Changing the name of an internationally adoped child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious?
Adopting is a selfish thing. You do it because you want a child of your own. It is about the a-parents selfish needsThe neighbors do not need to place that family on a pedestal because they adopted, and the adoptee does not need to feel grateful for them for adopting her

This is really funny given the fact that people are always telling people who try IVF that they are selfish and they should "just adopt" because it is the unselfish thing to do. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Adopting is done for selfish reasons. You want a child that is your own. That has no other parents and no links to any other family. Nobody adopts because they want to give a child a home. They adopt because a child is what they want. Children are placed in adoption have homes, but the adoptive home is supposed to be better.

Sometimes the adoptive home is not better. If the family is so intent on changing the name of a 7 year old, then they hardly received any pre-adoption counseling, or thought about how the child will feel later on in life.
I really doubt that changing the name if the child is the one and only parenting mistake they will ever make.
And do not compare bio parents to adoptive parents. The adoptive parents would not even have the child if it was 'in the beginning' believed that they would be able to give a better home.

[Anonymous]

Adopting is done for selfish reasons. You want a child that is your own. That has no other parents and no links to any other family. Nobody adopts because they want to give a child a home.

Blatantly false. My husband I knew before we were married that we would adopt simply because there are so many children in the world who need someone to love them. We have one biological child and one adopted child and they are both my children. People do adopt simply because they have the capacity to love and want to give a child a home.

[Anonymous]

There are lousy parents period. Some of them may be the parents of biological children and some of adopted children. All this talk of lousy adoptive parenting is disgusting. Would you prefer that children remain in orphanages with no hope for a family? Some adopted children will resent be adopted, but from what I have seen on DCUM, plenty of adult children resent their biological parents. There are no guarantees in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Adopting is done for selfish reasons. You want a child that is your own. That has no other parents and no links to any other family. Nobody adopts because they want to give a child a home. They adopt because a child is what they want. Children are placed in adoption have homes, but the adoptive home is supposed to be better.

Sometimes the adoptive home is not better. If the family is so intent on changing the name of a 7 year old, then they hardly received any pre-adoption counseling, or thought about how the child will feel later on in life.
I really doubt that changing the name if the child is the one and only parenting mistake they will ever make.
And do not compare bio parents to adoptive parents. The adoptive parents would not even have the child if it was 'in the beginning' believed that they would be able to give a better home.

I probably should not respond to you as you appear to have lost your marbles. This statement is crazy illogical.

Adopted parents are the ones who want a child with no links to any other family? Aren't bio kids the ones who have links to no other families and adopted kids, by definition, have such links?

Also, do bio parents have kids for some other reason than "a child is what they want"? I don't see how the desires of adoptive parents and the desires of bio parents are all that different. BTW, I am neither a bio parent nor an adoptive parent, but a stepparent, so I have no skin in the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adopting is done for selfish reasons. You want a child that is your own. That has no other parents and no links to any other family. Nobody adopts because they want to give a child a home. They adopt because a child is what they want. Children are placed in adoption have homes, but the adoptive home is supposed to be better.

Sometimes the adoptive home is not better. If the family is so intent on changing the name of a 7 year old, then they hardly received any pre-adoption counseling, or thought about how the child will feel later on in life.
I really doubt that changing the name if the child is the one and only parenting mistake they will ever make.
And do not compare bio parents to adoptive parents. The adoptive parents would not even have the child if it was 'in the beginning' believed that they would be able to give a better home.

False on so many levels. There are many adoptive families out there with open adoptions, both domestic and international. Moreover, in most cases adoptive kids do not have a home/parents who can care for them effectively, even if they have parents. But yes, there are certainly bad adoptive parents and some kids who are adopted in some instances would be better off not being adopted than in being placed with a family that cannot provide for their needs/mistreats them (and this happens more frequently than many are aware).

[Anonymous]

PPs, the poster you're responding to is obviously very anti-adoption. Their writing style is distinct and they always pop up on adoption threads to leave nonsensical and rambling anti-adoption screeds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you prefer that children remain in orphanages with no hope for a family? Some adopted children will resent be adopted, but from what I have seen on DCUM, plenty of adult children resent their biological parents. There are no guarantees in life.

And there are far more people waiting to adopt a chlid than available children.
The risk of healthy infants landing up in an orphanage is non existent. I say give the kid to the best available adoptive parents. Not just anyone who has filled out a couple of forms and appears to have the money to pay for it.
So yes, in some ways adoptive parents are held to a higher standard than bio parents. They would not or should not even have the baby unless they really were able to provide the better home. There surely are adult children who resent their bio parents, it just is not that common.

[Anonymous]

There surely are adult children who resent their bio parents, it just is not that common.

Really??? Check our the I resent my mom more after having kids thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you prefer that children remain in orphanages with no hope for a family? Some adopted children will resent be adopted, but from what I have seen on DCUM, plenty of adult children resent their biological parents. There are no guarantees in life.

And there are far more people waiting to adopt a chlid than available children.
The risk of healthy infants landing up in an orphanage is non existent. I say give the kid to the best available adoptive parents. Not just anyone who has filled out a couple of forms and appears to have the money to pay for it.So yes, in some ways adoptive parents are held to a higher standard than bio parents. They would not or should not even have the baby unless they really were able to provide the better home. There surely are adult children who resent their bio parents, it just is not that common.

What agency did you use for your adoption? Please tell us because it seems like the process they put your through was very different from the one we went through, which was thorough, rigorious, and exhaustive.

Oh. Wait. There is no way that you actually have adopted children and you are just blowing smoke out of your a$$.

[Anonymous]

Up until a child's first reception of the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist, at 8 years of age, the child is not biblically apt to make such decisions for himself. The child's input is thus not required.

Additionally, when God welcomes someone in His House in the Bible, he often gives them new names (Abram to Abraham, Sarai to Sarah, etc.) The same should be true when a Christian family adopts a child coming from a non-Christian background.

I disagree with the family's choice of name, though. "Brittany" has absolutely no biblical or theological significance. I hope at least the family is a believer.

[Anonymous]

This thread has jumped the shark. Let's stick a fork in it 'cause its done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread has jumped the shark. Let's stick a fork in it 'cause its done.

No it's not.

[Anonymous]

Who cares, they gave the girl a loving home and want to treat her as their own. It's not like they are making her do a sex change operation.

This is very attitude that has caused the total explosion of illegals and immigrants not assimilating into American culture, not speaking the language etc.. press 2 for Spanish. People refuse to learn our culture and lifestyle which is based on freedom and capitalism and a lot of self hating americans support this idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Up until a child's first reception of the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist, at 8 years of age, the child is not biblically apt to make such decisions for himself. The child's input is thus not required.

Additionally, when God welcomes someone in His House in the Bible, he often gives them new names (Abram to Abraham, Sarai to Sarah, etc.) The same should be true when a Christian family adopts a child coming from a non-Christian background.

I disagree with the family's choice of name, though. "Brittany" has absolutely no biblical or theological significance. I hope at least the family is a believer.

Vomit food!

[Anonymous]

I didn't read the whole thread, but just wanted to say that it's very, very common for immigrant families to change the names of their bio children (even older ones) when they move to the U.S. Lots of my friends families have done this. In fact, my husband's name was Americanised when he came at age 6. Some of the kids resent it as adults, others don't. That's a complicated conversation. But, the bottom line is that this happens all the time in bio families and really has nothing to do with adoption.