Son was called a monkey by a Hispanic child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would err on the side of ignorance and if this kid is a friend to tell him "hey, in this country it's REALLY offensive and mean to call someone that. you can't do that. people will think you're a racist."

There are things that are okay in some countries and not in others. Words carry different meanings and all.

Yeah, it is ok in other countries because they struggle with racism. We don't need to practice cultural sensitivity in all areas with immigrants.

Look, I believe in educating offensiveness born of ignorance. If the parents casually say it at home, and the kid just casually said it, then OP's son educating him seems reasonable. If AFTER that the kid says it again, THEN I'd fully support reporting it to the teacher. I am saying this as someone who is a minority and has dealt with people saying offensive things to me and/or asking offensive questions and having to decide when to be offended and when to answer in an effort to educate. The child is in 4th grade - I'd like to err on the side of educating. OP is free to handle it how she wants.

Being a "minority" doesn't mean anything, sometimes "minorities" can be the worst offenders in the 21st century in racism against African Americans. Many POC see AAs as squanderers of the American dream, AAs as those who took their rightful spots in college admissions, AAs as those who target them for crime (rallying cry of Asian hate movement), etc.

Being a minority means something to me, and to the generations of my family that have been persecuted. You clearly have an agenda and want to argue, so ... go argue with yourself.

Of course what happens to people like you means something to you. But it doesn't mean your group has an affinity with or particular understanding of African Americans and our experience. There is no shared minority-ness in the U.S.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure how to say this in an inoffensive way but I’ll try . . .

It could very well be a cultural thing without any ill intent. Latinos simply do not have the same, shall we say, sensitivities when it comes to these kinds of things. They will refer to others in Spanish by references to race, weight, and other physical attributes and mean nothing of it. If your eyes are even slightly slanted, for example, your nickname will often be “Chino.” I could go on.

All I’m saying is that you really shouldn’t place much stock in what a 9 or 10 year old Salvadoran kid might say. It’s just a different way of thinking than native born Americans are accustomed to.

I appreciate this context. I didn’t know this.

Probably because it’s not true.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs that you ought to get more context. While to us, as adults, calling someone a monkey seems horrifyingly and inexcusably racist, kids don’t have the same historical associations. It could have been something he picked up from racist parents, but it could also be something as simple as admiring your son’s skill on monkey bars, noticing that he has a fondness for bananas, or even that your son sometimes likes to cut-up and monkey around in class. Sometimes kids say and do things for reasons that are inscrutable to adults and trying to attribute adult motivations may not be productive. While the child should learn that he shouldn’t call people monkeys because it could be hurtful, I wouldn’t assume that was his intent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I’m just collecting advice - this all came up because I was listening to
npr in the background and they were covering the Kansas young republicans and they mentioned that one person referred to black people as monkeys. My son goes “‘ mom xyz called me a monkey”. I said “ really? What do you do?” He goes “ nothing. I just ignored him”

Here’s a blog post that I just dug up that touches on this issue and that you might find helpful. Be warned in advance that the author (who is African American) makes reference to the “n” word in it.

https://www.oneikathetraveller.com/when-he-called-me-negrita.html

Read the article..."monkey" does not fall into this category. In any event, if the U.S. is becoming a latin American country, I want out. I am (a black person) obviously am not seen as worthy in this cuture.

A little dramatic don’t you think? We’re talking about a nine year old.

White people have racism, Black people have racism, Latinos have racism, Asians are racist. The White racism has been the worst because they were here first and some of them want to keep power and now Trump is very open about it.

Racism is more open in other countries and many bring it here. It’s not the viscous kind like the KKK or the Deep South in the 50s. It’s more like Asians don’t want their kids to be friends with non-Asians. Latinos have beefs with other Latinos from neighboring countries. Black women with a White parent used to complain that they weren’t accepted in certain Black communities.

Some Latinos don’t think the Black community is not doing enough about ICE abuse. They are deporting while some of these immigrants are waiting for a court date or something simple as an expired document.

It doesn’t serve any purpose to claim one is worse than the other. This name calling is in all elementary and middle schools. Parents need to go a better job in taking preventative measures instead of waiting for it to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure how to say this in an inoffensive way but I’ll try . . .

It could very well be a cultural thing without any ill intent. Latinos simply do not have the same, shall we say, sensitivities when it comes to these kinds of things. They will refer to others in Spanish by references to race, weight, and other physical attributes and mean nothing of it. If your eyes are even slightly slanted, for example, your nickname will often be “Chino.” I could go on.

