anxious that our children do well in life, but to consider college an "investment" seems a little off to me. Do you consider your child an "investment," PP? Do you expect a return on all the money you have "invested" in your child? Will you receive interest on this "investment"?

We recently moved to this region of the country, and are appalled by the intensity of the college application process here on the East Coast, and in the DC area in particular. Parents seem to view their child's choice of college as a direct reflection on the rightness of the parents' own "investment" in their child. That's what I find off.

I have a child in high school, and yes, we are starting to think about college. But I'm trying very, very hard to stay as low-key as possible, and not allow my child to get caught up in the college hysteria. DC goes to a competitive private school, is a good student and athlete, yet I could not care less where my child attends college, as long as my child is happy and comfortable with the choice. I went to an Ivy League school, but that was a long time ago, and I'm certain my child would not be accepted to the same school. (BTW, I was accepted at U of Chicago, and I turned my nose up completely at it! It was my safety school! I'm shocked to learn it's so difficult to get into now!)

I don't think of college as an investment. I think of it as four years for my child to grow intellectually, emotionally, socially, and yes, physically, into an adult. I don't see it as preparation for a job or graduate school. I loved my college years because they broke open for me an entire universe I'd never considered previously. To this very day, I see the imprint of my college years on nearly everything I do. Graduate school was my job preparation, but my undergraduate years were for exploration, and I treasured every minute of that precious opportunity, which has never presented itself again.

We won't look at colleges, unless DC asks us to, until the summer after sophomore year or later. DC is already asking about selective colleges, and I've been saying that "the best college is the one that's right for you." I will support my child, but I refuse to get caught up in preparing or pushing my child toward one school or another, as I see many parents doing. In my child's sport, I witnessed a parent screaming at his child for not doing better at this sport because the child's chances for getting into an Ivy League school would be diminished. This is a very financially successful self-made parent who apparently views his child as an extension of himself. If the kid doesn't get into an Ivy, the parents' "investment" will not pay dividends. So sad. I'm glad I'm strong enough not to see my child as an accomplishment or a reflection of my own value. I have not "invested" anything in my child, except love, which is already repaid many, many times over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I don't know how you best develop a balance between preparing appropriately for college and losing perspective but I think some of y'all have slid over on the losing perspective side.

To each his/her own. We will be paying a quarter of a million dollars for college. That's a huge investment. And the last really big parental obligation to the future of my child. It's worth the effort.

It used to be that at then end of high school, graduates were seen as young adults who set out to be more independent and to start to live their own life. Now we have parents as early as MS scripting their child's lives all the way through college. Soon it will be that parents script and financially support kids till the end of their twenties - there will be no end to adolescence! At some point you have to back off and start letting your children grow-up and make decisions and live their own lives.

The time to back off for us isn't when a quarter of a million dollars is the investment. Feel free to do that yourself if you'd like. Like I said, to each his/her own.

I find this a particularly troubling post. I know college is expensive, and we are all anxious that our children do well in life, but to consider college an "investment" seems a little off to me. Do you consider your child an "investment," PP? Do you expect a return on all the money you have "invested" in your child? Will you receive interest on this "investment"?

We recently moved to this region of the country, and are appalled by the intensity of the college application process here on the East Coast, and in the DC area in particular. Parents seem to view their child's choice of college as a direct reflection on the rightness of the parents' own "investment" in their child. That's what I find off.

I have a child in high school, and yes, we are starting to think about college. But I'm trying very, very hard to stay as low-key as possible, and not allow my child to get caught up in the college hysteria. DC goes to a competitive private school, is a good student and athlete, yet I could not care less where my child attends college, as long as my child is happy and comfortable with the choice. I went to an Ivy League school, but that was a long time ago, and I'm certain my child would not be accepted to the same school. (BTW, I was accepted at U of Chicago, and I turned my nose up completely at it! It was my safety school! I'm shocked to learn it's so difficult to get into now!)

I don't think of college as an investment. I think of it as four years for my child to grow intellectually, emotionally, socially, and yes, physically, into an adult. I don't see it as preparation for a job or graduate school. I loved my college years because they broke open for me an entire universe I'd never considered previously. To this very day, I see the imprint of my college years on nearly everything I do. Graduate school was my job preparation, but my undergraduate years were for exploration, and I treasured every minute of that precious opportunity, which has never presented itself again.

We won't look at colleges, unless DC asks us to, until the summer after sophomore year or later. DC is already asking about selective colleges, and I've been saying that "the best college is the one that's right for you." I will support my child, but I refuse to get caught up in preparing or pushing my child toward one school or another, as I see many parents doing. In my child's sport, I witnessed a parent screaming at his child for not doing better at this sport because the child's chances for getting into an Ivy League school would be diminished. This is a very financially successful self-made parent who apparently views his child as an extension of himself. If the kid doesn't get into an Ivy, the parents' "investment" will not pay dividends. So sad. I'm glad I'm strong enough not to see my child as an accomplishment or a reflection of my own value. I have not "invested" anything in my child, except love, which is already repaid many, many times over.

Blah, blah, blah.

