We just need to buy her the crib, right?

[Anonymous]

I would never buy that crib, no way. I bought a more expensive crib and it wasn't $700--that is nuts. If you can afford it on your own, fine, but I cannot see putting it on a registry under her circumstances. However, I disagree with PPs that you should buy a different crib. That is actually kind of rude. She'll figure out her baby's sleeping situation if no one gets the crib. As for a gift, I like the idea of getting her practical things like diapers, maybe a token gift from her stupid registry that is cute.

As far as your nice used things, I would leave that up to practical considerations. If you are through having kids and you need to get rid of these things sooner rather than later, I would be direct with her: choose what you want or it's gone. If you have the space to store it and it's ok with you, you can continue to make those things available to her as she sees fit.

[Anonymous]

I LOVE my bottle warmer!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see where she's coming from. An unemployed teen mom who wants the best and newest things for her baby, so registering for them as gifts is her only shot. Plenty of people who CAN afford $700 cribs register for them, so I don't see why she should be judged do harshly for doing so. She'll soon enough realize she's being impractical when she doesn't get the crib. I agree with PP: find the best affordable crib out there and offer to buy it for her (the Davinci Emily crib got great ratings on consumer reports and was very affordable).

We have the DaVinci Emily and it's great. It also converts to toddler bed, day bed and full size bed. I am actually kicking myself for spending $230 on it; an Ikea crib would have been fine (and in many ways preferable). We also got tons of stuff used - on top of the $$, it's nice to not be so attached to things. I am happy to be able to pass on used things when I'm done with them. We can afford new but choose not to.

I think you should hold off on buying the crib. Get her some diapers/wipes to start and after a couple of months re-assess. Does she want 700 for a crib, or does she want more diapers and wipes and $500?

[Anonymous]

What about packing up some things you want to share according to age group (0-3, 3-6, 6-9, etc.) and putting them in a beautiful gift bag with tissue paper and ribbons?

My brother and his wife demanded everything new as well, but that's because my mother's eBay style left them thinking that anything used would be shabby. I offered up a few (ahem) well-selected items that they adored---even though they were secondhand.

Oh, and congrats! You're about to be a grandma!!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't buy a different crib, or at least not unless I'd first talked to her and she had agreed she wanted the other, cheaper, crib. While I completely agree a $700 crib is ridiculous, especially for someone who doesn't have $700 to waste, substituting your judgement for hers is just going to create tension. Either someone else will waste their money on the crib, which is not your problem to control, or she'll face reality and buy something more reasonable, but you really don't want to put yourself and DH in the bad guy role.
If you'd like to make a substantial gift, buy her a carseat (maybe a convertible one for later as well as an infant one) or a nice, solid stroller.

[Anonymous]

I think you are a beautiful and generous person OP! I would buy her a nice present off of her registry (something in the $100 range) and save the rest of what you "would have spent" for a few weeks/months after the baby is born and reality sets in. Or, do as another PP said and get her a stroller that she wants and/or a big credit at Diapers.com for diapers/formula/wipes for the first year.

I wanted a $700 crib from Land of Nod and talked myself into a reasonably priced $250 crib from Buy Buy Baby. My DS destroyed it (with teeth and banging) before his first birthday. By 2 years, he was no longer in the crib - we had to buy a separate toddler bed because it rests lower to the ground than the crib converted and DS is prone to wiggling about in his sleep. I wish we'd gotten the $100 ikea crib and just called it a day. (we had a HHI of over $200K and could afford to spend the $700)

This has very little to do with whether or not a pregnant unmarried teen without a job "deserves" a $700 crib, but everything to do with hindsight and experience.

[Anonymous]

OK your DH as a 19 yo and a 2yo? OK OK, I won't go there.

I've been on the other side (I was a nanny for the mom whose 19yo daughter got pregnant) and all the mom got her was a brand new crib set. That's all.

She took her daughter to consignment sales and got all the stuff from craigslist.

This girl is out of touch with reality. Your husband has to talk to the mother of his child and tell her a few truths.

And if I were you I'd go through your stuff and select what you want to keep and deliver everything else to her home with a note saying "fell free to keep it, consign it or sell it on CL and use the money towards stuff that matches your taste". Bring a cute outfit and a nice baby carrier for the shower and that's it. This way you're de-cluttering your home and doing your job to give this girl a reality check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle ground: buy her a crib - not the one she wants but something similar in terms of style and fill it with other new but very practical stuff - a crib full of diapers, wipes, burp cloths, bibs, towels, wash clothes, other bathing supplies, bath toys, teething toys - in other words anything that needs to be bought new.. make the total approximately equal or exceed the total that would have been the cost of the crib alone. Add a teddy with cute bow in pink or blue to make it cute. Add in sophie the giraffe.... maybe teh bath products could be some mustela products....

