Changing the name of an internationally adoped child
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Anonymous
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So my neighbors just adopted a 7 years-old girl from Russia. They're a loving family with 4 biological children and everything this girl could possibly hope for. But as happy as I am for them, I can't help but be disturbed by one thing: they changed the girl's name when they adopted her. And not a small change... her name was Oksanna and they changed it to Brittany.
I've asked my neighbor why they did that and he told me that this was part of the steps they were taking to "Americanize" the girl in order to facilitate her integration. He even told me that "a few months from now nobody will realize that she is from Russia". What the hell?! Is this what international adoption really is about? Remolding a child's cultural roots? |
Anonymous
| MYOB. |
Anonymous
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I agree that it's disturbing on several levels. All this girl has from her former life is her name and the parents just vaporized it -- maybe they asked but even if they did, a young child undergoing major changes isn't going to speak up. As the parent of a child adopted internationally (from Latin America), I can only shake my head.
The parents' decision and response also speaks to another interesting dynamic. Parents who adopt from Russia and other Eastern European countries generally do so because they want to make adoption as invisible as possible in their life and don't want to have to deal with difference or culture -- I say "generally" because we know a few families with kids from Russia whose kids take Russian lessons and keep other cultural connections going, but I think the attitude of the family that the OP mentioned is far more prevalent. This goes on with international adoption from other countries as well, but less so, in our experience. There was a book published a couple of years back called "Culture Keeping," which explored the difference in attitude between mothers who adopted from Russia versus those who adopted from China. http://www.amazon.com/Culture-Keeping-International-Negotiation-Difference/dp/0826516181/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1316522714&sr=1-6 This experience shows how adoption agencies generally do a poor job preparing parents for adoption. IMO, parents who do something like change the name of a 7-year old should not be approved to adopt internationally. My guess (and I could be wrong) is that this girl will probably grow up knowing few, if any, other kids adopted from Russia and, if the family runs into "adoption issues," it will really struggle and have a hard time dealing with them. The parents in general have a weird concept of "Americanness" IMO -- lots of native-born kids have "foreign" names. I guess we consider ourselves lucky - our child knows lots of other kids adopted from Latin America, knows Spanish, and is learning to navigate various differences around adoption and race/ethnicity |
Anonymous
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There is a possibility that the girl wants it. A friend of mine adopted a child from Africa (9 yrs old) who asked to change her name, and who wants to be more American.
The girl from Russia may have no positive memories of Russia. It would be wrong of the parents to force a connection she doesn't want. Or it could really be as PP stated - that the adoptive parents don't want their child to have any ties and to not be different than their other kids. |
Anonymous
International adoption professionals used to say that the kids needed to be Americanized as fast as possible -- but that was decades ago. It became clear that this Americanization effort, with no discussion of/appreciation for cultural roots/adoption, had a horrible impact on these kids. The trend today may be to overcompensate in the other direction (I say this as a parent of a child we adopted internationally), but I do think these parents have made a mistake. Sure, the girl may have no good memories of Russia right now, but that is likely to change over time because most internationally adopted kids do go through shifts in their identity/how they see themselves - and she may well be angry one day that her parents tried to erase the one thing that she brought with her from Russia. FWIW, we kept our son's birth first name as a middle name - if we could do it over again, we might well have kept the first name as is, but we acknowledge the name and it is indeed part of his full legal name here in the US. |
Anonymous
| I find these parents' attitude disturbing, and I agree with the PP who said that not only are they depriving the girl of her roots, her culture and language, but they are cutting themselves off from any help they might receive from parents of other Russian adoptees or the Russian-American community. OP, where do you live? I might have some suggestions you could perhaps pass on to these parents, of activities they could get the girl involved in that would allow her to hear her own language from time to time, without overwhelming the parents. |
Anonymous
I was the PP - the girl will almost inevitably lose her language. This just happens. There are ways to keep it up but most internationally adopted kids lose their native language extremely rapidly - even at 7 years old. That said, I hope these parents have some adoption connections and can think of ways to keep their daughter's Russian up, at least somewhat, and do culture related activities. Heck, there are Russian grocery stores and restaurants dotted across the area, but these parents sound clueless at best. |
Anonymous
| There are Russian language classes and camps, too. My nanny is Russian, and she takes off a week or two every summer to be a counselor at these camps. Most are through churches, and are primarily for kids of Russian immigrants, and for older adoptees. |
Anonymous
What would you expect a child to say. This child is adapting to a new language. A new culture. A new country. A new family. She wants to fit in. Is it the best thing in the long run, more than likely not. It is not good to try and erase a child's entire existence and think it just began they day she was adopted. Perhaps it would have been different if the child was adopted as an infant. I still still suggested using the birth name as a middle name. I think your friend should have read the blogs from the adult adoptees on this subject. The majority, who blog, have serious issues regarding the erasure of their past. Just my thoughts. |
Anonymous
I get the feeling they want her to think it is shameful to come from Russia. That will be hard as she most likely has happy memories of their home country. I cannot but wonder why they wanted a Russian kid. They could have gotten a local one without a need to Americanize him/her I should not be surprised, but I am. The agencys should inform the a-parents better |
Anonymous
| My SIL just adopted an 18 mo old from Russia. Judging from the list of potential questions that may be asked of them in court, they may have had to describe just how they would help the Russian child keep his/her culture. So they basically lied to the court. |
Anonymous
| I just don't think it's any of the OP's business. The adoptive parents are doing what they, as any parent would, think is the best thing for their kid. |
Anonymous
| OP shared three things. Her neighbors changed the name of their internationally adopted daughter. Their decision to do so was a step to Americanize her. And the dad said that in a few months outsiders won't know she's Russian. I am amazed at how many conclusions that OP and many PPs have been able to draw from these three statements. Adoption agencies don't train/educate parents. Parents who adopt from Russia do so for the purpose of concealing adoptions. These parents are trying to erase their child's history. Etc. Etc. Wow is all that I can say. |
Anonymous
It's really not a wow - adoptive families recognize this particular type of adoptive family/attitudes toward adoption. Wow and sad are two one-word answers that I would associate with this particular family. There are a lot of problems with what the family the OP wrote about is doing - anyone familiar with issues associated with adopting an older child, the views of older/adult international adoptees (many, but not all), and professional adoption literature indeed would say things like "Wow!." The child doesn't need Americanizing -- she's going to grow up here and will inevitably become American. Her name is part of her history and the adoptive parents are erasing that. It's one thing to change the name of an infant or a very young toddler - it's something completely different to change the name of a 7-year old. |
Anonymous
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I think the dad provided some easy answers for you so you stopped being so nosy.
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