To those of you who have axes to grind re: SAH vs. WOH-this post is for you!

[Anonymous]

I really don't understand this constant, constant drama that gets pulled up every few weeks or so on this site. I have never come across it in real life (I SAH). I have friends who both SAH and WOH, and everyone is happy doing what they are doing. So why the bitterness here? I especially don't understand the women who say things like: "I would NEVER want my child to SAH, it's so 1950's, we've come such a long way", or "I hope my child doesn't feel the need to put work ahead of her family when she has one". I mean, really?? Don't you want your children to be HAPPY, bottom line? Aren't you all happy doing what you are doing, whether it's working or being at home? Newsflash for those who somehow missed it: different things make different people happy. Not everyone feels the same way, and it is so, SO tiring to constantly read that those who SAH are backward, unintelligent, and unambitious, while those who work are cold, poor mothers who abandon their children to other to raise. Come on, neither of these are true, and if you really feel that way, then I'm sorry for you.

I SAH. I love it. It makes me happy to watch my children, cook, keep a clean house, manage it, run car pools, etc. Why is this considered so bad, or backward, or deserving of scorn? Why am I considered dull, uninteresting, and stupid? No one who knows me feels like that. My job as a home-maker is what makes me HAPPY! If I were happier working, being an independent earner, then I'd do that...but somehow, the sanctimommies would cut me down for not spending all my time in the house.

Please, stop wasting your time and energy on belittling others for their choices. Because, unfortunately, you simply are conjuring up an image of a person who wants what they can't have. The best job is the one you love and fulfills you. That is all.

[Anonymous]

Why did you leave out WAH moms ?

I guess because we have the best of both worlds!

[Anonymous]

I know for an absolute fact that you don't live in the District of Columbia, Arlington or Bethesda. How do I know this? Exhibit one:

Why is this considered so bad, or backward, or deserving of scorn? Why am I considered dull, uninteresting, and stupid? No one who knows me feels like that.

In fact, if I had to guess, I'd guess you live in Ashburn, suburban Leesburg, or alternatively Overland Park, KS or similar.

I am a SAHM myself and I agree with much of what you said, OP. That's where the similarities end, though, because unlike you, I live in 20015 and pretty much every person I know -- from my DH to my parents to my neighbors to all the parents I know from school -- feels that I am, in fact, deserving of scorn.

It's all about context. I wish I could live in a rural town sometimes, but then, the schools suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know for an absolute fact that you don't live in the District of Columbia, Arlington or Bethesda. How do I know this? Exhibit one:

Why is this considered so bad, or backward, or deserving of scorn? Why am I considered dull, uninteresting, and stupid? No one who knows me feels like that.

In fact, if I had to guess, I'd guess you live in Ashburn, suburban Leesburg, or alternatively Overland Park, KS or similar.

I am a SAHM myself and I agree with much of what you said, OP. That's where the similarities end, though, because unlike you, I live in 20015 and pretty much every person I know -- from my DH to my parents to my neighbors to all the parents I know from school -- feels that I am, in fact, deserving of scorn.

It's all about context. I wish I could live in a rural town sometimes, but then, the schools suck.

I live in Vienna. Does that qualify?

I'm very sorry that you live around people like that, your H included. Why do you? Schools are pretty good in Vienna, just saying...

[Anonymous]

"I SAH. I love it. It makes me happy to watch my children, cook, keep a clean house, manage it, run car pools, etc. Why is this considered so bad, or backward, or deserving of scorn?"

Are you really asking why? Because your mother could all of this, without a college or graduate degree. Because my mother did it, even though she had a college degree, and found that neither my father nor society respected her. Some people SAH because they can't get a fulfilling job and are undereducated.

[Anonymous]

You ma'am have a giant chip on your shoulder.

I made the comment on the other thread about it not being the "1950's" and that was in response to a thread that was wondering why in a sense that thinking "the man is the plan" is bad.

Well back in the 1950's for society the man was the plan. But YES times have changed and women have more rights to education, professions, etc., and by stating that YES WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I SAH. I love it. It makes me happy to watch my children, cook, keep a clean house, manage it, run car pools, etc. Why is this considered so bad, or backward, or deserving of scorn?"

Are you really asking why? Because your mother could all of this, without a college or graduate degree. Because my mother did it, even though she had a college degree, and found that neither my father nor society respected her. Some people SAH because they can't get a fulfilling job and are undereducated.

Well, the flip side of this is that there are a lot of jobs (careers, even) that people can do without a college or grad degree. You don't need a college degree to SAH and you don't need one to WOH either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I SAH. I love it. It makes me happy to watch my children, cook, keep a clean house, manage it, run car pools, etc. Why is this considered so bad, or backward, or deserving of scorn?"

