Am I expected to set up my kids’ rooms at STBX’s house?

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

No she isn’t. Take your issues to your own thread and stop projecting them onto OP. She is under no obligation to decorate her ex husband’s house.

—NP

You don’t get it and that’s why you are divorced. It’s not about him, it’s about the kids and supporting them. This will have a long term impact on the kids and how you behave now the kids will model later on and that’s the point. They will repeat this in their own lives. If you love your kids, you do things you don’t want to for their sake.

OP and I love my kids, but I wasn’t asking “should” I furnish my STBX’s house. I was asking essentially if I’ll get in trouble for NOT stepping in and helping.

People are giving advice for “normal” coparenting relationships. Trust me, when a grown adult can’t even grasp that he needs to furnish a living space for his children yet sincerely believes he’ll get 100% custody, we are way out of the realm of normal.

Even if the standard expectation was that an almost-ex wife is responsible for running an almost-ex husband’s home life, which PP have made it abundantly clear that I’m not, that would still be moot because my STBX is explosively angry and threatening and doesn’t communicate except via his attorney, and even then it is challenging to get answers about even urgent and required parenting issues. I’m not going to be sending an email to his attorney and be like “little Larlo wants Love Shack Fancy sheets from PBK Teen in Double size, here’s the link.”

Thank you to the sensible people who gave me intelligent guidance on this thread. I hope 2026 is better for us all.

He isn’t getting full custody. Be real. Do you have to? No. Will you get in trouble? No, of course not. Is helping because it benefits your child a good idea, yes. And, if you want to cleanly win, be smart about it. You do it and tell the could you are concerned about him meeting their needs as you bought the furniture, bedding, decor, clothing and supplies per his demand, for the kids as he refused to do it. Doing it will make you look like the bigger and more competent parent. Refusing causes drama and feeding into his behavior but giving him something to fight about.

Set up a pottery barn, target, amazon wish list for the kids rooms and be done with it. Then, if he doesn’t buy it, you say per his request I offered help and he did not follow through so no overnights till they have at least a bed, bedding, dresser, lamp, towels, hygiene and basic clothing.

Dear ex,

Here is a wishlist for the kids on my suggestions on what to buy. I choose pottery barn as the furniture comes fully assembled so you just have to make the beds and organize.

The kids don’t even know which rooms are supposed to be theirs. I don’t know what this house even looks like. I can’t shop for dressers for an imaginary space. I’m on temporary financial orders and barely able to buy groceries and pay for extracurriculars. No amount of desire to play by the rules you’re suggesting is going to make a Pottery Barn wishlist, shopping spree, or unsolicited furniture delivery happen.

I’m imagining sending the email you’re suggesting just to see what angry $600/hour screed his attorney would write in response. Thanks for the laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

No she isn’t. Take your issues to your own thread and stop projecting them onto OP. She is under no obligation to decorate her ex husband’s house.

—NP

You don’t get it and that’s why you are divorced. It’s not about him, it’s about the kids and supporting them. This will have a long term impact on the kids and how you behave now the kids will model later on and that’s the point. They will repeat this in their own lives. If you love your kids, you do things you don’t want to for their sake.

OP and I love my kids, but I wasn’t asking “should” I furnish my STBX’s house. I was asking essentially if I’ll get in trouble for NOT stepping in and helping.

People are giving advice for “normal” coparenting relationships. Trust me, when a grown adult can’t even grasp that he needs to furnish a living space for his children yet sincerely believes he’ll get 100% custody, we are way out of the realm of normal.

Even if the standard expectation was that an almost-ex wife is responsible for running an almost-ex husband’s home life, which PP have made it abundantly clear that I’m not, that would still be moot because my STBX is explosively angry and threatening and doesn’t communicate except via his attorney, and even then it is challenging to get answers about even urgent and required parenting issues. I’m not going to be sending an email to his attorney and be like “little Larlo wants Love Shack Fancy sheets from PBK Teen in Double size, here’s the link.”

Thank you to the sensible people who gave me intelligent guidance on this thread. I hope 2026 is better for us all.

He isn’t getting full custody. Be real. Do you have to? No. Will you get in trouble? No, of course not. Is helping because it benefits your child a good idea, yes. And, if you want to cleanly win, be smart about it. You do it and tell the could you are concerned about him meeting their needs as you bought the furniture, bedding, decor, clothing and supplies per his demand, for the kids as he refused to do it. Doing it will make you look like the bigger and more competent parent. Refusing causes drama and feeding into his behavior but giving him something to fight about.

Set up a pottery barn, target, amazon wish list for the kids rooms and be done with it. Then, if he doesn’t buy it, you say per his request I offered help and he did not follow through so no overnights till they have at least a bed, bedding, dresser, lamp, towels, hygiene and basic clothing.

Dear ex,

Here is a wishlist for the kids on my suggestions on what to buy. I choose pottery barn as the furniture comes fully assembled so you just have to make the beds and organize.

