We just need to buy her the crib, right?

[Anonymous]

I would get her a nw inexpensive crib. I have heard that cribs should not be reused since the break down and set up are where things afll off and apart, then safety concerns arise. I would just say that it is what we could afford, or it is what we were willing to pay. Perhaps give the the money towards the inexpensive crib and let her see if she can find the money for the nicer one. These are hard times for everyone, however, she is a new mom and young. She will always want the nicer one, when she is older, she will get it.

[Anonymous]

I think the idea of buying the diapers is a great idea...but I wonder if the diapers magically appearing on the doorstep w/o she and her BF having to pay for them would also continue her lack of awareness about the costs of having a baby? I dunno, I may be mean, but I might let it go a month or two so they can see what the real cost is, then start ordering them.

[Anonymous]

I would do the diaper subscription that your husband suggested and open up a 'rainy day' fund for her.

Do NOT buy the expensive crib. The money can be better spent... My cousin bought a big fancy crib (HHI is maybe 1/10 of ours) and we bought a $100 Ikea, no frills crib. She regretted spending the money on the crib once she realized how expensive diapers and formula truly are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do the diaper subscription that your husband suggested and open up a 'rainy day' fund for her.

Do NOT buy the expensive crib. The money can be better spent... My cousin bought a big fancy crib (HHI is maybe 1/10 of ours) and we bought a $100 Ikea, no frills crib. She regretted spending the money on the crib once she realized how expensive diapers and formula truly are.

You sound like a peach. Did they really tell you the details of their HHI and their buyer's remorse? If so, they're stupid to open up to such a judgmental family member. PS. Not everybody uses formula and cloth diapers can save new parents thousands. Just sayin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the idea of buying the diapers is a great idea...but I wonder if the diapers magically appearing on the doorstep w/o she and her BF having to pay for them would also continue her lack of awareness about the costs of having a baby? I dunno, I may be mean, but I might let it go a month or two so they can see what the real cost is, then start ordering them.

Gee, great advice. Don't afford someone you love, when you can afford to help them, so they can actually feel every bit as miserable as their station in life demands.

I get the sentiment behind this, but seriously? Buying someone diapers is not the same thing as handing them money to burn on drugs or something. This is a family who needs a leg up. Trust me, they're going to understand the costs one way or another.

[Anonymous]

How about you just give her some money towards the crib.
She is your step daughter. She had your man before you. She is his daughter, not yours.
You had 2 new kids with him, but he still has responsibilities to his daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about you just give her some money towards the crib.
She is your step daughter. She had your man before you. She is his daughter, not yours.
You had 2 new kids with him, but he still has responsibilities to his daughter

Oh FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do the diaper subscription that your husband suggested and open up a 'rainy day' fund for her.

Do NOT buy the expensive crib. The money can be better spent... My cousin bought a big fancy crib (HHI is maybe 1/10 of ours) and we bought a $100 Ikea, no frills crib. She regretted spending the money on the crib once she realized how expensive diapers and formula truly are.

You sound like a peach. Did they really tell you the details of their HHI and their buyer's remorse? If so, they're stupid to open up to such a judgmental family member. PS. Not everybody uses formula and cloth diapers can save new parents thousands. Just sayin.

Love my cloth, but I cannot say they are "cheaper" if you buy the nice ones new. I have no regrets buying a more expensive/better crib but I would not buy someone else one. I'd offer ours if we were done with it or a gift card toward a new one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about you just give her some money towards the crib.
She is your step daughter. She had your man before you. She is his daughter, not yours.
You had 2 new kids with him, but he still has responsibilities to his daughter

His daughter is grown/an adult and this child is her responsibility if she's parenting, not her parents or stepparents. Child support is over at 18 (sometimes 21) or when stuff like this happens. Enough is enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's a tough one. It sounds like she is very excited by all the material trappings that can (but not necessarily should) come along with a new baby. It's sad. It sounds like she will be hitting a great big ol' wall of reality when the baby is born and it's not all about having shiny new stuff. I say if you can afford it, get her the crib. It's a nice gesture, and the reality of it all will be hitting her soon enough.

I agree.

I also agree. (stepmom to 14 yo DD here FWIW)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do the diaper subscription that your husband suggested and open up a 'rainy day' fund for her.

