Supporting colleague who discovered husband’s affair with a 19 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep your heads everybody. I do hate to see these older men taken advantage of, though.

Imagine the power that these young women have to be able to coerce and exploit these wealthy men. Gives me pause.

Power of the P.

[Anonymous]

I remember being 26 or 27 banging a girl I met at the pool who was 18 (summer before freshman year of college). This post gives me hope as a 40year old myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember being 26 or 27 banging a girl I met at the pool who was 18 (summer before freshman year of college). This post gives me hope as a 40year old myself.

💯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help her realize this does not have to destroy her life. We've been culturally condition in the U.S. to think of this as some kind of ultimate betrayal.

But in many cultures--France, Japan, etc., this kind of things is not uncommon or even so taboo. Help her to not overreact. Keep it in perspective.

It is the ultimate betrayal and you clearly cheat. He broke his marriage vows and is seeing someone else. For me, that would be a divorce and I'd rather be in a homeless shelter than with a man like that.

[Anonymous]

Is it lifetime alimony in Virginia after 20 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Offer to host a bonfire for any items she might want to burn.

+1
And keep doing little thing like this - to make her chuckle - but indicating your full support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would remind your friend to make her husband suffer in the ninth circle of hell, but not the 19 year old. It's practically statutory rape. If this was in a professional setting, she might even have grounds to sue for coercion. If this is an au pair, the power imbalance is straight up employer-employee and it's gross on the part of the employer.

Ridiculous. Remember what we've learned. If she's 17 years and 364 days old, he's a "p*dophile". Two days later it's two consenting adults. There is no nuance.

I never said there was a legal basis. But her 19 year old brain is not mature, and it's always the married partner who is most to blame, since he or she is the one betraying their spouse. I'm assuming here that the 19 year old is not married.

The girl ma had poor judgment but she’s not breaking a promise or doing anything nearly as horrible and the man. It’s all his fault - like every last bit. And I hope the wife takes him for all he has and the 19 year old take home for everything he earns after the divorce. I also hope that his hurtful decisions eat away at him like a cancer for his extremely long lonely life

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP who said to be the friend’s calm, not chaos. In your shoes I’d plant ideas in her head by offering to help, and then actually helping if she wants that help.

Ex. “Let me know if you want recommendations for a lawyer to help you protect your assets now, in case he gets her pregnant or loses his job or something.” “If you want company for getting an STD test, I can go with you.”

Be discreet but occasionally bring her flowers or a few nice chocolates or something. Just a little luxury that says someone cares about her.

Take her to lunch or for a coffee/drink after work.

If you’re able, keep an eye on her workload and see if there’s anything you can help with. She may be distracted or unable to focus, and could possibly drop some balls.

Did she say whether she wants to leave him or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember being 26 or 27 banging a girl I met at the pool who was 18 (summer before freshman year of college). This post gives me hope as a 40year old myself.

What? Hope for what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it lifetime alimony in Virginia after 20 years?

Yes, as long as you have the right lawyer. If you're a SAHM he will need to pay up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would remind your friend to make her husband suffer in the ninth circle of hell, but not the 19 year old. It's practically statutory rape. If this was in a professional setting, she might even have grounds to sue for coercion. If this is an au pair, the power imbalance is straight up employer-employee and it's gross on the part of the employer.

Ridiculous. Remember what we've learned. If she's 17 years and 364 days old, he's a "p*dophile". Two days later it's two consenting adults. There is no nuance.

I never said there was a legal basis. But her 19 year old brain is not mature, and it's always the married partner who is most to blame, since he or she is the one betraying their spouse. I'm assuming here that the 19 year old is not married.

The girl ma had poor judgment but she’s not breaking a promise or doing anything nearly as horrible and the man. It’s all his fault - like every last bit. And I hope the wife takes him for all he has and the 19 year old take home for everything he earns after the divorce. I also hope that his hurtful decisions eat away at him like a cancer for his extremely long lonely life

And when his college age kids find out they will side with the mother.

[Anonymous]

If you have a dh who can credibly pull attractive women 20-30 years younger than he is, you are not going to ever find someone at that level should you chose to leave (unless you are Giselle bundchen or ultra elite/top tier yourself)

Calm down and reassess before making any rash decisions OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a dh who can credibly pull attractive women 20-30 years younger than he is, you are not going to ever find someone at that level should you chose to leave (unless you are Giselle bundchen or ultra elite/top tier yourself)

Calm down and reassess before making any rash decisions OP

What is there to reasses? Her DH can file at any moment. Why should she be caught napping? And plenty of women will latch on to an elderly meal ticket, so that’s not the great accomplishment you seem to think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a dh who can credibly pull attractive women 20-30 years younger than he is, you are not going to ever find someone at that level should you chose to leave (unless you are Giselle bundchen or ultra elite/top tier yourself)

Calm down and reassess before making any rash decisions OP

What is there to reasses? Her DH can file at any moment. Why should she be caught napping? And plenty of women will latch on to an elderly meal ticket, so that’s not the great accomplishment you seem to think it is.

I erred in thinking that OP’s DH was the one in question when it was a friend of OP

[Anonymous]

How much money do they have? If it’s a lot, I’d tell her to go see 3-5 lawyers, and before she files, play it cool and get a fabulous makeover with marital funds. And take a few trips as well.