What would you do? E Coast (fed job, no family) vs. W Coast (no job, family)

[Anonymous]

if i were him, i wouldn't be giving up a FT job to go to grad school anytime soon. and i would definitely do the move to DC. it's just too risky otherwise. but hey, if you feel fine moving in with your parents or eating from a food pantry... then i guess that's your shame to bear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I have to say, OP, that you're even considering the second option is offensive. Public assistance isn't for gainfully employed parents who just choose to give up their jobs. WIC is for families who really need help, not people who can't be bothered to keep the jobs they have. It's a last resort, not a freakin' choice. To actively consider going QUITTING and going on public assistance is disgusting.

I totally agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I have to say, OP, that you're even considering the second option is offensive. Public assistance isn't for gainfully employed parents who just choose to give up their jobs. WIC is for families who really need help, not people who can't be bothered to keep the jobs they have. It's a last resort, not a freakin' choice. To actively consider going QUITTING and going on public assistance is disgusting.

I totally agree with this.

Ditto. OP: Do NOT take on student loans. Your DH should postpone graduate school as I doubt it will help much apart from putting you more in debt. What are you getting your doctorate in? Is it anything that will actually "pay off?" I ask that seriously.. if not, then quit for crying out loud and find a job. Education is no longer the path to higher income (or any income, really). Times are tough, buck up.

A PP gave a great suggestion of your husband moving to DC for a year. I would seriously consider doing this and moving in with your family to save money if you are definitely completing the degree.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely move to DC. Staying without a steady source of income is too much of a financial risk, and you'll just be digging yourself a deeper hole long-term by taking out more student loans.

You also need to look hard at your long-term plans. Long-term, I think you should try to have at least one of you working full-time at any given time, so that may mean him delaying grad school until you're done with your PhD.

What is your PhD in? PhDs may be a waste of time and money and you might be better off cutting your losses and quitting the program, particularly if realistically you won't be able to finish for a while. Will you be able to find a job easily in any area of the country with your PhD, or will you be chasing a handful of professor positions in something like history or a handful of wildlife biology research positions? Your husband's career field isn't something with a ton of openings in any area of the country, and you're going to be in for a rough time if your field has a similar problem.

[Anonymous]

Job, OP. Shouldn't this be a no brainer? WOW.

[Anonymous]

Agree with a PP above, taxpayers shouldn't have to support you when you have gainful employment.

[Anonymous]

I would suck it up and move and thank your lucky stars that it's only for a year (we're here for DH's fed job, but it will likely be 5+ years).

[Anonymous]

I have a hard time believing your husband is going to make so little money you would need section 8 housing.

And if he has no other options he should take the job and move.

Again I'm really skeptical on the salary and needing section 8 housing....

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks, everyone. My thinking is in line with the person who said 'if you're going to be in agony for a year, I don't see much difference between your options.' But it is striking to me how clear the decision is to everyone, and that was what I was looking for in posting this, so thanks.

We will be paying our own moving expenses. We decided that if we go, we won't bring any of our stuff, will get just mattresses to sleep on and the rest at Goodwill. We will also be putting about 6K miles on our car to move to DC and then back here, in addition to commuting miles if we live a long way away from where my husband works (which we will probably do).

My husband makes about 70K a year (and won't be able to make much more if he stayed at the job), so we couldn't save much money unless we lived a long ways out and paid less than 1,000 in rent. He also works odd hours, gets poor sleep because of it, and is often overtired when he is awake and with us. I don't know if I can convey how miserable we've been living in DC.

As for going on public assistance, my husband would be looking for other work here but we don't know if he'll find it and how long it'll take. (As an aside, the gov't subsidizes corporations, wars, etc., and we've been paying into the system for a while now, so I don't think it's 'disgusting' that we use it to help us get through this period. I know I will get flamed for saying this....)

He really wants and needs to do something to change his career, and the Forest Service would be a good option, I think. Despite the economy, we cannot continue to live in DC indefinitely while he works hard hours, we can't afford to buy a house, etc.). He's been looking for another fed job for several years and hasn't found anything, and we both think he should go back now to finish before he's 40.

As for my degree .... yes, it's in a humanities subject that is only suitable for being academia. But I think I can finish in a year, and I think it will help my resume since I've been staying home -- i.e., if my degree is in 2012, it will look like I've been 'working' on that these years. I also have my (unrelated to my degree) freelance work on my resume.