Do NOT buy the expensive crib. The money can be better spent... My cousin bought a big fancy crib (HHI is maybe 1/10 of ours) and we bought a $100 Ikea, no frills crib. She regretted spending the money on the crib once she realized how expensive diapers and formula truly are.

You sound like a peach. Did they really tell you the details of their HHI and their buyer's remorse? If so, they're stupid to open up to such a judgmental family member. PS. Not everybody uses formula and cloth diapers can save new parents thousands. Just sayin.

Love my cloth, but I cannot say they are "cheaper" if you buy the nice ones new. I have no regrets buying a more expensive/better crib but I would not buy someone else one. I'd offer ours if we were done with it or a gift card toward a new one.

They're probably still cheaper, but I didn't say that either. She can buy some mid range diapers and they'd be way cheaper than disposables. There are pros and cons to cloth, of course, but you can most certainly save the most money using them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you just give her some money towards the crib.
She is your step daughter. She had your man before you. She is his daughter, not yours.
You had 2 new kids with him, but he still has responsibilities to his daughter

His daughter is grown/an adult and this child is her responsibility if she's parenting, not her parents or stepparents. Child support is over at 18 (sometimes 21) or when stuff like this happens. Enough is enough.

It is never over.
He is her father, and the child is his grandchild.
Does the OP think her kids will be thrown out into the street for their 18th birthday present?

[Anonymous]

OP, I also have a relative (a cousin) who sounds somewhat similar to your step-daughter. She was 20 when she got pregnant the 2nd time by her boyfriend (she had an abortion the first pregnancy), but unlike your SD's boyfriend, my cousin's BF already had 6 other kids (no joke) and was not paying child support for any of them b/c in her words, "they never asked him for anything and he doesn't have a job b/c he spends all his time with his kids). Anyway, she also wanted very expensive stuff for her baby, even though she and her boyfriend didn't have jobs. When my aunt bought her a pack and play, she was openly rude to my aunt and mocked her for buying "cheap stuff."

I personally would not pay for the crib b/c I myself would never pay for an expensive crib for myself. If you wanted to spend an equivalent amt of money, I probably would buy her car seats or something longer lasting, but I would also make myself available to her for just any sort of (non-financial) assistance once the baby is around- babysitting, being a shoulder to cry on, etc.

Good luck and congrats!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't buy her the crib. I'd suggest that you giver her SOME $$ to spend on baby stuff and buy her 1 or 2 things off the registry. Hw she spends the $$ would be up to her, so if she combines it with any other $$ she can get her crib.

[Anonymous]

OP, before I got pregnant and even early in pregnancy, I always scoffed at those newbie moms who just had to have everything new. After all, logic says that your baby is going to wear those NB sized onesies for a couple weeks if at all. Ditto with the hand-me-down baby toys - the swings, bouncers, strollers, etc. We had a good friend loan us her daughter's crib and stroller. Also an entire dresser full of baby clothes and a ton of toys and books.

Later on, I started feeling a little bit resentful, though, of my husband's "let's get everything used" attitude. It started to feel like our baby was never going to get anything new - that she would always just have other people's used stuff. It wasn't JUST about the crib or the stroller - it was about him basically saying that there was no point in buying ANY new baby clothing or gear of any kind. He fought me on the used carseat - which was, at the time, 8 years old. He fought me on the stroller, which lists distinctly to the left.

My solution was to buy a few gorgeous outfits for our daughter in those early days and a few really cute toys that were hers and hers alone. Then I tried to focus on how excited my friend who gave us all her baby stuff was to see another baby that she loves using her daughter's toys and wearing her clothes. Now, a year later, I feel nostalgic when I see other babies wearing the clothes that I have passed along.

My point is that I don't think it's unreasonable to want to have some new stuff. I think there are more gracious ways to express that than your stepdaughter did. I like the suggestions of cute diaper bag and diapers. My strategy for baby showers has been to split my gifts 50/50 between the mom and the baby - a couple of nice and necessary things for the baby, and a stock of pampering stuff for the mom. I remember in those early days feeling grimy and exhausted, no matter how often I got a shower or how often I got a nap.