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College and University Discussion
Lessons Learned - The College Application Process
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Anonymous
My DS also fell in love with the big university with the gritty urban campus and is headed there in the fall! (PP, I think we might have met at a prospie event?) ITA that the kid has to drive the process, and would add that parents might be surprised at how mature their kids can be in working through the issues and making decisions. That said, though, I would suggest that parents should be there to advise -- tho' not to make decisions. So, for example, not to say "you must take another year of Latin", but to say "let's talk through the pros and cons of dropping Latin." Also, it's important as your kid gets older to encourage him/her to seek out other trusted adults for advice. So, you might say, "Have you asked your school advisor about this? What was her take on it?" |
Anonymous
Totally agree. My DC really did drive the process. Yes I organized the travel for the schools she wanted to visit but she handled the application process. Definitely decided what she wanted to take in HS and what activities to pursue. Goes to a selective liberal arts college now. To the poster worried about Duke admissions - have your child look at a wider range of schools. You can't get hung up on one selective school. Some colleges are basically a lottery - way more qualified candidates than spots. Even if you molded your child into the perfect Duke applicant they still may not get in. Doesn't mean you should try. |
Anonymous
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In terms of visits, doing low key short visits, maybe with tours and info sessions, more likely without, beginning freshman or sophomore year is fine, but truly won't have a great idea what type of schools academically are realistic until at least partway through 10th grade and some practice PSATs and more high school grade information. So getting a kid set on a certain school or schools that they have no chance of getting into isn't' useful. However, it can be really good to see how a kid responds to big versus small, urban vs suburban vs rural, so makes visits easier to focus junior and senior year.
In our experience, at least for schools that are realistic for admission and seem very likely to be high on the list, visiting without parents if possible, and staying with a current college student who went to your kids high school or otherwise is a friend was particularly useful for my DDs. The tours and info sessions really all begin to sound the same, and simply a bad reaction to one tour guide or info session speaker can doom an otherwise great fit school for your child. Staying for an overnight or even just a meal with a student who your child is connected to helps much more. Given how much easier it can be to get into some schools by applying early decision , can't really wait for an intensive visit until all the admitted student events in the spring, because by then if applied early too late if a binding decision school. In terms of testing and prep, we learned over time with subsequent kids, but anything you can do to be done with SATs or ACTs by mid junior year helps take the pressure off, because spring of junior year is so tough with AP exams and finals being so important, so taking SATs in the fall of junior year and January made life much easier for my kids, since the math on the SATs doesn't go beyond math most kids around here have in 9th and 10th grade. |
Anonymous
| DS also took the SAT and ACT in fall/Jan of junior year. He decided he was satisfied with the score (and didn't want to spend anymore time prepping and/or sitting for the tests). It really freed up time to focus on school work and spend a few weekends checking out colleges. Another thing I heard but didn't appreciate was to make the effort to get your kid to the college campus visits while the college is in session. This is hard to do during your kid's HS year, but it really made a difference for DS getting a feel for the college. He didn't do the overnights, btw, but a college tour guide or weather or other random events can cross a college off a list or move a college up a few notches, for sure. |
Anonymous
| Lol whenever I read these posts I always think of my brother when he went to brown in 03. He was accepted to both harvard and brown, and people kept asking my parents why they weren't forcing him to go to harvard. My mom was amazed that people didn't accept the fact that he felt brown was a better fit over harvard |
Anonymous
PP here with two kids in college. As a parent with two kids to college (both at highly selective schools), I think that a lot of the worry is misplaced. If you are only looking at Duke, Penn and Chicago - then you probably should worry. All of those schools are highly ranked great schools, but they all could not be more different as far as environment and culture. My earlier point was that you have to see where the kid fits in and they should have say in that - and not every school is for everybody. I never agonized about where my kids would go to college - because my only requirements were that they go to a good one with a good fit. I would have loved for my kids to go to our alma mater (Michigan), but neither thought it was a good fit for them and they had spent a lot of time there. But at the end of the day, they will only be successful at a place where they are happy. You used the word average in an earlier post and that to me says it all. In attempting to "prepare" their kids for these highly selective schools, a lot of parents in this area are making their kids "average" - meaning that they have the same profile as 50 other kids in their graduating class. Folks should not focus on what makes their DC like other applicants - they should focus on what sets their child apart from other applicants. |
Anonymous
Well said. I agree completely! I have one graduating this year, one in his sophomore year, and one that leaves in just a few weeks.  (Two of the three are on full academic scholarships, thankfully.)
My perspective is very different from most of the posters. I didn't have much to do with my kids' college selections. We visited the colleges that they expressed an interest in, but not until the end of their junior year in high school. We talked about the pros and cons of each school. I wanted them to find a school that was a good fit for each of them. They are in three very different colleges. I didn't help fill out a single application. I didn't help with the essays. I didn't remind them of deadlines. I didn't help them find scholarships. These are adults we are talking about. I didn't talk to their advisers. I didn't go to registration or orientation. I did go to the parent's meeting, but that was mostly about the financial stuff. I helped them move their stuff into their dorms, kissed them good-bye and told them how proud I was....and drove off. Crying. |
Anonymous
Mine are still little but I hope to have this attitude when they get there! You're awesome, and unusually reasonable to be hanging out on these boards 
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Anonymous
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If you think the fact that you are paying for their college education means you can control this process, the cost for your kids is too high. Are you going to insist on controlling their marriage if you pay for the wedding?
Its time to let go of the reins. If you let your child drive the college admissions process you will not only have a better chance of seeing them go off to the right college for them, but you will be giving them the skills they will sorely need in college and beyond. Do not choose their courses for them. Do not choose which colleges to which they will apply. Do not help them fill out the applications. There are many fantastic colleges in this country, it isn't a competition. |
Anonymous
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11:23, you are my hero (ine?) I hope to model your approach when my turn with the merry-go-round happens in about six years or so.
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Anonymous
| Can we go back to the OP's premise: comments from those who have recently gone through the college process, not from those with children who are years away even from high school. (And, BTW, if you're so hands-off and laid-back, why are you even reading a thread about college applications?) |
Anonymous
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I agree with the start freshman year of high school suggestion. We did this and we got a lot of people dissing us with a "already???" comments. But it was worth it for us. DD wanted a small LAC and based on reading alone thought they were her favorites. But after visiting *many* the top two were removed from her list.
I recommend reading the Fisk book, it is worth buying. Have your child go through it and read about all of the schools, flagging and highlighting everything that looks interesting. I also highly recommend reading the book Colleges That Change Lives. Even if your child is not interested in seeing any of these schools, I found that the book presents a different and worthwhile way to evaluate any college the student might be interested in. The main reason I believe that starting early is worthwhile is not due to the "how many APs to take" philosophy, but due to the fact that visiting these schools takes a lot of time. My DD did not want to apply to any school without visiting and knowing she would be comfortable with the vibe. |
Anonymous
ugh! that should read the FISKE book. So sorry about that. I should only post when I have time to write something coherent, but I really wanted to weigh in on this subject. : ) |
Anonymous
| As far as tutors go, I don't think needing a tutor reflects negatively on the child's math placement: it may be a case of an ineffective teacher, or a learning difference. If the child can master the topic with a tutor's help, the child can master the topic. Period. |
Anonymous
I agree. If a kid can get As in class and a 5 on the AP test, then the kid *knows* calculus. (Plus, some kids, like DC, went from "regular" (not honors) pre-calc to AP Calculus and needed help with the transition, but I don't even think that type of excuse is necessary.) |