Coming to terms with your kid not loving a sport (or anything else really)

[Anonymous]

Just looking for a little solidarity or perspective here. My DD9 is active, silly, and full of life. I really thought she’d love a particular sport we tried, one that I also loved as a kid, and I was excited to share it with her. But after giving finishing a camp this week, it’s clear she’s just not into it. She hasn’t clicked with any other structured activities either, and I’ll admit, I’m feeling disappointed.

Not because I need her to be a star athlete or anything, but because I had hoped she’d find something to be passionate about, to feel like she belongs. It’s hard to let go of that picture I had in my mind, and harder still to see her drifting without something that’s “hers.”

I want to respect who she is, not who I imagined she might be. Has anyone else been here? How did you shift your mindset and support your DC in a way that still helps them grow and feel confident, even if they’re not into organized sports or clubs?

Would love to hear how others reframed their hopes or found other ways for their kids to feel connected and fulfilled.

[Anonymous]

It's possible your kid is not into organized sports or clubs of any kind, but it's also possible you haven't shown your DD enough options. You could try broadening your idea of what "counts" as an activity. We know kids who do community service clubs, choir, 4-H, D&D, theater, scouts, sewing, foreign language club ... there's so much out there.

I'm not unsympathetic. I was a horse girl, in the "literally anything involving a horse is for me, I am never bored" sense. I loved horse camp. DD likes riding horses but is not interested in the care and feeding, or learning about them, and horse camp was a bust. Disappointing for a minute, but we've moved on. She is really into training our dog right now. We've also taken a couple of different sports intro classes together, to try something new - we took a fencing class at the rec center, for example.

[Anonymous]

Not all children are athletic.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully, Mr. & Mrs Gates will post to share how their son turned out.

[Anonymous]

She’s 9. You said she’s active, silly, and full of life. how is that “drifting”? She has a lifetime to figure out what’s “hers.”

[Anonymous]

She's nine years old. She has her life to figure this out. And it's great that you want to encourage her to pursue different interests, but it's something she is going to have to figure out. Maybe she won't ever really be into a particular sport or extracurricular.

[Anonymous]

You didn't have a child to raise a miniature version of yourself. Right? Ok, so you did. Now you have to come to terms that's not how any of this works unless you want to really F up your kid.

Expose her to MANY things, including non-sports options. Ask her what she likes and wants to do. Observe what she likes and wants to do. It could be a good book or hanging out with her friends, by the way, at her age. It's not about you and the sport you liked to play as a kid.

And she's 9. You concluding she is not going to show passion for anything in life is TOTALLY ABSURD.

Sorry if this is harsh, but you asked for perspective.

[Anonymous]

Really... you've exposed her to all the organized activities and sports by the age of 9 to conclude she is drifting and will never find a thing? I don't even see how that's possible.

My oldest was the type of kid who it was clear what his thing was by early elementary school. He's in late high school and it's still his thing. Very focused and passionate. It's really his identity.

My youngest is more the type who has tried a lot of things, quit a lot of things. In middle school now and she plays one sport pretty competitively and really doesn't have a whole lot else going on outside of school. Not even sure the one sport will stick forever. She's super smart and does well in school, she's funny, she has lots of friends. Honestly OP, her lack of "passion" is zero problem in her life. She "belongs" just in different ways than my older kid.

You are having an extremely narrow view of how childhood unfolds.

[Anonymous]

It took my oldest until 11 to find her thing. She almost walked away from a sport, and then one clinic brought a passion for it flaming to life.

[Anonymous]

My 9 year old hasn't had anything "stick" and he's not athletic or sporty. It is hard when you hear about all the things other kids are doing (including siblings) and how busy their lives are. I try to focus on his few interests which mostly revolve around reading, nature, history, board games. I am hopeful he will find something in MS where he will find similar non-sporty kids.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is only NINE! Her opportunity to find something she clicks with has not ended! So many kids don't find their passion until college. Or even later!

And you need to separate yourself from her. She is not an extension of you, but her own person. She won't take up your sport where you left off. Do not live through your child. Appreciate her for who she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 9 year old hasn't had anything "stick" and he's not athletic or sporty. It is hard when you hear about all the things other kids are doing (including siblings) and how busy their lives are. I try to focus on his few interests which mostly revolve around reading, nature, history, board games. I am hopeful he will find something in MS where he will find similar non-sporty kids.

Scouts could be a great fit for a boy like this.

[Anonymous]

Agree that 9 yo is too young to worry about this. It’s very child-dependent - we have 4 kids and 2 have shown a strong interest in an activity from early elementary and two are still figuring it out as they approach middle school.

We expose them as much as we can and stay open to possibilities. My oldest DD (in middle school) has tried sports and activities that I am not excited about but I let her try them. When something sticks for more than 3 months I try to push getting doing that activity in a bit more structured way. Sometimes that leads to them quitting and sometimes they get more into it. I think they have found at least one activity they are going to stick with for a few years.

I didn’t really get serious about anything until upper middle school and then really pushed myself in it in high school/college/ grad school so I think it’s fine to wait.

[Anonymous]

What non sports activities have you tried? What does she like to do in her free time?

My non athletic son had a hard time finding activities he liked in elementary school, where the choices are pretty limited. As he got older and there were more non-traditional options, he found his things (and his people).

[Anonymous]

My kid found her thing at age 8 and has never wavered from it (she's now 18). She's also autistic and has tremendous difficulty doing anything other than that thing or connecting to people outside of that thing.

Count your blessings.