Coming to terms with your kid not loving a sport (or anything else really)

[Anonymous]

I found my "thing" in 9th grade. And I grew up in your typical striver UMC burb where I was exposed to lots of activities. This is way too young to worry!

It is such a blessing to have a non-sn, happy child. I can't tell you to magically just feel "fine" about your dc, but this is kind of parenting 101: your children are not extensions of you.

[Anonymous]

I was a band kid growing up. Marching band, concert band, jazz band, pep band, I did it all for years even in college and beyond. Won awards, was first chair, got music scholarships. Our older kid was a band kid, too. Younger kid, it turns out, is more of an artist. Painter, drawer, animator, and has a fabulous talent. It became clear by HS that band wasn't taking younger kid anywhere; it was just marking time (no pun intended). I told kid in high school to drop band and take art instead. Go for it and see where it goes, because it wasn't about me. Kid is much more valued in the art department than they ever were in the band program, and is now a stand out winning awards. I can't draw my way out of a paper bag, but I can recognize that this is where kid needed to go, and I'm glad I could offer my blessing. Help your kid find what she is good at, and has a passion for. Try a little of everything through park and rec, etc. Their thing probably won't be what we did, because our kids are their own people. The best part of parenting is seeing what they love, glimpsing the world through their eyes.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why any kid (or person) has to have a particular "thing"? Can't they just be happy and active, with varied interests? If they're not lounging around or on an ipad for hours a day, who cares what their particular interests are? Why do they have to pour themselves into a particular passion or activity or sport? (Especially at age nine.) I just don't get what the concern is here.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, I understand the judgment based on my post and I probably deserve it. But the truth is, I just really want her to find something that builds her confidence and keeps her active. I know she's not an extension of me, and I’m not trying to live through her. I just want her to find joy in something.

So far, she’s been lukewarm about everything we’ve tried: tennis lessons, gymnastics/tumbling, recreational swimming (she refused the swim team), rec lacrosse, and now volleyball camp. She’s already said no to soccer, basketball, dance, cheer, and any kind of martial arts. The only thing she kind of likes is gymnastics, but only wants to go once a week.

She does enjoy art, so we might revisit that.

I just want her to find something that makes her happy. Her older sister participates in two activities I know nothing about, and she’s grown so much from them. I just want the same for her.

[Anonymous]

youre a sad loser. Sorry your kid wont grow up to be a mini you

[Anonymous]

There is no way you have tried everything. Think outside the box. Ie: less common types of dance or music. More individual sports like tennis, golf, fencing. Outdoorsy stuff, art, scouting. I agree I would find it weird and concerning if my child had no interests whatsoever. But that doesn’t sound like your daughter. I think you just need to keep looking. Have her try one new thing per season (with some input from her) and just keep trying until something catches her eye a bit.

[Anonymous]

She's 9
If this were high school I'd be concerned. This is a "you" problem if you think there's a problem at age 9

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, I understand the judgment based on my post and I probably deserve it. But the truth is, I just really want her to find something that builds her confidence and keeps her active. I know she's not an extension of me, and I’m not trying to live through her. I just want her to find joy in something.

So far, she’s been lukewarm about everything we’ve tried: tennis lessons, gymnastics/tumbling, recreational swimming (she refused the swim team), rec lacrosse, and now volleyball camp. She’s already said no to soccer, basketball, dance, cheer, and any kind of martial arts. The only thing she kind of likes is gymnastics, but only wants to go once a week.

She does enjoy art, so we might revisit that.

I just want her to find something that makes her happy. Her older sister participates in two activities I know nothing about, and she’s grown so much from them. I just want the same for her.

You are too focused on sports. Lots of parents are. It's an American culture thing. Maybe...gasp...she doesn't like sports.

Try scouts, theater, an instrument. And yes if she enjoys art, lean into that. So much to explore there. It's fine to tell a kid you need to pick one thing to get some physical activity. It does not have to be organized sports. Don't put pressure on her it has to be her life's passion or occupy all her time. Gymnastics once a week is fine. Get a dog (or if you have one great) and go on a long walk every night. Go for hikes.

