Why do women always get mad at the other woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op, I got mad at both. The way I handled my anger with him was, divorce. I do understand that he felt he had his reasons - he was angry with me, felt rejected, blah blah blah. He had his grudges against me. Still doesn't make it OK, but as a human being I get where he was coming from. I will never forgive him for being such a selfish ass and doing this to our family. I'm disappointed and disgusted with him. But, we have to co parent and function so, bygones.

Her? She pretended to be my friend. She was a guest in my home. When she moved here from a warm climate I gave her a warm winter coat. She slept here when her AC was on the fritz. I let her babysit my BABY. We exchanged christmas presents. I gave her rides to the bus stop when she lost her license for DUI. She had no reason to hurt me. She knew he was married, knew he had a baby - and chose to participate in the destruction of my life anyway. I can't understand the selfishness and cruelty of a person who does that. As a woman, as a mother, as a divorcee, I would think she would have a little more sympathy and not destroy another woman like that. Oh, and she liked to go on and on about what a "Christian" she is. (I don't claim to be one).

So yeah, him, I tolerate. Have to for my kids. Her, I hope she will burn in the most fiery pit of hell. Which would be consistent with HER beliefs, as an adulterer. "What God has joined together, let no one put asunder".

You have every right to be mad at both of them. She made it personal when she didn't have to. Are they still together?

I'm afraid to say that I have noticed a disturbing trend of divorced women who were cheated on and later are involved with married men. These were women I highly respected so I was definitely shocked. I think somewhere in their brains, they are competing to win back someone they "lost" through other people's husbands. One of my friends was going this route up until recently. All the men who who were chasing her were married or seriously involved and I think it made her feel wanted again. She never got intimate, though one guy in particular kissed her suddenly and she didnt seem to hate it. She also didn't go out of her way to avoid him thereafter until recently. All the guys were unhappily married good guys (yea, right), much older (we're in our 20s), very generous to her. She fortunately walked away from each scenario before it got physical. I've seen another divorced women play with forbidden fruit too. Sadly, a close family friend spent 15 years with a married man and has a child with him. His wife eventually left him only for her to finally realize he wasn't a prize at all a few years later. I feel for his wife as she did everything "right" in life (married her one and only, church-going, stayed for the kids). My family member basically duplicated what happened in her failed marriage, including the extramarital child.

I have never been interested in married men and lose respect for men who are willing to cheat on their wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op, I got mad at both. The way I handled my anger with him was, divorce. I do understand that he felt he had his reasons - he was angry with me, felt rejected, blah blah blah. He had his grudges against me. Still doesn't make it OK, but as a human being I get where he was coming from. I will never forgive him for being such a selfish ass and doing this to our family. I'm disappointed and disgusted with him. But, we have to co parent and function so, bygones.

Her? She pretended to be my friend. She was a guest in my home. When she moved here from a warm climate I gave her a warm winter coat. She slept here when her AC was on the fritz. I let her babysit my BABY. We exchanged christmas presents. I gave her rides to the bus stop when she lost her license for DUI. She had no reason to hurt me. She knew he was married, knew he had a baby - and chose to participate in the destruction of my life anyway. I can't understand the selfishness and cruelty of a person who does that. As a woman, as a mother, as a divorcee, I would think she would have a little more sympathy and not destroy another woman like that. Oh, and she liked to go on and on about what a "Christian" she is. (I don't claim to be one).

So yeah, him, I tolerate. Have to for my kids. Her, I hope she will burn in the most fiery pit of hell. Which would be consistent with HER beliefs, as an adulterer. "What God has joined together, let no one put asunder".

You have every right to be mad at both of them. She made it personal when she didn't have to. Are they still together?

