Inlaw wedding- would this bother you?

[lcmom]

Hi. I actually live in St. Lucia (moved from DC four years ago), so I can give a little bit of perspective on the issue of it being dangerous for your child.

There are loads of families from Canada, the UK, and the US who regularly come to St. Lucia and have no problems with health issues. So personally, I think it is fine to bring a 2 yr old.

That being said, in my opinion there are a health concerns that I can highlight:

1) Gastrointestinal - The water quality is not always the best. When my daughter was young, she went through a stage where she wanted to do everything for herself. She kept getting herself water from the tap and we normally drink filtered water. Well surprise, surprise, she got diarrhea. But it was easily addressed. She went back to filtered water. Had some rice. Had some bananas. No more diarrhea. We have also had two bouts of worms, but I think that is more likely when your child is in school / on the playground. I doubt that is an issue for tourists.

2) Mosquito-borne diseases - Recently there has been an upsurge of dengue throughout the region. I speak from experience, as my daughter and I are in the process of recovering from it. But... this is much more common during the rainy season, which runs May - Oct, so it is a lot less likely in April. And with mosquito repellent you can protect against it very well. Note, the mosquito that carry dengue bite during the day, so you need to put on the repellent during the day.

I want to add that I have been extremely impressed with primary medical care in St. Lucia. I wouldn't want to stay here if I had a serious medical condition, but for issues like the ones above, the doctors are very skilled and able to address them if needed.

Finally, in terms of staying at a different hotel, it really depends which Sandals the family will be at. There are three Sandals in St. Lucia, and not all are convenient to other hotels. Also, these are all inclusives, so you won't be able to eat meals with your family, etc. as they will be at the Sandals.

I hope this is helpful.

[Anonymous]

lcmom wrote:Hi. I actually live in St. Lucia (moved from DC four years ago), so I can give a little bit of perspective on the issue of it being dangerous for your child.

There are loads of families from Canada, the UK, and the US who regularly come to St. Lucia and have no problems with health issues. So personally, I think it is fine to bring a 2 yr old.

That being said, in my opinion there are a health concerns that I can highlight:

1) Gastrointestinal - The water quality is not always the best. When my daughter was young, she went through a stage where she wanted to do everything for herself. She kept getting herself water from the tap and we normally drink filtered water. Well surprise, surprise, she got diarrhea. But it was easily addressed. She went back to filtered water. Had some rice. Had some bananas. No more diarrhea. We have also had two bouts of worms, but I think that is more likely when your child is in school / on the playground. I doubt that is an issue for tourists.

2) Mosquito-borne diseases - Recently there has been an upsurge of dengue throughout the region. I speak from experience, as my daughter and I are in the process of recovering from it. But... this is much more common during the rainy season, which runs May - Oct, so it is a lot less likely in April. And with mosquito repellent you can protect against it very well. Note, the mosquito that carry dengue bite during the day, so you need to put on the repellent during the day.

I want to add that I have been extremely impressed with primary medical care in St. Lucia. I wouldn't want to stay here if I had a serious medical condition, but for issues like the ones above, the doctors are very skilled and able to address them if needed.

Finally, in terms of staying at a different hotel, it really depends which Sandals the family will be at. There are three Sandals in St. Lucia, and not all are convenient to other hotels. Also, these are all inclusives, so you won't be able to eat meals with your family, etc. as they will be at the Sandals.

I hope this is helpful.

OK, OP is never going to go now.

[lcmom]

lcmom wrote:Hi. I actually live in St. Lucia (moved from DC four years ago), so I can give a little bit of perspective on the issue of it being dangerous for your child.

There are loads of families from Canada, the UK, and the US who regularly come to St. Lucia and have no problems with health issues. So personally, I think it is fine to bring a 2 yr old.

That being said, in my opinion there are a health concerns that I can highlight:

1) Gastrointestinal - The water quality is not always the best. When my daughter was young, she went through a stage where she wanted to do everything for herself. She kept getting herself water from the tap and we normally drink filtered water. Well surprise, surprise, she got diarrhea. But it was easily addressed. She went back to filtered water. Had some rice. Had some bananas. No more diarrhea. We have also had two bouts of worms, but I think that is more likely when your child is in school / on the playground. I doubt that is an issue for tourists.