All I’m saying is that you really shouldn’t place much stock in what a 9 or 10 year old Salvadoran kid might say. It’s just a different way of thinking than native born Americans are accustomed to.

Yes, imported racism and colorism? Why does that fact that a Latino is being racist make it ok, just because as you say, it is part of their culture?

I’m not going to argue with you about this. I’m merely stating a fact about Latino culture from someone who knows it well. My point stands: there’s a different level of sensitivity in Latino culture when it comes to these things, and it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a more racist or colorist culture in the pejorative sense.

I agree with this being accurate - it IS different how other cultures talk about race, weight etc. East Asians have no problem for example calling someone fat - even their own kids, whereas amongst Americans that's not done . That being said this child is in the US now and needs to recognize that he can't be doing this in public even if that's how they talk at home. So IDK maybe tell the teacher - maybe the whole class needs some gentle education on the fact that you don't mock unchangeable things about people?

It is an abhorrent for of oppression to fat-shame any human being, from any culture, for any reason. Except trump; it is always ok to dehumanize him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PPs that you ought to get more context. While to us, as adults, calling someone a monkey seems horrifyingly and inexcusably racist, kids don’t have the same historical associations. It could have been something he picked up from racist parents, but it could also be something as simple as admiring your son’s skill on monkey bars, noticing that he has a fondness for bananas, or even that your son sometimes likes to cut-up and monkey around in class. Sometimes kids say and do things for reasons that are inscrutable to adults and trying to attribute adult motivations may not be productive. While the child should learn that he shouldn’t call people monkeys because it could be hurtful, I wouldn’t
assume that was his intent.

Gaslighting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I’m just collecting advice - this all came up because I was listening to
npr in the background and they were covering the Kansas young republicans and they mentioned that one person referred to black people as monkeys. My son goes “‘ mom xyz called me a monkey”. I said “ really? What do you do?” He goes “ nothing. I just ignored him”

Here’s a blog post that I just dug up that touches on this issue and that you might find helpful. Be warned in advance that the author (who is African American) makes reference to the “n” word in it.

https://www.oneikathetraveller.com/when-he-called-me-negrita.html

Read the article..."monkey" does not fall into this category. In any event, if the U.S. is becoming a latin American country, I want out. I am (a black person) obviously am not seen as worthy in this cuture.

A little dramatic don’t you think? We’re talking about a nine year old.

White people have racism, Black people have racism, Latinos have racism, Asians are racist. The White racism has been the worst because they were here first and some of them want to keep power and now Trump is very open about it.

Racism is more open in other countries and many bring it here. It’s not the viscous kind like the KKK or the Deep South in the 50s. It’s more like Asians don’t want their kids to be friends with non-Asians. Latinos have beefs with other Latinos from neighboring countries. Black women with a White parent used to complain that they weren’t accepted in certain Black communities.

Some Latinos don’t think the Black community is not doing enough about ICE abuse. They are deporting while some of these immigrants are waiting for a court date or something simple as an expired document.

It doesn’t serve any purpose to claim one is worse than the other. This name calling is in all elementary and middle schools. Parents need to go a better job in taking preventative measures instead of waiting for it to happen.

-we black people didn't tell advise anyone to be in a deportable status here, there is no negro community-wide conspiracy to transform people into illegal aliens (oh, and by the way, an "expired document" means you can be deported.)
-Latinos seem to be able to actively resist arrest (by federal law enforcement) and are encouraged to do so by the liberal masses, and are sympathized with when ultimately all their resisting and carrying on doesn’t work, but black people would never be able to get away with this--we would get shot while resisting and scolded by the public for not respecting law enforcement. So no, we can't help you "resist" (and who said we wanted to anyway?)
-why is "not helping" against ICE seen as racism? That doesn't make sense. Follow immigration law and all will be well. Yes, we African Americans do not have an immigrant background, we have never been immigrants, and their may be some resentment of that, that all of this ICE stuff is not impacting us at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PPs that you ought to get more context. While to us, as adults, calling someone a monkey seems horrifyingly and inexcusably racist, kids don’t have the same historical associations. It could have been something he picked up from racist parents, but it could also be something as simple as admiring your son’s skill on monkey bars, noticing that he has a fondness for bananas, or even that your son sometimes likes to cut-up and monkey around in class. Sometimes kids say and do things for reasons that are inscrutable to adults and trying to attribute adult motivations may not be productive. While the child should learn that he shouldn’t call people monkeys because it could be hurtful, I wouldn’t assume that was his intent.

