My adult children said they will never meet my SO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife used to frequent this site, so I’m hoping you all can give me some insight.

I was with my wife for over 45 years, and she unexpectedly passed in August of 2024. I started casually dating around February 2025. I told my daughter (35) then that I was dating and I planned on remarrying. She told me then it was my business, but she thought it was too soon for me to date but it was definitely too soon for her to hear about it. She said that I could do what I want but asked that I don’t speak to her about my dating life.

Fast forward to August and I met someone, and we’ve been dating since. I met her children back in early October so we thought it would be a good time for her to meet my children. I brought it up to my daughter and she told me she wasn’t ready to meet her yet, especially since we’d only been dating for a couple of months. I told her that was rude and that this would hurt my girlfriend’s feelings. She said if she’s a decent person she’ll understand. After this, admittedly, I says some things I regret (I tried to make her feel guilty). My son also said he wasn’t ready to meet her either.

Last week I brought up them meeting again. Before I brought this up I told her I was still seeing her but let her know I was unsure if we’d go the distance because we fight so much. I also told my daughter that my girlfriend was upset about she had her brother not wanting to meet her. She asked if she was upset or disappointed, because according to her she can understand disappointment but not hurt. I told her both, and that I told my girlfriend to extend grace to she and brother because of their grief. She said given my age (72), is this how I want to spend my time, fighting with someone all the time? She said that if we’re fighting this much and it’s only been a few months it’s only going to get worse. I told her I’d think about that.

After this is when I asked her if she’d consider an introduction between the two of them, not to spend time, but simply an introduction. She hesitated and told me she doesn’t know. I told her that at some point in the future if I’m still around, I’m going to have another wife. She said, “I know” and brought up her aunt and her mother. Her aunt, my wife’s sister, who was like a mother to her also unexpectedly passed 4 months before my wife. She said, “Mary passing is still fresh. So can you imagine how fresh mom passing is? Plus, now that I’m pregnant (first time), I miss her even more and it’s even harder for me. This is a very sensitive time for me.”. I told her that I understood and let her know that my girlfriend could help with that. My daughter said no, and that she didn’t want her to help. That this would’ve been a time reserved for her mom, and no one else. I asked her to just think about it when she was ready.

My daughter stayed the night last night because she’s helping me go through the attic. My girlfriend and I got into a pretty loud, nasty argument over the phone. We both said some nasty things. My girlfriend said some mean things about my wife, although she denies it. This morning, my daughter came downstairs and asked , “You guys fighting again, huh?” I told her yes. She said, “I’m not trying to be in your business but I heard you tell her that she said some mean things about mom.”. I told her I thought she did but that she denied it. My daughter said that if that’s the case she will never meet her, and that she knows her brother never will either.

I’m meeting my girlfriend tonight for dinner to patch things up.

So now what?

Just in case people are wondering:

Me, 72
Girlfriend, 56
Son, 39
Daughter, 35

You are actually so disgusting, I can't even!

You tried to guilt your own child into meeting your f*** buddy? You don't even get along with this person, she says nasty sh*t about your kids' mom, but you want her to be giving your daughter motherly advice less like 18 months after her mom died? Are men actually this f***ing dumb?

Did you even love your wife? Like, I don't understand losing the person you've loved for 50 years, immediately moving on (to someone you don't even get along with or appear to like) and trying to force her into your family. Bizarre. Inappropriate.

+1

I just hope it’s fake. If you are real OP, get out of the gf relationship and into therapy. You are lacking a sensitivity chip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would your girlfriend say nasty things about your wife when she’s never met her and also why would she deny she said them?

This +10000
My mom died not long before I had my first child. If my father had said that his new girlfriend can help me once the baby arrives, I would have LOST MY MIND. And I would from then on know how clueless and insensitive my father really was. What are you thinking OP???? Are you even thinking? That you would even suggest this to your poor daughter tells so much of what really is transpiring. I really do feel badly for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were married for almost 40 years, and in just over 4 months you found yourself a girlfriend and decided you want to remarry.

You are the fool here, not your children.

And to add, OP and GF are already -- already! -- fighting a lot after a few months of dating.
OP, this is the honeymoon period of any relationship. Things should be wonderful. If you are fighting now, watch out for things will only get worse with GF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to remarry? Marriage is for children and building a stable financial ground. You've already had kids, you've already retired. The only reason to marry a girlfriend is so that she can get 100% of your assets when you pass, disinheriting your kids. Is that how your wife wanted her life savings to go?

