Old friend (well of 10-15 years) is ghosting me and I don’t know why…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There could have been a close death, she could have med issues, maybe she’s very hectic at work, her kids might have incredible issues, etc.

But she had time to go to lunch with a different mutual friend.

This is what I would do: call up this mutual friend and ask if she is ok because you are concerned.

Omg don’t be stalker ish. Leave the person alone! Move on.

This person was a good friend for years. It is not being a stalker to inquire after someone's wellbeing.

Wellbeing? Stop being so dramatic to rationalize double and triple texting and calling. Her friend is fine, as OP knows she went out to lunch with another mutual friend.

OP has to let it go. Maybe the friend will reach out in the future. Maybe not. DEMANDING to know what’s going on and why you’re being ghosted is unhinged.

[Anonymous]

I have ADHD and ghost people all the time on accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD and ghost people all the time on accident.

I bet you don't ghost anyone you really like and want to spend time with. Adhd notwithstanding, eventually you remember your mother or that hottie you're dating or your closest friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There could have been a close death, she could have med issues, maybe she’s very hectic at work, her kids might have incredible issues, etc.

But she had time to go to lunch with a different mutual friend.

So? Maybe that other friend is closer to her than OP. Maybe that other friend is going through something and the friend felt like she needed to be there for them. Maybe the other friend gives something to OP that she needs. Maybe that date just worked better.

The way I see it, OP can either decide to let the friendship go because she thinks she knows what's going on (i.e. she's being ghosted), she can continue to reach out to the friend and try to figure out what is going on, or she can take a beat and see if she runs into the friend somewhere or just try reaching out to her again in a bit.

I both take people's actions as indications of their feelings and grant them grace and will seek clarification sometimes. There's no right answer - different people are different, different friendships are different, different times of life are different. All OP can do is decide what she wants, and if she's ok letting the friendship die due to a possible miscommunication, that's fine. If she wants to try harder because she truly cares about this friendship, that's fine as well. Or if she wants to take a breath and then decide or see if something happens organically, that's fine as well. There is no reason to make a decision today that will impact the friendship forever (unless she wants to).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would think long and hard about this. Is she your "safe space" to talk about your issues. Do you ask for her help with any regularity? Then this could be about her finally feeling used.

However, if she is the one who is always asking for help, or you are her safe space to discuss her issues, then maybe she has moved beyond her problems and no longer wants to talk about them. Or she has moved beyond the time in life that you were a part of and she feels she no longer has anything to talk to you about. If that's the case, then she was just a situational friend.

Basically, if you think deeply about it, you will probably come up with the answer on your own.

+1

[Anonymous]

I would accept this new status quo + give her some space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some very unbalanced people who hang out in this forum

+1 My goodness, yes.

I agree with the person who said a lot of people are doing the slow fade and it's all about them and not necessarily their friends. Also, we've all dropped the ball sometimes, even with people we like.

OP I'm sorry. She should have said something, but you should also treat yourself kindly and know that someone ghosting you isn't a friend at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because the amount of times I've gotten an apology for abusive, needy and selfish behaviour on the part of a friend I can count on one hand, and all of those times the friend went back to her old ways after apologizing.

These people always want to have an "open conversation" with you when you distance yourself--to manipulate you back into the orbid. That's why you have to close the door.

Yes! They just can't or don't want to change. I am going through this now. I told her I needed space -she didn't give me space for long. I told her I am trying to change how I relate to people and how much of myself I give without getting what I need -she told me she isn't changing. I told her this friendship feels one sided -she became defensive and insulted me. I wrote her a letter explaining what I need from a friendship and that I have to limit my time with those who aren't reciprocal -she insulted me again. I distanced myself again -she reached out after a month and I responded neutrally and without encouraging further contact. I'm praying she leaves me alone because the final option is ignoring and not answering her texts, etc. I don't want to do that, but she doesn't seem to grasp that I don't have the bandwidth for her anymore.

Are you OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because the amount of times I've gotten an apology for abusive, needy and selfish behaviour on the part of a friend I can count on one hand, and all of those times the friend went back to her old ways after apologizing.

These people always want to have an "open conversation" with you when you distance yourself--to manipulate you back into the orbid. That's why you have to close the door.

Yes! They just can't or don't want to change. I am going through this now. I told her I needed space -she didn't give me space for long. I told her I am trying to change how I relate to people and how much of myself I give without getting what I need -she told me she isn't changing. I told her this friendship feels one sided -she became defensive and insulted me. I wrote her a letter explaining what I need from a friendship and that I have to limit my time with those who aren't reciprocal -she insulted me again. I distanced myself again -she reached out after a month and I responded neutrally and without encouraging further contact. I'm praying she leaves me alone because the final option is ignoring and not answering her texts, etc. I don't want to do that, but she doesn't seem to grasp that I don't have the bandwidth for her anymore.

Are you OP?

Op here- no! Not me.

I haven’t updated in awhile but I am supposed to see friend next week