The kids don’t even know which rooms are supposed to be theirs. I don’t know what this house even looks like. I can’t shop for dressers for an imaginary space. I’m on temporary financial orders and barely able to buy groceries and pay for extracurriculars. No amount of desire to play by the rules you’re suggesting is going to make a Pottery Barn wishlist, shopping spree, or unsolicited furniture delivery happen.

I’m imagining sending the email you’re suggesting just to see what angry $600/hour screed his attorney would write in response. Thanks for the laugh.

Not telling you to buy it. Telling you to give a list to shut him up. There is clearly money if you can both fight like this via attorneys.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am not a lawyer, but all you have to do to be cooperative with dad's time is to have the kids available at the correct time/location. What furniture he does or does not have in his house is not your problem or issue. Trust your lawyer's advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

No she isn’t. Take your issues to your own thread and stop projecting them onto OP. She is under no obligation to decorate her ex husband’s house.

—NP

You don’t get it and that’s why you are divorced. It’s not about him, it’s about the kids and supporting them. This will have a long term impact on the kids and how you behave now the kids will model later on and that’s the point. They will repeat this in their own lives. If you love your kids, you do things you don’t want to for their sake.

OP and I love my kids, but I wasn’t asking “should” I furnish my STBX’s house. I was asking essentially if I’ll get in trouble for NOT stepping in and helping.

People are giving advice for “normal” coparenting relationships. Trust me, when a grown adult can’t even grasp that he needs to furnish a living space for his children yet sincerely believes he’ll get 100% custody, we are way out of the realm of normal.

Even if the standard expectation was that an almost-ex wife is responsible for running an almost-ex husband’s home life, which PP have made it abundantly clear that I’m not, that would still be moot because my STBX is explosively angry and threatening and doesn’t communicate except via his attorney, and even then it is challenging to get answers about even urgent and required parenting issues. I’m not going to be sending an email to his attorney and be like “little Larlo wants Love Shack Fancy sheets from PBK Teen in Double size, here’s the link.”

Thank you to the sensible people who gave me intelligent guidance on this thread. I hope 2026 is better for us all.

He isn’t getting full custody. Be real. Do you have to? No. Will you get in trouble? No, of course not. Is helping because it benefits your child a good idea, yes. And, if you want to cleanly win, be smart about it. You do it and tell the could you are concerned about him meeting their needs as you bought the furniture, bedding, decor, clothing and supplies per his demand, for the kids as he refused to do it. Doing it will make you look like the bigger and more competent parent. Refusing causes drama and feeding into his behavior but giving him something to fight about.

Set up a pottery barn, target, amazon wish list for the kids rooms and be done with it. Then, if he doesn’t buy it, you say per his request I offered help and he did not follow through so no overnights till they have at least a bed, bedding, dresser, lamp, towels, hygiene and basic clothing.

Dear ex,

Here is a wishlist for the kids on my suggestions on what to buy. I choose pottery barn as the furniture comes fully assembled so you just have to make the beds and organize.

Gross. Op doesn’t need to mommy her ex. It’s so sad you’re giving this advice to women in 2026. Seriously, grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

No she isn’t. Take your issues to your own thread and stop projecting them onto OP. She is under no obligation to decorate her ex husband’s house.

—NP

You don’t get it and that’s why you are divorced. It’s not about him, it’s about the kids and supporting them. This will have a long term impact on the kids and how you behave now the kids will model later on and that’s the point. They will repeat this in their own lives. If you love your kids, you do things you don’t want to for their sake.

OP and I love my kids, but I wasn’t asking “should” I furnish my STBX’s house. I was asking essentially if I’ll get in trouble for NOT stepping in and helping.

People are giving advice for “normal” coparenting relationships. Trust me, when a grown adult can’t even grasp that he needs to furnish a living space for his children yet sincerely believes he’ll get 100% custody, we are way out of the realm of normal.

Even if the standard expectation was that an almost-ex wife is responsible for running an almost-ex husband’s home life, which PP have made it abundantly clear that I’m not, that would still be moot because my STBX is explosively angry and threatening and doesn’t communicate except via his attorney, and even then it is challenging to get answers about even urgent and required parenting issues. I’m not going to be sending an email to his attorney and be like “little Larlo wants Love Shack Fancy sheets from PBK Teen in Double size, here’s the link.”

Thank you to the sensible people who gave me intelligent guidance on this thread. I hope 2026 is better for us all.

He isn’t getting full custody. Be real. Do you have to? No. Will you get in trouble? No, of course not. Is helping because it benefits your child a good idea, yes. And, if you want to cleanly win, be smart about it. You do it and tell the could you are concerned about him meeting their needs as you bought the furniture, bedding, decor, clothing and supplies per his demand, for the kids as he refused to do it. Doing it will make you look like the bigger and more competent parent. Refusing causes drama and feeding into his behavior but giving him something to fight about.

Set up a pottery barn, target, amazon wish list for the kids rooms and be done with it. Then, if he doesn’t buy it, you say per his request I offered help and he did not follow through so no overnights till they have at least a bed, bedding, dresser, lamp, towels, hygiene and basic clothing.

