Coming to terms with your kid not loving a sport (or anything else really)

[Anonymous]

try theatre - there are plenty of places that offer children's theatre. And, it might not be acting, it might be working on costumes, props, running the light board, being a stage hand during the performance.... there are so many things that are involved in a theatre production.

Also, try Scouts, 4H, chess club, crafts (knitting, sewing, crochet)

Also, like fencing there are lots of different sports that aren't the typical baseball, softball, horseback riding, swimming, ballet, gymnastics, soccer, football, rugby.

[Anonymous]

knitting would be better for your unathletic DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:knitting would be better for your unathletic DD

I am so impressed with people who can knit. I tried and couldn’t get it. It’s a calming activity for many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just looking for a little solidarity or perspective here. My DD9 is active, silly, and full of life. I really thought she’d love a particular sport we tried, one that I also loved as a kid, and I was excited to share it with her. But after giving finishing a camp this week, it’s clear she’s just not into it. She hasn’t clicked with any other structured activities either, and I’ll admit, I’m feeling disappointed.

Not because I need her to be a star athlete or anything, but because I had hoped she’d find something to be passionate about, to feel like she belongs. It’s hard to let go of that picture I had in my mind, and harder still to see her drifting without something that’s “hers.”

I want to respect who she is, not who I imagined she might be. Has anyone else been here? How did you shift your mindset and support your DC in a way that still helps them grow and feel confident, even if they’re not into organized sports or clubs?

Would love to hear how others reframed their hopes or found other ways for their kids to feel connected and fulfilled.

I think kids don't need to be pigeonholed into an activity that is their "passion." The more you keep signing her up for activities the more she is going to resent you and feel (correctly) that you are disappointed in her for not being one of those specialist kids. Sorry to burst your bubble but a lot of these specialist sport/dance/gymnastics kids are maladjusted and often get very bad injuries that require surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just looking for a little solidarity or perspective here. My DD9 is active, silly, and full of life. I really thought she’d love a particular sport we tried, one that I also loved as a kid, and I was excited to share it with her. But after giving finishing a camp this week, it’s clear she’s just not into it. She hasn’t clicked with any other structured activities either, and I’ll admit, I’m feeling disappointed.

Not because I need her to be a star athlete or anything, but because I had hoped she’d find something to be passionate about, to feel like she belongs. It’s hard to let go of that picture I had in my mind, and harder still to see her drifting without something that’s “hers.”

I want to respect who she is, not who I imagined she might be. Has anyone else been here? How did you shift your mindset and support your DC in a way that still helps them grow and feel confident, even if they’re not into organized sports or clubs?

Would love to hear how others reframed their hopes or found other ways for their kids to feel connected and fulfilled.

I think kids don't need to be pigeonholed into an activity that is their "passion." The more you keep signing her up for activities the more she is going to resent you and feel (correctly) that you are disappointed in her for not being one of those specialist kids. Sorry to burst your bubble but a lot of these specialist sport/dance/gymnastics kids are maladjusted and often get very bad injuries that require surgery.

Agreed. People are getting hung up on suggesting all sorts of alternative activities. But a 9 yo doesn't need passions. Until the past 20 years, most kids just played with their friends or did some casual rec activities, like Little League or piano lessons with the old lady next door. As long as she is not just wanting to be on a screen, it's perfectly normal and healthy for a 9 yo to just want to play and hang out with friends. The world needs more socially well-adjusted people, not fewer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, I understand the judgment based on my post and I probably deserve it. But the truth is, I just really want her to find something that builds her confidence and keeps her active. I know she's not an extension of me, and I’m not trying to live through her. I just want her to find joy in something.

So far, she’s been lukewarm about everything we’ve tried: tennis lessons, gymnastics/tumbling, recreational swimming (she refused the swim team), rec lacrosse, and now volleyball camp. She’s already said no to soccer, basketball, dance, cheer, and any kind of martial arts. The only thing she kind of likes is gymnastics, but only wants to go once a week.

She does enjoy art, so we might revisit that.

I just want her to find something that makes her happy. Her older sister participates in two activities I know nothing about, and she’s grown so much from them. I just want the same for her.

My nephew never really stuck to anything. In 9th grade he joined an ultimate frisbee league and is obsessed. He plays with adults and they have games each week. Obviously it is not competitive and won’t lead to a scholarship but is involved in the community and getting exercise.

His sister was into mountain biking and joined a group that did that.

My son doesn’t really like sports at all! He doesn’t like music or art and theater. He loves cooking and fencing. He tried fencing randomly at a free class I heard about and said let’s go check it out and now he loves it.

I did band in high school but wasn’t particularly talented. But I made friends and had a group in high school. As an adult I discovered mountain biking and OMG obsessed- and better yet I get to go with my niece. I grew up in FL where that want a thing.

You never know where life will take you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just looking for a little solidarity or perspective here. My DD9 is active, silly, and full of life. I really thought she’d love a particular sport we tried, one that I also loved as a kid, and I was excited to share it with her. But after giving finishing a camp this week, it’s clear she’s just not into it. She hasn’t clicked with any other structured activities either, and I’ll admit, I’m feeling disappointed.

Not because I need her to be a star athlete or anything, but because I had hoped she’d find something to be passionate about, to feel like she belongs. It’s hard to let go of that picture I had in my mind, and harder still to see her drifting without something that’s “hers.”

I want to respect who she is, not who I imagined she might be. Has anyone else been here? How did you shift your mindset and support your DC in a way that still helps them grow and feel confident, even if they’re not into organized sports or clubs?

I think there are a lot of unathletic dorky men and women in the dmv who work in an office all day and really want the sporty kind of kid. They start wringing their hands if a nine year old has no interest in any sport. It’s easy to stay active at that age so no need to worry.

Would love to hear how others reframed their hopes or found other ways for their kids to feel connected and fulfilled.

I think kids don't need to be pigeonholed into an activity that is their "passion." The more you keep signing her up for activities the more she is going to resent you and feel (correctly) that you are disappointed in her for not being one of those specialist kids. Sorry to burst your bubble but a lot of these specialist sport/dance/gymnastics kids are maladjusted and often get very bad injuries that require surgery.

Agreed. People are getting hung up on suggesting all sorts of alternative activities. But a 9 yo doesn't need passions. Until the past 20 years, most kids just played with their friends or did some casual rec activities, like Little League or piano lessons with the old lady next door. As long as she is not just wanting to be on a screen, it's perfectly normal and healthy for a 9 yo to just want to play and hang out with friends. The world needs more socially well-adjusted people, not fewer.

[Anonymous]

I echo the advice to try different activities. Girls don't like sports as much as boys, so it's important to expose them to a wider variety.