Grandmother’s Funeral Same Time as Promotion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's not his custody week, isn't she old enough to decide?

This. She should decide.

I'm team OP and think the dad is selfish to try to make the DD miss her school events. Adults don't need their minor children present to grieve that adult's parent. But it should be up to the DD.

Grandma’s funeral is super important.

I did not go to any of my grandmothers' funerals (not my parents' mothers, nor their grandmothers, nor my grandpa's second wife's). No bad blood: it was just difficult and expensive to go, and we weren't close. I supported my parents by phone. When I was under 10 I went to funerals for grandfathers (2 of them) who I did not know well and it was not meaningful for me to attend.

If DD wants to go, she should go! If she finds it meaningful, that is great! But don't pretend this is a meaningful ceremony for everybody just because there is a direct blood relation.

So selfish, OK we get it

It's the same as not going to a wedding for someone you don't know well.

[Anonymous]

Just say no if it’s your day. If it’s his day he gets to decide. Why the drama?

[Anonymous]

I come from a tradition where you prioritize life over death. You don’t postpone a happy occasion to accommodate a sad one. The trip is unimportant, but if she is at a K-8 school graduation is more important than her grandmothers funeral. The more important value that was missed is that she should have been seeing grandmother more than once a year while alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS it’s eighth grade and an amusement park trip. Kid should be there for her dad and grandfather. What kind of values are you teaching your daughter? You aren’t exhibiting a lot of integrity or grace here.

Grandfather passed away when DD’s father was a child.

Lack of integrity and grace is lost for father who is barely present. He shows up less and less as the children are getting older.

This is not about you and how much you dislike your ex.

Eh, it's relevant when the main argument for going is that the kid should be there for her dad.
- DP

This is exactly why America society is in decline. Family isn’t prioritized and doesn’t come first. DD should attend her grandma’s funeral, for herself, not for her dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS it’s eighth grade and an amusement park trip. Kid should be there for her dad and grandfather. What kind of values are you teaching your daughter? You aren’t exhibiting a lot of integrity or grace here.

Grandfather passed away when DD’s father was a child.

Lack of integrity and grace is lost for father who is barely present. He shows up less and less as the children are getting older.

This is not about you and how much you dislike your ex.

Eh, it's relevant when the main argument for going is that the kid should be there for her dad.
- DP

This is exactly why America society is in decline. Family isn’t prioritized and doesn’t come first. DD should attend her grandma’s funeral, for herself, not for her dad.

Yes, this. It is important for the daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, they probably decided to hold the funeral when she died. They don’t usually get delayed.

To add an additional layer this is a sore subject for me because I missed out on my masters ceremony due to the funeral of my grandmother.

She lived far enough away that I couldn’t do both. Although I was an adult, it’s still a sensitive subject for me.

Missing your masters ceremony is completely different than missing an 8th grade trip. You are getting triggered here, and it's clouding your judgment.

The question is how much your child wants a relationship with her cousins and extended family. To not show up at her grandmother's funeral because she had something better to do isn't a great way to be a part of a family. And they'll all blame you for either not letting her go, or that you're such a pushover that you would let her do an 8th grade event rather than go.

[Anonymous]

What does your child want to do? Don’t ask directly, but start a conversation about the funeral, graduation, and timing. The amusement park is not relevant.

See what she says. She’s old enough to have input.

[Anonymous]

I think it is important that you show up to support people who are grieving or going through something traumatic.

Kids go to the funeral. It’s disappointing for the kid/you but in my view, it is more important in the grand scheme of things. While your ex isn’t an important person in your life anymore, your ex is an important person in the kids’ life and it’s important to teach DC to show up in moments like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this a question? If dad wants her at the funeral, she goes to the funeral. Take her and a friend group to an amusement park over the summer literally any other day.

I know it sucks in teenager land to lose out on something you’ve been looking forward to, but it’s a life lesson in priorities. Hershey park will be there next month, the opportunity to support family won’t.

+1

And eighth graders don't "graduate" from anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say no if it’s your day. If it’s his day he gets to decide. Why the drama?

Just don't complain when he doesn't let your daughter attend something that's important to you during his time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is the 8th grade trip to? Like an Amusement park or 4 days in NYC?

Amusement park

Are you serious? Wow.

Yikes! OP, get a grip!

[Anonymous]

Would I want my grandkid to miss promotion for my funeral? No. I'd like to be remembered for what I did in life, not my death as the reason she didn't get to go to something important to her.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I think 8th grade and Master's graduations are unimportant (I did not attend my Master's graduation). I also think you shouldn't be going for the ex-husband.

I would go, if I went at all, for the Grandmother and what that relationship meant to me and my daughter. I've gone to grandparent's funerals whom I didn't see very often when they were alive - but not seeing them often didn't mean that I didn't respect and appreciate them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your child want to do? Don’t ask directly, but start a conversation about the funeral, graduation, and timing. The amusement park is not relevant.

See what she says. She’s old enough to have input.

Most kids will side with mom and mom does not want her to have much of a relationship with dad. No need for drama. Just say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS it’s eighth grade and an amusement park trip. Kid should be there for her dad and grandfather. What kind of values are you teaching your daughter? You aren’t exhibiting a lot of integrity or grace here.

Grandfather passed away when DD’s father was a child.

Lack of integrity and grace is lost for father who is barely present. He shows up less and less as the children are getting older.

You have now changed both the number of children and whether he takes his custody time as scheduled. I can’t tell if you are OP or someone else projecting their own situation on OP’s.