We just need to buy her the crib, right?

[Anonymous]

Do not buy her the crib.

Agree with the pp on getting her another splurge item along with some practical things. The crib is just silly.

[Anonymous]

Op here---thank you all for the insights.

The crib is $700, but does convert to toddler bed and then full size. We can afford it, but I also know that $700 would go a long way towards practical things. One PP mentioned JC Penney--that's where we got both of our cribs and we love them!

I think its obvious that she is immature and unaware of the real costs of a baby. I also worry because my husband and I found it hard to have a baby and we didn't worry about money--I can't imagine all the stress and sleep deprivation and money worries on top of that. (For the record, we make under $200k combined, so not super rich, but comfortable, and like I said, frugal).

DH has spoken to her about money, but he says she really doesn't get it. Like I said, he wants to get diapers and wipes---he was thinking of diapers and wipes for the first six months--just ordering them through Amazon and having them delivered to her so she doesn't have to worry about the expense or about running out. As long as we keep current on the size needed, I think thats a good idea, but I also know she wants "stuff."

I think I will continue to offer her our used stuff. I was considering going through the clothes myself and taking out ones I love that I think she would like (for example, I love mommy onesies, etc.), but we have such a wide variety of clothes I am not sure what she would use.

Thanks again to all--it is interesting reading your perspectives and gives me ideas for discussions with DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's a tough one. It sounds like she is very excited by all the material trappings that can (but not necessarily should) come along with a new baby. It's sad. It sounds like she will be hitting a great big ol' wall of reality when the baby is born and it's not all about having shiny new stuff. I say if you can afford it, get her the crib. It's a nice gesture, and the reality of it all will be hitting her soon enough.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Just give her a cash gift or gift card and some practical items, like diapers and wipes. She can determine what she wants to do with the money. Let her budget her needs. Obviously, she doesn't sound like the most responsible person, but that comes from somewhere, right? Surely, your husband had a role in her upbringing. Give her the money and don't try to control her. It's too late for that.

[Anonymous]

Immediate PP here - just read some of the other replies.. maybe not the crib but a mattress and a ton of other stuff... OR have your DH call and say "we will not buy you that crib but will buy you one that costs less than $X but are willing to spend $x (original value of crib) as gift but not on one item.....

[Anonymous]

She sounds incredibly entitled, and she's about to have a very rude awakening.
I would not get her the crib. What a waste. Get her the practical things she will need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here---thank you all for the insights.

The crib is $700, but does convert to toddler bed and then full size. We can afford it, but I also know that $700 would go a long way towards practical things. One PP mentioned JC Penney--that's where we got both of our cribs and we love them!

I think its obvious that she is immature and unaware of the real costs of a baby. I also worry because my husband and I found it hard to have a baby and we didn't worry about money--I can't imagine all the stress and sleep deprivation and money worries on top of that. (For the record, we make under $200k combined, so not super rich, but comfortable, and like I said, frugal).

DH has spoken to her about money, but he says she really doesn't get it. Like I said, he wants to get diapers and wipes---he was thinking of diapers and wipes for the first six months--just ordering them through Amazon and having them delivered to her so she doesn't have to worry about the expense or about running out. As long as we keep current on the size needed, I think thats a good idea, but I also know she wants "stuff."

I think I will continue to offer her our used stuff. I was considering going through the clothes myself and taking out ones I love that I think she would like (for example, I love mommy onesies, etc.), but we have such a wide variety of clothes I am not sure what she would use.

Thanks again to all--it is interesting reading your perspectives and gives me ideas for discussions with DH.

I think you've hit the nail on the head - your step-daughter has no idea of the real costs of a baby and is going to be in for a rude awakening when her baby actually arrives. I'm sure a lot of people would love to only have new things and the very best of everything, but that's just not the way it works for everyone. You and your husband sound like you're being really kind to her - diapers and wipes for the first six months is a wonderful gift whether she realizes it or not, and maybe it makes sense to just go ahead and do that without waiting for her to come around to the idea. Perhaps you can get her something small from her registry while continuing to offer her the use of some of your things.

[Anonymous]

No no, no crib. I'm not going to judge her for wanting brand new things. First time "momness" does that to you. But the flip side is if you want brand new expensive things, you should be buying them for yourself not trying to mooch it off others. Lesson number #1 in being an adult and raising a child.

Give her a giftcard like most people said, back off and let her raise her kid the way she chooses.

And stop forcing your used items on her, if she doesn't want it, she doesn't want it. Treat her like an adult.

[Anonymous]

Are there any other items on her registry other than the crib and diapers? You don't have to buy a crib you don't like, but are there really no other options? I didn't really want diapers for my baby shower, but outfits, bottles, bouncy seat, etc. are all items that aren't as extravagant that you can still get new.

[Anonymous]

Don't buy her the crib. We got an expensive crib for our first baby. We used it maybe once? Baby was in the pac n'play or cosleeper that hung off our bed or our bed for the first year and then we just bought a regular twin bed and rails. Worked out great. Gave the crib away nearly new on Freecycle.

No crib. Save your money for stuff she'll really need.

[Anonymous]

Buy her a reasonable shower gift and save the $700 you are willing to spend on the over the top crib for one of her sure to come rainy days ahead when she just needs help down the road with day care or bills, etc... She obviously doesn't get it and ther's no point in indulging her when you know she will need help later. Much better you have the money to help when times are tough than helping her be irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's a tough one. It sounds like she is very excited by all the material trappings that can (but not necessarily should) come along with a new baby. It's sad. It sounds like she will be hitting a great big ol' wall of reality when the baby is born and it's not all about having shiny new stuff. I say if you can afford it, get her the crib. It's a nice gesture, and the reality of it all will be hitting her soon enough.

Dont do this, you will just be enabling her. Also, what it to stop her from running back asking for stuff when the "wall of reality hits her".

[Anonymous]

Op again. I really do think she is more clueless than entitled. Anyway, she has a lot of extended family on her moms side that all live within 5 minutes of her so I think she will be set with cooking and babysitting, though I don't think she gets or will get money from them. She has never asked us for money and I don't think she would be comfortable doing that. I am pretty sure her boyfriend wouldn't either. But I am rethinking buying the expensive crib. I am glad I posted.

[Anonymous]

Your stepdaughter has princess syndrome bad. I'm so sorry. Raise your own kids better.

[Anonymous]

I can see where she's coming from. An unemployed teen mom who wants the best and newest things for her baby, so registering for them as gifts is her only shot. Plenty of people who CAN afford $700 cribs register for them, so I don't see why she should be judged do harshly for doing so. She'll soon enough realize she's being impractical when she doesn't get the crib. I agree with PP: find the best affordable crib out there and offer to buy it for her (the Davinci Emily crib got great ratings on consumer reports and was very affordable).