I'm afraid to say that I have noticed a disturbing trend of divorced women who were cheated on and later are involved with married men. These were women I highly respected so I was definitely shocked. I think somewhere in their brains, they are competing to win back someone they "lost" through other people's husbands. One of my friends was going this route up until recently. All the men who who were chasing her were married or seriously involved and I think it made her feel wanted again. She never got intimate, though one guy in particular kissed her suddenly and she didnt seem to hate it. She also didn't go out of her way to avoid him thereafter until recently. All the guys were unhappily married good guys (yea, right), much older (we're in our 20s), very generous to her. She fortunately walked away from each scenario before it got physical. I've seen another divorced women play with forbidden fruit too. Sadly, a close family friend spent 15 years with a married man and has a child with him. His wife eventually left him only for her to finally realize he wasn't a prize at all a few years later. I feel for his wife as she did everything "right" in life (married her one and only, church-going, stayed for the kids). My family member basically duplicated what happened in her failed marriage, including the extramarital child.

I have never been interested in married men and lose respect for men who are willing to cheat on their wives.

Does it not occur to the OW who is involved with a married man, that he can do it to them, too? Are these women that desperate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op, I got mad at both. The way I handled my anger with him was, divorce. I do understand that he felt he had his reasons - he was angry with me, felt rejected, blah blah blah. He had his grudges against me. Still doesn't make it OK, but as a human being I get where he was coming from. I will never forgive him for being such a selfish ass and doing this to our family. I'm disappointed and disgusted with him. But, we have to co parent and function so, bygones.

Her? She pretended to be my friend. She was a guest in my home. When she moved here from a warm climate I gave her a warm winter coat. She slept here when her AC was on the fritz. I let her babysit my BABY. We exchanged christmas presents. I gave her rides to the bus stop when she lost her license for DUI. She had no reason to hurt me. She knew he was married, knew he had a baby - and chose to participate in the destruction of my life anyway. I can't understand the selfishness and cruelty of a person who does that. As a woman, as a mother, as a divorcee, I would think she would have a little more sympathy and not destroy another woman like that. Oh, and she liked to go on and on about what a "Christian" she is. (I don't claim to be one).

So yeah, him, I tolerate. Have to for my kids. Her, I hope she will burn in the most fiery pit of hell. Which would be consistent with HER beliefs, as an adulterer. "What God has joined together, let no one put asunder".

You have every right to be mad at both of them. She made it personal when she didn't have to. Are they still together?

I'm afraid to say that I have noticed a disturbing trend of divorced women who were cheated on and later are involved with married men. These were women I highly respected so I was definitely shocked. I think somewhere in their brains, they are competing to win back someone they "lost" through other people's husbands. One of my friends was going this route up until recently. All the men who who were chasing her were married or seriously involved and I think it made her feel wanted again. She never got intimate, though one guy in particular kissed her suddenly and she didnt seem to hate it. She also didn't go out of her way to avoid him thereafter until recently. All the guys were unhappily married good guys (yea, right), much older (we're in our 20s), very generous to her. She fortunately walked away from each scenario before it got physical. I've seen another divorced women play with forbidden fruit too. Sadly, a close family friend spent 15 years with a married man and has a child with him. His wife eventually left him only for her to finally realize he wasn't a prize at all a few years later. I feel for his wife as she did everything "right" in life (married her one and only, church-going, stayed for the kids). My family member basically duplicated what happened in her failed marriage, including the extramarital child.

I have never been interested in married men and lose respect for men who are willing to cheat on their wives.

Does it not occur to the OW who is involved with a married man, that he can do it to them, too? Are these women that desperate?

What I don't get is if there wife isn't interested in having sex with them, why does the other women think she is some prize? You are just getting some man his wife rejected probably because she has lived through all his BS. Same goes for "the other man." Though I think men are less likely to care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, my husband just called me on this - but perhaps mine was more of a stranger thing. My husband's best man and best friend had sex with his new girlfriend in our guest house master bathroom at our wedding at the same time that my mother was giving me a family heirloom. It was so awkward and they had to do a walk of shame. She heard.

I couldn't forgive that woman for years. I was really mad at the best friend as well but not nearly so much. I think I thought she was a bad influence on him - it just seemed SO unlike him. But it takes two to tango and it's true that I did just immediately get mad at the woman.

This is actually what I was going to say. We get angry because while the married person is the one violating his vows, it does take two and the other person is also violating the social norm of respecting those vows. It's increasingly difficult to not know that someone is married, and suspecting but not asking so you have plausible deniability isn't truly not knowing.

