There are a lot of single women looking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes there are because while a man who is say 35 can have up to 3 quality women to choose from, the same cannot be said for women. And I say this as guy who recently got married. I am 38 and I have more friends that are single than married. For most of them their current girlfriends or the ones they have dated in the past have or have had better career than them.

Men drop out of the dating market if they are not happy in their career. Unfortunately we see a very disturbing trend among men between 30 and 45. They are chronically underemployed, have substance abuse issues, and in poor physical and mental shape
And they have significantly less friends than men their peers in the past. Career satisfaction is really important for a man's ego. If he feels that he has been a failure career wise, he is very unlikely to enter the dating market. So women are waiting for men that don't exist today and that will probably not exist tomorrow either.

I think a lot of women will sadly end up single forever. Not because they are picky or not trying hard enough, but because there are simply not enough qiality men to choose from.

Now I am sure you have taken stats 101, so.if you are the exception I am not talking about you. You are an outlier.

It's funny that as I'm reading this, I'm wishing I was one of those ladies who never got married. Marriage sucks badly for women. Like really badly. I was so much better off emotionally, financially, in every way before I let DH put a ring on it and suck the joy from me. The marriage rate is going to get a lot lower because there's just very little in it for a woman who has her shit together.

If you don't want kids, this is likely true. But if you do want kids and manage to find a guy who will be an involved father (they're out there) then there's something to be said for marriage.

"Involved father." I mean look how low the bar is. I have kids and DH isn't anywhere near the parent I am, even though he does more than most men. I guess you'd consider him "involved." The problem is that I didn't want "better than the average idiot" and that's not what DH promised. He doesn't have an "involved mother" in me. He has the typical Mom making it all happen because he does juuuust as much as he decides to. I want what he has. He's never going to meet that standard because he doesn't want to.

Don't waste my time with tips about how to get a grown man to stop being so selfish. Take a moment and actually think. No one has to write books on how to get moms to show up and care about every facet of the household. No one has to get a PhD in psychology to get moms not to freeload. Having a whole half of the equation be so entitled and stupid makes marriage a waste of time. People thinking it's women's job to properly incentivize men to get off their asses and serve the family they benefit from is part of the problem.

I wish I never got married and I'm open about that with my girlfriends and mentees. Men are such a drain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes there are because while a man who is say 35 can have up to 3 quality women to choose from, the same cannot be said for women. And I say this as guy who recently got married. I am 38 and I have more friends that are single than married. For most of them their current girlfriends or the ones they have dated in the past have or have had better career than them.

Men drop out of the dating market if they are not happy in their career. Unfortunately we see a very disturbing trend among men between 30 and 45. They are chronically underemployed, have substance abuse issues, and in poor physical and mental shape
And they have significantly less friends than men their peers in the past. Career satisfaction is really important for a man's ego. If he feels that he has been a failure career wise, he is very unlikely to enter the dating market. So women are waiting for men that don't exist today and that will probably not exist tomorrow either.

I think a lot of women will sadly end up single forever. Not because they are picky or not trying hard enough, but because there are simply not enough qiality men to choose from.

Now I am sure you have taken stats 101, so.if you are the exception I am not talking about you. You are an outlier.

It's funny that as I'm reading this, I'm wishing I was one of those ladies who never got married. Marriage sucks badly for women. Like really badly. I was so much better off emotionally, financially, in every way before I let DH put a ring on it and suck the joy from me. The marriage rate is going to get a lot lower because there's just very little in it for a woman who has her shit together.

Ill probably surprised some of you with my comments but you are right. We have a daughter who is in college. While I think myself as a great husband, I am aware of my shortcomings. And if my daughter's choice is to marry a man like me she is better of staying single. I say this because after many years I now realize how much DW has been the one keeping the marriage alive. There are fantastic husbands our there who put in equal efforts, but I don't know if they are the majority though.

So, you're aware that you're a shitty husband dragging down the team, but you have no intention of doing anything beyond continuing as you have. How do men like you feel no shame? It's a serious question because my ex was a shamelessly selfish idiot too and I always thought to myself that if I were him, my conscience wouldn't let me be such a user. But he felt perfectly good about himself.

Calm down lady. You have a lot anger in you. He was self reflecting and is probably doing the work and realizing he still needs to keep improving. Can you imagine if every husband self reflected? Wow.

