I have no desire to be around my toxic resentful son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like he has a diagnosable personality disorder, and if he blames you for stuff, understand that nothing you do to "show him love", like some misguided PPs have suggested, will persuade him that you are a worthy person. So you don't even have to try. What you need to do is stay neutral and distance yourself during these moods. If they strike without warning, you are justified in never letting him inside your home. Change your locks, make sure the outside doors and garage doors are always locked. Do not invite him in. Meet in cafes/restaurants/etc and if he starts a tantrum, leave in full view of everyone. If ever he becomes very aggressive, perhaps calling 911 and asking for an involuntary hold will get him an evaluation, but I doubt it. The system is not set up to help psychiatric patients and their families.

I'm really sorry, OP, especially as your husband was the same way. You deserve trustworthy relationships in your life. Do you have other children, relatives and friends who fill that space?

Mentally ill people need love and family just like everybody else -- maybe even more. She doesn't need to show him she's worthy or anything else. If she's the one who's mentally healthy, she should be able to distance herself from his judgement of her and still be his parent.

Mentally ill people are still responsible for harm they cause to others. Mentally healthy people also have needs. For example, to not be attacked.

Jumping to the conclusion that he will attack his mother -- and bringing into the thread examples of people who have killed their mothers -- is pretty mentally ill IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The guy is mean to his mom. He's using his words. Why does everyone jump to the conclusion that he's going to be violent to the OP? Now THAT is crazy.

So it is OK to lash out at you? I would love to see you being berated on the street corner by some mentally ill person. Maybe you like it?

I'm being berated by you right now. Are you a risk of violently attacking someone PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a NP. OP, have you looked into NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Health, for information and support on how to deal with your adult son (including creating a crisis plan for yourself in case things escalate)?

I’ve seen recommendations for NAMI from other DCUM posters who have family members with mental illness and they’ve found NAMI helpful. I believe NAMI has support groups for family members — not sure if this is run by local chapters or the national organization.

There also are a lot of free resources on their website including a free NAMI Family & Friends Companion eBook.

“The NAMI Family & Friends companion eBook provides important information about mental health conditions including: conditions and diagnoses, treatment and recovery, crisis planning, resources and more. You can download it for free in multiple languages”

https://www.nami.org/support-education/mental-health-education/nami-family-friends/

Hugs to you.

I second this NAMI resource. My brother and SIL with a struggling DS found some solid support strategies and community through NAMI classes. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been treated for your own mental illness?

I am a happy, balanced person, and that's honestly what seems to trigger him.

There's more to it. Normal healthy people raise balanced children. Occasionally there is something genetic that causes problems, but even that would have been seen and treated at a young age if you were a happy balanced person. Sorry, you are in n part the cause that he's untreated at 30. However, you can only move forward - meet him in public, listen to him, and alway encourage him to get the medical care he needs.

[Anonymous]

My mother is like your son, but more explosive. She is so much better on medication, but keeps going off despite her doctor insisting she stay on.

I found it helpful to try everything possible before distancing more. I would meet her in public places with witnesses, but over time that wasn't enough to stop her. I also kept all communication to text and email-no phone and that helped for a while, but then I started getting hate "mail" from her. It did help me have proof she really is over the edge and my therapist found it so disturbing one hate email was enough for her to understand even more.

So I did distance. I make sure I take the high road by being polite. I don't share anything personal. I won't even meet her for a meal-too long and if I see her at a family function I am kind, but always have an exit strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been treated for your own mental illness?

Please stop with this mean-spirited trolling.

DP. I mean I was kinda thinking the same reading this. OP could have described my brother. I can’t stand him, but I’d never make the leap to him harming my single mother. I don’t think it would occur to her either, and believe me she’s an anxious person.

OP definitely has anxiety.

You have no idea what level of risk is presented by OPs son.

NP. “The mood swings typically consist of bitter/biting words, sarcasm, and resentment.” That doesn’t sound very risky. I agree, OP sounds overdramatic.

I'm missing what the mental illness is in this description.... or how there's a risk

(And I'm a clinical psychologist)

Sounds like mom is very sensitive to sarcasm and probably withdrew from kid and he resents that

As a clinical psychologist, shouldn't you know that sarcasm is a way of veiling anger?

[Anonymous]

Op may have a point...

https://www.arlnow.com/2025/08/18/breaking-man-charged-with-murdering-mother-in-virginia-square-apartment/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been treated for your own mental illness?

Please stop with this mean-spirited trolling.

DP. I mean I was kinda thinking the same reading this. OP could have described my brother. I can’t stand him, but I’d never make the leap to him harming my single mother. I don’t think it would occur to her either, and believe me she’s an anxious person.

OP definitely has anxiety.

You have no idea what level of risk is presented by OPs son.

NP. “The mood swings typically consist of bitter/biting words, sarcasm, and resentment.” That doesn’t sound very risky. I agree, OP sounds overdramatic.

I'm missing what the mental illness is in this description.... or how there's a risk

(And I'm a clinical psychologist)

Sounds like mom is very sensitive to sarcasm and probably withdrew from kid and he resents that

As a clinical psychologist, shouldn't you know that sarcasm is a way of veiling anger?

