Grandmother’s Funeral Same Time as Promotion

[Anonymous]

How close was DD with the grandmother, and is it on exs custodial time? Based on the scheduling of the funeral, I am going to guess "not at all close". I agree that she should have some input into this. How much comfort is an 8th grader actually bringing to their parents at a funeral?l

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FFS it’s eighth grade and an amusement park trip. Kid should be there for her dad and grandfather. What kind of values are you teaching your daughter? You aren’t exhibiting a lot of integrity or grace here.

Grandfather passed away when DD’s father was a child.

Lack of integrity and grace is lost for father who is barely present. He shows up less and less as the children are getting older.

[Anonymous]

OP you are a terrible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How close was DD with the grandmother, and is it on exs custodial time? Based on the scheduling of the funeral, I am going to guess "not at all close". I agree that she should have some input into this. How much comfort is an 8th grader actually bringing to their parents at a funeral?l

One grandchild's 8th grade party does not dictate an entire family's funeral plans. This thread is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS it’s eighth grade and an amusement park trip. Kid should be there for her dad and grandfather. What kind of values are you teaching your daughter? You aren’t exhibiting a lot of integrity or grace here.

Grandfather passed away when DD’s father was a child.

Lack of integrity and grace is lost for father who is barely present. He shows up less and less as the children are getting older.

This is not a contest. But you sure are making it one- who is the biggest AH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How close was DD with the grandmother, and is it on exs custodial time? Based on the scheduling of the funeral, I am going to guess "not at all close". I agree that she should have some input into this. How much comfort is an 8th grader actually bringing to their parents at a funeral?l

One grandchild's 8th grade party does not dictate an entire family's funeral plans. This thread is insane.

No, but various family members can say what times they have conflicts, which means they may not attend if you pick those dates, especially if it involves travel. A graduation is a reasonable reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How close was DD with the grandmother, and is it on exs custodial time? Based on the scheduling of the funeral, I am going to guess "not at all close". I agree that she should have some input into this. How much comfort is an 8th grader actually bringing to their parents at a funeral?l

One grandchild's 8th grade party does not dictate an entire family's funeral plans. This thread is insane.

No, but various family members can say what times they have conflicts, which means they may not attend if you pick those dates, especially if it involves travel. A graduation is a reasonable reason.

Its not a graduation you ding dong. It's 8th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not clear on what you’re asking. Are you asking how to handle the exhusband because he’s not going to the graduation? Or are you suggesting the ex-husband wants to get to miss their own eighth grade graduation?

Ex is not active at all in the kids schooling. My DD and I have been looking forward to end of the year activities and promotional ceremony. Ex’s mom passed and family wants to hold funeral activities that would prevent DD from participating in class trip and promotional ceremony.

I know your kid is excited, but you can’t expect a family to plan a funeral around an eighth graders “graduation”. Your ex may still be an absentee parent, do the bare minimum but his parent just died. Curious if you have lost a parent yet? I’m sorry if you have, but if you haven’t, you might want to take a step back on this one.

Why not? Grandma ain't going no where.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's not his custody week, isn't she old enough to decide?

This. She should decide.

I'm team OP and think the dad is selfish to try to make the DD miss her school events. Adults don't need their minor children present to grieve that adult's parent. But it should be up to the DD.

Grandma’s funeral is super important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS it’s eighth grade and an amusement park trip. Kid should be there for her dad and grandfather. What kind of values are you teaching your daughter? You aren’t exhibiting a lot of integrity or grace here.

Grandfather passed away when DD’s father was a child.

Lack of integrity and grace is lost for father who is barely present. He shows up less and less as the children are getting older.

This is not about you and how much you dislike your ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's not his custody week, isn't she old enough to decide?

This. She should decide.

I'm team OP and think the dad is selfish to try to make the DD miss her school events. Adults don't need their minor children present to grieve that adult's parent. But it should be up to the DD.

Grandma’s funeral is super important.

I did not go to any of my grandmothers' funerals (not my parents' mothers, nor their grandmothers, nor my grandpa's second wife's). No bad blood: it was just difficult and expensive to go, and we weren't close. I supported my parents by phone. When I was under 10 I went to funerals for grandfathers (2 of them) who I did not know well and it was not meaningful for me to attend.

If DD wants to go, she should go! If she finds it meaningful, that is great! But don't pretend this is a meaningful ceremony for everybody just because there is a direct blood relation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS it’s eighth grade and an amusement park trip. Kid should be there for her dad and grandfather. What kind of values are you teaching your daughter? You aren’t exhibiting a lot of integrity or grace here.

Grandfather passed away when DD’s father was a child.

Lack of integrity and grace is lost for father who is barely present. He shows up less and less as the children are getting older.

This is not about you and how much you dislike your ex.

Eh, it's relevant when the main argument for going is that the kid should be there for her dad.
- DP

[Anonymous]

It’s very clear that you don’t like your ex and think he’s a crummy dad, but that doesn’t mean you get to write him out of decision making.

Funeral trumps amusement park if the grieving want you there.

Are there siblings involved? Are they all going, or are you trying to keep them back too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's not his custody week, isn't she old enough to decide?

This. She should decide.

I'm team OP and think the dad is selfish to try to make the DD miss her school events. Adults don't need their minor children present to grieve that adult's parent. But it should be up to the DD.

Grandma’s funeral is super important.

I did not go to any of my grandmothers' funerals (not my parents' mothers, nor their grandmothers, nor my grandpa's second wife's). No bad blood: it was just difficult and expensive to go, and we weren't close. I supported my parents by phone. When I was under 10 I went to funerals for grandfathers (2 of them) who I did not know well and it was not meaningful for me to attend.

If DD wants to go, she should go! If she finds it meaningful, that is great! But don't pretend this is a meaningful ceremony for everybody just because there is a direct blood relation.

So selfish, OK we get it

[Anonymous]

Sounds like this is the parent of an only child.