This way you are generous but not wasteful.

I agree with no buying anything that you offered her second hand.


Also remember that she is young and probably read some on line list of things to put on the registry which is why there are wipe warmers, etc. on her list. BTW I really liked my bottle wamer - I used it for the jar food and my husband used it to warm breastmilk bottles..... and if we admit it, even the most practical among use probably have some questionable baby stuff!!

How much does she want to spend on a crib anyway?

Do NOT do that! I would be totally annoyed if someone bought me a crib other than the one I registered for. Get something else that's nice - liked the diaper bag idea, and some other practical stuff.

[Anonymous]

Give her a few smaller items and a generous gift card. Better yet, start a 529 for the baby.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP who said do NOT buy a crib other than the one she is registering. It is trying to send her a message she obviously isnt getting and IMO border line rude for now.
I also vote for getting one of the nicer things on her list and then either a gift certificate to the store where the registry is or to diapers.com. She needs to make her own choices on how she spends the money.
I also would absolutely not give her used clothing if she has already said she doesnt want it. Why would you push this on her if she has already said no? It adds tension to a situation that will have enough issues before too long. Giving her used clothing she doesnt want and then instructing her to ebay or craiglist or consign what she doesnt want to put towards new is even worse to me. It gives her a job to do with clothes she doesnt even want. She will be annoyed. And yes, I know she would be better off if she just took the used clothing and the help you are offering but she is not 14, she is 19 and if she has said no you should accept it. Especially if you want communication lines open for when she needs help - and she WILL need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see where she's coming from. An unemployed teen mom who wants the best and newest things for her baby, so registering for them as gifts is her only shot. Plenty of people who CAN afford $700 cribs register for them, so I don't see why she should be judged do harshly for doing so. She'll soon enough realize she's being impractical when she doesn't get the crib. I agree with PP: find the best affordable crib out there and offer to buy it for her (the Davinci Emily crib got great ratings on consumer reports and was very affordable).

I think everyone is being really nice here. She's a teen mom without a job who registered for a 700 crib. She needs to wake the hell up! I have the Emily because it got great ratings and we're a dual income household.

Sounds like a spoiled brat to me.

[Anonymous]

I love my wipes warmer. I change DC's diaper and DC doesn't even wake up.

And doesn't pee on us anymore!

[Anonymous]

My husband has a 20 year old (two older ones than that) & a two year old.

I would not buy a $700 crib, especially if she doesn't have stable housing/situation. I'd buy a $250 or so crib. The cheap $100 ones are really cheap as my mom got one and the wood is very flexible. We got a more expensive crib and it is far better made. Toddler beds are cheap so you can upgrade when you need to. We got a convertible as that is how it came but otherwise I would not.

If her mom registered for all this and helped her, she can also buy the $$$ crib or maybe share the cost with her.

I loved my bottle warmer and sterilizer.

I would get a bunch of practical gifts, a few new outfits, diapers, wipes (and get diapers in 1 & 2 as everyone gets newborn or one), etc. But, if your stuff is two years old and only been through one child, she can easily reuse that or buy her own (or just buy her a bouncy around $50).

[Anonymous]

Get her a gift card for a lactation consultant. It will be cheaper than formula for 1 year.

[Anonymous]

If you aren't going to get her the crib she registered for, I would not get her another crib...I agree with a PP that said it would be rude - UNLESS she comes to you closer to the baby's birth and says something about how she doesn't have a crib for the baby, and then you could offer to pay for a more modest one. I think your husband's idea is a great one about the diapers, but if you don't think she'll appreciate it now, then just wait on that. For the shower get her something nice from the registry (around the $100 range) or some nice little outfits and then sit on the present of diapers for a while. When she starts struggling a bit and reality sets in, she'll probably really appreciate the gift.

I do also think that people are being a little harsh on her. I would imagine it would be pretty terrifying to be a 19 year old unmarried teenager about to have a baby. She has no clue about a registry, most likely no peers that can help her because they are in different places, and she's just registering for things she thinks she'll need, and trying to look on the bright side with shiny new things. She'll probably be more practical in a decade or so at at age where a lot of people start having babies...now she's just a kid.