Dear ex,

Here is a wishlist for the kids on my suggestions on what to buy. I choose pottery barn as the furniture comes fully assembled so you just have to make the beds and organize.

The kids don’t even know which rooms are supposed to be theirs. I don’t know what this house even looks like. I can’t shop for dressers for an imaginary space. I’m on temporary financial orders and barely able to buy groceries and pay for extracurriculars. No amount of desire to play by the rules you’re suggesting is going to make a Pottery Barn wishlist, shopping spree, or unsolicited furniture delivery happen.

I’m imagining sending the email you’re suggesting just to see what angry $600/hour screed his attorney would write in response. Thanks for the laugh.

I am confused. It sounds like the kids haven't even had their first overnight, but you're judging him because the rooms aren't perfectly set up yet. It's normal, when moving into a new space, to take time to make decorating decisions. As long as there is a safe clean place for the kids to sleep, then you should be making an agreement for a regular schedule. Kids need to kno what to expect, and not to carry the immense burden of deciding on a custody schedule.

I'm not saying that he is or isn't, in other ways, a terrible co-parent. But this doesn't seem to be part of that. Making a big deal about this is not going to help your case when it comes to things that count.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

No she isn’t. Take your issues to your own thread and stop projecting them onto OP. She is under no obligation to decorate her ex husband’s house.

—NP

You don’t get it and that’s why you are divorced. It’s not about him, it’s about the kids and supporting them. This will have a long term impact on the kids and how you behave now the kids will model later on and that’s the point. They will repeat this in their own lives. If you love your kids, you do things you don’t want to for their sake.

OP and I love my kids, but I wasn’t asking “should” I furnish my STBX’s house. I was asking essentially if I’ll get in trouble for NOT stepping in and helping.

People are giving advice for “normal” coparenting relationships. Trust me, when a grown adult can’t even grasp that he needs to furnish a living space for his children yet sincerely believes he’ll get 100% custody, we are way out of the realm of normal.

Even if the standard expectation was that an almost-ex wife is responsible for running an almost-ex husband’s home life, which PP have made it abundantly clear that I’m not, that would still be moot because my STBX is explosively angry and threatening and doesn’t communicate except via his attorney, and even then it is challenging to get answers about even urgent and required parenting issues. I’m not going to be sending an email to his attorney and be like “little Larlo wants Love Shack Fancy sheets from PBK Teen in Double size, here’s the link.”

Thank you to the sensible people who gave me intelligent guidance on this thread. I hope 2026 is better for us all.

He isn’t getting full custody. Be real. Do you have to? No. Will you get in trouble? No, of course not. Is helping because it benefits your child a good idea, yes. And, if you want to cleanly win, be smart about it. You do it and tell the could you are concerned about him meeting their needs as you bought the furniture, bedding, decor, clothing and supplies per his demand, for the kids as he refused to do it. Doing it will make you look like the bigger and more competent parent. Refusing causes drama and feeding into his behavior but giving him something to fight about.

Set up a pottery barn, target, amazon wish list for the kids rooms and be done with it. Then, if he doesn’t buy it, you say per his request I offered help and he did not follow through so no overnights till they have at least a bed, bedding, dresser, lamp, towels, hygiene and basic clothing.

Dear ex,

Here is a wishlist for the kids on my suggestions on what to buy. I choose pottery barn as the furniture comes fully assembled so you just have to make the beds and organize.

Gross. Op doesn’t need to mommy her ex. It’s so sad you’re giving this advice to women in 2026. Seriously, grow up.

+1000. The last thing OP needs to do or should do is prepare a shopping list. I’m embarrassed for the poster that suggested that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

No she isn’t. Take your issues to your own thread and stop projecting them onto OP. She is under no obligation to decorate her ex husband’s house.

—NP

You don’t get it and that’s why you are divorced. It’s not about him, it’s about the kids and supporting them. This will have a long term impact on the kids and how you behave now the kids will model later on and that’s the point. They will repeat this in their own lives. If you love your kids, you do things you don’t want to for their sake.

OP and I love my kids, but I wasn’t asking “should” I furnish my STBX’s house. I was asking essentially if I’ll get in trouble for NOT stepping in and helping.

People are giving advice for “normal” coparenting relationships. Trust me, when a grown adult can’t even grasp that he needs to furnish a living space for his children yet sincerely believes he’ll get 100% custody, we are way out of the realm of normal.

Even if the standard expectation was that an almost-ex wife is responsible for running an almost-ex husband’s home life, which PP have made it abundantly clear that I’m not, that would still be moot because my STBX is explosively angry and threatening and doesn’t communicate except via his attorney, and even then it is challenging to get answers about even urgent and required parenting issues. I’m not going to be sending an email to his attorney and be like “little Larlo wants Love Shack Fancy sheets from PBK Teen in Double size, here’s the link.”

Thank you to the sensible people who gave me intelligent guidance on this thread. I hope 2026 is better for us all.