+1 and very well stated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure how to say this in an inoffensive way but I’ll try . . .

It could very well be a cultural thing without any ill intent. Latinos simply do not have the same, shall we say, sensitivities when it comes to these kinds of things. They will refer to others in Spanish by references to race, weight, and other physical attributes and mean nothing of it. If your eyes are even slightly slanted, for example, your nickname will often be “Chino.” I could go on.

All I’m saying is that you really shouldn’t place much stock in what a 9 or 10 year old Salvadoran kid might say. It’s just a different way of thinking than native born Americans are accustomed to.

I appreciate this context. I didn’t know this.

Probably because it’s not true.

Except it is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure how to say this in an inoffensive way but I’ll try . . .

It could very well be a cultural thing without any ill intent. Latinos simply do not have the same, shall we say, sensitivities when it comes to these kinds of things. They will refer to others in Spanish by references to race, weight, and other physical attributes and mean nothing of it. If your eyes are even slightly slanted, for example, your nickname will often be “Chino.” I could go on.

All I’m saying is that you really shouldn’t place much stock in what a 9 or 10 year old Salvadoran kid might say. It’s just a different way of thinking than native born Americans are accustomed to.

Yes, imported racism and colorism? Why does that fact that a Latino is being racist make it ok, just because as you say, it is part of their culture?

I’m not going to argue with you about this. I’m merely stating a fact about Latino culture from someone who knows it well. My point stands: there’s a different level of sensitivity in Latino culture when it comes to these things, and it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a more racist or colorist culture in the pejorative sense.

I am not asking you to argue, I am informing you and others. Just because a group chuckles at casual racism doesn't mean that what it happening is not racism and harmful. "Everyone does it" and "It is a part of our culture" is not a defense.

You just don’t get it. For starters, there’s rarely “chuckling” involved. It’s not really meant to be funny.

No, your argument of well this is just what hispanics do, it's part of their culture, and we just have to accept it, is offensive. Just because Hispanics are becoming a significant majority, doesn't mean that we have to just say ok to all parts of hispanic culture.

You’re missing the point again. I’m not saying that we should just accept it because it’s what they do. I’m saying that because it’s what’s they do that you shouldn’t immediately get all up in arms about it and assume bad intent. There’s a difference.

This doesn't make any sense. If this made sense, we could use this logic to explain away anything anyone does bad. He beats his wife, he doesn't have bad intent, that is just what is done in his village. She cheats on exams, she doesn't have bad intent, that is just what is done in her country...on and on.

Oh please. A 9 year old called another 9 year old a monkey. We don’t know if it’s because of race. He might call an Asian kid a monkey. Who the hell knows. Apparently OP’s son himself didn’t think anything of it until he heard it on TV. It’s not like he came home and said “mom, a friend made a racist comment to me today.”’

This isn’t beating you wife and excusing it because in your culture you beat your wife. That’s ridiculous. It’s a 9 year old boy who maybe can use a little help.

OP is approaching this much more intelligently and maturely than many of the posters, and it’s her kid. Kudos,’OP.

I am more concerned about the feelings of and justice for the little 9 year old AA boy. Once the other little boy is spoken to about his wrongdoing I bet he won't call little black boys "monkeys" again.

Again we don’t even know whether OP’s son gave it a second thought or even knew it was racially offensive before hearing it on NPR.

Well he knows now. Just like the little boy who called him a money knew it was a racialized statement all along.

Hopefully the little boy learns from the rebuke coming to him. Don't know why this is so offensive to some of you. Lots of posts on here about Asian parents advocating for their kids when xenophobic or racialized statements are made against them, but for a black kid, everyone here is telling his mom to tell the kid to just suck it up. Nope.

+1 advocate for your black son or this will continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure how to say this in an inoffensive way but I’ll try . . .

It could very well be a cultural thing without any ill intent. Latinos simply do not have the same, shall we say, sensitivities when it comes to these kinds of things. They will refer to others in Spanish by references to race, weight, and other physical attributes and mean nothing of it. If your eyes are even slightly slanted, for example, your nickname will often be “Chino.” I could go on.

All I’m saying is that you really shouldn’t place much stock in what a 9 or 10 year old Salvadoran kid might say. It’s just a different way of thinking than native born Americans are accustomed to.

Yes, imported racism and colorism? Why does that fact that a Latino is being racist make it ok, just because as you say, it is part of their culture?

