Coming to terms with your kid not loving a sport (or anything else really)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid found her thing at age 8 and has never wavered from it (she's now 18). She's also autistic and has tremendous difficulty doing anything other than that thing or connecting to people outside of that thing.

Count your blessings.

Good point. My autistic kid knew what he loved from the time he was 4. Now he's studying that in college. My neurotypical teen doesn't know what she wants to do, and is definitely not athletic. She rides horses, not because she likes to ride, but because she likes horses. It's the only physical exertion I can get her to do, with a little swimming (but she hated swim team, so it's strictly recreational).
She likes to draw, craft, she's very good at math and science, she likes creative writing... but wants nothing *formal* about any of it, like math competitions, or art/writing classes. Which is TOTALLY FINE in real life, but doesn't help for college admissions, I have to say.
Colleges wants measurable achievement with accolades from third parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, I understand the judgment based on my post and I probably deserve it. But the truth is, I just really want her to find something that builds her confidence and keeps her active. I know she's not an extension of me, and I’m not trying to live through her. I just want her to find joy in something.

So far, she’s been lukewarm about everything we’ve tried: tennis lessons, gymnastics/tumbling, recreational swimming (she refused the swim team), rec lacrosse, and now volleyball camp. She’s already said no to soccer, basketball, dance, cheer, and any kind of martial arts. The only thing she kind of likes is gymnastics, but only wants to go once a week.

She does enjoy art, so we might revisit that.

I just want her to find something that makes her happy. Her older sister participates in two activities I know nothing about, and she’s grown so much from them. I just want the same for her.

Those are all sports, save art. Maybe she’s not sporty.

And she’s already doing gymnastics once a week. So what’s the problem?

The problem is she's hoping for her to be a superstar at one thing instead of dabbling in many things.

Why? I’m not being snarky. I genuinely don’t understand what the problem is with a nine year old kid who has tried a lot of different things and seems overall happy, is open to trying things, and so on. Very, very few people can be superstars.

And she’s doing gymnastic once a week and so it’s not like she does nothing at all. I assume she also has friends, school, etc? Seems like a great kid.

[Anonymous]

Why is this a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way you have tried everything. Think outside the box. Ie: less common types of dance or music. More individual sports like tennis, golf, fencing. Outdoorsy stuff, art, scouting. I agree I would find it weird and concerning if my child had no interests whatsoever. But that doesn’t sound like your daughter. I think you just need to keep looking. Have her try one new thing per season (with some input from her) and just keep trying until something catches her eye a bit.

I had the same thought.

Golf
Fencing
Chess
Scouts
To name a few.
There are lots of things out there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, I understand the judgment based on my post and I probably deserve it. But the truth is, I just really want her to find something that builds her confidence and keeps her active. I know she's not an extension of me, and I’m not trying to live through her. I just want her to find joy in something.

So far, she’s been lukewarm about everything we’ve tried: tennis lessons, gymnastics/tumbling, recreational swimming (she refused the swim team), rec lacrosse, and now volleyball camp. She’s already said no to soccer, basketball, dance, cheer, and any kind of martial arts. The only thing she kind of likes is gymnastics, but only wants to go once a week.

She does enjoy art, so we might revisit that.

I just want her to find something that makes her happy. Her older sister participates in two activities I know nothing about, and she’s grown so much from them. I just want the same for her.

Those are all sports, save art. Maybe she’s not sporty.

And she’s already doing gymnastics once a week. So what’s the problem?

The problem is she's hoping for her to be a superstar at one thing instead of dabbling in many things.

That was my impression too. Try tor relax. I know it will be hard.I am wired this way too and I work hard to fight it. The achievement culture is so harmful for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's possible your kid is not into organized sports or clubs of any kind, but it's also possible you haven't shown your DD enough options. You could try broadening your idea of what "counts" as an activity. We know kids who do community service clubs, choir, 4-H, D&D, theater, scouts, sewing, foreign language club ... there's so much out there.

I'm not unsympathetic. I was a horse girl, in the "literally anything involving a horse is for me, I am never bored" sense. I loved horse camp. DD likes riding horses but is not interested in the care and feeding, or learning about them, and horse camp was a bust. Disappointing for a minute, but we've moved on. She is really into training our dog right now. We've also taken a couple of different sports intro classes together, to try something new - we took a fencing class at the rec center, for example.

