How did your husband react to your job loss?

[Anonymous]

my husband makes a lot more money than I do, and we'd be 100% fine if I didn't work, but he wouldn't feel comfortable with me not working, he just feels like it's too much pressure on him to make more and more. I do make a decent amount, he just makes a lot more, like 2.5 times my salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my husband makes a lot more money than I do, and we'd be 100% fine if I didn't work, but he wouldn't feel comfortable with me not working, he just feels like it's too much pressure on him to make more and more. I do make a decent amount, he just makes a lot more, like 2.5 times my salary.

What kind of lifestyle does he insist on that you cannot live off his salary? That seems silly.

My job was in jeopardy when we had our child and my boss was pissed despite my having tons of leave saved. It was so toxic my husband who didn't make much at the time, said to quit if I wanted to (I quit the day before I went back as I was having pressure from my parents) and he'd figure it out and he did and got a higher-paying job. I cannot imagine him every saying that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife took a year off after resigning from her job due to high stress. Her mental health was my priority. We are far less wealthy than most people here, but we are also more grounded in reality.

Agree with this approach. Money isn’t everything - people on dcum seem to have an unlimited need for more money and more stuff. Quality of life is important, too. My husband would be fine with what you’re asking, OP, and neither of us have private sector salaries. But we don’t live extravagantly and don’t care that we don’t.

The rapper biggie said Mo' money Mo' problems. Some of the people here are so used to having extremely high income that I wonder if they can mentally sustain even 6 months on 1 income without spiraling into extreme depression. OMG we are down to $200k from $400k what are we going to do?

If you have mortgages, car loans, and credit card debt commensurate with a $400K income you may be in trouble. Self-purchased health insurance for an affluent family is also a big chunk.

Who has credit card debt on $400k income? That’s a very rare case.

Usually it’s mortgage which is the biggie since a starter home generates a $70k annual payment, maybe cars but really you should buy with cash. Private schools can be a kicker but that’s time limited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife took a year off after resigning from her job due to high stress. Her mental health was my priority. We are far less wealthy than most people here, but we are also more grounded in reality.

Agree with this approach. Money isn’t everything - people on dcum seem to have an unlimited need for more money and more stuff. Quality of life is important, too. My husband would be fine with what you’re asking, OP, and neither of us have private sector salaries. But we don’t live extravagantly and don’t care that we don’t.

The rapper biggie said Mo' money Mo' problems. Some of the people here are so used to having extremely high income that I wonder if they can mentally sustain even 6 months on 1 income without spiraling into extreme depression. OMG we are down to $200k from $400k what are we going to do?

If you have mortgages, car loans, and credit card debt commensurate with a $400K income you may be in trouble. Self-purchased health insurance for an affluent family is also a big chunk.

Who has credit card debt on $400k income? That’s a very rare case.

Usually it’s mortgage which is the biggie since a starter home generates a $70k annual payment, maybe cars but really you should buy with cash. Private schools can be a kicker but that’s time limited.

We make more than that, and we sometimes end up in a line of credit or on credit cards to meet capital needs, pay calls, or finish a home project. I have a spouse who spends money like it's burning a hole in their pocket. I am the keeper of the secret emergency fund, which is 2 years of expenses and growing - the more debt they incur, the more I secretly save. Messed up, but that's how I deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to lose my job for the first time, due to circumstances beyond my control. I've worked so hard my whole life, from intense studying in school to long hours at work, even after kids. I barely took maternity leave. I'm mid-forties, and part of me wants just to be done, or at least take a year off to be present with my kids and let our nanny go. We could afford to live off DH’s income indefinitely, really, and his position is secure. And I have plenty saved for retirement if I were to just let it grow at this point. But DH is now weirdly resistant to me “retiring” or even taking a sabbatical, even though in the past he claimed he was indifferent to whether I worked. What gives?

Tell him you need a break. End of discussion. He’s being selfish. I’ll bet that over the years you’ve done a lot more of the work at home. Did he take paternity leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s why I think, or partly: no job is secure right now and he’s nervous to be the only one with a paycheck. In dmv quite a few households have both adults with job loss.

She said his job is secure. There are a lot of women who leave the workforce after children. Plus she said they won’t need to pay a full time nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm about to lose my job for the first time, due to circumstances beyond my control. I've worked so hard my whole life, from intense studying in school to long hours at work, even after kids. I barely took maternity leave. I'm mid-forties, and part of me wants just to be done, or at least take a year off to be present with my kids and let our nanny go. We could afford to live off DH’s income indefinitely, really, and his position is secure. And I have plenty saved for retirement if I were to just let it grow at this point. But DH is now weirdly resistant to me “retiring” or even taking a sabbatical, even though in the past he claimed he was indifferent to whether I worked. What gives?

If you haven’t noticed, the economy is fraught and he probably doesn’t want the risk of being the sole breadwinner. Which is completely valid.

I imagine, he, too, would like to be done and more present for the kids. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

It’s not the losing the job bit but the giving up bit that’s going to but him. You are asking him to take on a lot. It will change your relationship and you risk resentment. I would resent you, too,

I resent him for overspending on himself, sending so much money to his parents, and leaving me with 95% of the parenting load while also working a full time job. I think I'm ok if he resents me for quitting outside work. I think that's just where I'm at right now. Isn't the worst case that he divorces me? I think I can financially survive a divorce. I should probably look for a low-stress part-time job for additional security, but that's it.

If you divorce you will be expected to return to work full-time. You seem to think he would pay you alimony. That isn’t likely.

And I bet you don’t really do 95% of the parenting load. That’s just a fantasy a lot of women say. But even if it’s true, at least your load would be reduced to 50% in a divorce.

Look, sugar, you sound lazy. No, you don’t get to downshift if he isn’t on board with it. I don’t care how much he spends.

I don’t care how much he spends? Seriously??
If OP’s DH can exert control or a strong opinion about her employment, she absolutely has a say in how household funds are spent. You both need to meet with a financial advisor to iron out the disagreements in how your incomes are handled. Maybe each of you gets a pot of money to spend at your discretion, and he pays his parents with that pot. Just how much of your incomes is he sending his parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s why I think, or partly: no job is secure right now and he’s nervous to be the only one with a paycheck. In dmv quite a few households have both adults with job loss.

She said his job is secure. There are a lot of women who leave the workforce after children. Plus she said they won’t need to pay a full time nanny.

Yep I make $200K and after taxes would only net $30K more by still working and hiring a FT nanny vs being a SAH providing most childcare myself.