I’m not going to argue with you about this. I’m merely stating a fact about Latino culture from someone who knows it well. My point stands: there’s a different level of sensitivity in Latino culture when it comes to these things, and it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a more racist or colorist culture in the pejorative sense.

I am not asking you to argue, I am informing you and others. Just because a group chuckles at casual racism doesn't mean that what it happening is not racism and harmful. "Everyone does it" and "It is a part of our culture" is not a defense.

You just don’t get it. For starters, there’s rarely “chuckling” involved. It’s not really meant to be funny.

No, your argument of well this is just what hispanics do, it's part of their culture, and we just have to accept it, is offensive. Just because Hispanics are becoming a significant majority, doesn't mean that we have to just say ok to all parts of hispanic culture.

You’re missing the point again. I’m not saying that we should just accept it because it’s what they do. I’m saying that because it’s what’s they do that you shouldn’t immediately get all up in arms about it and assume bad intent. There’s a difference.

This doesn't make any sense. If this made sense, we could use this logic to explain away anything anyone does bad. He beats his wife, he doesn't have bad intent, that is just what is done in his village. She cheats on exams, she doesn't have bad intent, that is just what is done in her country...on and on.

Oh please. A 9 year old called another 9 year old a monkey. We don’t know if it’s because of race. He might call an Asian kid a monkey. Who the hell knows. Apparently OP’s son himself didn’t think anything of it until he heard it on TV. It’s not like he came home and said “mom, a friend made a racist comment to me today.”’

This isn’t beating you wife and excusing it because in your culture you beat your wife. That’s ridiculous. It’s a 9 year old boy who maybe can use a little help.

OP is approaching this much more intelligently and maturely than many of the posters, and it’s her kid. Kudos,’OP.

I am more concerned about the feelings of and justice for the little 9 year old AA boy. Once the other little boy is spoken to about his wrongdoing I bet he won't call little black boys "monkeys" again.

Again we don’t even know whether OP’s son gave it a second thought or even knew it was racially offensive before hearing it on NPR.

Well he knows now. Just like the little boy who called him a money knew it was a racialized statement all along.

Hopefully the little boy learns from the rebuke coming to him. Don't know why this is so offensive to some of you. Lots of posts on here about Asian parents advocating for their kids when xenophobic or racialized statements are made against them, but for a black kid, everyone here is telling his mom to tell the kid to just suck it up. Nope.

+1 advocate for your black son or this will continue.

There’s not a single poster telling OP to suck it up. They’re providing some context and discouraging OP from coming out swinging without knowing more. The bottom line for them is that we’re talking about a 9 year old boy who very well simply may not know any better and said what he said with zero bad intent or racial motive. He needs to be educated—not vilified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I’m just collecting advice - this all came up because I was listening to
npr in the background and they were covering the Kansas young republicans and they mentioned that one person referred to black people as monkeys. My son goes “‘ mom xyz called me a monkey”. I said “ really? What do you do?” He goes “ nothing. I just ignored him”

The lesson is that "people of color", that is, descendants of recent immigrants from non-white countries, do not have a natural affinity to African Americans, despite popular rhetoric. They are only "of color" when convenient, but otherwise, seeking white-adjacency.

French person here who is very familiar with the “monkey” calls to taunt black people (from all countries, including black South Americans) at soccer games. There is absolutely nothing innocent and acceptable about this. The 9 year old kid may not intend to be mean to your child and may like your child and he is just repeating what he hears at home or ( if I am thinking as generously as possible) simply on TV while watching soccer games. But he 100% needs to be educated.

The PP who gave cultural context is correct that this type of casual racism it is more frequent and pervasive in the Latin world (compared to DC area because I wouldn’t brag about higher standards in some other parts of the US..). But is completely wrong to think it is a reason to let it slide. On the contrary, it is an opportunity to educate this family about our values here. You wouldn’t let the use of the n word slide. Don’t let monkey slide either.

My reco is to stay calm and positive but firm and talk to the school. “I heard my child was called Monkey by X. What can you do to explain that child and his family that this is not acceptable?”. The school, the kid and the family need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure how to say this in an inoffensive way but I’ll try . . .

It could very well be a cultural thing without any ill intent. Latinos simply do not have the same, shall we say, sensitivities when it comes to these kinds of things. They will refer to others in Spanish by references to race, weight, and other physical attributes and mean nothing of it. If your eyes are even slightly slanted, for example, your nickname will often be “Chino.” I could go on.

All I’m saying is that you really shouldn’t place much stock in what a 9 or 10 year old Salvadoran kid might say. It’s just a different way of thinking than native born Americans are accustomed to.