There's always some low self-esteem handmaid galloping to the rescue of a man. Oh, no! A man was made to feel bad! Go find your self-respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am (47) recently divorced and finally checked out the apps for the first time. I am interested in women 37 and older. I was very surprised by the huge number of single women in this age bracket. Of course, it doesn't mean I am who they are looking for and it's probably more likely than I am not. But I went through a lot of well put together profiles and I am just surprised all these women are single. Yes there are probably more women than men in this age group, but it's as if all of them are single.

If I were to lower my age range to 30, it's probably going to be a similar story. But 10 years age gap is the most I'll go for as I am looking beyond just hooking up.

So guys out there who are single and looking, you have choices.

Speaking as a fellow divorced guy, you're missing the reason why these women are single: Higher standards. Women don't see being single the way they did back when you were last on the market.

20 years ago, a woman single in her 30s and 40s would settle for some guy she wasn't particularly attracted to and knew she was going to end up divorcing. The goal was just to get a marriage under the belt because "divorced" at 40 was better than never married at 40.

Nowadays, women are happy to stay single the rest of their lives rather than settle. This is triply true for women who are divorced. A lot of them hated being married and living with a man, and need a really, really, really good offer to consider going back to it.

So, while there are a lot of single women on the market, your chances are probably worse nowadays than they were 20 years ago. The lady who is going to want to get serious and actually stay with you isn't going to be as hot, smart, or emotionally stable as the one who would've wanted you 20 years ago. The woman you think is ideal will break up with you after three to six months today, if she even shows up to date #2.

I'm not going to give my take on whether women's standards today make sense or if the problem is men or whatever. Just laying out the scene.

OP here. Thanks for making excellent points. In fact I am talking to a woman who is 41 and I picked up many of the points that you made. At first I thought it's because I have been out of the market for 22 years, but then I realized the expectations are just not the same anymore. I don't have an opinion whether it's good or bad, but I am finding the journey interesting. This woman I'm taking to she is gorgeous. She has never been married, she has no kids, she owns her house and has a great career. I think she is talking to me just out of interest because she told me straight out that she wants to experience what my first wife experienced (all the milestones etc) and she rightfully said she won't be able to experience that with a divorced man.

Yep, that's what I'm talking about. 20 years ago, she'd have taken a twice divorced dad of 10 kids just to get married ASAP and she'dve stuck with him. Now? If she ever decides to get hitched, big IF there, then she'll pop out a kid in a hurry. After that, she'll start giving the guy a side eye. Countdown to the divorce. A couple of years tops. What she really wanted was the experience and the kid, and then back to her freedom. Seen it over and over. Not saying it's good or bad. Just saying times have changed.

She will quickly realize that she isn't valuable as she once was. Having a bunch of 20 something wanting to have sex with you is just an ego boost. Both men and women want their ego boosted as they age. Totally natural..normal human behavior.

DP. You're not getting it. Valuable to whom? Her happiness and life satisfaction aren't based on her attractiveness to men. You're thinking in terms of sex because that's all men like you seem capable of achieving in life. Women don't think that way. Sex is nice. Not cleaning up after some disrespectful jerk? Priceless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am (47) recently divorced and finally checked out the apps for the first time. I am interested in women 37 and older. I was very surprised by the huge number of single women in this age bracket. Of course, it doesn't mean I am who they are looking for and it's probably more likely than I am not. But I went through a lot of well put together profiles and I am just surprised all these women are single. Yes there are probably more women than men in this age group, but it's as if all of them are single.

If I were to lower my age range to 30, it's probably going to be a similar story. But 10 years age gap is the most I'll go for as I am looking beyond just hooking up.

So guys out there who are single and looking, you have choices.

Speaking as a fellow divorced guy, you're missing the reason why these women are single: Higher standards. Women don't see being single the way they did back when you were last on the market.

20 years ago, a woman single in her 30s and 40s would settle for some guy she wasn't particularly attracted to and knew she was going to end up divorcing. The goal was just to get a marriage under the belt because "divorced" at 40 was better than never married at 40.

Nowadays, women are happy to stay single the rest of their lives rather than settle. This is triply true for women who are divorced. A lot of them hated being married and living with a man, and need a really, really, really good offer to consider going back to it.

So, while there are a lot of single women on the market, your chances are probably worse nowadays than they were 20 years ago. The lady who is going to want to get serious and actually stay with you isn't going to be as hot, smart, or emotionally stable as the one who would've wanted you 20 years ago. The woman you think is ideal will break up with you after three to six months today, if she even shows up to date #2.

I'm not going to give my take on whether women's standards today make sense or if the problem is men or whatever. Just laying out the scene.

Might be true for some women, but not as widespread as you assert.

OP: Many men have an age limit beyond which they will not consider dating / not entering into a serious relationship.