[Anonymous]

+1

[Anonymous]

06/17/2012 01:07:

La la land is calling. They want you back.

[Anonymous]

1:07 you crack me up. Report back when you are done with the process. And I am guessing you must be in your 60s or 70s? I am 50 and U of Chicago was a very selective school back when I was looking at colleges so you must have been looking well before that.

[Anonymous]

I am 49 and Duke was my back-up. Can't believe it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I don't know how you best develop a balance between preparing appropriately for college and losing perspective but I think some of y'all have slid over on the losing perspective side.

To each his/her own. We will be paying a quarter of a million dollars for college. That's a huge investment. And the last really big parental obligation to the future of my child. It's worth the effort.

It used to be that at then end of high school, graduates were seen as young adults who set out to be more independent and to start to live their own life. Now we have parents as early as MS scripting their child's lives all the way through college. Soon it will be that parents script and financially support kids till the end of their twenties - there will be no end to adolescence! At some point you have to back off and start letting your children grow-up and make decisions and live their own lives.

The time to back off for us isn't when a quarter of a million dollars is the investment. Feel free to do that yourself if you'd like. Like I said, to each his/her own.

I find this a particularly troubling post. I know college is expensive, and we are all anxious that our children do well in life, but to consider college an "investment" seems a little off to me. Do you consider your child an "investment," PP? Do you expect a return on all the money you have "invested" in your child? Will you receive interest on this "investment"?

We recently moved to this region of the country, and are appalled by the intensity of the college application process here on the East Coast, and in the DC area in particular. Parents seem to view their child's choice of college as a direct reflection on the rightness of the parents' own "investment" in their child. That's what I find off.

I have a child in high school, and yes, we are starting to think about college. But I'm trying very, very hard to stay as low-key as possible, and not allow my child to get caught up in the college hysteria. DC goes to a competitive private school, is a good student and athlete, yet I could not care less where my child attends college, as long as my child is happy and comfortable with the choice. I went to an Ivy League school, but that was a long time ago, and I'm certain my child would not be accepted to the same school. (BTW, I was accepted at U of Chicago, and I turned my nose up completely at it! It was my safety school! I'm shocked to learn it's so difficult to get into now!)

I don't think of college as an investment. I think of it as four years for my child to grow intellectually, emotionally, socially, and yes, physically, into an adult. I don't see it as preparation for a job or graduate school. I loved my college years because they broke open for me an entire universe I'd never considered previously. To this very day, I see the imprint of my college years on nearly everything I do. Graduate school was my job preparation, but my undergraduate years were for exploration, and I treasured every minute of that precious opportunity, which has never presented itself again.

We won't look at colleges, unless DC asks us to, until the summer after sophomore year or later. DC is already asking about selective colleges, and I've been saying that "the best college is the one that's right for you." I will support my child, but I refuse to get caught up in preparing or pushing my child toward one school or another, as I see many parents doing. In my child's sport, I witnessed a parent screaming at his child for not doing better at this sport because the child's chances for getting into an Ivy League school would be diminished. This is a very financially successful self-made parent who apparently views his child as an extension of himself. If the kid doesn't get into an Ivy, the parents' "investment" will not pay dividends. So sad. I'm glad I'm strong enough not to see my child as an accomplishment or a reflection of my own value. I have not "invested" anything in my child, except love, which is already repaid many, many times over.

Please write a one sentence summary of the above. This is too scary looking to read.

THanks.

[Anonymous]

The one sentence summary is: I went to an ivy league college (and U of Chicago was my safety school) and I didn't have to worry about the application process so you shouldn't either.

[Anonymous]

Let's re-focus -- OP asked for lessons learned from recent experience with the college process. (And, BTW, Middlebury was once a safety too. That was back when I typed my application on an IBM Selectric typewriter and walked to the post office to mail it.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's re-focus -- OP asked for lessons learned from recent experience with the college process. (And, BTW, Middlebury was once a safety too. That was back when I typed my application on an IBM Selectric typewriter and walked to the post office to mail it.)

Not true. I applied ED and didn't get in. But did get into to other top 10 SLACs.

[Anonymous]

What's Middlebury?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The one sentence summary is: I went to an ivy league college (and U of Chicago was my safety school) and I didn't have to worry about the application process so you shouldn't either.

Pretty good, but you need another clause or two:

... and because my kid "goes to a competitive private school, is a good student and athlete," I have no doubt those energetic private school counselors will shoehorn him/her in somewhere good, and you public school parents can suck it.

[Anonymous]

Another clause for the one-sentence summary:

... and I am unafraid of sweeping generalizations, for example I can go from "I send my kid to a competitive DC school where I once saw a dad yell at his kid at a sports event" in a wink of an eye to "everybody in the DC area is super-obsessed about colleges."

[Anonymous]

Lighten up, people. You're in danger of producing perfect little darlings who will go off to Harvard, crack up, and discover they can't function as adult human beings. Your investment will end with them living in your basement at age 30.

Seen it. Back off. 1:07 is right.

- a Harvard and Yale grad who has worked-- recently -- for both colleges' admissions offices.