There are a lot of single women looking

[Anonymous]

For years, I have been called "selfish" on DCUM for being a single mom by choice. Maybe the pendulum is swinging? When I first became a single mom by choice some 15 years ago, it was a bit of a stigma. Now I know tons of fellow DC single moms by choice.



Yes, I'm effectively a parent to 2 lovely small children and 1 utterly lousy teenager I never asked for. I wish I had had the courage to say screw the stigma and be a single mom by choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons a single Jewish women in their 30s and 40s

I’m not into them but that’s the majority of my matches on hinge

How do you know that they are single? I’m not Jewish but I’m a married (semi-separated) woman in my 40s on Hinge 😀
I’ve met several men in their 30s and 40s through Hinge who look good and have decent jobs but haven’t dated for a year or more. They say that there is a shortage of women who want to date - many of them ignore their invitations to meet even once.

Late 40s woman. I dated 4 so-called "high quality" men in spring-summer simultaneously. Every single of them had all formal attributes of high value: I would classify them 6-7-7-6. All of them were within 5-10 years of my age, in either direction. Two of them complained they were unable to find a woman who would commit. Anyone they were interested in wouldn't commit to date exclusively

I'm 5'7; 20 BMI ; 48 yo; high NW divorced F.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am (47) recently divorced and finally checked out the apps for the first time. I am interested in women 37 and older. I was very surprised by the huge number of single women in this age bracket. Of course, it doesn't mean I am who they are looking for and it's probably more likely than I am not. But I went through a lot of well put together profiles and I am just surprised all these women are single. Yes there are probably more women than men in this age group, but it's as if all of them are single.

If I were to lower my age range to 30, it's probably going to be a similar story. But 10 years age gap is the most I'll go for as I am looking beyond just hooking up.

So guys out there who are single and looking, you have choices.

Speaking as a fellow divorced guy, you're missing the reason why these women are single: Higher standards. Women don't see being single the way they did back when you were last on the market.

20 years ago, a woman single in her 30s and 40s would settle for some guy she wasn't particularly attracted to and knew she was going to end up divorcing. The goal was just to get a marriage under the belt because "divorced" at 40 was better than never married at 40.

Nowadays, women are happy to stay single the rest of their lives rather than settle. This is triply true for women who are divorced. A lot of them hated being married and living with a man, and need a really, really, really good offer to consider going back to it.

So, while there are a lot of single women on the market, your chances are probably worse nowadays than they were 20 years ago. The lady who is going to want to get serious and actually stay with you isn't going to be as hot, smart, or emotionally stable as the one who would've wanted you 20 years ago. The woman you think is ideal will break up with you after three to six months today, if she even shows up to date #2.

I'm not going to give my take on whether women's standards today make sense or if the problem is men or whatever. Just laying out the scene.

OP here. Thanks for making excellent points. In fact I am talking to a woman who is 41 and I picked up many of the points that you made. At first I thought it's because I have been out of the market for 22 years, but then I realized the expectations are just not the same anymore. I don't have an opinion whether it's good or bad, but I am finding the journey interesting. This woman I'm taking to she is gorgeous. She has never been married, she has no kids, she owns her house and has a great career. I think she is talking to me just out of interest because she told me straight out that she wants to experience what my first wife experienced (all the milestones etc) and she rightfully said she won't be able to experience that with a divorced man.

Yep, that's what I'm talking about. 20 years ago, she'd have taken a twice divorced dad of 10 kids just to get married ASAP and she'dve stuck with him. Now? If she ever decides to get hitched, big IF there, then she'll pop out a kid in a hurry. After that, she'll start giving the guy a side eye. Countdown to the divorce. A couple of years tops. What she really wanted was the experience and the kid, and then back to her freedom. Seen it over and over. Not saying it's good or bad. Just saying times have changed.

Freedoms from what?

Freedom to do what?