He isn’t getting full custody. Be real. Do you have to? No. Will you get in trouble? No, of course not. Is helping because it benefits your child a good idea, yes. And, if you want to cleanly win, be smart about it. You do it and tell the could you are concerned about him meeting their needs as you bought the furniture, bedding, decor, clothing and supplies per his demand, for the kids as he refused to do it. Doing it will make you look like the bigger and more competent parent. Refusing causes drama and feeding into his behavior but giving him something to fight about.

Set up a pottery barn, target, amazon wish list for the kids rooms and be done with it. Then, if he doesn’t buy it, you say per his request I offered help and he did not follow through so no overnights till they have at least a bed, bedding, dresser, lamp, towels, hygiene and basic clothing.

Dear ex,

Here is a wishlist for the kids on my suggestions on what to buy. I choose pottery barn as the furniture comes fully assembled so you just have to make the beds and organize.

Gross. Op doesn’t need to mommy her ex. It’s so sad you’re giving this advice to women in 2026. Seriously, grow up.

It’s for the kids, not him. She is hostile and uncooperative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

No she isn’t. Take your issues to your own thread and stop projecting them onto OP. She is under no obligation to decorate her ex husband’s house.

—NP

You don’t get it and that’s why you are divorced. It’s not about him, it’s about the kids and supporting them. This will have a long term impact on the kids and how you behave now the kids will model later on and that’s the point. They will repeat this in their own lives. If you love your kids, you do things you don’t want to for their sake.

OP and I love my kids, but I wasn’t asking “should” I furnish my STBX’s house. I was asking essentially if I’ll get in trouble for NOT stepping in and helping.

People are giving advice for “normal” coparenting relationships. Trust me, when a grown adult can’t even grasp that he needs to furnish a living space for his children yet sincerely believes he’ll get 100% custody, we are way out of the realm of normal.

Even if the standard expectation was that an almost-ex wife is responsible for running an almost-ex husband’s home life, which PP have made it abundantly clear that I’m not, that would still be moot because my STBX is explosively angry and threatening and doesn’t communicate except via his attorney, and even then it is challenging to get answers about even urgent and required parenting issues. I’m not going to be sending an email to his attorney and be like “little Larlo wants Love Shack Fancy sheets from PBK Teen in Double size, here’s the link.”

Thank you to the sensible people who gave me intelligent guidance on this thread. I hope 2026 is better for us all.

He isn’t getting full custody. Be real. Do you have to? No. Will you get in trouble? No, of course not. Is helping because it benefits your child a good idea, yes. And, if you want to cleanly win, be smart about it. You do it and tell the could you are concerned about him meeting their needs as you bought the furniture, bedding, decor, clothing and supplies per his demand, for the kids as he refused to do it. Doing it will make you look like the bigger and more competent parent. Refusing causes drama and feeding into his behavior but giving him something to fight about.

Set up a pottery barn, target, amazon wish list for the kids rooms and be done with it. Then, if he doesn’t buy it, you say per his request I offered help and he did not follow through so no overnights till they have at least a bed, bedding, dresser, lamp, towels, hygiene and basic clothing.

Dear ex,

Here is a wishlist for the kids on my suggestions on what to buy. I choose pottery barn as the furniture comes fully assembled so you just have to make the beds and organize.

The kids don’t even know which rooms are supposed to be theirs. I don’t know what this house even looks like. I can’t shop for dressers for an imaginary space. I’m on temporary financial orders and barely able to buy groceries and pay for extracurriculars. No amount of desire to play by the rules you’re suggesting is going to make a Pottery Barn wishlist, shopping spree, or unsolicited furniture delivery happen.

I’m imagining sending the email you’re suggesting just to see what angry $600/hour screed his attorney would write in response. Thanks for the laugh.

I am confused. It sounds like the kids haven't even had their first overnight, but you're judging him because the rooms aren't perfectly set up yet. It's normal, when moving into a new space, to take time to make decorating decisions. As long as there is a safe clean place for the kids to sleep, then you should be making an agreement for a regular schedule. Kids need to kno what to expect, and not to carry the immense burden of deciding on a custody schedule.

I'm not saying that he is or isn't, in other ways, a terrible co-parent. But this doesn't seem to be part of that. Making a big deal about this is not going to help your case when it comes to things that count.

Op doesn’t want them to see their dad and is actively trying to block it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

No she isn’t. Take your issues to your own thread and stop projecting them onto OP. She is under no obligation to decorate her ex husband’s house.

—NP

You don’t get it and that’s why you are divorced. It’s not about him, it’s about the kids and supporting them. This will have a long term impact on the kids and how you behave now the kids will model later on and that’s the point. They will repeat this in their own lives. If you love your kids, you do things you don’t want to for their sake.

OP and I love my kids, but I wasn’t asking “should” I furnish my STBX’s house. I was asking essentially if I’ll get in trouble for NOT stepping in and helping.

People are giving advice for “normal” coparenting relationships. Trust me, when a grown adult can’t even grasp that he needs to furnish a living space for his children yet sincerely believes he’ll get 100% custody, we are way out of the realm of normal.

