I have no desire to be around my toxic resentful son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been treated for your own mental illness?

Please stop with this mean-spirited trolling.

DP. I mean I was kinda thinking the same reading this. OP could have described my brother. I can’t stand him, but I’d never make the leap to him harming my single mother. I don’t think it would occur to her either, and believe me she’s an anxious person.

OP definitely has anxiety.

You have no idea what level of risk is presented by OPs son.

NP. “The mood swings typically consist of bitter/biting words, sarcasm, and resentment.” That doesn’t sound very risky. I agree, OP sounds overdramatic.

I thought the same thing about the son of an acquaintance. Then he murdered her. A similar thing happened with a friend and her husband. Do you have any direct experience with domestic violence, or just speculation and assumptions?

I assume most people have only speculation. Maybe you are bad luck?

Well, you can always volunteer to help the mentally ill, such as homeless on the street. Let's see how lucky you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear his side of the story. If he was posting, I’m sure everyone would be bashing his mom. She probably didn’t protect him from his father.

Cut the both side crap. He is an adult, nobody stops from posting on DCUM or reddit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The guy is mean to his mom. He's using his words. Why does everyone jump to the conclusion that he's going to be violent to the OP? Now THAT is crazy.

Is this OP's son? What gives you the right to insult your mother, another adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The guy is mean to his mom. He's using his words. Why does everyone jump to the conclusion that he's going to be violent to the OP? Now THAT is crazy.

So it is OK to lash out at you? I would love to see you being berated on the street corner by some mentally ill person. Maybe you like it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been treated for your own mental illness?

I am a happy, balanced person, and that's honestly what seems to trigger him.

The chances that a happy, balanced person produced a child this filled with rage as an adult are near zero. You are going to have to get real with yourself if you want anything about this to change.

You may not want anything about this to change, though.

Wow, always blame somebody else. After you turn 18, you are an adult and nobody owes you anything. No wonder you are such a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been treated for your own mental illness?

I am a happy, balanced person, and that's honestly what seems to trigger him.

The chances that a happy, balanced person produced a child this filled with rage as an adult are near zero. You are going to have to get real with yourself if you want anything about this to change.

You may not want anything about this to change, though.

Wow, always blame somebody else. After you turn 18, you are an adult and nobody owes you anything. No wonder you are such a loser.

If you feel strongly that your adult children are the same as other adults, and that those other adult aren’t owed things by anyone (for example: by you), that would explain why one of your own children might not want contact with you.

On the other hand, if you think your adult children are the only adults who, by definition, must have no expectations of anyone—well, that would explain it as well.

Perhaps there is an explanation I have missed. Can you explain: is it one of the above you are arguing, or something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been treated for your own mental illness?

I am a happy, balanced person, and that's honestly what seems to trigger him.

The chances that a happy, balanced person produced a child this filled with rage as an adult are near zero. You are going to have to get real with yourself if you want anything about this to change.

You may not want anything about this to change, though.

Not true. Nature and nurturing both count and after reaching adulthood, personal responsibility counts so parents can't take all the credit or all the blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been treated for your own mental illness?

I am a happy, balanced person, and that's honestly what seems to trigger him.

The chances that a happy, balanced person produced a child this filled with rage as an adult are near zero. You are going to have to get real with yourself if you want anything about this to change.

You may not want anything about this to change, though.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like he has a diagnosable personality disorder, and if he blames you for stuff, understand that nothing you do to "show him love", like some misguided PPs have suggested, will persuade him that you are a worthy person. So you don't even have to try. What you need to do is stay neutral and distance yourself during these moods. If they strike without warning, you are justified in never letting him inside your home. Change your locks, make sure the outside doors and garage doors are always locked. Do not invite him in. Meet in cafes/restaurants/etc and if he starts a tantrum, leave in full view of everyone. If ever he becomes very aggressive, perhaps calling 911 and asking for an involuntary hold will get him an evaluation, but I doubt it. The system is not set up to help psychiatric patients and their families.

