Inlaw wedding- would this bother you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went to St. Lucia for our honeymoon and it was great. The place we stayed (in Rodney Bay) had a lot of different resorts all very close together. If you were to go and stay in a different resort, it is likely that you could get to their adults only place very easily. Would your child be permitted to come to the wedding if you were staying somewhere else, or would you have to stay with your child at your kid-friendly hotel while your husband went to the wedding? If it's the former, I think it would probably be fun to go (I would not be concerned about the sickness issue myself), but if it's the latter, it has the potential to be stressful and expensive and I would probably save the airfare and take a nice family vacation somewhere else later on.

Why would anyone want a two yr. old at their wedding? OP you can hire to take care of your son at home and goto the wedding. Don't ruin it for the bride by either bringing your son or complaining about how unfair you think BIL is being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why a local resident is chiming in. Staying at a top-of-the-line resort is a lot different than living there year round.

We went to the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas for DH's business trip a few years ago and stayed at a $500 night hotel. Lovely, but on the drive back to the hotel, you drive just feet from the resort and living conditions are horrendous. Not saying the resident from St. Lucia lives in horrendous conditions but unless you are living at a resort it's not comparable.

1. The OP's FIL expressed concern about dangers to the baby's health. The local resident knows more than any of us about actual conditions on the ground.
2. Illness-carrying mosquitos don't check your passport before biting.

The mosquito thing didn't sound like an issue to me - she was going in the non rainy season, and there is repellant. Honestly, it is worth asking a pediatrician or expert their advice re: traveling to St. Lucia with a toddler, but seems silly to base the decision on a board like this. Millions of people go to St. Lucia and other nice resorts in the area and don't end up with Dengue fever. Not saying it's not a valid concern, but I'm pretty anal and neurotic and this sounded like a stretch to me for things to worry about. I'd be more worried about the cost of the trip and the plane ride!

[Anonymous]

I think you should do whatever suits your family best. But whatever you decide to do, please be as gracious as possible about it. Don't complain to your in-laws; let your husband do the talking and make sure he also doesn't complain. Whatever reasons ultimately determine whether you, your child, and your husband do not go, make sure you only reveal the ones that let you apologize for not being able to go. E.g., "We just don't have the funds to attend, but we will miss you terribly and think of you on your special day. Please take videos and lots of pictures so we can enjoy the event vicariously when you get back!"

Although, personally, I would try to encourage my husband to go, even if -- for the sake of safety or money -- I and my child could not. Family is family. For things like this, siblings make every effort to attend unless there's an irreconcileable reason why they cannot.

And why can't I spell irreconci... irreconsi... ah, forget it.

[Anonymous]

Don't ruin it for the bride by either bringing your son or complaining about how unfair you think BIL is being.

Ruin it for the bride? You mean half of the couple who decided to have a destination wedding knowing what a hassle it would be for her husband-to-be's only sibling to get there?

Yeah, I'm crying salty tears for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Don't ruin it for the bride by either bringing your son or complaining about how unfair you think BIL is being.

Ruin it for the bride? You mean half of the couple who decided to have a destination wedding knowing what a hassle it would be for her husband-to-be's only sibling to get there?

Yeah, I'm crying salty tears for her.

I don't really understand this "it's all about the bride" attitude in America. Is it like this in other countries/cultures? I'm American, but my wedding was also about our families. We did things that we were happy with, but that we knew our folks would want. A few things we would have done differently - but our attitude was that yes, it was our day, but it's also our parents' day and a special milestone for them.

Really, this all about the bride stuff we have is nauseating. But a pretty dress and look great, but if you are sharing your day with others and not eloping, well then it's a little about your guests, especially your relatives! A wedding is one day, you will your family for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Don't ruin it for the bride by either bringing your son or complaining about how unfair you think BIL is being.

The BRIDE?

[Anonymous]

There is no way in hell your husband should go without you! The 2 year old won't get sick. Stay at another resort if necessary, but don't stay home alone. That's incredibly unfair to you, and you're part of the family. Don't they want you and your child at the wedding??

[Anonymous]

OP, what do you mean being excluded "again" from a family function? Does this happen regularly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I'd be thrilled to get out of going to a wedding.

Now, would I be a bit hurt that it appeared that my in-laws didn't want me there? Probably a little, but it wouldn't be the first thing they ever did to me. I find it more annoying when they DEMAND I bring my young son to events that are completely unkid friendly.

