Supporting colleague who discovered husband’s affair with a 19 year old

[Anonymous]

Gross that he sought someone the same age as his kids. Plenty of 30+ year old women. Disgusting

[Anonymous]

As someone in a tricky situation like this, I would really appreciate it if someone completely outside my close friend circle and legal process took it upon themselves to anonymously cause him minor, legal, but painful consequences.

Peanut butter under the car door handle. TP the new apartment yard. Send him a gift subscription to Tiny Organ Support Club Magazine, etc.

[Anonymous]

Not excusing it, but that fact that she didn't suspect anything is voluntary blind ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gross that he sought someone the same age as his kids. Plenty of 30+ year old women. Disgusting

Gross that she sought out someone the same age as her father. Plenty of under 30 men. I think I'm going to be sick.

[Anonymous]

How did she find out?

[Anonymous]

Do not, I repeat DO NOT breathe a word of this to anyone you know unless she is fine with it being public knowledge. If I told someone something like that I would be devastated to find out that they had discussed it behind my back (DCUM doesn't count unless you actually live there, in which case, yikes, maybe get this taken down in case she sees it!).

[Anonymous]

Divorce and get your fair share of the assetts. The 19-year old can keep the creep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did she find out?

He actually found her on TikTok and started messaging her there. My colleague eventually saw the messages when she picked up his phone one day — she didn’t even know he used TikTok. He’d rarely be home because of his job and spent a lot of time meeting up with her on weekends, including at her dorm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did she find out?

He actually found her on TikTok and started messaging her there. My colleague eventually saw the messages when she picked up his phone one day — she didn’t even know he used TikTok. He’d rarely be home because of his job and spent a lot of time meeting up with her on weekends, including at her dorm.

Yeah, divorce is the only sane option here. Lock up trust funds for the kids before the sugar babies get everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help her realize this does not have to destroy her life. We've been culturally condition in the U.S. to think of this as some kind of ultimate betrayal.

But in many cultures--France, Japan, etc., this kind of things is not uncommon or even so taboo. Help her to not overreact. Keep it in perspective.

There are ways to make a cheater suffer without divorcing them. But yes, this is grounds for divorce.

Please enlighten us how to make this cheater suffer! I see divorce as the only way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help her realize this does not have to destroy her life. We've been culturally condition in the U.S. to think of this as some kind of ultimate betrayal.

But in many cultures--France, Japan, etc., this kind of things is not uncommon or even so taboo. Help her to not overreact. Keep it in perspective.

I am French and I can assure you this is not considered acceptable either in our culture, especially since it involves a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Be her calm, not her chaos. Don’t interrogate, don’t fix, don’t go full Dateline, just listen and let her be messy without trying to neaten it up. Drop dinner, cover something at work if you can, send the “no need to reply, I’m here” text. And when the shock turns into rage or grief on a random Tuesday at 2:17pm, stay steady. She needs one person, including at work, who isn’t flinching or gossiping.

[Anonymous]

Leave him alone. He didn’t break any law. If you are not ok with a 48yo having sex with a 19yo, enact a laa against it.
He is free to enjoy some young women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Offer to host a bonfire for any items she might want to burn.

Girl.

[Anonymous]

She's at the beginning of a long road. So prepare yourself to walk alongside her for the long haul.

My friends showed up to be with me on what would have been our 20th wedding anniversary, a couple of months after he left me for another woman.

A year later my friend had obviously made a note of the date in her calendar, because she asked if I wanted company again. Know that it takes a long time to shift from "we're a team against the world" to "the guy I married is 'dating' a literal teenager." You can't just flip a switch in your brain and metabolize all of that.