Even if the standard expectation was that an almost-ex wife is responsible for running an almost-ex husband’s home life, which PP have made it abundantly clear that I’m not, that would still be moot because my STBX is explosively angry and threatening and doesn’t communicate except via his attorney, and even then it is challenging to get answers about even urgent and required parenting issues. I’m not going to be sending an email to his attorney and be like “little Larlo wants Love Shack Fancy sheets from PBK Teen in Double size, here’s the link.”

Thank you to the sensible people who gave me intelligent guidance on this thread. I hope 2026 is better for us all.

He isn’t getting full custody. Be real. Do you have to? No. Will you get in trouble? No, of course not. Is helping because it benefits your child a good idea, yes. And, if you want to cleanly win, be smart about it. You do it and tell the could you are concerned about him meeting their needs as you bought the furniture, bedding, decor, clothing and supplies per his demand, for the kids as he refused to do it. Doing it will make you look like the bigger and more competent parent. Refusing causes drama and feeding into his behavior but giving him something to fight about.

Set up a pottery barn, target, amazon wish list for the kids rooms and be done with it. Then, if he doesn’t buy it, you say per his request I offered help and he did not follow through so no overnights till they have at least a bed, bedding, dresser, lamp, towels, hygiene and basic clothing.

Dear ex,

Here is a wishlist for the kids on my suggestions on what to buy. I choose pottery barn as the furniture comes fully assembled so you just have to make the beds and organize.

The kids don’t even know which rooms are supposed to be theirs. I don’t know what this house even looks like. I can’t shop for dressers for an imaginary space. I’m on temporary financial orders and barely able to buy groceries and pay for extracurriculars. No amount of desire to play by the rules you’re suggesting is going to make a Pottery Barn wishlist, shopping spree, or unsolicited furniture delivery happen.

I’m imagining sending the email you’re suggesting just to see what angry $600/hour screed his attorney would write in response. Thanks for the laugh.

I am confused. It sounds like the kids haven't even had their first overnight, but you're judging him because the rooms aren't perfectly set up yet. It's normal, when moving into a new space, to take time to make decorating decisions. As long as there is a safe clean place for the kids to sleep, then you should be making an agreement for a regular schedule. Kids need to kno what to expect, and not to carry the immense burden of deciding on a custody schedule.

I'm not saying that he is or isn't, in other ways, a terrible co-parent. But this doesn't seem to be part of that. Making a big deal about this is not going to help your case when it comes to things that count.

Op doesn’t want them to see their dad and is actively trying to block it.

How is op blocking her ex decorating his house??

Always remember: if he wanted to he would.

This guy can’t even tell the kids which room is theirs. They’ve been upstairs once. Stop blaming op for a man’s mistakes, it’s not a cute look. Women aren’t responsible for men’s f*** ups. He’s a big boy. He can parent if he feels like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

No she isn’t. Take your issues to your own thread and stop projecting them onto OP. She is under no obligation to decorate her ex husband’s house.

—NP

You don’t get it and that’s why you are divorced. It’s not about him, it’s about the kids and supporting them. This will have a long term impact on the kids and how you behave now the kids will model later on and that’s the point. They will repeat this in their own lives. If you love your kids, you do things you don’t want to for their sake.

OP and I love my kids, but I wasn’t asking “should” I furnish my STBX’s house. I was asking essentially if I’ll get in trouble for NOT stepping in and helping.

People are giving advice for “normal” coparenting relationships. Trust me, when a grown adult can’t even grasp that he needs to furnish a living space for his children yet sincerely believes he’ll get 100% custody, we are way out of the realm of normal.

Even if the standard expectation was that an almost-ex wife is responsible for running an almost-ex husband’s home life, which PP have made it abundantly clear that I’m not, that would still be moot because my STBX is explosively angry and threatening and doesn’t communicate except via his attorney, and even then it is challenging to get answers about even urgent and required parenting issues. I’m not going to be sending an email to his attorney and be like “little Larlo wants Love Shack Fancy sheets from PBK Teen in Double size, here’s the link.”

Thank you to the sensible people who gave me intelligent guidance on this thread. I hope 2026 is better for us all.

He isn’t getting full custody. Be real. Do you have to? No. Will you get in trouble? No, of course not. Is helping because it benefits your child a good idea, yes. And, if you want to cleanly win, be smart about it. You do it and tell the could you are concerned about him meeting their needs as you bought the furniture, bedding, decor, clothing and supplies per his demand, for the kids as he refused to do it. Doing it will make you look like the bigger and more competent parent. Refusing causes drama and feeding into his behavior but giving him something to fight about.

Set up a pottery barn, target, amazon wish list for the kids rooms and be done with it. Then, if he doesn’t buy it, you say per his request I offered help and he did not follow through so no overnights till they have at least a bed, bedding, dresser, lamp, towels, hygiene and basic clothing.

Dear ex,

Here is a wishlist for the kids on my suggestions on what to buy. I choose pottery barn as the furniture comes fully assembled so you just have to make the beds and organize.