My response:

Freed from : 24/7 labor at work AND home that takes my time away from things and people that truly interest me. Freedom from my exH old and idiotic friends, his rude behavior, constant control, need to praise him, need to open legs every night every when I don't want to and tired because there is "spousal duty".

Freedom to: focus on people and things that matter to me, and on my own well being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For years, I have been called "selfish" on DCUM for being a single mom by choice. Maybe the pendulum is swinging? When I first became a single mom by choice some 15 years ago, it was a bit of a stigma. Now I know tons of fellow DC single moms by choice.

Yes, I'm effectively a parent to 2 lovely small children and 1 utterly lousy teenager I never asked for. I wish I had had the courage to say screw the stigma and be a single mom by choice.

PP here -- I was one of those who thought being a single mom by choice was selfish...until I realized too late through painful experience that most married moms are single moms by force.

How many men actually play a consistent and equal role in the socioemotional lives and moral shaping of their children, much less participate in each of the decisions and responsibilities necessary to raise their child?

They approach parenting as if they're a posh patron at a restaurant who should be handed a menu by a waitress a.k.a. their wife, and asked to select which task suits them at any given time, with selecting nothing at all being a viable option according to their whim. It's disgusting laziness and arrogance.

In the process, they end up being worse than no father at all because their presence corrodes the household. They corrupt the sons in the household into growing up into lazy, arrogant little tools like their fathers who expect to be applauded for rolling over. They send the indelible message to the daughters that men are a special class above women no matter what society claims. They run their wives emotionally and physically into the ground. And then they wait their applause for gaining to continue living in the household and not abandoning the family. An utter clown show.

The amount of cope among moms is epic. So many women who would consider their husbands the most worthless person they know if he were a woman will say stupid things like, "Oh, he's definitely hands on. He helps do laundry and takes the kids out." Implicit in that is a recognition that doing nothing at all is always an option for men, so when he does something, he's a rockstar. That's freaking ridiculous.

I will always regret that I was not a single mom by choice. I thought long and hard about it, but I didn't want my children and I to deal with the stigma. Now, I look over at this tiresome man living in the same house as me and I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make him disappear most days. At least then I wouldn't have to wrangle stupid issues like yes, you should empty the lint from the dryer and yes, if you have to leave chores to go handle a work assignment, then you have to return to the chores and finish them because you don't have a freaking slave here. Mind you, every mom I know would tell you that I have it good because their husbands are even more stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tons a single Jewish women in their 30s and 40s

I’m not into them but that’s the majority of my matches on hinge

Are they divorced? Or never married?

Does that mean there are also tons of single Jewish men on Hinge? Or are they getting snapped up by mon-Jewish women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Might be true for some women, but not as widespread as you assert.

Np

Staying single rather than settle - especially if children are a consideration - needs to be widespread.

Apparently you do not know many folks age 50 and above who are single. They complain of loneliness. Better to have a companion than to suffer through a lonely life.

You know what is the worst thing in old age? Being coupled with someone you can't stand. That is much lonlier than being single. Just ask my parents. It sucks. That is truly the worst thing.

100% correct. I met a woman who is 62 and she remarried 5 years ago. She said worst mistake of her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes there are because while a man who is say 35 can have up to 3 quality women to choose from, the same cannot be said for women. And I say this as guy who recently got married. I am 38 and I have more friends that are single than married. For most of them their current girlfriends or the ones they have dated in the past have or have had better career than them.

Men drop out of the dating market if they are not happy in their career. Unfortunately we see a very disturbing trend among men between 30 and 45. They are chronically underemployed, have substance abuse issues, and in poor physical and mental shape
And they have significantly less friends than men their peers in the past. Career satisfaction is really important for a man's ego. If he feels that he has been a failure career wise, he is very unlikely to enter the dating market. So women are waiting for men that don't exist today and that will probably not exist tomorrow either.

I think a lot of women will sadly end up single forever. Not because they are picky or not trying hard enough, but because there are simply not enough qiality men to choose from.