If it makes you feel any better, I was a horse girl and my daughters are both horse girls and while I love their passion for it, I don't love the 7 figures we spend a year on it...

You spend a million dollars a year on horses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's possible your kid is not into organized sports or clubs of any kind, but it's also possible you haven't shown your DD enough options. You could try broadening your idea of what "counts" as an activity. We know kids who do community service clubs, choir, 4-H, D&D, theater, scouts, sewing, foreign language club ... there's so much out there.

I'm not unsympathetic. I was a horse girl, in the "literally anything involving a horse is for me, I am never bored" sense. I loved horse camp. DD likes riding horses but is not interested in the care and feeding, or learning about them, and horse camp was a bust. Disappointing for a minute, but we've moved on. She is really into training our dog right now. We've also taken a couple of different sports intro classes together, to try something new - we took a fencing class at the rec center, for example.

If it makes you feel any better, I was a horse girl and my daughters are both horse girls and while I love their passion for it, I don't love the 7 figures we spend a year on it...

You spend a million dollars a year on horses?

DP but that would be easy to do at a decent barn with 2 kids. I’m saying this from a horse show now

[Anonymous]

You need to look your 9 year old in the eyes and tell em they can kiss the Ivys goodbye

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's possible your kid is not into organized sports or clubs of any kind, but it's also possible you haven't shown your DD enough options. You could try broadening your idea of what "counts" as an activity. We know kids who do community service clubs, choir, 4-H, D&D, theater, scouts, sewing, foreign language club ... there's so much out there.

I'm not unsympathetic. I was a horse girl, in the "literally anything involving a horse is for me, I am never bored" sense. I loved horse camp. DD likes riding horses but is not interested in the care and feeding, or learning about them, and horse camp was a bust. Disappointing for a minute, but we've moved on. She is really into training our dog right now. We've also taken a couple of different sports intro classes together, to try something new - we took a fencing class at the rec center, for example.

If it makes you feel any better, I was a horse girl and my daughters are both horse girls and while I love their passion for it, I don't love the 7 figures we spend a year on it...

You spend a million dollars a year on horses?

DP but that would be easy to do at a decent barn with 2 kids. I’m saying this from a horse show now

I live in a horse community and you are delusional.

[Anonymous]

My son was the same way. It got WAY better when he turned 13 or 14, I “blame” testosterone he started being more proactive and is slowly finding his passion. Well, passion is a strong word for him but he is trying different things and though he isn’t wildly successful they are helping to shape his identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to look your 9 year old in the eyes and tell em they can kiss the Ivys goodbye

Made me lol but it’s unfortunately true! -not OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid found her thing at age 8 and has never wavered from it (she's now 18). She's also autistic and has tremendous difficulty doing anything other than that thing or connecting to people outside of that thing.

Count your blessings.

Good point. My autistic kid knew what he loved from the time he was 4. Now he's studying that in college. My neurotypical teen doesn't know what she wants to do, and is definitely not athletic. She rides horses, not because she likes to ride, but because she likes horses. It's the only physical exertion I can get her to do, with a little swimming (but she hated swim team, so it's strictly recreational).
She likes to draw, craft, she's very good at math and science, she likes creative writing... but wants nothing *formal* about any of it, like math competitions, or art/writing classes. Which is TOTALLY FINE in real life, but doesn't help for college admissions, I have to say.
Colleges wants measurable achievement with accolades from third parties.

Depends on the school. I know most here are gunning for Ivy, or something in that stratosphere.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t find my actual thing (and it’s still an interest to this day) until the summer after ninth grade. It’s really ok.

[Anonymous]

I mean, I don’t think my husband or I have a specific “passion.” We are well rounded and enjoy lots of things. Life is good.

And worrying about college admissions for a 9 year old is silly.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever read “Story of a Soul?”
It’s written by a Catholic nun who grew up in rural France and died in her early twenties, but the sentiment of her writings is so lovely and true that she was made a Doctor of the Church.
In her writings, she refers to the “Little way,” “ and refers to herself as a “little flower” in a garden of lilies and roses. She says that her task in life isn’t to try to be a rose, but to be the best version of a little flower that she can be.
“What matters in life is not great deeds but great love.”