[Anonymous]

It is perfectly reasonable to get mad at both of them. Exception would be if the person did not know the husband was married, but that is pretty rare. A lot of affairs start at work etc. where people get to know each other, then take it to the next level. In that case, of course it's normal and reasonable to be angry at both of them. Though the OW is a loser....men don't leave their wives for the other woman. I know I know, everyone gets on and refutes but it's a fact. Lots of infidelity in this country, but most people don't divorce cause of it and the ones that do typically don't marry the affair partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is perfectly reasonable to get mad at both of them. Exception would be if the person did not know the husband was married, but that is pretty rare. A lot of affairs start at work etc. where people get to know each other, then take it to the next level. In that case, of course it's normal and reasonable to be angry at both of them. Though the OW is a loser....men don't leave their wives for the other woman. I know I know, everyone gets on and refutes but it's a fact. Lots of infidelity in this country, but most people don't divorce cause of it and the ones that do typically don't marry the affair partner.

Oh, and to be clear: the guy having the affair is a loser too. People can grow and change, but married people who sleep around (unless in an open marriage) are lost, at least until the face the music and grow.

[Anonymous]

Having been into a married man, I can tell you that sometimes it just comes down to chemistry. That's why I liked him. But, yes, I did realize that any man who does that to his wife is a pig and that there was no way it could last or go anywhere with him. Still, it was immensely enjoyable while it lasted bc at heart, I did like him as a person overall and we had a lot of that aforementioned chemistry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having been into a married man, I can tell you that sometimes it just comes down to chemistry. That's why I liked him. But, yes, I did realize that any man who does that to his wife is a pig and that there was no way it could last or go anywhere with him. Still, it was immensely enjoyable while it lasted bc at heart, I did like him as a person overall and we had a lot of that aforementioned chemistry.

Lots of men are pigs. That's not the issue. I just think it's a self worth thing. When I had my affair, I had chemistry with him too. But we were both losers. When you hit rock bottom you are going to hit it off with the folks at rock bottom. It took going there for me to snap out of it. Luckily we never slept together, but got pretty close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think, in a lot of cases, hating the other woman helps them feel better about themselves and less rejected by their husbands/boyfriends.

You sound like an OW.

I'm not PP or an OW, but I think this can also be true. If you're stuck on hating and blaming you don't have to think about what went wrong in the marriage, or why you chose this man, or whether you starved him. He's still the one who made a definitive choice, but there are a lot of people (men and women) who feel righteous about putting their partners in impossible boxes - no sex, no intimacy, no emotional support, whatever - and then don't want to cop to anything when the partner gives up trying to get what he or she needs in the marriage.

Just a sanctimonious Poster with no experience in this subject. Go to Off-topic so some other area since you bring NOTHING here- Buzz off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having been into a married man, I can tell you that sometimes it just comes down to chemistry. That's why I liked him. But, yes, I did realize that any man who does that to his wife is a pig and that there was no way it could last or go anywhere with him. Still, it was immensely enjoyable while it lasted bc at heart, I did like him as a person overall and we had a lot of that aforementioned chemistry.

In my situation, I was married and he was married. We were friends first. Something between us just evolved over time. He was in a bad place in his marriage. I just saw an otherwise good person who needed a friend. From that friendship developed a sexual attraction and chemistry. It was unclear when that line was crossed.

Do I think he was a pig though? No. I think we both got something from each other that was missing from our lives at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having been into a married man, I can tell you that sometimes it just comes down to chemistry. That's why I liked him. But, yes, I did realize that any man who does that to his wife is a pig and that there was no way it could last or go anywhere with him. Still, it was immensely enjoyable while it lasted bc at heart, I did like him as a person overall and we had a lot of that aforementioned chemistry.

In my situation, I was married and he was married. We were friends first. Something between us just evolved over time. He was in a bad place in his marriage. I just saw an otherwise good person who needed a friend. From that friendship developed a sexual attraction and chemistry. It was unclear when that line was crossed.

Do I think he was a pig though? No. I think we both got something from each other that was missing from our lives at the time.

