What would you do? E Coast (fed job, no family) vs. W Coast (no job, family)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PP. Our decision is family-focused, too. We need to get out of DC. Have any of you lived in the West? Do you understand how different it is?

OP, you do realize that many states look down on people who move to them and then expect to be on the dole. You do realize that you might qualify for state assistance, don't you? And if they find out your husband quit a job -was not fired or laid off, you really think that looks good on your welfare application?

I know someone who gets WIC subsidies...because her child had a catastrophic illness that has basically bankrupted the family. Not because she chooses not to work...

So, you guys have made some not great moves in the past, and instead of accepting this like adults, you want to act like petulant children and have us "grown ups" pay for you?

Give me a break. What a pathetic example to your children. I just can't fathom your attitude.

What not-great choices have we made in the past? Going on to get an advanced degree

OP, there are plenty of unemployed people who weren't smart about what they pursued advance degrees in. You sound like one of those people. So, you've spent a lof money on a not very high wage PhD. You have two kids. Most of us thinking folks would say "not smart." And yet, no matter how many people explain this to you, you just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

A PP here. I am not sure I should get in the habit of arguing with someone who sounds rather limited, but here goes, again: I would never in one million years give up a steady job with a family to support. You need to work together to get yourself to a spot where one spouse is firmly employed while the other follows the dream. You've said nothing about any savings whatsoever, or an emergency cushion. You know, like adults have. Think OP. What if one of you is in an accident, or one of you has a catastropic illness? You'd be days, if not hours away from your children going hungry, unless your families can support you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Is it better to (a) stay in a job that is physically hard on my husband and has no future and in a region where we can't afford a house anyway (so the 70K doesn't get us far) and where we do not want to raise our kids than to (b) take the risk of him going back to school? I don't think so. Plenty of people take economic and job risks when they think that in the long run it will be best for their family.

Ok, you seem to contradict yourself. First you say it will only be a year until he starts school. Then you make it seem like he'll be staying in this job in DC and you'll be stuck raising kids here.
It's ONE YEAR. You can either go deeper in debt and live hand to mouth that one year, or you can move, make ends meet, have medical insurance, and then go back. Seems a no-brainer to me.

And FWIW, I think the others are right - Forest Service is a hard career to break into, with long hours, low pay, and lots of moves. I am not saying its a bad job or you DH won't love it. But you need to rethink how you spend and how you see your family future. If he goes Forest Service, you'll live in small towns in small homes with no fancy vacations and prada shoes. Its not a bad life. But don't delude yourself into thinking this new career will be high paying or wont take you away from family.

Oh, and feds usually pay for moving expenses.

I keep talking about being in DC long term for the people who are saying he shouldn't go back to school. We feel like it's either go back to school or be in DC long term, considering that he's been applying for other jobs elsewhere. Most fed jobs (outside of DC) require you to move a bit for career advancement.

The kids, at least, would have health insurance (public assistance) if we stayed here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PP. Our decision is family-focused, too. We need to get out of DC. Have any of you lived in the West? Do you understand how different it is?

Its for one year, not a lifetime.
Yes, from the west. Don't love DC and plan to leave in a year or so. But no, not going on assistance to do it.
Think logically. This isn't a decision that will put you here forever.

[Anonymous]

12:50 here. Pretend he's on a one year military deployment. He could live in DC in a room rental while you keep the kids happily in the West. You finish your grad degree. You are then employed in a year when he is finished. You then work while he pursues the career switch. This will take alot of sacrifice which you don't seem willing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:50 here. Pretend he's on a one year military deployment. He could live in DC in a room rental while you keep the kids happily in the West. You finish your grad degree. You are then employed in a year when he is finished. You then work while he pursues the career switch. This will take alot of sacrifice which you don't seem willing to do.

No, instead she wants the taxpayers to sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PP. Our decision is family-focused, too. We need to get out of DC. Have any of you lived in the West? Do you understand how different it is?

Its for one year, not a lifetime.
Yes, from the west. Don't love DC and plan to leave in a year or so. But no, not going on assistance to do it.
Think logically. This isn't a decision that will put you here forever.

But it will put us here forever if he doesn't go back to school (which some are advocating). We are willing to sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PP. Our decision is family-focused, too. We need to get out of DC. Have any of you lived in the West? Do you understand how different it is?

Its for one year, not a lifetime.
Yes, from the west. Don't love DC and plan to leave in a year or so. But no, not going on assistance to do it.
Think logically. This isn't a decision that will put you here forever.

But it will put us here forever if he doesn't go back to school (which some are advocating). We are willing to sacrifice.

How OP? How exactly are you sacrificing? You don't want your current reality, yet you expect other people to do things like provide for your children's health insurance. So, instead of funding people truly in need, I will be funding your stupid notion of "sacrifice." People have offered the reasonable suggestion of splitting up the family for the year, so that your husband has a decent salary and benefits while you finish school. You seem to think your magic beans, I mean your humanities PhD, is going to help you so much, so put your money where your mouth is suck up, finish it, and then come back to us in a year crying about how worthless it is...

[Anonymous]

OP, from what institution are you receiving your PhD? How much do you estimate you will bring in when you graduate? Where will you work?

[Anonymous]

a poster mentioned the military. rather than be on the dole and driving cross country perhaps joining the military is a good choice. On base housing for families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Is it better to (a) stay in a job that is physically hard on my husband and has no future and in a region where we can't afford a house anyway (so the 70K doesn't get us far) and where we do not want to raise our kids than to (b) take the risk of him going back to school? I don't think so. Plenty of people take economic and job risks when they think that in the long run it will be best for their family.