The kids don’t even know which rooms are supposed to be theirs. I don’t know what this house even looks like. I can’t shop for dressers for an imaginary space. I’m on temporary financial orders and barely able to buy groceries and pay for extracurriculars. No amount of desire to play by the rules you’re suggesting is going to make a Pottery Barn wishlist, shopping spree, or unsolicited furniture delivery happen.

I’m imagining sending the email you’re suggesting just to see what angry $600/hour screed his attorney would write in response. Thanks for the laugh.

I am confused. It sounds like the kids haven't even had their first overnight, but you're judging him because the rooms aren't perfectly set up yet. It's normal, when moving into a new space, to take time to make decorating decisions. As long as there is a safe clean place for the kids to sleep, then you should be making an agreement for a regular schedule. Kids need to kno what to expect, and not to carry the immense burden of deciding on a custody schedule.

I'm not saying that he is or isn't, in other ways, a terrible co-parent. But this doesn't seem to be part of that. Making a big deal about this is not going to help your case when it comes to things that count.

They haven’t had an overnight and he isn’t making any movement towards agreeing to a schedule with overnights. I believe he is overwhelmed by pretty much every aspect of parenting within the new framework of our family and relationship. So I posted my original post because I was wondering if, because he seems to be stuck, I have responsibility to help him get unstuck. The consensus is no, so we can all move on. I am not restricting any visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

No she isn’t. Take your issues to your own thread and stop projecting them onto OP. She is under no obligation to decorate her ex husband’s house.

—NP

You don’t get it and that’s why you are divorced. It’s not about him, it’s about the kids and supporting them. This will have a long term impact on the kids and how you behave now the kids will model later on and that’s the point. They will repeat this in their own lives. If you love your kids, you do things you don’t want to for their sake.

OP and I love my kids, but I wasn’t asking “should” I furnish my STBX’s house. I was asking essentially if I’ll get in trouble for NOT stepping in and helping.

People are giving advice for “normal” coparenting relationships. Trust me, when a grown adult can’t even grasp that he needs to furnish a living space for his children yet sincerely believes he’ll get 100% custody, we are way out of the realm of normal.

Even if the standard expectation was that an almost-ex wife is responsible for running an almost-ex husband’s home life, which PP have made it abundantly clear that I’m not, that would still be moot because my STBX is explosively angry and threatening and doesn’t communicate except via his attorney, and even then it is challenging to get answers about even urgent and required parenting issues. I’m not going to be sending an email to his attorney and be like “little Larlo wants Love Shack Fancy sheets from PBK Teen in Double size, here’s the link.”

Thank you to the sensible people who gave me intelligent guidance on this thread. I hope 2026 is better for us all.

He isn’t getting full custody. Be real. Do you have to? No. Will you get in trouble? No, of course not. Is helping because it benefits your child a good idea, yes. And, if you want to cleanly win, be smart about it. You do it and tell the could you are concerned about him meeting their needs as you bought the furniture, bedding, decor, clothing and supplies per his demand, for the kids as he refused to do it. Doing it will make you look like the bigger and more competent parent. Refusing causes drama and feeding into his behavior but giving him something to fight about.

Set up a pottery barn, target, amazon wish list for the kids rooms and be done with it. Then, if he doesn’t buy it, you say per his request I offered help and he did not follow through so no overnights till they have at least a bed, bedding, dresser, lamp, towels, hygiene and basic clothing.

Dear ex,

Here is a wishlist for the kids on my suggestions on what to buy. I choose pottery barn as the furniture comes fully assembled so you just have to make the beds and organize.

Gross. Op doesn’t need to mommy her ex. It’s so sad you’re giving this advice to women in 2026. Seriously, grow up.

It’s for the kids, not him. She is hostile and uncooperative.

She’s not hostile lol. You’re ridiculous. It sounds like you enjoy mommying your husband, but it’s no longer OPs responsibility. Her house is prepared for the kids. If his isn’t, they are welcome to stay with her. If he decides to sort his shit out as a functional adult and parent, it’s his choice and his alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

No she isn’t. Take your issues to your own thread and stop projecting them onto OP. She is under no obligation to decorate her ex husband’s house.

—NP

You don’t get it and that’s why you are divorced. It’s not about him, it’s about the kids and supporting them. This will have a long term impact on the kids and how you behave now the kids will model later on and that’s the point. They will repeat this in their own lives. If you love your kids, you do things you don’t want to for their sake.

OP and I love my kids, but I wasn’t asking “should” I furnish my STBX’s house. I was asking essentially if I’ll get in trouble for NOT stepping in and helping.

People are giving advice for “normal” coparenting relationships. Trust me, when a grown adult can’t even grasp that he needs to furnish a living space for his children yet sincerely believes he’ll get 100% custody, we are way out of the realm of normal.

Even if the standard expectation was that an almost-ex wife is responsible for running an almost-ex husband’s home life, which PP have made it abundantly clear that I’m not, that would still be moot because my STBX is explosively angry and threatening and doesn’t communicate except via his attorney, and even then it is challenging to get answers about even urgent and required parenting issues. I’m not going to be sending an email to his attorney and be like “little Larlo wants Love Shack Fancy sheets from PBK Teen in Double size, here’s the link.”