[Anonymous]

Keep exposing her to things in a low pressure way. Camps are great for that. Try more music or theater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, I understand the judgment based on my post and I probably deserve it. But the truth is, I just really want her to find something that builds her confidence and keeps her active. I know she's not an extension of me, and I’m not trying to live through her. I just want her to find joy in something.

So far, she’s been lukewarm about everything we’ve tried: tennis lessons, gymnastics/tumbling, recreational swimming (she refused the swim team), rec lacrosse, and now volleyball camp. She’s already said no to soccer, basketball, dance, cheer, and any kind of martial arts. The only thing she kind of likes is gymnastics, but only wants to go once a week.

She does enjoy art, so we might revisit that.

I just want her to find something that makes her happy. Her older sister participates in two activities I know nothing about, and she’s grown so much from them. I just want the same for her.

You've tried a bunch of sports. That's not "everything." She can stay active by riding her bike, doing gymnastics, running around with friends. She can - separately - build confidence from doing what she enjoys, including art (in a class if she wants to, but not necessary), theater, instrument, robotics, science experiments, reading books about something that interests her and teaching you about it...

[Anonymous]

Shes only 9. Have you tried individual sports like Karate? Not everyone is a team sports person.

As people mentioned there are tons of potential hobbies to expose her to.

[Anonymous]

A parenting mantra that really is important is to parent the child you have. I agree this is so hard in this area, especially when your kid doesn't want to do sports, which basically everyone else did.

It was an actual sad day when my kid finished first grade soccer and said he would not be playing again - all the other kids played and we loved being with the parents and families with all the boys from his school. He did turn out to have a passion and quitting soccer helped fuel is music passion.

But my other kid really is not the same - no specific thing, just happy to try other things and not over focus and that was great for him - just try to let the kids take the lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, I understand the judgment based on my post and I probably deserve it. But the truth is, I just really want her to find something that builds her confidence and keeps her active. I know she's not an extension of me, and I’m not trying to live through her. I just want her to find joy in something.

So far, she’s been lukewarm about everything we’ve tried: tennis lessons, gymnastics/tumbling, recreational swimming (she refused the swim team), rec lacrosse, and now volleyball camp. She’s already said no to soccer, basketball, dance, cheer, and any kind of martial arts. The only thing she kind of likes is gymnastics, but only wants to go once a week.

She does enjoy art, so we might revisit that.

I just want her to find something that makes her happy. Her older sister participates in two activities I know nothing about, and she’s grown so much from them. I just want the same for her.

Those are all sports, save art. Maybe she’s not sporty.

And she’s already doing gymnastics once a week. So what’s the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, I understand the judgment based on my post and I probably deserve it. But the truth is, I just really want her to find something that builds her confidence and keeps her active. I know she's not an extension of me, and I’m not trying to live through her. I just want her to find joy in something.

So far, she’s been lukewarm about everything we’ve tried: tennis lessons, gymnastics/tumbling, recreational swimming (she refused the swim team), rec lacrosse, and now volleyball camp. She’s already said no to soccer, basketball, dance, cheer, and any kind of martial arts. The only thing she kind of likes is gymnastics, but only wants to go once a week.

She does enjoy art, so we might revisit that.

I just want her to find something that makes her happy. Her older sister participates in two activities I know nothing about, and she’s grown so much from them. I just want the same for her.

Those are all sports, save art. Maybe she’s not sporty.

And she’s already doing gymnastics once a week. So what’s the problem?

The problem is she's hoping for her to be a superstar at one thing instead of dabbling in many things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's possible your kid is not into organized sports or clubs of any kind, but it's also possible you haven't shown your DD enough options. You could try broadening your idea of what "counts" as an activity. We know kids who do community service clubs, choir, 4-H, D&D, theater, scouts, sewing, foreign language club ... there's so much out there.

I'm not unsympathetic. I was a horse girl, in the "literally anything involving a horse is for me, I am never bored" sense. I loved horse camp. DD likes riding horses but is not interested in the care and feeding, or learning about them, and horse camp was a bust. Disappointing for a minute, but we've moved on. She is really into training our dog right now. We've also taken a couple of different sports intro classes together, to try something new - we took a fencing class at the rec center, for example.

If it makes you feel any better, I was a horse girl and my daughters are both horse girls and while I love their passion for it, I don't love the 7 figures we spend a year on it...