To those of you who have axes to grind re: SAH vs. WOH-this post is for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people post on DCUM about how they don't believe that this conflict exists IRL. Their evidence to support this position is that they have both WOHM and SAHM friends and everybody gets along and nobody is mean or judgy to one another. And that is true because you are talking about a group of friends. Not a group of acquaintances. Or a group of people who have one thing only in common like your kids go to the same school or play on the same sports team. It is in that context that the judging comments or outright nastiness spills forth.

I have posted before about SAHMs at our school who ask me at every school day event if I came from work and if I have to go back to work after the event. When I respond that I do have to go back to work, I am told, "Well at least little Susan got to see her mommy for a WHOLE HOUR today!!" On of the FT WOHMs I work with was told that working moms were not allowed to room parents at her school by the SAHM room parent coordinator. On my daughter's sports team, the team mom tells me, "Well I know you work, but we really try hard to have homemade snacks at meets. It is so much healthier than buying packaged foods." My friends never say anything of the kind to me. They call me and tell me they are at Michael's and there are book sox and they are picking me up a few. They text me and say my kid played her instrument the best at the grandparents day concert I couldn't go to. And I call them and say drop your kids off here for a few hours and go to the store and get all that crap we need for that stupid project our kids have to do. Get your nails done while you're at it. I will feed them lunch and then we will stick them in the basement and we will have some wine.

So yes, you're right, your friends don't say mean things. Because they are your friends. It's them that aren't your friends that are waiting to stick a knife in you.

I guess it is possible that other mom's at school feel this way, or maybe teachers -- but I swear it has never come up. So if they are silently judging me, what do I care? At least they are keeping their mouths shut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to live in Arlington- I worked full time as a master's-level mental health counselor at a hospital, it wasn't the most glamorous job, but I enjoyed it. I got pregnant with twins, our 900-something square house started feeling pretty small. I stopped working once the twins were born and we moved out to Fairfax. Although I had a brief stint working one day a week at my former place of employment, I am now fully SAH. My whole life changed, but this was what worked for me. I have never experienced any kind of negative critique from anybody around me- when I was in Arlington everyone knew my plans, and here I am in Fairfax and I feel accepted. Some day I might return to work, but I kind of doubt it. I think this is where I am supposed to be and I am happy. I should add I have plenty of SAHM friends, but more working mom friends.

You don't get backlash because everyone assumes you can't afford to go back to work and pay childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I have a graduate degree, and I SAH. I would be lying if I said I never felt like I was wasting that degree, but right now, at this moment, I'm doing what makes me happy, and therefore, my family is happy. That's what matters to me and our family. "

Isn't life about more than happiness? But more to your point, I believe there are multiple ways to happiness and of course you should SAH if that's what's best for your family overall. Our family is predicated on dual full time WOHPs - baseline.

I'm curious...what is more important than your family's happiness?

Achievement. Happiness comes and goes, but achievements stand always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I have a graduate degree, and I SAH. I would be lying if I said I never felt like I was wasting that degree, but right now, at this moment, I'm doing what makes me happy, and therefore, my family is happy. That's what matters to me and our family. "

Isn't life about more than happiness? But more to your point, I believe there are multiple ways to happiness and of course you should SAH if that's what's best for your family overall. Our family is predicated on dual full time WOHPs - baseline.

I'm curious...what is more important than your family's happiness?

Responsibility. If I could "SAH" (put in quotes because there is no one home for 32 hours a week to SAH with), I'd be thinner and more relaxed and undoubtedly happier. But I would be letting my husband and children down, and totally wasting my work experience and education. Doing the grown up thing is more important than being "happy."

[Anonymous]

oh and 9:15 here again...my spouse makes $200,000 a year and we have no debt of any kind, so I don't "have" to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I have a graduate degree, and I SAH. I would be lying if I said I never felt like I was wasting that degree, but right now, at this moment, I'm doing what makes me happy, and therefore, my family is happy. That's what matters to me and our family. "

Isn't life about more than happiness? But more to your point, I believe there are multiple ways to happiness and of course you should SAH if that's what's best for your family overall. Our family is predicated on dual full time WOHPs - baseline.