Thank you to the sensible people who gave me intelligent guidance on this thread. I hope 2026 is better for us all.

He isn’t getting full custody. Be real. Do you have to? No. Will you get in trouble? No, of course not. Is helping because it benefits your child a good idea, yes. And, if you want to cleanly win, be smart about it. You do it and tell the could you are concerned about him meeting their needs as you bought the furniture, bedding, decor, clothing and supplies per his demand, for the kids as he refused to do it. Doing it will make you look like the bigger and more competent parent. Refusing causes drama and feeding into his behavior but giving him something to fight about.

Set up a pottery barn, target, amazon wish list for the kids rooms and be done with it. Then, if he doesn’t buy it, you say per his request I offered help and he did not follow through so no overnights till they have at least a bed, bedding, dresser, lamp, towels, hygiene and basic clothing.

Dear ex,

Here is a wishlist for the kids on my suggestions on what to buy. I choose pottery barn as the furniture comes fully assembled so you just have to make the beds and organize.

Gross. Op doesn’t need to mommy her ex. It’s so sad you’re giving this advice to women in 2026. Seriously, grow up.

It’s for the kids, not him. She is hostile and uncooperative.

Because she is not telling the competent parent of her children to buy furniture? Are you serious or are you just trolling here? He can figure this out on his own for his kids in his home. If the kids sleep on a couch or the floor for a night or two, I promise that they are okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

No she isn’t. Take your issues to your own thread and stop projecting them onto OP. She is under no obligation to decorate her ex husband’s house.

—NP

You don’t get it and that’s why you are divorced. It’s not about him, it’s about the kids and supporting them. This will have a long term impact on the kids and how you behave now the kids will model later on and that’s the point. They will repeat this in their own lives. If you love your kids, you do things you don’t want to for their sake.

OP and I love my kids, but I wasn’t asking “should” I furnish my STBX’s house. I was asking essentially if I’ll get in trouble for NOT stepping in and helping.

People are giving advice for “normal” coparenting relationships. Trust me, when a grown adult can’t even grasp that he needs to furnish a living space for his children yet sincerely believes he’ll get 100% custody, we are way out of the realm of normal.

Even if the standard expectation was that an almost-ex wife is responsible for running an almost-ex husband’s home life, which PP have made it abundantly clear that I’m not, that would still be moot because my STBX is explosively angry and threatening and doesn’t communicate except via his attorney, and even then it is challenging to get answers about even urgent and required parenting issues. I’m not going to be sending an email to his attorney and be like “little Larlo wants Love Shack Fancy sheets from PBK Teen in Double size, here’s the link.”

Thank you to the sensible people who gave me intelligent guidance on this thread. I hope 2026 is better for us all.

He isn’t getting full custody. Be real. Do you have to? No. Will you get in trouble? No, of course not. Is helping because it benefits your child a good idea, yes. And, if you want to cleanly win, be smart about it. You do it and tell the could you are concerned about him meeting their needs as you bought the furniture, bedding, decor, clothing and supplies per his demand, for the kids as he refused to do it. Doing it will make you look like the bigger and more competent parent. Refusing causes drama and feeding into his behavior but giving him something to fight about.

Set up a pottery barn, target, amazon wish list for the kids rooms and be done with it. Then, if he doesn’t buy it, you say per his request I offered help and he did not follow through so no overnights till they have at least a bed, bedding, dresser, lamp, towels, hygiene and basic clothing.

Dear ex,

Here is a wishlist for the kids on my suggestions on what to buy. I choose pottery barn as the furniture comes fully assembled so you just have to make the beds and organize.

The kids don’t even know which rooms are supposed to be theirs. I don’t know what this house even looks like. I can’t shop for dressers for an imaginary space. I’m on temporary financial orders and barely able to buy groceries and pay for extracurriculars. No amount of desire to play by the rules you’re suggesting is going to make a Pottery Barn wishlist, shopping spree, or unsolicited furniture delivery happen.

I’m imagining sending the email you’re suggesting just to see what angry $600/hour screed his attorney would write in response. Thanks for the laugh.

I am confused. It sounds like the kids haven't even had their first overnight, but you're judging him because the rooms aren't perfectly set up yet. It's normal, when moving into a new space, to take time to make decorating decisions. As long as there is a safe clean place for the kids to sleep, then you should be making an agreement for a regular schedule. Kids need to kno what to expect, and not to carry the immense burden of deciding on a custody schedule.

I'm not saying that he is or isn't, in other ways, a terrible co-parent. But this doesn't seem to be part of that. Making a big deal about this is not going to help your case when it comes to things that count.

They haven’t had an overnight and he isn’t making any movement towards agreeing to a schedule with overnights. I believe he is overwhelmed by pretty much every aspect of parenting within the new framework of our family and relationship. So I posted my original post because I was wondering if, because he seems to be stuck, I have responsibility to help him get unstuck. The consensus is no, so we can all move on. I am not restricting any visits.