Now I am sure you have taken stats 101, so.if you are the exception I am not talking about you. You are an outlier.

Agree.

Be happy with your friends, hobbies, family, career and if a rare man with his act together comes along, super bonus.

This is what I advised my daughter. No need to rush.

[Anonymous]

Yes there a lot of single women. And some desperately want to be in a relationship. I have couple of friends (41 & 43) who are single and now they are considering divorced men as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons a single Jewish women in their 30s and 40s

I’m not into them but that’s the majority of my matches on hinge

How do you know that they are single? I’m not Jewish but I’m a married (semi-separated) woman in my 40s on Hinge 😀
I’ve met several men in their 30s and 40s through Hinge who look good and have decent jobs but haven’t dated for a year or more. They say that there is a shortage of women who want to date - many of them ignore their invitations to meet even once.

Late 40s woman. I dated 4 so-called "high quality" men in spring-summer simultaneously. Every single of them had all formal attributes of high value: I would classify them 6-7-7-6. All of them were within 5-10 years of my age, in either direction. Two of them complained they were unable to find a woman who would commit. Anyone they were interested in wouldn't commit to date exclusively

I'm 5'7; 20 BMI ; 48 yo; high NW divorced F.

Did you end up with any of them or what happened?

Also, what's 6776?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For years, I have been called "selfish" on DCUM for being a single mom by choice. Maybe the pendulum is swinging? When I first became a single mom by choice some 15 years ago, it was a bit of a stigma. Now I know tons of fellow DC single moms by choice.

Yes, I'm effectively a parent to 2 lovely small children and 1 utterly lousy teenager I never asked for. I wish I had had the courage to say screw the stigma and be a single mom by choice.

PP here -- I was one of those who thought being a single mom by choice was selfish...until I realized too late through painful experience that most married moms are single moms by force.

How many men actually play a consistent and equal role in the socioemotional lives and moral shaping of their children, much less participate in each of the decisions and responsibilities necessary to raise their child?

They approach parenting as if they're a posh patron at a restaurant who should be handed a menu by a waitress a.k.a. their wife, and asked to select which task suits them at any given time, with selecting nothing at all being a viable option according to their whim. It's disgusting laziness and arrogance.

In the process, they end up being worse than no father at all because their presence corrodes the household. They corrupt the sons in the household into growing up into lazy, arrogant little tools like their fathers who expect to be applauded for rolling over. They send the indelible message to the daughters that men are a special class above women no matter what society claims. They run their wives emotionally and physically into the ground. And then they wait their applause for gaining to continue living in the household and not abandoning the family. An utter clown show.

The amount of cope among moms is epic. So many women who would consider their husbands the most worthless person they know if he were a woman will say stupid things like, "Oh, he's definitely hands on. He helps do laundry and takes the kids out." Implicit in that is a recognition that doing nothing at all is always an option for men, so when he does something, he's a rockstar. That's freaking ridiculous.

I will always regret that I was not a single mom by choice. I thought long and hard about it, but I didn't want my children and I to deal with the stigma. Now, I look over at this tiresome man living in the same house as me and I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make him disappear most days. At least then I wouldn't have to wrangle stupid issues like yes, you should empty the lint from the dryer and yes, if you have to leave chores to go handle a work assignment, then you have to return to the chores and finish them because you don't have a freaking slave here. Mind you, every mom I know would tell you that I have it good because their husbands are even more stupid.

Much love to you, PP. We're in the trenches together. Money is all men ever wanted to offer and any woman who can make her own would be wise to opt out. Penis is the world's cheapest and most ubiquitous commodity. A man who can't coparent without marriage would be a shit father in marriage anyway. No need to let a man colonize your life to have sex and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am (47) recently divorced and finally checked out the apps for the first time. I am interested in women 37 and older. I was very surprised by the huge number of single women in this age bracket. Of course, it doesn't mean I am who they are looking for and it's probably more likely than I am not. But I went through a lot of well put together profiles and I am just surprised all these women are single. Yes there are probably more women than men in this age group, but it's as if all of them are single.

