Inlaw wedding- would this bother you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We invited kids to our wedding, it's part of the circle of life, people, not a night club dance-off. The kids run around, dance, listen to loud music, try new food, meet relatives and take pictures with people they might not ordinarily meet. If they get cranky or tired Mommy or Daddy or Gramma takes them home and maybe take turns coming back for the party. If they cry during the ceremony Mommy takes them outside. Truth is only people who don't have kids would not invite kids, or a bridezilla who is worried about being upstaged by your adorable 2 year old.

This is your opinion of how a wedding should look. And that's great. Are you so narcissistic that you really believe that this is an inherent truth of the universe? Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand that it's the couple getting married's prerogative to invite or not invite whoever they want, but the expectation that a sibling will ditch his family for a destination wedding that his family is not invited to is pretty selfish, even as far as weddings go. Which is why I wondered if maybe it wasn't just an oversight.

OP was invited. She was concerned about the cost, and contemplated not attending. She's now apparently upset that her FIL (and maybe other family members) are OK with her and her child not attending, but still expect her husband to go.

I think the larger problem here is that her inlaws still "expect" her husband to go - WTF? He's an (apparent) adult, with a wife and kid - he gets to make his own freakin' decisions. Or at least, he should be able to. He needs to grow a pair, and either (i) tell his parents that he's doing what he and his wife think is best for their family, and that is ___________; or (ii) tell OP that she's being oversensitive, that he really wants to be there when his brother gets married, and that they need to consider the budgetary and other issues of her and their toddler going as well. Preferably both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand that it's the couple getting married's prerogative to invite or not invite whoever they want, but the expectation that a sibling will ditch his family for a destination wedding that his family is not invited to is pretty selfish, even as far as weddings go. Which is why I wondered if maybe it wasn't just an oversight.

OP was invited. She was concerned about the cost, and contemplated not attending. She's now apparently upset that her FIL (and maybe other family members) are OK with her and her child not attending, but still expect her husband to go.

I think the larger problem here is that her inlaws still "expect" her husband to go - WTF? He's an (apparent) adult, with a wife and kid - he gets to make his own freakin' decisions. Or at least, he should be able to. He needs to grow a pair, and either (i) tell his parents that he's doing what he and his wife think is best for their family, and that is ___________; or (ii) tell OP that she's being oversensitive, that he really wants to be there when his brother gets married, and that they need to consider the budgetary and other issues of her and their toddler going as well. Preferably both.

I agree about the larger problem, but the fact remains that the OP and her husband were invited but their TODDLER was not. I'm not sure in what universe that is workable. Not mine, for sure.

[Anonymous]

I agree about the larger problem, but the fact remains that the OP and her husband were invited but their TODDLER was not. I'm not sure in what universe that is workable. Not mine, for sure.

A universe that includes (i) resorts that permit children, and (ii) babysitters that can watch a 2 yo while the parents attend a wedding. I'm pretty sure St Lucia has both.

[Anonymous]

OP If you really want to be there then make the effort, schlep your 2 year old and all that is involved on a 7 hour hour flight OR stay home and chill. Invite your mom or a friend to come and stay with you while DH is away, have some wine and thank god you are not spending 14 hours on a plane with a 2 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP If you really want to be there then make the effort, schlep your 2 year old and all that is involved on a 7 hour hour flight OR stay home and chill. Invite your mom or a friend to come and stay with you while DH is away, have some wine and thank god you are not spending 14 hours on a plane with a 2 year old.

Hell, my husband attended his sister's wedding this summer on his own. I didn't want to schlep our 7 month old across the country on a 7 hour flight, plus a two hour drive after landing. Dealing with the the time zone difference when you have a very routine sleeper is a nightmare. It wasn't worth it, not for what amounted to a three-day trip. Stay at home, invite a friend or family member, and enjoy the weekend.

[Anonymous]

I think you got a hallway pass and I would take it!

[Anonymous]

I am with the PP.

This is not a you. I hope the bride isn't being bothered by all this drama.

