Inlaw wedding- would this bother you?

[Anonymous]

We honeymooned in St. Lucia at a small bed and breakfast in Soufriere, with a breath taking view of the Pitons. I don't know why everybody loves Rodney Bay so much, the Pitons are what St. Lucia is famous for! I agree with PPs, go ahead and go, find a family friendly resort (Windjammer Landing, Cotton Bay Village?) and hire one of the warm and friendly ladies to watch your 2 year old for one night. And maybe a couple of mornings - the snorkeling at Anse de Chastenet is pretty good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do have a problem with the no kids thing at a destination wedding like this. THIS IS THE GROOMS ONLY BROTHER, and he's basically saying, yeah bro, sorry you have a kid, your problem, why don't you get a hot single girl for your rent a date, that would fit much better into my picture of a perfect wedding. It is ridiculous that you are supposed to stay home and the water thing is a bunch of crap to try to make it an easier decision for you stat stateside.

I don't have a problem with a kids only wedding - a two year old will want to run around and have fun. My son is one and really really good but I can understand why someone with no kids would not want a child there. BUT, with that said FIL should understand if a family member/the entire family chooses not to come given the cost if basically the rest of the family isn't invited. Personally, I'd either go, stay at another resort if you have an interest in going OR no one goes. My husband would be pretty pissed if I basically was not invited (regardless of the child issue) and not go because of that. We would not be ok leaving an 2 year old with an unknown babysitter - maybe at a disney resort, etc. but not an unknown person who was not with us but we are just paranoid parents and we know we aren't the norm.

[Anonymous]

I would plan to take the toddler and stay somewhere family friendly BUT I would have a frank conversation with my husband well in advance of booking the trip to discuss EXPECTATIONS. For example, will you plan to hire a sitter or bring one along so you can both go to the wedding and related events? If not, then I'd make it clear that he can go and enjoy himself at the wedding and reception, but that the rest of the time should be spent with his wife and toddler --- and make it clear that he can't be guilt tripped by his folks to hang out with them at the other resort. Otherwise, I could envision being stuck with a toddler alone 24/7 while DH parties with his family --- and that would ruin the trip and create a lot of hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why a local resident is chiming in. Staying at a top-of-the-line resort is a lot different than living there year round.

We went to the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas for DH's business trip a few years ago and stayed at a $500 night hotel. Lovely, but on the drive back to the hotel, you drive just feet from the resort and living conditions are horrendous. Not saying the resident from St. Lucia lives in horrendous conditions but unless you are living at a resort it's not comparable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why a local resident is chiming in. Staying at a top-of-the-line resort is a lot different than living there year round.

We went to the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas for DH's business trip a few years ago and stayed at a $500 night hotel. Lovely, but on the drive back to the hotel, you drive just feet from the resort and living conditions are horrendous. Not saying the resident from St. Lucia lives in horrendous conditions but unless you are living at a resort it's not comparable.

1. The OP's FIL expressed concern about dangers to the baby's health. The local resident knows more than any of us about actual conditions on the ground.
2. Illness-carrying mosquitos don't check your passport before biting.

[lcmom]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why a local resident is chiming in. Staying at a top-of-the-line resort is a lot different than living there year round.

We went to the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas for DH's business trip a few years ago and stayed at a $500 night hotel. Lovely, but on the drive back to the hotel, you drive just feet from the resort and living conditions are horrendous. Not saying the resident from St. Lucia lives in horrendous conditions but unless you are living at a resort it's not comparable.

1. The OP's FIL expressed concern about dangers to the baby's health. The local resident knows more than any of us about actual conditions on the ground.
2. Illness-carrying mosquitos don't check your passport before biting.

St. Lucia resident here again - Ditto to the points above. Additionally, we live in the tourist haven (Rodney Bay) and have loads of visitors (some of whom have stayed with us and others who stayed in hotels), so I have some level of insight into the conditions in the hotels and regular tourist haunts. I thought the perspective might be helpful.

[Anonymous]

I like the idea of the OP asking her family if they can watch the kid and she and her husband go and have a fun time together!

Btw, the St. Lucia resident's post didn't scare me away. You have to be careful about unfiltered water in many places whether you're on a resort or not. My husband who is originally from South America won't drink unfiltered water now when he goes back to visit because his body isn't use to it anymore. It's a simple fact of life and not really that scary.