If I were to lower my age range to 30, it's probably going to be a similar story. But 10 years age gap is the most I'll go for as I am looking beyond just hooking up.

So guys out there who are single and looking, you have choices.

Speaking as a fellow divorced guy, you're missing the reason why these women are single: Higher standards. Women don't see being single the way they did back when you were last on the market.

20 years ago, a woman single in her 30s and 40s would settle for some guy she wasn't particularly attracted to and knew she was going to end up divorcing. The goal was just to get a marriage under the belt because "divorced" at 40 was better than never married at 40.

Nowadays, women are happy to stay single the rest of their lives rather than settle. This is triply true for women who are divorced. A lot of them hated being married and living with a man, and need a really, really, really good offer to consider going back to it.

So, while there are a lot of single women on the market, your chances are probably worse nowadays than they were 20 years ago. The lady who is going to want to get serious and actually stay with you isn't going to be as hot, smart, or emotionally stable as the one who would've wanted you 20 years ago. The woman you think is ideal will break up with you after three to six months today, if she even shows up to date #2.

I'm not going to give my take on whether women's standards today make sense or if the problem is men or whatever. Just laying out the scene.

OP here. Thanks for making excellent points. In fact I am talking to a woman who is 41 and I picked up many of the points that you made. At first I thought it's because I have been out of the market for 22 years, but then I realized the expectations are just not the same anymore. I don't have an opinion whether it's good or bad, but I am finding the journey interesting. This woman I'm taking to she is gorgeous. She has never been married, she has no kids, she owns her house and has a great career. I think she is talking to me just out of interest because she told me straight out that she wants to experience what my first wife experienced (all the milestones etc) and she rightfully said she won't be able to experience that with a divorced man.

Yep, that's what I'm talking about. 20 years ago, she'd have taken a twice divorced dad of 10 kids just to get married ASAP and she'dve stuck with him. Now? If she ever decides to get hitched, big IF there, then she'll pop out a kid in a hurry. After that, she'll start giving the guy a side eye. Countdown to the divorce. A couple of years tops. What she really wanted was the experience and the kid, and then back to her freedom. Seen it over and over. Not saying it's good or bad. Just saying times have changed.

Freedoms from what?

Freedom to do what?

My response:

Freed from : 24/7 labor at work AND home that takes my time away from things and people that truly interest me. Freedom from my exH old and idiotic friends, his rude behavior, constant control, need to praise him, need to open legs every night every when I don't want to and tired because there is "spousal duty".

Freedom to: focus on people and things that matter to me, and on my own well being.

Freedom from your poor choices and freedom from the responsibility to engage daily in a close interpersonal relationship which requires understanding, maturity, and sacrifice. It takes a lot to make a relationship work beyond the early honeymoon stage. Some folks respond with growth and others cannot handle the maturation factors needed to make a long-term relationship survive. To do so requires understanding, respect for both your partner and for yourself, and sacrifice. Some folks just choose to stop growing. And that's okay so long as dependent children are not involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For years, I have been called "selfish" on DCUM for being a single mom by choice. Maybe the pendulum is swinging? When I first became a single mom by choice some 15 years ago, it was a bit of a stigma. Now I know tons of fellow DC single moms by choice.

Yes, I'm effectively a parent to 2 lovely small children and 1 utterly lousy teenager I never asked for. I wish I had had the courage to say screw the stigma and be a single mom by choice.

PP here -- I was one of those who thought being a single mom by choice was selfish...until I realized too late through painful experience that most married moms are single moms by force.

How many men actually play a consistent and equal role in the socioemotional lives and moral shaping of their children, much less participate in each of the decisions and responsibilities necessary to raise their child?