LOL - I like you.

Traveling with a 2 yo for such a short period of time sounds like hell to me. Plus your in-laws seem like a bad time. I would send your husband for as cheaply as you can (can he bunk up with a cousin or something?) and save your time and money for a vacation on your terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't ruin it for the bride by either bringing your son or complaining about how unfair you think BIL is being.

The BRIDE?

Yes, because the bride is always the most important part of the wedding experience.

What we have here is conflicting importance - so many new parents end up going the parent version of the bridezilla, where their child is the most important consideration for them and therefore should be the most important consideration for everyone. Not saying the OP is like that at all, but everyone knows someone who acts like that.

OP, is it possible that your BIL and his fiancee, in their pre-child mentality, were not thinking about your child's attendance when they picked their venue? I'm sure that they had other criteria in choosing a location than "no kids allowed."

[Anonymous]

So a couple should plan their wedding around one family member, in this case a 2 year old? Sorry, I disagree.

They have every right to wed where ever they want, even if inconvenient to the family. I think that's why FIL said what he did, so that OP would be off the hook and not feel bad if she and child did not attend.

OP, if you want to go, go. Where ever BIL chose to wed, you'd probably have to find child care. Hell, my BIL got married in Delaware and it was definitely best that DH & I take the weekend to ourselves. If you don't want to go and deal with the hassle, don't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are being too critical of father-in-law. A lot of people--especially from older generations--think destination weddings are a terrible imposition. I have heard many people call them offensive. A lot of people believe that couples who decide on a destination wedding are self-centered in their assumption that guests are actually happy to pay a ton of money AND give up precious vacation time for their wedding. Not allowing kids at a wedding (which is what choosing an adults only resort suggests) is commonplace, understandable, and predictable, if annoying to those of us who have kids. Of course, one can always choose NOT to attend a destination wedding but there is always guilt in declining a wedding invitation, particularly one of a family member. Isn't it possible that the FIL is trying to let OP off the hook?? Isn't it possible that he's trying to find a legitimate excuse that no one would question (kid's health)? Maybe not... maybe he's the jerk everyone thinks. But OP's post does not read that way to me.[/quote]

I agree with this. OP discussed the money issue with her husband, and he discussed it with his parents. It sounds to me like OP's FIL is trying to give them an easy way out (albeit in a clumsy, overbearing way).

As for destination weddings as a concept - whatever. They are right for some people, not right for others. Why does everyone get so exercised about it? Same with kids or no kids, alcohol or no alcohol, and the zillions of other variations on weddings that exist. You have the wedding that is right for you, and don't piss and moan that other people's weddings aren't exactly to your taste. If it's too much trouble, don't go (and this applies whether it's a sibling, best friend, or casual aquaintance, although there obviously is a sliding scale with respect to the level of inconvenience you'll put up with). Wheher you go or don't go, I think it's bad manners to complain about others' weddings (to anyone involved, I mean - venting anonymously is fine).

[Anonymous]

We invited kids to our wedding, it's part of the circle of life, people, not a night club dance-off. The kids run around, dance, listen to loud music, try new food, meet relatives and take pictures with people they might not ordinarily meet. If they get cranky or tired Mommy or Daddy or Gramma takes them home and maybe take turns coming back for the party. If they cry during the ceremony Mommy takes them outside. Truth is only people who don't have kids would not invite kids, or a bridezilla who is worried about being upstaged by your adorable 2 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We invited kids to our wedding, it's part of the circle of life, people, not a night club dance-off. The kids run around, dance, listen to loud music, try new food, meet relatives and take pictures with people they might not ordinarily meet. If they get cranky or tired Mommy or Daddy or Gramma takes them home and maybe take turns coming back for the party. If they cry during the ceremony Mommy takes them outside. Truth is only people who don't have kids would not invite kids, or a bridezilla who is worried about being upstaged by your adorable 2 year old.

Disagree. I can only think of 2 of 20 weddings I've been to that it was 100% kid friendly as you described. I had fun, but probably because I left my adorable 2 year old home.

Great if you like kid weddings. But no one should make a fuss if you're invited to a wedding where the couple is choosing it to be adults only.

[Anonymous]

I understand that it's the couple getting married's prerogative to invite or not invite whoever they want, but the expectation that a sibling will ditch his family for a destination wedding that his family is not invited to is pretty selfish, even as far as weddings go. Which is why I wondered if maybe it wasn't just an oversight.