At the expense of your marriage and no doubt hurtful to the other spouse. I call bullshit on getting something that was missing from your lives. It is entitlement. Sometimes being an adult means struggling through something. Marriage means when you go through crap hard times you work it out, do the work, and lean on your family and real friends, not someone in the opposite sex who also is in a fucked up marriage that you become attracted to. This is bullshit. If you can't work it through with your spouse, divorce is an option. Having an affair doesn't solve anything in the long run. It's a short term escape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having been into a married man, I can tell you that sometimes it just comes down to chemistry. That's why I liked him. But, yes, I did realize that any man who does that to his wife is a pig and that there was no way it could last or go anywhere with him. Still, it was immensely enjoyable while it lasted bc at heart, I did like him as a person overall and we had a lot of that aforementioned chemistry.

In my situation, I was married and he was married. We were friends first. Something between us just evolved over time. He was in a bad place in his marriage. I just saw an otherwise good person who needed a friend. From that friendship developed a sexual attraction and chemistry. It was unclear when that line was crossed.

Do I think he was a pig though? No. I think we both got something from each other that was missing from our lives at the time.

At the expense of your marriage and no doubt hurtful to the other spouse. I call bullshit on getting something that was missing from your lives. It is entitlement. Sometimes being an adult means struggling through something. Marriage means when you go through crap hard times you work it out, do the work, and lean on your family and real friends, not someone in the opposite sex who also is in a fucked up marriage that you become attracted to. This is bullshit. If you can't work it through with your spouse, divorce is an option. Having an affair doesn't solve anything in the long run. It's a short term escape.

How the hell do you get off passing judgement? You have no idea about our situations or the outcome. Life is a journey. People take different paths than others sometimes. Must be nice sitting high in your ivory tower clutching your pain like a shield. I lived my life and loved more than one man. Did I set out to hurt other people? No. Did my husband and I intend to grow apart with time? No. Did his wife and him intend on reaching a place in their marriage that they hated each other? No.

Sometimes you can't choose love, it chooses you. Timing is rarely perfect. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having been into a married man, I can tell you that sometimes it just comes down to chemistry. That's why I liked him. But, yes, I did realize that any man who does that to his wife is a pig and that there was no way it could last or go anywhere with him. Still, it was immensely enjoyable while it lasted bc at heart, I did like him as a person overall and we had a lot of that aforementioned chemistry.

In my situation, I was married and he was married. We were friends first. Something between us just evolved over time. He was in a bad place in his marriage. I just saw an otherwise good person who needed a friend. From that friendship developed a sexual attraction and chemistry. It was unclear when that line was crossed.

Do I think he was a pig though? No. I think we both got something from each other that was missing from our lives at the time.

At the expense of your marriage and no doubt hurtful to the other spouse. I call bullshit on getting something that was missing from your lives. It is entitlement. Sometimes being an adult means struggling through something. Marriage means when you go through crap hard times you work it out, do the work, and lean on your family and real friends, not someone in the opposite sex who also is in a fucked up marriage that you become attracted to. This is bullshit. If you can't work it through with your spouse, divorce is an option. Having an affair doesn't solve anything in the long run. It's a short term escape.

How the hell do you get off passing judgement? You have no idea about our situations or the outcome. Life is a journey. People take different paths than others sometimes. Must be nice sitting high in your ivory tower clutching your pain like a shield. I lived my life and loved more than one man. Did I set out to hurt other people? No. Did my husband and I intend to grow apart with time? No. Did his wife and him intend on reaching a place in their marriage that they hated each other? No.

Sometimes you can't choose love, it chooses you. Timing is rarely perfect. .

Nice cliche. Whatever helps you sleep at night. And yeah, I do judge. It's not "love" when two people are going through shitty times in their marriages which they are 50% of by the way. I have a cliche for ya, it takes two to tango, two people to screw up a marriage. Rather than fix what you made, just on to the next thing right! I'm sure your kids totally understand. And your families too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having been into a married man, I can tell you that sometimes it just comes down to chemistry. That's why I liked him. But, yes, I did realize that any man who does that to his wife is a pig and that there was no way it could last or go anywhere with him. Still, it was immensely enjoyable while it lasted bc at heart, I did like him as a person overall and we had a lot of that aforementioned chemistry.