I’m sorry, but I’m Latina and calling somebody a mono is very much a racial slur and an insult. We’re not stupid and naïve. And yes, we have crazy nicknames for each other, mono is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes call my kids monkey they are physically active or being naughty. We sometimes call kid monkey because they are smart. I sometimes call them pig as well when they love to eat too much or love to oversleep not waking up in the mornings for school. My DD is born in the year of pig, so she is a pig. Pig also implies not to worry about their future with good wealth and being happy. Depend on the culture & situation, being called monkey sometimes does not carry any ill or racist meanings. I know how sensitive this world is, I never call other kids anything. We are Asians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure how to say this in an inoffensive way but I’ll try . . .

It could very well be a cultural thing without any ill intent. Latinos simply do not have the same, shall we say, sensitivities when it comes to these kinds of things. They will refer to others in Spanish by references to race, weight, and other physical attributes and mean nothing of it. If your eyes are even slightly slanted, for example, your nickname will often be “Chino.” I could go on.

All I’m saying is that you really shouldn’t place much stock in what a 9 or 10 year old Salvadoran kid might say. It’s just a different way of thinking than native born Americans are accustomed to.

Yes, imported racism and colorism? Why does that fact that a Latino is being racist make it ok, just because as you say, it is part of their culture?

I’m not going to argue with you about this. I’m merely stating a fact about Latino culture from someone who knows it well. My point stands: there’s a different level of sensitivity in Latino culture when it comes to these things, and it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a more racist or colorist culture in the pejorative sense.

I am not asking you to argue, I am informing you and others. Just because a group chuckles at casual racism doesn't mean that what it happening is not racism and harmful. "Everyone does it" and "It is a part of our culture" is not a defense.

You just don’t get it. For starters, there’s rarely “chuckling” involved. It’s not really meant to be funny.

No, your argument of well this is just what hispanics do, it's part of their culture, and we just have to accept it, is offensive. Just because Hispanics are becoming a significant majority, doesn't mean that we have to just say ok to all parts of hispanic culture.

You’re missing the point again. I’m not saying that we should just accept it because it’s what they do. I’m saying that because it’s what’s they do that you shouldn’t immediately get all up in arms about it and assume bad intent. There’s a difference.

This doesn't make any sense. If this made sense, we could use this logic to explain away anything anyone does bad. He beats his wife, he doesn't have bad intent, that is just what is done in his village. She cheats on exams, she doesn't have bad intent, that is just what is done in her country...on and on.

Oh please. A 9 year old called another 9 year old a monkey. We don’t know if it’s because of race. He might call an Asian kid a monkey. Who the hell knows. Apparently OP’s son himself didn’t think anything of it until he heard it on TV. It’s not like he came home and said “mom, a friend made a racist comment to me today.”’

This isn’t beating you wife and excusing it because in your culture you beat your wife. That’s ridiculous. It’s a 9 year old boy who maybe can use a little help.

OP is approaching this much more intelligently and maturely than many of the posters, and it’s her kid. Kudos,’OP.

I am more concerned about the feelings of and justice for the little 9 year old AA boy. Once the other little boy is spoken to about his wrongdoing I bet he won't call little black boys "monkeys" again.

Again we don’t even know whether OP’s son gave it a second thought or even knew it was racially offensive before hearing it on NPR.

Well he knows now. Just like the little boy who called him a money knew it was a racialized statement all along.

Hopefully the little boy learns from the rebuke coming to him. Don't know why this is so offensive to some of you. Lots of posts on here about Asian parents advocating for their kids when xenophobic or racialized statements are made against them, but for a black kid, everyone here is telling his mom to tell the kid to just suck it up. Nope.

+1 advocate for your black son or this will continue.

There’s not a single poster telling OP to suck it up. They’re providing some context and discouraging OP from coming out swinging without knowing more. The bottom line for them is that we’re talking about a 9 year old boy who very well simply may not know any better and said what he said with zero bad intent or racial motive. He needs to be educated—not vilified.

The op doesn’t need to be discouraged from coming out swinging as you put it. In fact I find her response a little too mild mannered in my opinion. It’s unacceptable and this is the gaslighting American society consistently imposes on black people- to normalize disrespect and dehumanization and have us question if what we heard was ill intent or just innocent ignorance. That little boy could grow up to be any of the aforementioned young republicans- so best to nip this nasty despicable language in the bud now - at 9. She’s best to advocate for her child and inform the school.