2) Mosquito-borne diseases - Recently there has been an upsurge of dengue throughout the region. I speak from experience, as my daughter and I are in the process of recovering from it. But... this is much more common during the rainy season, which runs May - Oct, so it is a lot less likely in April. And with mosquito repellent you can protect against it very well. Note, the mosquito that carry dengue bite during the day, so you need to put on the repellent during the day.

I want to add that I have been extremely impressed with primary medical care in St. Lucia. I wouldn't want to stay here if I had a serious medical condition, but for issues like the ones above, the doctors are very skilled and able to address them if needed.

Finally, in terms of staying at a different hotel, it really depends which Sandals the family will be at. There are three Sandals in St. Lucia, and not all are convenient to other hotels. Also, these are all inclusives, so you won't be able to eat meals with your family, etc. as they will be at the Sandals.

I hope this is helpful.

I forgot to add. If you do decide to come, I have some excellent and trustworthy babysitters to recommend.

[Anonymous]

I see it as this: Do you want to go? Do you want to take your DC?

So either stay home with DC because you want to and don't want to pay for the extra airfare.
or
Ask other relatives to watch DC so you can have a long weekend away with DH.
or
Make it a family vacation.

Your BIL can get married anywhere he wants. It seems like everyone (the ILs) realize this is inconvenient for many and don't want you to go out of your way to go, if you don't want. Basically letting you off the hook.

[Anonymous]

Holy crap, St. Lucia Mom - you just scared EVERYONE away from your island. I've been to St. Lucia and never got diarrhea or worms or dengue fever. And I drank the unfiltered water and scuba dived and fed stray mangey dogs on the beach and did all kinds of 'risky' things.

I also took my DD to the Carribean when she was not yet two - we camped on St. John in the USVI and traveled to Jost Van Dyke in the BVI - and we got a sitter (a nice local woman I found through a DCUM recommendation, of course!) - where she drank unfiltered water and ate local food and was just fine.

Go buy a guidebook and check out St. Lucia. No offense to the local mom, but I think your health concerns are unfounded.

[lcmom]

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap, St. Lucia Mom - you just scared EVERYONE away from your island. I've been to St. Lucia and never got diarrhea or worms or dengue fever. And I drank the unfiltered water and scuba dived and fed stray mangey dogs on the beach and did all kinds of 'risky' things.

I also took my DD to the Carribean when she was not yet two - we camped on St. John in the USVI and traveled to Jost Van Dyke in the BVI - and we got a sitter (a nice local woman I found through a DCUM recommendation, of course!) - where she drank unfiltered water and ate local food and was just fine.

Go buy a guidebook and check out St. Lucia. No offense to the local mom, but I think your health concerns are unfounded.

Unfounded? I have lived here for four years and this is the reality of my experience, so I wouldn't say it is unfounded. You may disagree with it, based on your experience as a tourist in USVI, but again, it is anything but unfounded.

I just want to add, of course the local sitter didn't get sick drinking local water! She grew up drinking the local water so her body is adjusted to it. But a young child drinking a lot of unfiltered water, who is used to different water may end up with a tummy ache. Not the end of the world, but the reality.

Sorry if my e-mail scared anyone. Again, St. Lucia is gorgeous and a great place to visit. Just bring bug spray!

[Anonymous]

I do have a problem with the no kids thing at a destination wedding like this. THIS IS THE GROOMS ONLY BROTHER, and he's basically saying, yeah bro, sorry you have a kid, your problem, why don't you get a hot single girl for your rent a date, that would fit much better into my picture of a perfect wedding. It is ridiculous that you are supposed to stay home and the water thing is a bunch of crap to try to make it an easier decision for you stat stateside.

[Anonymous]

Sorry LCMom, I responded quickly and didn't write too clearly. I didn't mean to discount your experience or imply that your own concerns were unfounded - I was responding to the OP directly. I have to think that at any local resort she's going to be given filtered water and perfectly safe foods and in that situation, her health concerns about unclean water or food are unfounded. Your own child's exposure to various local areas (like sandboxes at school, where many kids in the U.S. AND overseas get pinworms, for example) aren't going to be applicable to the OP and her child.

Also, again I typed poorly - it's not that my sitter didn't get sick, my daughter didn't get sick in the USVI or BVI drinking the local water.