Are you really asking why? Because your mother could all of this, without a college or graduate degree. Because my mother did it, even though she had a college degree, and found that neither my father nor society respected her. Some people SAH because they can't get a fulfilling job and are undereducated.

Well, the flip side of this is that there are a lot of jobs (careers, even) that people can do without a college or grad degree. You don't need a college degree to SAH and you don't need one to WOH either.

But I need a graduate degree to do MY job. That's what matters to me and our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know for an absolute fact that you don't live in the District of Columbia, Arlington or Bethesda. How do I know this? Exhibit one:

Why is this considered so bad, or backward, or deserving of scorn? Why am I considered dull, uninteresting, and stupid? No one who knows me feels like that.

In fact, if I had to guess, I'd guess you live in Ashburn, suburban Leesburg, or alternatively Overland Park, KS or similar.

I am a SAHM myself and I agree with much of what you said, OP. That's where the similarities end, though, because unlike you, I live in 20015 and pretty much every person I know -- from my DH to my parents to my neighbors to all the parents I know from school -- feels that I am, in fact, deserving of scorn.

It's all about context. I wish I could live in a rural town sometimes, but then, the schools suck.

Wow - is it really bad?? We are in NWDC and I am thinking of SAH but this scares me! Do you think this is specific to your situation? In our neighborhood most people work, but there are a good number of SAH mom's as well.

[Anonymous]

I can't understand why someone would care. I personally am not interested in discussing work life or other's professions when I'm interacting socially. It's just a dull topic and if I'm not at work I don't want to get my head back into work. I don't judge anyone for not working and I work full time.

The only time there are problems with SAH vs. the working moms in our circle is scheduling activities. Obviously working parents can't meet up for a play date on 11:00am during the week and SAH moms aren't always thrilled to schedule something in the evening or weekends when they are available during the weekdays.

[Anonymous]

Everything is a pissing contest here. It's insane.

[Anonymous]

Well, OP, maybe you've never been in a position to mentor or to supervise younger women, but it is utterly disheartening to see major talent, skill, acumen in one's field go to waste. After spending years and a lot of energy training young women to become future leaders in my particular field, I am disappointed when women give it up to SAH.

While there have been situations where it simply wasn't possible for a young woman to continue in the field--and for those reasons, I am completely sympathetic to giving up their careers--more often than not, I've seen young women give up without trying hard enough. Not willing to negotiate with their bosses and HR, not wanting to de-rail DH's career ("because his earning potential is so much more than mine"), or "mommy-tracking" even before they've gotten married, much less having had children.

[Anonymous]

I live in 22201, I work, I am friends with SAHMs and I can honestly say this has never ever come up as a point of contention. I don't think people think about it half as much as people on this board seem to think they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything is a pissing contest here. It's insane.

Actually, everything is a pissing contest on DCUM. I grew up in McLean and my parents both worked crazy hours. I had friends that had stay at home moms, parents that worked out of the house, just lived with mom, had two dads, you name it. And you know what? Nobody cared.

I live further out now (in Fairfax) and I still find that nobody cares. We moved her last year and everyone on our street has been so welcoming -- in fact, nobody asked what we did until we had been here for awhile and it came up in conversation.

In my opinion, if you want life to be a pissing contest, it will be. Whether you live in Bethesda, NW, Falls Church, or Idaho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I SAH. I love it. It makes me happy to watch my children, cook, keep a clean house, manage it, run car pools, etc. Why is this considered so bad, or backward, or deserving of scorn?"

Are you really asking why? Because your mother could all of this, without a college or graduate degree. Because my mother did it, even though she had a college degree, and found that neither my father nor society respected her. Some people SAH because they can't get a fulfilling job and are undereducated.

Well, the flip side of this is that there are a lot of jobs (careers, even) that people can do without a college or grad degree. You don't need a college degree to SAH and you don't need one to WOH either.

But I need a graduate degree to do MY job. That's what matters to me and our family.

That's great. Really, it is, and you should be proud of yourself (I'm sure you are). But your family is NOT my family. Why can't people see that the two can freaking co-exist?

Of course women have come a long way, and no one now HAS to stay home. But some CHOOSE to stay home, and demeaning those women by telling them they are doing a disservice to society and are using their man as a plan is just as wrong and hurtful as when someone tells you that you do not value your family and care more about $, prestige, and degrees than your children. That's wrong, right? So is assuming that because someone is college educated, that automatically precludes any desire to SAH.

I have a graduate degree, and I SAH. I would be lying if I said I never felt like I was wasting that degree, but right now, at this moment, I'm doing what makes me happy, and therefore, my family is happy. That's what matters to me and our family.