Your whole post gives me "what are you doing" vibes OP.

First you moved on way to soon. Gross. You should not have told your kids that this was happening so soon. That will be a hard thing to ever get past.

Second why the focus on marriage and you will have another wife someday? You can date and have companionship. At your age the focus on marriage is off. Agree with PPs you are throwing away your joint financial base you built with your deceased wife and your kids inheritance. This is not like a young widower starting over.

Third why do they even need to meet? You're not building some blended family at this stage. Have separate parts of your life.

[Anonymous]

My mom died when I was a teen, and my dad was dating again in months, which shocked me. I was a mess and he was suddenly cheerful and seemingly obsessed with whichever new woman he happened to be dating. He THREW himself into each relationship, as OP is doing, and would prioritize each girlfriend over me and my brothers. Eventually he married one, and she and her children/grandchildren are his life and his focus.

I spent my late teen and young adult years really messed up by this. He was my DAD, and I kept thinking I could just explain how I felt, or how my brothers felt, he would somehow care about us again. But no. He made it VERY clear that his girlfriend was his priority and he expected us to respect her and accept that her wants, needs, and family were the most important thing to him. I remember in the months and early years after my mom died, it was almost scary how radically my dad changed from someone who loved me and was interested in me and cared to someone who had zero interest in me at all.

But, I met other people in the same situation in college and beyond. And it is a pattern. This truly is what most men are like. They are somehow programmed to place the woman with whom they are sleeping above everyone else, including children from their first deceased wife, and any love or interst they had in those children just kind of dissipates with the first wife. They care about and are programmed to protect/engage with the children of their current woman.

OP prioritizes his new girlfriend. He would defend her from his children, and that is what he is doing, as you can see. If his children can't bring themselves to accept her, he will shrug off those children without regret. The new woman is his priority.

This is why you should ensure that your finances are in order to ensure that your kids are protected if you die. You can't assume your husband will be the same man with the same priorities if you are gone and he has a new wife.

[Anonymous]

Def a creative writing project. Can’t wait for the next installment based on reactions to this one. It’s like an old fashioned magazine serial story.

[Anonymous]

It's pathetic the lengths men will go to just to avoid being alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pathetic the lengths men will go to just to avoid being alone.

Yes, and they don't mind being an outsider in someone else's family as long as they have a family. in the process, they ignore their own family and grandkids. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1302218.page

I believe this is the old thread.

[Anonymous]

OP, please get checked for cognitive decline. My dad went through something similar at your age, where all of a sudden the younger girlfriend who he did not get along with at all became priority #1 and he cut off his children. And this was a man who had been completely devoted to his family for his entire life. It was a shock to us all and I believe was rooted it old age cognitive decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1302218.page

I believe this is the old thread.

So did the daughter move out of OP's home yet? As of 11/19/25 the daughter was living with OP because he needed her help. Now I guess he wants her out and the new woman in?

[Anonymous]

Your GF sounds like a witch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1302218.page

I believe this is the old thread.

Oh FFS. Mom died in Aug and by Sept he's already clearing out her stuff?

"my daughter replied that I can do what I want but she’s not ready to meet her. I told her that was rude. She said her not being ready for something and expressing her boundary isn’t rude"

She's right.

Here's what OP said as the guilt trip

"I turned to her and asked, “Are you telling me not date anyone and die alone? Should I just pick out a plot in the backyard?”. She said that she never said not to date but that she just isn’t ready and I’m not going to make her feel guilty for not feeling ready. I told her she should feel guilty. She got of her chair, looked at me and said, “Wxcuse me? What an awful thing to say”. She then left."

OP is an awful parent and a gross person.

[Anonymous]

Your girlfriend sounds exhausting and emotionally lacking. Find someone else.

DO NOT EVER offer that some girlfriend of yours can be a fill-in for your children’s mother, like you did with your daughter and her baby. That’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

My dad is 70, and I am 39, so close enough to you and your daughter.

A couple things:

- I would not refuse to ever meet a woman my dad was dating, but it would be an intense adjustment. My mom is also 70 and they’ve been married since they were 22.

Seeing my dad start to date less than a year after my mom died would be pretty jarring. Seeing him date someone so clearly wrong for him would be extra upsetting.

- I can’t imagine my mom not being around when I was pregnant. She and I are very close. She was the first person to hold my daughter after me and my husband.

The fact that you aren’t more sensitive to what your daughter is going through right now is pretty disgusting. I hope she has a spouse she can lean on, because you aren’t it.