They approach parenting as if they're a posh patron at a restaurant who should be handed a menu by a waitress a.k.a. their wife, and asked to select which task suits them at any given time, with selecting nothing at all being a viable option according to their whim. It's disgusting laziness and arrogance.

In the process, they end up being worse than no father at all because their presence corrodes the household. They corrupt the sons in the household into growing up into lazy, arrogant little tools like their fathers who expect to be applauded for rolling over. They send the indelible message to the daughters that men are a special class above women no matter what society claims. They run their wives emotionally and physically into the ground. And then they wait their applause for gaining to continue living in the household and not abandoning the family. An utter clown show.

The amount of cope among moms is epic. So many women who would consider their husbands the most worthless person they know if he were a woman will say stupid things like, "Oh, he's definitely hands on. He helps do laundry and takes the kids out." Implicit in that is a recognition that doing nothing at all is always an option for men, so when he does something, he's a rockstar. That's freaking ridiculous.

I will always regret that I was not a single mom by choice. I thought long and hard about it, but I didn't want my children and I to deal with the stigma. Now, I look over at this tiresome man living in the same house as me and I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make him disappear most days. At least then I wouldn't have to wrangle stupid issues like yes, you should empty the lint from the dryer and yes, if you have to leave chores to go handle a work assignment, then you have to return to the chores and finish them because you don't have a freaking slave here. Mind you, every mom I know would tell you that I have it good because their husbands are even more stupid.

Much love to you, PP. We're in the trenches together. Money is all men ever wanted to offer and any woman who can make her own would be wise to opt out. Penis is the world's cheapest and most ubiquitous commodity. A man who can't coparent without marriage would be a shit father in marriage anyway. No need to let a man colonize your life to have sex and kids.

LOL !!! Nearly fell off my chair laughing so hard. Thank you ! Tell us more.

I just hope & pray that you're not a marriage counselor.

[Anonymous]

Y’all are making me so grateful for my DH, marriage and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons a single Jewish women in their 30s and 40s

I’m not into them but that’s the majority of my matches on hinge

How do you know that they are single? I’m not Jewish but I’m a married (semi-separated) woman in my 40s on Hinge 😀
I’ve met several men in their 30s and 40s through Hinge who look good and have decent jobs but haven’t dated for a year or more. They say that there is a shortage of women who want to date - many of them ignore their invitations to meet even once.

Late 40s woman. I dated 4 so-called "high quality" men in spring-summer simultaneously. Every single of them had all formal attributes of high value: I would classify them 6-7-7-6. All of them were within 5-10 years of my age, in either direction. Two of them complained they were unable to find a woman who would commit. Anyone they were interested in wouldn't commit to date exclusively

I'm 5'7; 20 BMI ; 48 yo; high NW divorced F.

The men you describe are exceeding rare, statistically. Like low single digit percentage. You dated 4 over the course of 6 months?

1 might be, might be believable. Try harder at lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons a single Jewish women in their 30s and 40s

I’m not into them but that’s the majority of my matches on hinge

How do you know that they are single? I’m not Jewish but I’m a married (semi-separated) woman in my 40s on Hinge 😀
I’ve met several men in their 30s and 40s through Hinge who look good and have decent jobs but haven’t dated for a year or more. They say that there is a shortage of women who want to date - many of them ignore their invitations to meet even once.

Late 40s woman. I dated 4 so-called "high quality" men in spring-summer simultaneously. Every single of them had all formal attributes of high value: I would classify them 6-7-7-6. All of them were within 5-10 years of my age, in either direction. Two of them complained they were unable to find a woman who would commit. Anyone they were interested in wouldn't commit to date exclusively

I'm 5'7; 20 BMI ; 48 yo; high NW divorced F.

The men you describe are exceeding rare, statistically. Like low single digit percentage. You dated 4 over the course of 6 months?

1 might be, might be believable. Try harder at lying.

Not just that, if she was enjoying the "6" on all 4 of those men simultaneously...she was a very busy woman.