I'm curious...what is more important than your family's happiness?

Responsibility. If I could "SAH" (put in quotes because there is no one home for 32 hours a week to SAH with), I'd be thinner and more relaxed and undoubtedly happier. But I would be letting my husband and children down, and totally wasting my work experience and education. Doing the grown up thing is more important than being "happy."

But can you at least agree that reasonable people in the exact same position as you may choose to do the opposite of what you're doing? Or do you see that as impossible?

[Anonymous]

I do agree.

[Anonymous]

Build your own life . A big trap of SAHing is adults you see are related to other kids in your children's circles. Can't be helped so when they shift friendships, sports, and schools it can be a problem.

Very lonely when they leave. And you are older. Ideal is part time for 1 parent then FT as they get older. I got trapped into SAH by a series of circumstances.

Another point from my DC's in college. Private school was a waste of money- go to a good public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I have a graduate degree, and I SAH. I would be lying if I said I never felt like I was wasting that degree, but right now, at this moment, I'm doing what makes me happy, and therefore, my family is happy. That's what matters to me and our family. "

Isn't life about more than happiness? But more to your point, I believe there are multiple ways to happiness and of course you should SAH if that's what's best for your family overall. Our family is predicated on dual full time WOHPs - baseline.

I'm curious...what is more important than your family's happiness?

Achievement. Happiness comes and goes, but achievements stand always.

No matter what you do, most people won't remember you after you are gone.

The likelihood of anybody caring that you existed 100 years from now is pretty much non-existent.

Achievement is just as fleeting as anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oh and 9:15 here again...my spouse makes $200,000 a year and we have no debt of any kind, so I don't "have" to work.

I WOH and find that by your comment you're really no better than the BEST KEPT WOMAN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I have a graduate degree, and I SAH. I would be lying if I said I never felt like I was wasting that degree, but right now, at this moment, I'm doing what makes me happy, and therefore, my family is happy. That's what matters to me and our family. "

Isn't life about more than happiness? But more to your point, I believe there are multiple ways to happiness and of course you should SAH if that's what's best for your family overall. Our family is predicated on dual full time WOHPs - baseline.

I'm curious...what is more important than your family's happiness?

Achievement. Happiness comes and goes, but achievements stand always.

No matter what you do, most people won't remember you after you are gone.

The likelihood of anybody caring that you existed 100 years from now is pretty much non-existent.

Achievement is just as fleeting as anything else.

Get it ladies? You are arguing your points back and forth like some little kids. Here is the truth. Do what the fuck you want and stop judging others. Life's too short!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:oh and 9:15 here again...my spouse makes $200,000 a year and we have no debt of any kind, so I don't "have" to work.

I WOH and find that by your comment you're really no better than the BEST KEPT WOMAN.

Why? I make more than $200,000. LOL again.

[Anonymous]

[Get it ladies? You are arguing your points back and forth like some little kids. Here is the truth. Do what the fuck you want and stop judging others. Life's too short!!

I like to argue, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:oh and 9:15 here again...my spouse makes $200,000 a year and we have no debt of any kind, so I don't "have" to work.

I WOH and find that by your comment you're really no better than the BEST KEPT WOMAN.

Why? I make more than $200,000. LOL again.

Money doesn't make a personality.

I'm guessing there's very little else to you.

And remember that DEATH is the great leveler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:oh and 9:15 here again...my spouse makes $200,000 a year and we have no debt of any kind, so I don't "have" to work.

I WOH and find that by your comment you're really no better than the BEST KEPT WOMAN.

Why? I make more than $200,000. LOL again.

Money doesn't make a personality.

I'm guessing there's very little else to you.

And remember that DEATH is the great leveler.

You are just jealous. You must post "death is the great leveler" on DCUM at least once a week. I have a personality and I'm cute. Nah nah boo boo.