Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
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Anonymous
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There were at least two "other women" in my marriage and I will tell you why I hated them.
Woman #1 was my neighbor and pretended to be my friend. She knew we had a baby. She was older, divorced, her kids were grown, she too should have known how difficult and stressful it is on a marriage to have a new baby. I did many things to be helpful to this woman, such as giving her a winter coat when she didn't have one (moved from FLA) or allowing her to sleep in my home when her AC was not working. She had many a dinner at my table. She babysat my baby (at first). When I started to be uncomfortable with their "friendship" and told my now-ex that he had to end it, she colluded with him in continuing it and covering it up. She knew what they were doing was threatening a family and that did not stop her. Now, do I blame JUST her? No way. My ex is 100% responsible for what he did and he is paying the price. He is divorced, lost his home, lost his kids.... his life is a shambles. But she is ALSO 100% responsible for choosing to continue to play a role that she knew was damaging a family. I guess if I knew that my presence in someone else's life was in any way harmful, that person would never hear from me again. Also, my husband was in the throes of a difficult marital crisis. She took advantage of his vulnerability to puff herself up with the power of luring a man away from his marriage. Does that excuse him? No way! The second woman I hate because she's a hypocrite. She was a CHRISTIAN MINISTER in a ministry that specializes - wait for it - in teaching women to be MORE BIBLICAL WIVES AND MOTHERS. I busted them as she was getting on a plane from TX to meet my ex at a hotel for a little boot knockin. She is a SAHM (I have to work my ass of WOHM) with a rich husband who takes care of her, has no idea that she's a whore and she lives in a mcmansion. Both of these women live completely consequence-free for their involvement in the destruction of a family. I guess I think it's one thing if you are just having a relationship with a married man. But when you know there are BABIES and that your actions are threatening to destroy a family..... both parties, the straying spouse and TOW, should be held accountable. |
Anonymous
Honestly I'm still not sure why you're still this upset about it years later, but also consider that you added significantly to the story in your second post. We can't fully judge the situation if you put only a brief description like you did in your fist post. Also consider that this post is about other women, so presumably the women who are posting here are posting about cheating or being cheated on. Not that it hasn't caused you pain, I get that, but to compare this situation to someone angry at a woman their husband had an affair with I think might be adding to some of the incredulous "you're still upset about THAT??" type comments. |
Anonymous
Honestly I'm still not sure why you're still this upset about it years later, but also consider that you added significantly to the story in your second post. We can't fully judge the situation if you put only a brief description like you did in your fist post. Also consider that this post is about other women, so presumably the women who are posting here are posting about cheating or being cheated on. Not that it hasn't caused you pain, I get that, but to compare this situation to someone angry at a woman their husband had an affair with I think might be adding to some of the incredulous "you're still upset about THAT??" type comments. |
Anonymous
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There are two reasons why we hate the "other woman".
First, if you are tryingt o reconcile, it is easier to direct your anger at someone that you aren't having a reltaionship with. Second, "society" has taught us that men will sleep with whatever opens their legs to them. So if other woman hadn't opened her legs, man would not have cheated. Not saying this is "right", but that's what society has always taught us. Boys can sleep around as much as they want, its cool, makes them "manly", but women are whores if they slept with anyone other than their husband before marriage. |
Anonymous
Because no one believes you didn't know. |
Anonymous
The problems come (heh) when (1) other woman gets pregnant, (2) other woman starts going all Chandra Levy on you, or (3) other woman gives your DH and hence you an STD. |
Anonymous
Op here. I have a friend s/he tells people they travel alot. His/her shortness secondary romance 6 mos. longest 2 years. The other person and spouse dong know. |
Anonymous
I agree. My husband's loser "other person" certainly did not care if he was married or not. She pretended not to know, but she knew with 100 percent certainty. I have read their emails, so I know for sure. I hate both of them, and I pretend I hate them equally. But, really, I hate her more. I feel like she's taken something away from me. Ridiculous I know. I should blame my soon-to-be-ex OF COURSE but that's too painful to me right now. I really don't want to accept that he might have started everything - that he controlled the situation and made all the decisions to cheat on me and his little children. It's easier to blame her. Plus I feel like she WON, even though my husband is not much of a prize. I'm sure it will take years and tens of thousands of dollars in therapy bills to get over my hatred of her them. Sorry, but that's my honest answer. I used to be a much nicer person before this all happened. I hope this doesn't happen to many other women here. It's horrible and life-altering. |
Anonymous
Sorry that should say.: Op here. I have a friend s/he tells people they travel alot. His/her shortest secondary romance was 6 mos. Longest 2 years. The other person and spouse don't know |
Anonymous
Hey PP - just wanted to reach out and say I'm sorry. I'm going through something similar (husband cheated on me with a casual friend of ours and we have little kids). I feel the same about her. She is married and has little kids too. I hate my husband in a different way. But I feel like she, as a wife and mother of two little kids, should have known how devestating something like this would be to a woman with little kids. The fact that her need for attention and validation overcame any empathy for me and my children (who have had playdates with hers) is disgusting and weak. |
Anonymous
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23:27 - I also was cheated on by my stbxh and loathe him. However, hell has no fury like the hatred I feel towards his whore. I know that I will need to deal with this if I ever truly want to get beyond this AWFUL experience, but I just can't help how I feel about this right now. She worked with stbxh and knew he was married with 2 very young dc's (she bought a present for my youngest when he was born!!!). She is a young single mother and I feel like she coveted what I had and rather than go out and find an available man, she destroyed my family. I know on some level that ultimately it was stbxh's betrayal, but I really hate her for her role in breaking up my dc's home.
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Anonymous
23:27 here. Thank you for writing. I feel the same way. I wish you all the best in getting through all of this. Worrying about my little children is so hard, it's killing me. Someone told me the hatred slowly turns into indifference, but it's hard to believe right now. Breaking up a family and harming innocent children is evil. Take good care of yourself!!! I'll try to do the same. And thanks again. |
Anonymous
Thanks for the reply. You, me, and the next poster should get together - ha! I'm so sorry you're going through this - I have little children too. I agree that a mother should understand the consequences of these actions on little, innocent children. But obviously not every woman feels the same as us. I'm really sorry that you're going through this too, especially around the holidays. It's so sad and so hard. Take good care, and thanks again. |
Anonymous
Stbxh |
Anonymous
Soon to be ex-husband (Stbxh) |