Old friend (well of 10-15 years) is ghosting me and I don’t know why…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this to a long term friend. All she talked about was herself all the time.

yep and when I tried to talk about myself/my interests/my concerns, she changed the subject or made it about her.

I feel like I was this friend and I feel terrible about being so focused on myself. FWIW, I'm grateful for the patience and support my friend showed me for as long as she did and I totally understand the slow-fade/ghosting. I hope your self-centered friend appreciated you as well. I have a lot more self-awareness now but am hesitant to reach back out to my old friend.

She insulted me when I told her how I feel.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Let her go. Let her write to you, which she may or may not do. If she can't use her words, then move on. If she is somehow upset with you but can't say, "I have to let you know that it upset me when you ---" then she isn't comfortable in her own skin. When honesty and directness are missing, there is no friendship worth having, sorry. I'm not going to stick around to play guessing games or mind games with a person. Life is too short for that nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it go. Let her go. Let her write to you, which she may or may not do. If she can't use her words, then move on. If she is somehow upset with you but can't say, "I have to let you know that it upset me when you ---" then she isn't comfortable in her own skin. When honesty and directness are missing, there is no friendship worth having, sorry. I'm not going to stick around to play guessing games or mind games with a person. Life is too short for that nonsense.

For all we know, the was direct and op still doesn't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it go. Let her go. Let her write to you, which she may or may not do. If she can't use her words, then move on. If she is somehow upset with you but can't say, "I have to let you know that it upset me when you ---" then she isn't comfortable in her own skin. When honesty and directness are missing, there is no friendship worth having, sorry. I'm not going to stick around to play guessing games or mind games with a person. Life is too short for that nonsense.

I think you are just a different sort of person who is far more direct and never would put yourself in a position to be someone who got repeatedly leaned on for support, and in turn didn't give back. To provide helpful advice of the sort you seem to want to give, you really have to start at the genesis of the peoples' personalities that gets them into these relationships in the first place. Many people ghost because they have gone so far down the rabbit hole of the one-sided relationship that it isn't just one thing. It's the build up that eventually becomes overwhelming, and having a discussion about the overall situation that has gone on for years is never received well in that space. And then they make excuses or get defensive.

To me the bigger question for those of us who have ghosted people is why did we allow ourselves to get into these longterm, one-sided relationships in the first place. I think we initially got something out of being the strong one, the helpful one, etc. But eventually we realize how the person just wants to vent or always needs to have support and what we have provided isn't really all that helpful to anyone, especially not ourselves when we realize we are being sucked dry.

The very long way of saying that someone with a strong sense of self worth won't allow themselves to stay in a long-term one-sided relationship. It took me a very long time to understand that about myself.

[Anonymous]

Block her and let her wonder why you’re mad

[Anonymous]

Are you sure she got the text?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Block her and let her wonder why you’re mad

She doesn't want to hear from op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There could have been a close death, she could have med issues, maybe she’s very hectic at work, her kids might have incredible issues, etc.

But she had time to go to lunch with a different mutual friend.

This is what I would do: call up this mutual friend and ask if she is ok because you are concerned.

Omg don’t be stalker ish. Leave the person alone! Move on.

This person was a good friend for years. It is not being a stalker to inquire after someone's wellbeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There could have been a close death, she could have med issues, maybe she’s very hectic at work, her kids might have incredible issues, etc.

But she had time to go to lunch with a different mutual friend.

This is what I would do: call up this mutual friend and ask if she is ok because you are concerned.

Omg don’t be stalker ish. Leave the person alone! Move on.

This person was a good friend for years. It is not being a stalker to inquire after someone's wellbeing.

OP has been reaching out and has been ghosted. OP, have you asked specifically if everything is all right?

[Anonymous]

Your friendship has run its course. The end.

[Anonymous]

There are some very unbalanced people who hang out in this forum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some very unbalanced people who hang out in this forum

+1. People who have zero social skills. Reaching out and asking if a person is ok hurts no one. If you don't get a response, then you know that person doesn't want to talk with you. If you do, then you can get back to rebuilding the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some very unbalanced people who hang out in this forum

+1. People who have zero social skills. Reaching out and asking if a person is ok hurts no one. If you don't get a response, then you know that person doesn't want to talk with you. If you do, then you can get back to rebuilding the relationship.

op already got no response from her friend -twice! Receive the message. It's weird to repeatedly contact someone who isn't responding. Op has done all they can, now wait for your friend to contact you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some very unbalanced people who hang out in this forum

Agree. Weirdos. Angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some very unbalanced people who hang out in this forum

Agree. Weirdos. Angry.

You must not live in an environment where people ghost friends. OP has reached out and hasn't heard back. If she has specifically asked if everything is okay and still didn't hear back, especially given a mutual friend has gone out with the friend during this time, I'd say it is pretty clear OP is being ghosted. I'm not sure what is "angry" about this assessment.

Given OP's facts, what are you suggesting she do?