Grandmother’s Funeral Same Time as Promotion

[Anonymous]

Does ex want all the kids there? His mom died, he gets to call the shots here. If my mom died and my spouse (I realize yours is an ex) told me I had to go to the funeral without my child because of an amusement park trip, I’d be really hurt.

Ideally all kids would go to the funeral if he wants them to, because an 8th grade ceremony is silly if the students are mostly all going to the same high school (I could see it being different if this was a private k-8 and the kids were all separating next year). I understand there is no reasoning with a 14 year old girl though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not clear on what you’re asking. Are you asking how to handle the exhusband because he’s not going to the graduation? Or are you suggesting the ex-husband wants to get to miss their own eighth grade graduation?

Ex is not active at all in the kids schooling. My DD and I have been looking forward to end of the year activities and promotional ceremony. Ex’s mom passed and family wants to hold funeral activities that would prevent DD from participating in class trip and promotional ceremony.

I know your kid is excited, but you can’t expect a family to plan a funeral around an eighth graders “graduation”. Your ex may still be an absentee parent, do the bare minimum but his parent just died. Curious if you have lost a parent yet? I’m sorry if you have, but if you haven’t, you might want to take a step back on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does ex want all the kids there? His mom died, he gets to call the shots here. If my mom died and my spouse (I realize yours is an ex) told me I had to go to the funeral without my child because of an amusement park trip, I’d be really hurt.

Ideally all kids would go to the funeral if he wants them to, because an 8th grade ceremony is silly if the students are mostly all going to the same high school (I could see it being different if this was a private k-8 and the kids were all separating next year). I understand there is no reasoning with a 14 year old girl though.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not clear on what you’re asking. Are you asking how to handle the exhusband because he’s not going to the graduation? Or are you suggesting the ex-husband wants to get to miss their own eighth grade graduation?

Ex is not active at all in the kids schooling. My DD and I have been looking forward to end of the year activities and promotional ceremony. Ex’s mom passed and family wants to hold funeral activities that would prevent DD from participating in class trip and promotional ceremony.

Regardless of how much you wish you, an adult, had not chosen to miss your masters ceremony, this is not about how much YOU were looking forward to anything. Focus on the (grand)kid here. Not you and not your ex.

How does your daughter feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is the 8th grade trip to? Like an Amusement park or 4 days in NYC?

Amusement park

Are you serious? Wow.

+1

[Anonymous]

How is this a question? If dad wants her at the funeral, she goes to the funeral. Take her and a friend group to an amusement park over the summer literally any other day.

I know it sucks in teenager land to lose out on something you’ve been looking forward to, but it’s a life lesson in priorities. Hershey park will be there next month, the opportunity to support family won’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So is the problem that the kid misses their promotion or that their dad does?

I did not expect him to show up so the problem is definitely the kid missed the promotion.

[Anonymous]

Funeral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is the problem that the kid misses their promotion or that their dad does?

I did not expect him to show up so the problem is definitely the kid missed the promotion.

This is a disappointment, not a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does ex want all the kids there? His mom died, he gets to call the shots here. If my mom died and my spouse (I realize yours is an ex) told me I had to go to the funeral without my child because of an amusement park trip, I’d be really hurt.

Ideally all kids would go to the funeral if he wants them to, because an 8th grade ceremony is silly if the students are mostly all going to the same high school (I could see it being different if this was a private k-8 and the kids were all separating next year). I understand there is no reasoning with a 14 year old girl though.

DD is missing out on both trip (that has been paid for) and promotion. The 8th graders will be going to different high schools next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does ex want all the kids there? His mom died, he gets to call the shots here. If my mom died and my spouse (I realize yours is an ex) told me I had to go to the funeral without my child because of an amusement park trip, I’d be really hurt.

Ideally all kids would go to the funeral if he wants them to, because an 8th grade ceremony is silly if the students are mostly all going to the same high school (I could see it being different if this was a private k-8 and the kids were all separating next year). I understand there is no reasoning with a 14 year old girl though.

DD is missing out on both trip (that has been paid for) and promotion. The 8th graders will be going to different high schools next year.

None of that matters. It also doesn’t matter that she saw this grandparent once a year. Her father just lost his mother. You were coming off very callous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not clear on what you’re asking. Are you asking how to handle the exhusband because he’s not going to the graduation? Or are you suggesting the ex-husband wants to get to miss their own eighth grade graduation?

Ex is not active at all in the kids schooling. My DD and I have been looking forward to end of the year activities and promotional ceremony. Ex’s mom passed and family wants to hold funeral activities that would prevent DD from participating in class trip and promotional ceremony.

I know your kid is excited, but you can’t expect a family to plan a funeral around an eighth graders “graduation”. Your ex may still be an absentee parent, do the bare minimum but his parent just died. Curious if you have lost a parent yet? I’m sorry if you have, but if you haven’t, you might want to take a step back on this one.

Have lost a parent and planned that parent’s funeral.

I still would put my children first (and did when parent passed).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does ex want all the kids there? His mom died, he gets to call the shots here. If my mom died and my spouse (I realize yours is an ex) told me I had to go to the funeral without my child because of an amusement park trip, I’d be really hurt.

Ideally all kids would go to the funeral if he wants them to, because an 8th grade ceremony is silly if the students are mostly all going to the same high school (I could see it being different if this was a private k-8 and the kids were all separating next year). I understand there is no reasoning with a 14 year old girl though.

DD is missing out on both trip (that has been paid for) and promotion. The 8th graders will be going to different high schools next year.

Then gather as many of her friends as you can and have a party at your house in July. Or take them to a water park in August. Or reach out to the school and explain the emergency situation and see if you can get the refund for the trip.

His mom died. He deserves to have his kids at the funeral if he wants them there.

It’s 8th grade promotion, not a wedding.

[Anonymous]

OP wants to get back at her ex through her DD. Uncool.

[Anonymous]

OP,

It's impossible to schedule a funeral to everyone's convenience. That's just the nature of funerals.

Normally, I'd say you should drop everything. But you're divorced. Did you and your daughter have a good relationship with this person? If so, then yes, you should miss the 8th grade event, or cut it short somehow to attend this funeral.

If no, then just get on with your lives.