I'm really sorry, OP, especially as your husband was the same way. You deserve trustworthy relationships in your life. Do you have other children, relatives and friends who fill that space?

Mentally ill people need love and family just like everybody else -- maybe even more. She doesn't need to show him she's worthy or anything else. If she's the one who's mentally healthy, she should be able to distance herself from his judgement of her and still be his parent.

Mentally ill people are still responsible for harm they cause to others. Mentally healthy people also have needs. For example, to not be attacked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been treated for your own mental illness?

Please stop with this mean-spirited trolling.

DP. I mean I was kinda thinking the same reading this. OP could have described my brother. I can’t stand him, but I’d never make the leap to him harming my single mother. I don’t think it would occur to her either, and believe me she’s an anxious person.

OP definitely has anxiety.

You have no idea what level of risk is presented by OPs son.

NP. “The mood swings typically consist of bitter/biting words, sarcasm, and resentment.” That doesn’t sound very risky. I agree, OP sounds overdramatic.

I'm missing what the mental illness is in this description.... or how there's a risk

(And I'm a clinical psychologist)

Sounds like mom is very sensitive to sarcasm and probably withdrew from kid and he resents that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its sad how most adult children blame parents for their issues. Parents are also living this life for first time and learning things as they go but since they care and tolerate bad behavior, they are easy targets for adult children's anger towards life.

Sadly, there are a lot of bad therapists out there who lead people to blame their childhoods and upbringing for all of their issues. They almost validate the patient rather than help provide tools to work through and accurately diagnose the patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been treated for your own mental illness?

Please stop with this mean-spirited trolling.

DP. I mean I was kinda thinking the same reading this. OP could have described my brother. I can’t stand him, but I’d never make the leap to him harming my single mother. I don’t think it would occur to her either, and believe me she’s an anxious person.

OP definitely has anxiety.

You have no idea what level of risk is presented by OPs son.

NP. “The mood swings typically consist of bitter/biting words, sarcasm, and resentment.” That doesn’t sound very risky. I agree, OP sounds overdramatic.

I'm missing what the mental illness is in this description.... or how there's a risk

(And I'm a clinical psychologist)

Sounds like mom is very sensitive to sarcasm and probably withdrew from kid and he resents that

It’s totally fine to withdraw from people who aren’t nice to you. Including family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been treated for your own mental illness?

I am a happy, balanced person, and that's honestly what seems to trigger him.

The chances that a happy, balanced person produced a child this filled with rage as an adult are near zero. You are going to have to get real with yourself if you want anything about this to change.

You may not want anything about this to change, though.

This.

Stupid post. She said the dad has the same issues. It must have come from him.

[Anonymous]

This is a NP. OP, have you looked into NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Health, for information and support on how to deal with your adult son (including creating a crisis plan for yourself in case things escalate)?

I’ve seen recommendations for NAMI from other DCUM posters who have family members with mental illness and they’ve found NAMI helpful. I believe NAMI has support groups for family members — not sure if this is run by local chapters or the national organization.

There also are a lot of free resources on their website including a free NAMI Family & Friends Companion eBook.

“The NAMI Family & Friends companion eBook provides important information about mental health conditions including: conditions and diagnoses, treatment and recovery, crisis planning, resources and more. You can download it for free in multiple languages”

https://www.nami.org/support-education/mental-health-education/nami-family-friends/

Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had to cut contact with my mentally ill adult son for a period of time. He assaulted me. There had been lots of property damage before this but once that line was crossed he had to leave.

After some time being hospitalized and living in a hotel, he asked to come back. A condition is taking his medication - there are other conditions as well. It has been almost two years and I can unequivocally say, it was the single most successful intervention I have done.

It took almost a year to get the medication optimal, which was hard on him. But I never wavered as far as our agreements and he has complied. And my son is finally on a path to success - in college, working and getting good grades. He’s repaired the relationship between him and each member of our family. I feel like we got a miracle.

What a wonderful outcome! Congratulations on your and your son’s great effort!