Being angry and sarcastic (as well asresentful as OP said in her title) is not the same as 'mentally ill and violent.' Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been treated for your own mental illness?

Please stop with this mean-spirited trolling.

DP. I mean I was kinda thinking the same reading this. OP could have described my brother. I can’t stand him, but I’d never make the leap to him harming my single mother. I don’t think it would occur to her either, and believe me she’s an anxious person.

OP definitely has anxiety.

You have no idea what level of risk is presented by OPs son.

NP. “The mood swings typically consist of bitter/biting words, sarcasm, and resentment.” That doesn’t sound very risky. I agree, OP sounds overdramatic.

I'm missing what the mental illness is in this description.... or how there's a risk

(And I'm a clinical psychologist)

Sounds like mom is very sensitive to sarcasm and probably withdrew from kid and he resents that

As a clinical psychologist, shouldn't you know that sarcasm is a way of veiling anger?

Being angry and sarcastic (as well asresentful as OP said in her title) is not the same as 'mentally ill and violent.' Sheesh.

Sheesh, indeed. Do you live in Disneyland?

"Oh, why don't you just shut the fk up. I don't want to hear YOUR BULLST anymore. You think you know it all, right? Yeah, like you've lived a perfect fking life. How about I dump a bunch of sht all over YOU and then tell me how it feels? Would you like that...why don't I give that a try and see how you act. You sit around here in your perfect house and judge me?! Maybe youre fking life should be burned down. Will you still be Ms Positivity? Yeah, that would be nice to see - your fking life burnt to the ground. That's what should happen to you - and more. Maybe if you experienced just a fraction of what I have gone through then you'd understand. I hate your fking guts and I hate your fking life. You are the shtiest excuse for a parent on the planet. I can't believe I'm stuck with such a sorry excuse like you."

Imagine this screamed at you full throttle, you being an older female, while the raging adult male is stomping back and forth, maybe throwing items around the room. Or punching a hole in a wall.

Then tell me you wouldn't feel at risk.

[Anonymous]

People always blame the mother for everything.

OP, I believe you and hope you stay safe and sane. You know your kid best. And I wish him healing and peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been treated for your own mental illness?

Please stop with this mean-spirited trolling.

DP. I mean I was kinda thinking the same reading this. OP could have described my brother. I can’t stand him, but I’d never make the leap to him harming my single mother. I don’t think it would occur to her either, and believe me she’s an anxious person.

OP definitely has anxiety.

You have no idea what level of risk is presented by OPs son.

NP. “The mood swings typically consist of bitter/biting words, sarcasm, and resentment.” That doesn’t sound very risky. I agree, OP sounds overdramatic.

I'm missing what the mental illness is in this description.... or how there's a risk

(And I'm a clinical psychologist)

Sounds like mom is very sensitive to sarcasm and probably withdrew from kid and he resents that

As a clinical psychologist, shouldn't you know that sarcasm is a way of veiling anger?

Being angry and sarcastic (as well asresentful as OP said in her title) is not the same as 'mentally ill and violent.' Sheesh.

Sheesh, indeed. Do you live in Disneyland?

"Oh, why don't you just shut the fk up. I don't want to hear YOUR BULLST anymore. You think you know it all, right? Yeah, like you've lived a perfect fking life. How about I dump a bunch of sht all over YOU and then tell me how it feels? Would you like that...why don't I give that a try and see how you act. You sit around here in your perfect house and judge me?! Maybe youre fking life should be burned down. Will you still be Ms Positivity? Yeah, that would be nice to see - your fking life burnt to the ground. That's what should happen to you - and more. Maybe if you experienced just a fraction of what I have gone through then you'd understand. I hate your fking guts and I hate your fking life. You are the shtiest excuse for a parent on the planet. I can't believe I'm stuck with such a sorry excuse like you."

Imagine this screamed at you full throttle, you being an older female, while the raging adult male is stomping back and forth, maybe throwing items around the room. Or punching a hole in a wall.

Then tell me you wouldn't feel at risk.

Is this the OP?

[Anonymous]

NAMI family to family support group for you, OP.

Do what you need to do for your safety.

[Anonymous]

Run run i have the same proble with my 48 year daughter don't want to see her

[Anonymous]

"Untreated anger," likely stemming from the untreated anger exhibited by his father that YOU failed to protect him from when he was a child?

[Anonymous]

I've come to the conclusion that one of my daughters either has some serious mental health issues and /or is neurodivergent, but the latter isn't a huge surprise. Now in her forties, I've seen such a string of anti social behavior- constant cheating in relationships, manipulating people, unable to take direction at work (so she became a therapist, yes, a therapist), outright lying to misrepresent facts, picking fights that aren't there, getting other people on board with picking fights, triangulating with others to bully people. while we were close until she married in her late 20s after which she moved and started a whole behavior pattern which includes all the above, has a new relationship, continual moving around, and not only aren't we close, I have to admit I really do not want to see her as there's always a toxic event that is fabricated. I am beyond devasted but I have to start thinking of my own health now. Lots of tears.