Ok, you seem to contradict yourself. First you say it will only be a year until he starts school. Then you make it seem like he'll be staying in this job in DC and you'll be stuck raising kids here.
It's ONE YEAR. You can either go deeper in debt and live hand to mouth that one year, or you can move, make ends meet, have medical insurance, and then go back. Seems a no-brainer to me.

And FWIW, I think the others are right - Forest Service is a hard career to break into, with long hours, low pay, and lots of moves. I am not saying its a bad job or you DH won't love it. But you need to rethink how you spend and how you see your family future. If he goes Forest Service, you'll live in small towns in small homes with no fancy vacations and prada shoes. Its not a bad life. But don't delude yourself into thinking this new career will be high paying or wont take you away from family.

Oh, and feds usually pay for moving expenses.

I keep talking about being in DC long term for the people who are saying he shouldn't go back to school. We feel like it's either go back to school or be in DC long term, considering that he's been applying for other jobs elsewhere. Most fed jobs (outside of DC) require you to move a bit for career advancement.

The kids, at least, would have health insurance (public assistance) if we stayed here.

You don't have to think of living in DC as a life sentence. He should take the full-time job here and really figure out what the most practical course of career advancement would be that would get you guys back out west. Networking and paying a reputable consultant who specializes in fed jobs to help with his federal job search would be good ideas. Although paying someone to help with applications, etc., seems like a lot of money, it's a hell of a lot cheaper than grad school and seems to have worked well for many people. If grad school actually makes sense, he should wait until you're earning money and no longer paying tuition. If he goes back to school, he should do a part-time masters, and look into establishing residency in a state with a state university that has a program he wants.

[Anonymous]

Oh FFS, OP. Obviously you just came on here so everyone would say, "Don't move here! DC is horrible! Stay in the Shangri-La of the West Coast! Forestry is awesome!"

So there you go. Do what you're going to do. If the fact that 5 pages of people are telling you it's a horrible choice, after you (presumably) asked for advice, isn't going to sway you, then why are you wasting everyone's time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:a poster mentioned the military. rather than be on the dole and driving cross country perhaps joining the military is a good choice. On base housing for families?

And deployment, PTSD, ....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Is it better to (a) stay in a job that is physically hard on my husband and has no future and in a region where we can't afford a house anyway (so the 70K doesn't get us far) and where we do not want to raise our kids than to (b) take the risk of him going back to school? I don't think so. Plenty of people take economic and job risks when they think that in the long run it will be best for their family.

Ok, you seem to contradict yourself. First you say it will only be a year until he starts school. Then you make it seem like he'll be staying in this job in DC and you'll be stuck raising kids here.
It's ONE YEAR. You can either go deeper in debt and live hand to mouth that one year, or you can move, make ends meet, have medical insurance, and then go back. Seems a no-brainer to me.

And FWIW, I think the others are right - Forest Service is a hard career to break into, with long hours, low pay, and lots of moves. I am not saying its a bad job or you DH won't love it. But you need to rethink how you spend and how you see your family future. If he goes Forest Service, you'll live in small towns in small homes with no fancy vacations and prada shoes. Its not a bad life. But don't delude yourself into thinking this new career will be high paying or wont take you away from family.

Oh, and feds usually pay for moving expenses.

I keep talking about being in DC long term for the people who are saying he shouldn't go back to school. We feel like it's either go back to school or be in DC long term, considering that he's been applying for other jobs elsewhere. Most fed jobs (outside of DC) require you to move a bit for career advancement.

The kids, at least, would have health insurance (public assistance) if we stayed here.

You don't have to think of living in DC as a life sentence. He should take the full-time job here and really figure out what the most practical course of career advancement would be that would get you guys back out west. Networking and paying a reputable consultant who specializes in fed jobs to help with his federal job search would be good ideas. Although paying someone to help with applications, etc., seems like a lot of money, it's a hell of a lot cheaper than grad school and seems to have worked well for many people. If grad school actually makes sense, he should wait until you're earning money and no longer paying tuition. If he goes back to school, he should do a part-time masters, and look into establishing residency in a state with a state university that has a program he wants.

How do we find such a consultant? That sounds reasonable.

I'm not dead-set in staying W for the next year. It's hard to not defend that option, though, when people are calling it "disgusting."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, I don't think a degree from Yale would get anyone hired any faster than a degree from a Western school, where there are internships and other opportunities in a region with way more national forests that in the East.

You're completely missing my point. I mentioned I went to Yale because it's the oldest and most well-respected forestry program in the country. I'm trying to tell you that I know what I'm talking about. Let me say this for you again. In a good economy, with (presumably) the same degree as your husband will be getting (a master's program, yes?), it took me over a year to get a job in my field. And I started low on the totem pole and worked my way up. What in the world makes you think that an internship on the west coast in a National Forest is going to get your DH a job in government at GS13 right out of school? It is highly likely, no matter what his profession, that someone straight out of school in this economy is going to have to job search for a while. Maybe a year. Maybe longer. And this goes for you, as well. What happens when you both graduate and you're still both unemployed? Then what? Stay on public assistance indefinitely?

But, you know, you'll be on the west coast which is super awesome, so it will be all good, dude!

For two highly educated people, you don't have a lot of sense.