And yes, bug spray for all!

[Anonymous]

Go, stay at a different resort that allows children.

[Anonymous]

Can your DD stay with your own parents for a couple of days so you can go with DH?

[Anonymous]

Your FIL is definitely being a jerk. Having said that, ignore his statements/preferences/opinions and go forward on this doing only what you and DH is right for you, not taking into account the IL's wishes.

Personally I would go and make it a combo wedding trip/vacation for the three of you. Be there for the wedding and the wedding events and then make clear that you need some time as a family and on vacation. Food and water are not going to be safety issues if you stay someplace decent (you can easily rule out issues looking at reviews). I wouldn't let that bother you. If, however, you or your DH don't feel like you can draw the line with the family and they're going to expect you all to hang out together for a week, then don't go.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is a really sad situation. In answer to your initial question: Yes, this would bother me. A lot.

(I'm afraid I don't have any advice--but I did want to assure you that these people are behaving badly.)

[Anonymous]

No. I'd be thrilled to get out of going to a wedding.

Now, would I be a bit hurt that it appeared that my in-laws didn't want me there? Probably a little, but it wouldn't be the first thing they ever did to me. I find it more annoying when they DEMAND I bring my young son to events that are completely unkid friendly.

Wait, but this is about you and not me

I think weddings can just bring out the worst in some people. Basically they want a kid-free wedding and would feel guilty if you brough your child and they didn't let the child come to th wedding. So they are making excuses for you not to come. If this is the first offense, just let it go. Wedding make perfectly sane, unselfish people turn into selfish monsters.

And if you want to go, go. They can't make you not go. Go and have a good time. I'm paranoid of sickness and I still go to the Bahamas. It is easy enough to buy bottled water (I assume that is the concern).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I'd be thrilled to get out of going to a wedding.

Now, would I be a bit hurt that it appeared that my in-laws didn't want me there? Probably a little, but it wouldn't be the first thing they ever did to me. I find it more annoying when they DEMAND I bring my young son to events that are completely unkid friendly.

Wait, but this is about you and not me

I think weddings can just bring out the worst in some people. Basically they want a kid-free wedding and would feel guilty if you brough your child and they didn't let the child come to th wedding. So they are making excuses for you not to come. If this is the first offense, just let it go. Wedding make perfectly sane, unselfish people turn into selfish monsters.

And if you want to go, go. They can't make you not go. Go and have a good time. I'm paranoid of sickness and I still go to the Bahamas. It is easy enough to buy bottled water (I assume that is the concern).

What about your family watching DC? Great if possible. I suppose BIL is honeymooning in SL. Are you the only people with a child? FIL also sounds like he didn't want to be bothered with a child in SL. Last time I checked bottled water was sold outside the US.

Sandals is couples only. Another adults couples only place is no same sex.

[Anonymous]

St. Lucia is a beautiful island. For those that say don't worry about the water and food? Umm, each time I've gone I have ended up with stomach problems - from the water. So it is a concern, had I thought of St. Lucia more like Mexico where I do watch what I drink and what I eat I think I would have fared better. We were staying at resorts. So it can be a concern.

In terms of the wedding. For 4 years I attended every family event with my DH and DS. What I discovered what that I ended up being the hired help, the clean up crew, the babysitter and then was criticised for my parenting when my child was overtired from being kept up past his bedtime because he HAD to be involved even when I tried to beg out of events. I now pick and chose what DS and I attend. I was no longer enjoying the experience and the unrealistic expectations that DH's family had. Plus there is the cost. We were paying a lot of money traveling to these events,we never got to have a real family vacation as a result and then the experience itself was not enjoyable. Part of that is DH's family dynamic and part of it was their unrealistic expectations for DS.

My advice would be to think ahead about what your expectations are of the event, how can you make the trip a nice one for your immediate family. Do you mind not being able to have your child at the wedding? reception? Are you happy to hang out at the beach while the adults are doing there own thing. Is the cost worth it? Be open about what you want with your DH. Staying home is not a bad option.

In terms of feeding a picky eater - its do able if you want to make it work. We often end up bringing things we know our child will eat, we get a fridge and microwave for our room and usually DS will surprise us by finding something he will eat while he' there.