[Anonymous]

Might be true for some women, but not as widespread as you assert.

Np

Staying single rather than settle - especially if children are a consideration - needs to be widespread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Might be true for some women, but not as widespread as you assert.

Np

Staying single rather than settle - especially if children are a consideration - needs to be widespread.

Apparently you do not know many folks age 50 and above who are single. They complain of loneliness. Better to have a companion than to suffer through a lonely life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Might be true for some women, but not as widespread as you assert.

Np

Staying single rather than settle - especially if children are a consideration - needs to be widespread.

Apparently you do not know many folks age 50 and above who are single. They complain of loneliness. Better to have a companion than to suffer through a lonely life.

Actually, I should have written age 35 and above, not age 50 and above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Might be true for some women, but not as widespread as you assert.

Np

Staying single rather than settle - especially if children are a consideration - needs to be widespread.

Apparently you do not know many folks age 50 and above who are single. They complain of loneliness. Better to have a companion than to suffer through a lonely life.

You must be new here.

Welcome to DCUM Relationship Discussion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Might be true for some women, but not as widespread as you assert.

Np

Staying single rather than settle - especially if children are a consideration - needs to be widespread.

Apparently you do not know many folks age 50 and above who are single. They complain of loneliness. Better to have a companion than to suffer through a lonely life.

DP.

Apples and oranges.

Those are totally different generations raised with the idea that a woman needs a man to be complete.

Although...when I think about it, I've known and currently know a lot of divorced 50+ women from different walks of life.

Not one has ever expressed anything except ruefulness and, often, disdain for marriage.

Some miss financial stability. Others hate that their ex got away with doing less parenting. A couple are annoyed they wasted their prime dealing with shitty married sex.

However, not a single one has said they miss being married or want to be married again.

Maybe things are different for older men because men typically enter marriage to siphon benefits.

I can see how it would suck for such a lopsided arrangement in their favor to end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Might be true for some women, but not as widespread as you assert.

Np

Staying single rather than settle - especially if children are a consideration - needs to be widespread.

topic.
Apparently you do not know many folks age 50 and above who are single. They complain of loneliness. Better to have a companion than to suffer through a lonely life.

You must be new here.

Welcome to DCUM Relationship Discussion

Thank you. Fortunately, I have a very healthy relationship of many decades so I only visit when I read a topic of interest. I have many nephews and nieces in their 20s & 30s and one divorced relative. None are willing to live without a partner. What some refer to as "settling" may be just accepting others for who they are and seeing beyond the flaws. How we evaluate and judge others changes as we mature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Might be true for some women, but not as widespread as you assert.

Np

Staying single rather than settle - especially if children are a consideration - needs to be widespread.

Apparently you do not know many folks age 50 and above who are single. They complain of loneliness. Better to have a companion than to suffer through a lonely life.

Men are less lonely when married. Women are the same or more lonely when married.

Married life was the loneliest experience in my life. Sharing a house with someone who doesn't understand you and burdens your life is way worse than being single. The sun came out again the day he finally moved out.

[Anonymous]

Also it’s reckless and irresponsible to have children with a man whom you’ve settled for as a parent.

Children need fully capable parents. Not “he’s the least worst. And I can’t be lonely”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Might be true for some women, but not as widespread as you assert.

Np

Staying single rather than settle - especially if children are a consideration - needs to be widespread.

100% When you settle, you get less than you settled for. As little as women are already getting out of marriage, we need to stop settling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also it’s reckless and irresponsible to have children with a man whom you’ve settled for as a parent.

Children need fully capable parents. Not “he’s the least worst. And I can’t be lonely”

You're trying to bring the marriage rate down to 0%! Where do you see these fully capable male parents? The standards are as low as can be and they still won't meet them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Might be true for some women, but not as widespread as you assert.

Np

Staying single rather than settle - especially if children are a consideration - needs to be widespread.

topic.
Apparently you do not know many folks age 50 and above who are single. They complain of loneliness. Better to have a companion than to suffer through a lonely life.

You must be new here.

Welcome to DCUM Relationship Discussion

Thank you. Fortunately, I have a very healthy relationship of many decades so I only visit when I read a topic of interest. I have many nephews and nieces in their 20s & 30s and one divorced relative. None are willing to live without a partner. What some refer to as "settling" may be just accepting others for who they are and seeing beyond the flaws. How we evaluate and judge others changes as we mature.

That is fortunate for you.

Unfortunately for children, the rage expressed here concerning irreparably failed marriages to unfit parents will have you on the phone with CPS