I mean, it's not like she's talking about people being abducted and held for ransom or anything. I guess I don't mind the dose of reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would feel excluded and hurt, honestly. My husband would never go to a family celebration by himself either, he would rather stay home with us, or have us all go. But we come from a culture that welcomes children at weddings, so we do not really understand the whole adults-only thing.

Are other families going and could you get together with little cousins etc outside of the wedding venue?

I agree, and FIL's comment about sickness is just bizarre and out of left field. WTH is he talking about? FIL has no place opining (bizarrely) on the risk of your child getting sick. Your child could get sick at home, for pete's sake.

If you can swing it, then go and enjoy yourself.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you need to be frank with DH and agree on which event(s) he is attending. Personally, I'd agree to DH attending the wedding itself and the rehearsal dinner - but nothing else. Maybe a few minutes of the reception, but it depends how small it is. If it's a small informal wedding, then screw it - DH goes back to his wife and child. Clearly his brother will get a rude awakening if/when he has kids.

But I would go, and either stay at another resort or rent a house. Make it your vacation too, which is probably what BIL was thinking for his guests (albeit, not very thoroughly). You can get a rental car, so DH can go back and forth easily (a rental house might even come with a driver or car to borrow).

[Anonymous]

Since it sounds like your husband HAS to go, this will be the only "vacation" you guys are going to get for the next year or so. I would go with your husband. I would either leave my toddler with a relative here in the states or take her. Go to a resort that's good with kids. Get a sitter or, you stay with the baby during the wedding.

I wouldn't go out of my way to spend a lot of time with the relatives while on my vacation there, either.

[Anonymous]

I think people are being too critical of father-in-law. A lot of people--especially from older generations--think destination weddings are a terrible imposition. I have heard many people call them offensive. A lot of people believe that couples who decide on a destination wedding are self-centered in their assumption that guests are actually happy to pay a ton of money AND give up precious vacation time for their wedding. Not allowing kids at a wedding (which is what choosing an adults only resort suggests) is commonplace, understandable, and predictable, if annoying to those of us who have kids. Of course, one can always choose NOT to attend a destination wedding but there is always guilt in declining a wedding invitation, particularly one of a family member. Isn't it possible that the FIL is trying to let OP off the hook?? Isn't it possible that he's trying to find a legitimate excuse that no one would question (kid's health)? Maybe not... maybe he's the jerk everyone thinks. But OP's post does not read that way to me.

[Anonymous]

It is very weird that a guy would plan something that would exclude his ONLY SIBLING'S family from his wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap, St. Lucia Mom - you just scared EVERYONE away from your island. I've been to St. Lucia and never got diarrhea or worms or dengue fever. And I drank the unfiltered water and scuba dived and fed stray mangey dogs on the beach and did all kinds of 'risky' things.

I also took my DD to the Carribean when she was not yet two - we camped on St. John in the USVI and traveled to Jost Van Dyke in the BVI - and we got a sitter (a nice local woman I found through a DCUM recommendation, of course!) - where she drank unfiltered water and ate local food and was just fine.

Go buy a guidebook and check out St. Lucia. No offense to the local mom, but I think your health concerns are unfounded.

What? I think her post was very helpful. Most people go to these Islands thinking...oh wow! A resort, it will be JUST LIKE HOME. Also, as I'm sure you are aware 'world traveler' that not everyone reacts the sameway to the same types of bugs. So you can drink unfiltered water, as can your 2 year old DD...but someone else might get very sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - I am the first to chime in with "your being over sensitive" but it sort of sounds like you are being excluded.

Destination weddings are fine but not sure why your BIL wouldn't want his husband's WIFE to come. That wouldn't fly in my family. It's one thing if you decide the expense and trouble with a toddler is too much, but to have that decided for you, sucks.

I totally agree. I think you should go if you want to. Stay at a family friendly resort and if your DH has to go to the wedding by himself, so be it, but at least you'll get to hang out on a beautiful Island the rest of the time Also, I don't know why your ILs are concerned about your 2 yo getting sick. We took our 2 yo to Thailand and I would think that would be riskier than St. Lucia. We had a GREAT time and she didn't get sick.

[Anonymous]

Would your mom, or another family member be able to go? You could rent a place together, she could watch your DS while you go to the wedding and you all could have a fantastic family vacation.