Maintaining mom friendship when one mom wants kids to be friends but other mom doesn’t want to force it

[Anonymous]

It really depends on how much you like the mom.

I have an elementary aged daughter. My favorite friend is a mom who has a son the same age and they were in the same kindergarten class. I like this mom a lot and I would rather hang out with her and her son than any of my daughter’s friends and mom combined. My friend’s son is socially awkward and has many issues. I would rather hang out with them in whatever makes the boy happy.

I also like another mom who has a daughter my daughter’s age but they don’t get along as much. My daughter would probably rather stay home than hang out with this girl but we occasionally do things together because I’m friends with the mom.

My daughter also has her own friends of course and we host the girls but I’m not necessarily friends with the moms.

Op, the boys are age 5. Unless your son hates this boy, which it sounds like is not the case, you should be able to hang out when boys play laser tag or video games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I agree that true friends help each other out. I think the crux here is that I DON’T THINK that getting our two boys together helps her son at all. Andy could use help in the social skills department, and throwing him into a play date without giving him any feedback or guidance on his behaviors does not help. I also think it would help him a lot to step out of his three older siblings’ shadows. With the exception of the sports class he started last month, and is dropping out of this month, he apparently spends all of his free time outside of school on the road going to or at a sibling’s activity, most of which are a 30-45 minutes’ drive away. This kid does not get room to express his interests, let alone explore them. Whatever friendship issues Ann thinks Andy has I personally think are a very small part of a larger picture. Anyway, as a friend, I’d love to help her, but calling her out on her parenting isn’t real help, right?

OP you are way way too judgmental and not actually interested in friendship. If you are not willing to have your good friend’s young kid over for group play dates then you are not really a good friend and cannot expect her to just drop everything for your “power walks” on your own schedule.

OP. I love how on DCUM everyone intentionally misreads things. I do invite Ann’s family for group play dates when we have them. When did I say I expect her to drop everything for our power walks? It’s something we both enjoy doing, but haven’t started back up since spring break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m still not seeing how OP and this woman are the good friends she says they are. Nothing OP does seems like something a good friend would do. She admittedly coordinates with her other mom friends first.

Can’t moms be good friends without their kids’ activities being coordinated?

No, moms cannot be good friends when one of the moms is actively excluding the other mom’s kid from group activities.

OP here. Which I’m not doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on how much you like the mom.

I have an elementary aged daughter. My favorite friend is a mom who has a son the same age and they were in the same kindergarten class. I like this mom a lot and I would rather hang out with her and her son than any of my daughter’s friends and mom combined. My friend’s son is socially awkward and has many issues. I would rather hang out with them in whatever makes the boy happy.

I also like another mom who has a daughter my daughter’s age but they don’t get along as much. My daughter would probably rather stay home than hang out with this girl but we occasionally do things together because I’m friends with the mom.

My daughter also has her own friends of course and we host the girls but I’m not necessarily friends with the moms.

Op, the boys are age 5. Unless your son hates this boy, which it sounds like is not the case, you should be able to hang out when boys play laser tag or video games.

OP here. Thanks for your response. I’m planning to stick to mom’s only get-togethers during the day, and I’ll keep inviting her to group activities when we have them. Hopefully that will be good enough.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should force your kid to socialize one on one with someone they don't want to play with. Keep inviting them to group play dates or larger activities. See the mom on on one if you like spending additional time with her.

[Anonymous]

You are way over invested in this. It doesn't matter what the source of Andy's issues is. It's not your place to say what the mom needs to do to fix the issue. If the kids don't play together, then don't get them together individually for the time being. If they are ok in a group stick with that. Maybe it will change in time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. It sounds like some of you assume that Andy is shy and would do better in small group settings to come out of his shell, but that’s not his issue; he actually seems confident and comfortable at school and in large groups. My impression is that he’s just not as interested in connecting with other kids and doesn’t have shared interests. I guess he’s a little behind socially? He turns 7 at the end of summer.

I don’t do one-on-one play dates because I’m busy like everyone else. I WFM, have two ailing parents, and older kids I have to drive around. I sign DS up for sports and classes with friends and at this age, it’s like a play date. DS, Andy and a third boy take a weekly sports class, and we hang out for a while afterwards. Andy barely interacts with the two other boys and spends more time trying to hang out with the moms. I think if Ann wants her son to make friends, she needs to guide his interactions more. My DD used to have play dates with a ND boy in second grade, and the boy’s mom scaffolded their interactions by bringing board games and suggesting activities such as scooters. I was and am totally fine with this. And for those of you who ask why I don’t help with the scaffolding, it’s because I’m really busy and squeaking by as it is.

Ann and I used to go for a power walk after school drop-off, and I’m going to suggest we pick this up again.

So you say that your DS and Andy take sports class with a third kid and then wonder why Andy ends up talking to the Moms? It’s because you set up a scenario where Andy is the third wheel! Groups of three are not fair when two kids are socially adept and the third is not as much. You created that crappy situation and then judged Andy for acting in the best way that he can. You are not a good friend.

The truth and nothing but the truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I agree that true friends help each other out. I think the crux here is that I DON’T THINK that getting our two boys together helps her son at all. Andy could use help in the social skills department, and throwing him into a play date without giving him any feedback or guidance on his behaviors does not help. I also think it would help him a lot to step out of his three older siblings’ shadows. With the exception of the sports class he started last month, and is dropping out of this month, he apparently spends all of his free time outside of school on the road going to or at a sibling’s activity, most of which are a 30-45 minutes’ drive away. This kid does not get room to express his interests, let alone explore them. Whatever friendship issues Ann thinks Andy has I personally think are a very small part of a larger picture. Anyway, as a friend, I’d love to help her, but calling her out on her parenting isn’t real help, right?

OP you are way way too judgmental and not actually interested in friendship. If you are not willing to have your good friend’s young kid over for group play dates then you are not really a good friend and cannot expect her to just drop everything for your “power walks” on your own schedule.

OP. I love how on DCUM everyone intentionally misreads things. I do invite Ann’s family for group play dates when we have them. When did I say I expect her to drop everything for our power walks? It’s something we both enjoy doing, but haven’t started back up since spring break.

Resuming the power walks sounds like a good idea. It’s a chance to connect with the Mom on her own. When school lets out for summer could that evolve into a power walk for the moms and scooters/bikes for the boys?

Does she invite you and your son for play dates? If not, I wouldn’t worry about not hosting them.

It could be that the Mom recognizes her 5 year old is not developing socially as her older kids did and is unsure what to do. H she could just be venting you to as another parent with a similar aged kid and older siblings

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thinks that Ann may not really like OP that much and primarily maintains the relationship because she was hoping for a friend for her son.