Just let it go -- really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I agree about the larger problem, but the fact remains that the OP and her husband were invited but their TODDLER was not. I'm not sure in what universe that is workable. Not mine, for sure.

A universe that includes (i) resorts that permit children, and (ii) babysitters that can watch a 2 yo while the parents attend a wedding. I'm pretty sure St Lucia has both.

OP said the resort at which the wedding is being held does not permit children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I agree about the larger problem, but the fact remains that the OP and her husband were invited but their TODDLER was not. I'm not sure in what universe that is workable. Not mine, for sure.

A universe that includes (i) resorts that permit children, and (ii) babysitters that can watch a 2 yo while the parents attend a wedding. I'm pretty sure St Lucia has both.

OP said the resort at which the wedding is being held does not permit children.

I'm pretty sure there are plenty of other places to stay in St. Lucia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I agree about the larger problem, but the fact remains that the OP and her husband were invited but their TODDLER was not. I'm not sure in what universe that is workable. Not mine, for sure.

A universe that includes (i) resorts that permit children, and (ii) babysitters that can watch a 2 yo while the parents attend a wedding. I'm pretty sure St Lucia has both.

OP said the resort at which the wedding is being held does not permit children.

Sigh. Yes, but I imagine there are plenty resorts, hotels, etc. on the island that do welcome children. Think a little outside the box.

[Anonymous]

I would say it sounds like you're being excluded.

If I were you, I'd go, stay at another resort, and be all too happy to use the excuse that your son needs a nap or isn't welcome at an adults-only event to relax and hang out on a beautiful island with my son. "Sorry, he needs a nap." would mean "I'm going to relax on the balcony while he naps, then we're going to take a walk around the resort and hunt for lizards while you all hang out here and make dreaded small talk." As you can see, I'm not a big fan of weddings!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand that it's the couple getting married's prerogative to invite or not invite whoever they want, but the expectation that a sibling will ditch his family for a destination wedding that his family is not invited to is pretty selfish, even as far as weddings go. Which is why I wondered if maybe it wasn't just an oversight.

OP was invited. She was concerned about the cost, and contemplated not attending. She's now apparently upset that her FIL (and maybe other family members) are OK with her and her child not attending, but still expect her husband to go.

I think the larger problem here is that her inlaws still "expect" her husband to go - WTF? He's an (apparent) adult, with a wife and kid - he gets to make his own freakin' decisions. Or at least, he should be able to. He needs to grow a pair, and either (i) tell his parents that he's doing what he and his wife think is best for their family, and that is ___________; or (ii) tell OP that she's being oversensitive, that he really wants to be there when his brother gets married, and that they need to consider the budgetary and other issues of her and their toddler going as well. Preferably both.

I agree about the larger problem, but the fact remains that the OP and her husband were invited but their TODDLER was not. I'm not sure in what universe that is workable. Not mine, for sure.

Good grief. If this is the real issue, then yes many of you (including the OP) are being way too sensitive.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a PP who noted that taking your toddler to a wedding is a bigger pain for you than anyone else! My husband went to his best friend's wedding when our DD was 9 months alone because we decided the travel was too much $$ and inconvenience for both us and her. I had a nice long weekend at home getting together with friends, and he had a blast at the wedding!

And BTW, we had a no-kids wedding (the ceremony was at 5 pm and dinner reception to follow, too late for most younger kids) and provided babysitters from a licensed, bonded agency for anyone who needed it. The out-of-town parents who brought kids loved a fun few hours away to enjoy the wedding without having to leave kids at home and not have to do the arranging in an unfamiliar city.

[Anonymous]

I thought standard manners for a destination wedding was not to expect to people to travel to the site. I have had friends do a destination wedding but none have brought family out to the wedding. If you are planning a wedding where you want family and friends to attend then you choose a location that is within the family budget. I agree that the FIL's fear of the 2 yr old getting sick is a lie. The family and siblings probably think that your DH will be more available to do fun things with them without his wife and child along.

I would decline the invitation if my sibling was doing this.