We will look into living/working at a National Park. Our kids are 4 and 1. I don't want to live away from him for a year; it would especially be to hard on him and the kids to be apart from each other.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- we would *not* be using Section 8 housing here, it's another low-income housing option. And his work here would be part time and $12/hr unless/until he finds something better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks, everyone. My thinking is in line with the person who said 'if you're going to be in agony for a year, I don't see much difference between your options.' But it is striking to me how clear the decision is to everyone, and that was what I was looking for in posting this, so thanks.

We will be paying our own moving expenses. We decided that if we go, we won't bring any of our stuff, will get just mattresses to sleep on and the rest at Goodwill. We will also be putting about 6K miles on our car to move to DC and then back here, in addition to commuting miles if we live a long way away from where my husband works (which we will probably do).

My husband makes about 70K a year (and won't be able to make much more if he stayed at the job), so we couldn't save much money unless we lived a long ways out and paid less than 1,000 in rent. He also works odd hours, gets poor sleep because of it, and is often overtired when he is awake and with us. I don't know if I can convey how miserable we've been living in DC.

As for going on public assistance, my husband would be looking for other work here but we don't know if he'll find it and how long it'll take. (As an aside, the gov't subsidizes corporations, wars, etc., and we've been paying into the system for a while now, so I don't think it's 'disgusting' that we use it to help us get through this period. I know I will get flamed for saying this....)

He really wants and needs to do something to change his career, and the Forest Service would be a good option, I think. Despite the economy, we cannot continue to live in DC indefinitely while he works hard hours, we can't afford to buy a house, etc.). He's been looking for another fed job for several years and hasn't found anything, and we both think he should go back now to finish before he's 40.

As for my degree .... yes, it's in a humanities subject that is only suitable for being academia. But I think I can finish in a year, and I think it will help my resume since I've been staying home -- i.e., if my degree is in 2012, it will look like I've been 'working' on that these years. I also have my (unrelated to my degree) freelance work on my resume.

We will look into living/working at a National Park. Our kids are 4 and 1. I don't want to live away from him for a year; it would especially be to hard on him and the kids to be apart from each other.

Based on his salary you would not qualify for Section 8 housing in DC.

[Anonymous]

forest service starts at GS5. So your DH is going back to school for a Forestry degree to make somewhere between $27k and $39k a year, depending on location?

That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, OP.

[Anonymous]

Again, we would NOT be doing Section 8 in DC or here.

He doesn't want to be a ranger at the Forest Service -- there are office jobs that go up to GS13.

[Anonymous]

As for going on public assistance, my husband would be looking for other work here but we don't know if he'll find it and how long it'll take. (As an aside, the gov't subsidizes corporations, wars, etc., and we've been paying into the system for a while now, so I don't think it's 'disgusting' that we use it to help us get through this period. I know I will get flamed for saying this....)

You're damn right you're going to get flamed. You don't need help to get through this period! Your husband has a job that pays $70,000 - far higher than the national average, with the excellent benefits provided by the feds. Public assistance is for familes who need help - who can't pay for food, who can't afford a habitable place to live. But you feel like it's OK to give up secure, gainful employment because you wouldn't be happy - you'd rather other taxpayers subsidized your life, and you think it's OK to take scarce public assistance funds away from people who really NEED it. As justification, you say, we're been payign into the system for a while now." It's not a freakin' savings account.

I always thought that the "welfare mama" stereotype was a myth - people wouldn't actually WANT to stay on public assistance when they could work. You're actually worse than that - you intend to give up a well-paying job to go on the dole. Disgusting might not be a strong wnough word.

As an aside, you have a degree which requires a career in academia, and he wants to work for the forestry service? Have you thought at all about how that will work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:forest service starts at GS5. So your DH is going back to school for a Forestry degree to make somewhere between $27k and $39k a year, depending on location?

That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, OP.

That's what I was thinking. It almost seems like they are a couple of whimsical kids who want to follow their dreams in the middle of a crash and burn economy. OP, at this point, nobody cares what your degree is in. Everybody who is unemployed rushes back to school during a down turn. People care about what actual skills you bring to the table on day 1.

I have had friends who work for the National Park Service and other forestry programs. It is not a lifestyle on which you support a family. Nor are many of the likely job locations in a "hopping" job market for you to seek employment in, as well.

Many of us are in less than ideal jobs. But we have responsibilities to provide for our kids. Sometimes, being an adult means you suck it up and table your dreams for the good of your family.