OP, don’t let these men (or misogynistic women) get you down. You’re doing everything right. Follow your lawyers advice and you’ll be fine! Support your kids, be there for them, and you’ll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

No she isn’t. Take your issues to your own thread and stop projecting them onto OP. She is under no obligation to decorate her ex husband’s house.

—NP

You don’t get it and that’s why you are divorced. It’s not about him, it’s about the kids and supporting them. This will have a long term impact on the kids and how you behave now the kids will model later on and that’s the point. They will repeat this in their own lives. If you love your kids, you do things you don’t want to for their sake.

OP and I love my kids, but I wasn’t asking “should” I furnish my STBX’s house. I was asking essentially if I’ll get in trouble for NOT stepping in and helping.

People are giving advice for “normal” coparenting relationships. Trust me, when a grown adult can’t even grasp that he needs to furnish a living space for his children yet sincerely believes he’ll get 100% custody, we are way out of the realm of normal.

Even if the standard expectation was that an almost-ex wife is responsible for running an almost-ex husband’s home life, which PP have made it abundantly clear that I’m not, that would still be moot because my STBX is explosively angry and threatening and doesn’t communicate except via his attorney, and even then it is challenging to get answers about even urgent and required parenting issues. I’m not going to be sending an email to his attorney and be like “little Larlo wants Love Shack Fancy sheets from PBK Teen in Double size, here’s the link.”

Thank you to the sensible people who gave me intelligent guidance on this thread. I hope 2026 is better for us all.

He isn’t getting full custody. Be real. Do you have to? No. Will you get in trouble? No, of course not. Is helping because it benefits your child a good idea, yes. And, if you want to cleanly win, be smart about it. You do it and tell the could you are concerned about him meeting their needs as you bought the furniture, bedding, decor, clothing and supplies per his demand, for the kids as he refused to do it. Doing it will make you look like the bigger and more competent parent. Refusing causes drama and feeding into his behavior but giving him something to fight about.

Set up a pottery barn, target, amazon wish list for the kids rooms and be done with it. Then, if he doesn’t buy it, you say per his request I offered help and he did not follow through so no overnights till they have at least a bed, bedding, dresser, lamp, towels, hygiene and basic clothing.

Dear ex,

Here is a wishlist for the kids on my suggestions on what to buy. I choose pottery barn as the furniture comes fully assembled so you just have to make the beds and organize.

The kids don’t even know which rooms are supposed to be theirs. I don’t know what this house even looks like. I can’t shop for dressers for an imaginary space. I’m on temporary financial orders and barely able to buy groceries and pay for extracurriculars. No amount of desire to play by the rules you’re suggesting is going to make a Pottery Barn wishlist, shopping spree, or unsolicited furniture delivery happen.

I’m imagining sending the email you’re suggesting just to see what angry $600/hour screed his attorney would write in response. Thanks for the laugh.

I am confused. It sounds like the kids haven't even had their first overnight, but you're judging him because the rooms aren't perfectly set up yet. It's normal, when moving into a new space, to take time to make decorating decisions. As long as there is a safe clean place for the kids to sleep, then you should be making an agreement for a regular schedule. Kids need to kno what to expect, and not to carry the immense burden of deciding on a custody schedule.

I'm not saying that he is or isn't, in other ways, a terrible co-parent. But this doesn't seem to be part of that. Making a big deal about this is not going to help your case when it comes to things that count.

They haven’t had an overnight and he isn’t making any movement towards agreeing to a schedule with overnights. I believe he is overwhelmed by pretty much every aspect of parenting within the new framework of our family and relationship. So I posted my original post because I was wondering if, because he seems to be stuck, I have responsibility to help him get unstuck. The consensus is no, so we can all move on. I am not restricting any visits.

You have ZERO responsibility to “help him get unstuck.” He has shown that he is able to hire a lawyer. He can hire someone to help buy furniture or consult with a family member or friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are hostile and uncooperative. You need to find a way to work with him and communicate with him for your children's sake. If you want to use their rooms as an excuse so they cannot have overnights or visits, that's hurting your kids.

Send him to pottery barn, crate and barrell or a company with free design services and tell him schedule an in-person or online appointment and they can guide him and the kids through choosing furniture, bedding, etc. Tell him the kids sizes and what stores to take them to. Its about your kids not you.

My husband's ex was horribly hostile to him and used the kids to get at him. (she had the affair, not him, he tried to stay for the kids and ignore it). He's a great husband and father, but even with our kids, he has no clue the sizes and other things as we divide and conquer on who does what and I do the shopping for everyone including him. Could he figure it out, sure, but at this point, so could my teens but I would help for our kids sake. I've seen the outcome of parents fighting and one keeping the other parent from the kids. None of his adults kids are in healthy relationships or stable. One is going through their own terrible divorce and he's in a horrific custody battle with a woman exactly like his mom.

How come your grown adult husband cannot figure out his own children’s shoe size?