In my situation, I was married and he was married. We were friends first. Something between us just evolved over time. He was in a bad place in his marriage. I just saw an otherwise good person who needed a friend. From that friendship developed a sexual attraction and chemistry. It was unclear when that line was crossed.

Do I think he was a pig though? No. I think we both got something from each other that was missing from our lives at the time.

At the expense of your marriage and no doubt hurtful to the other spouse. I call bullshit on getting something that was missing from your lives. It is entitlement. Sometimes being an adult means struggling through something. Marriage means when you go through crap hard times you work it out, do the work, and lean on your family and real friends, not someone in the opposite sex who also is in a fucked up marriage that you become attracted to. This is bullshit. If you can't work it through with your spouse, divorce is an option. Having an affair doesn't solve anything in the long run. It's a short term escape.

How the hell do you get off passing judgement? You have no idea about our situations or the outcome. Life is a journey. People take different paths than others sometimes. Must be nice sitting high in your ivory tower clutching your pain like a shield. I lived my life and loved more than one man. Did I set out to hurt other people? No. Did my husband and I intend to grow apart with time? No. Did his wife and him intend on reaching a place in their marriage that they hated each other? No.

Sometimes you can't choose love, it chooses you. Timing is rarely perfect. .

No. You have free will, and you chose wrong. True love is an act of will, not an emotion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having been into a married man, I can tell you that sometimes it just comes down to chemistry. That's why I liked him. But, yes, I did realize that any man who does that to his wife is a pig and that there was no way it could last or go anywhere with him. Still, it was immensely enjoyable while it lasted bc at heart, I did like him as a person overall and we had a lot of that aforementioned chemistry.

In my situation, I was married and he was married. We were friends first. Something between us just evolved over time. He was in a bad place in his marriage. I just saw an otherwise good person who needed a friend. From that friendship developed a sexual attraction and chemistry. It was unclear when that line was crossed.

Do I think he was a pig though? No. I think we both got something from each other that was missing from our lives at the time.

At the expense of your marriage and no doubt hurtful to the other spouse. I call bullshit on getting something that was missing from your lives. It is entitlement. Sometimes being an adult means struggling through something. Marriage means when you go through crap hard times you work it out, do the work, and lean on your family and real friends, not someone in the opposite sex who also is in a fucked up marriage that you become attracted to. This is bullshit. If you can't work it through with your spouse, divorce is an option. Having an affair doesn't solve anything in the long run. It's a short term escape.

How the hell do you get off passing judgement? You have no idea about our situations or the outcome. Life is a journey. People take different paths than others sometimes. Must be nice sitting high in your ivory tower clutching your pain like a shield. I lived my life and loved more than one man. Did I set out to hurt other people? No. Did my husband and I intend to grow apart with time? No. Did his wife and him intend on reaching a place in their marriage that they hated each other? No.

Sometimes you can't choose love, it chooses you. Timing is rarely perfect. .

Nice cliche. Whatever helps you sleep at night. And yeah, I do judge. It's not "love" when two people are going through shitty times in their marriages which they are 50% of by the way. I have a cliche for ya, it takes two to tango, two people to screw up a marriage. Rather than fix what you made, just on to the next thing right! I'm sure your kids totally understand. And your families too.

Honestly, I think it takes two people to make a marriage work and only one to screw it up. Maybe the one was my husband who emotionally and physically starved me for years. Maybe the one was the other guys wife who treated him with total disrespect and was a complete bitch (kind of like some of the PPs). The affair was just a symptom of how disconnected we were from our marriage. We both couldn't stay like that forever. Either way, we found each other and made each other happy and it was a major wake up call for both of us. No regrets. Nothing I would have undone. My kids still love me and his kids still love him. They understand the issues we were having had nothing to do with them and we are still their parents and love them very much.

It's easy to target the other person. What you really should be asking is what is going on between you and your spouse that allowed the other person in.