Reply to How did your husband react to your job loss?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm about to lose my job for the first time, due to circumstances beyond my control. I've worked so hard my whole life, from intense studying in school to long hours at work, even after kids. I barely took maternity leave. I'm mid-forties, and part of me wants just to be done, or at least take a year off to be present with my kids and let our nanny go. We could afford to live off DH’s income indefinitely, really, and his position is secure.  And I have plenty saved for retirement if I were to just let it grow at this point. But DH is now weirdly resistant to me “retiring” or even taking a sabbatical, even though in the past he claimed he was indifferent to whether I worked. What gives? [/quote]

If you haven’t noticed, the economy is fraught and he probably doesn’t want the risk of being the sole breadwinner. Which is completely valid.

I imagine, he, too, would like to be done and more present for the kids. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

It’s not the losing the job bit but the giving up bit that’s going to but him. You are asking him to take on a lot. It will change your relationship and you risk resentment. I would resent you, too, [/quote]

I resent him for overspending on himself, sending so much money to his parents, and leaving me with 95% of the parenting load while also working a full time job. I think I'm ok if he resents me for quitting outside work.  I think that's just where I'm at right now. Isn't the worst case that he divorces me? I think I can financially survive a divorce. I should probably look for a low-stress part-time job for additional security, but that's it. 
[/quote]

If you divorce you will be expected to return to work full-time. You seem to think he would pay you alimony. That isn’t likely.

And I bet you don’t really do 95% of the parenting load. That’s just a fantasy a lot of women say. But even if it’s true, at least your load would be reduced to 50% in a divorce.

Look, sugar, you sound lazy. No, you don’t get to downshift if he isn’t on board with it. I don’t care how much he spends. [/quote]

I don’t care how much he spends? Seriously??
If OP’s DH can exert control or a strong opinion about her employment, she absolutely has a say in how household funds are spent. You both need to meet with a financial advisor to iron out the disagreements in how your incomes are handled. Maybe each of you gets a pot of money to spend at your discretion, and he pays his parents with that pot. Just how much of your incomes is he sending his parents? [/quote]

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