Extended family socializing taking over everywhere I go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the behavior OP is pointing out and also find it annoying. A lot of people are focused on the “private club” thing and zeroing in on it. But instead, think of it as “people bringing the entire extended family to every possible event and taking over the space.” I was at kid swim lessons this morning at the rec center and there was a family on the bleachers - what looked like mom and dad, another adult woman, that woman’s 2 children, and what I’m assuming were the grandparents. With their stuff and coffees and water bottles spread out everywhere as well. No, no one was staying after for open swim or additional lessons or whatever that I could tell.

I agree, it would be off-putting to go to your pool club, there’s not too many people there, but of the, say, 50 people there, 10 are part of one group and there are also two groups of 6-8 and they only want to talk to/play with/hang out with each other.

m

Same thing at swim lessons yesterday! I was hanging out in the bleachers with a book, and below me a huge family slowly trickled in- mom, dad, grandparents, what might have been an aunt/sister, siblings, etc. for one kid. It was more people than could fit in a single vehicle, so they planned to meet to watch a 20-minute lesson? Who knows.

They set up shop and took over the small area and surrounded me (I was up high and in the middle so I wasn’t blocking an end or anything). A few other parents trickled in, saw there was no room in the bleachers, and spent the lesson standing awkwardly to the side on the deck. I eventually got up and moved because it was so uncomfortable to be surrounding by 9 family members are talking past/over/around me. So weird. Meet for lunch or at the park after!

My 3rd grader’s recorder concert - really just a half hour long thing after school, set up in the risers in the cafeteria, pretty low key - became standing room only because of the HUGE family groups. They literally ran out of folding chairs. I don’t know that you need to roll 20 people deep to the recorder concert. Parents and siblings sure, a grandparent if they want to come, ok. But I was seeing groups of multiple adults, the teen/college age siblings and their SO’s, multiple grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, etc etc. It’s just SO MUCH. That’s why graduations have a number of tickets available and every year it’s, “we need more than 6 tickets to accommodate all my relatives, can anyone give me their extra tickets?”

When did all of this start? Same thing happened for the 2nd grade xylophone “share-out” (not even a concert!). I had to text my DH to cancel a call and race over because everyone else had a huge family group at 2 pm including HS siblings and grandparents and cousins, not just the one parent suggested by the music teacher. DD didn’t mind when DH didn’t make it but did express confusion and said she had thought it wasn’t a real concert so why did so many people come?

Is this a post-covid thing?

Joy of being a part of a larger group than just two parents and a sibling of average Americans. Plus, abuela's neighbor didn't have anything that afternoon so decided to accompany abuela, ok, nothing wrong even if it's not how it was when you were in second grade (

It’s not just a Hispanic families thing though, I know my white friends at a different school are big offenders, she’ll post pics on FB of the neighbors and both sets of grandparents and multiple little cousins at the mid-day preschool graduation and it’s like … why lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the behavior OP is pointing out and also find it annoying. A lot of people are focused on the “private club” thing and zeroing in on it. But instead, think of it as “people bringing the entire extended family to every possible event and taking over the space.” I was at kid swim lessons this morning at the rec center and there was a family on the bleachers - what looked like mom and dad, another adult woman, that woman’s 2 children, and what I’m assuming were the grandparents. With their stuff and coffees and water bottles spread out everywhere as well. No, no one was staying after for open swim or additional lessons or whatever that I could tell.

I agree, it would be off-putting to go to your pool club, there’s not too many people there, but of the, say, 50 people there, 10 are part of one group and there are also two groups of 6-8 and they only want to talk to/play with/hang out with each other.

m

Same thing at swim lessons yesterday! I was hanging out in the bleachers with a book, and below me a huge family slowly trickled in- mom, dad, grandparents, what might have been an aunt/sister, siblings, etc. for one kid. It was more people than could fit in a single vehicle, so they planned to meet to watch a 20-minute lesson? Who knows.

They set up shop and took over the small area and surrounded me (I was up high and in the middle so I wasn’t blocking an end or anything). A few other parents trickled in, saw there was no room in the bleachers, and spent the lesson standing awkwardly to the side on the deck. I eventually got up and moved because it was so uncomfortable to be surrounding by 9 family members are talking past/over/around me. So weird. Meet for lunch or at the park after!

My 3rd grader’s recorder concert - really just a half hour long thing after school, set up in the risers in the cafeteria, pretty low key - became standing room only because of the HUGE family groups. They literally ran out of folding chairs. I don’t know that you need to roll 20 people deep to the recorder concert. Parents and siblings sure, a grandparent if they want to come, ok. But I was seeing groups of multiple adults, the teen/college age siblings and their SO’s, multiple grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, etc etc. It’s just SO MUCH. That’s why graduations have a number of tickets available and every year it’s, “we need more than 6 tickets to accommodate all my relatives, can anyone give me their extra tickets?”

When did all of this start? Same thing happened for the 2nd grade xylophone “share-out” (not even a concert!). I had to text my DH to cancel a call and race over because everyone else had a huge family group at 2 pm including HS siblings and grandparents and cousins, not just the one parent suggested by the music teacher. DD didn’t mind when DH didn’t make it but did express confusion and said she had thought it wasn’t a real concert so why did so many people come?

Is this a post-covid thing?

Joy of being a part of a larger group than just two parents and a sibling of average Americans. Plus, abuela's neighbor didn't have anything that afternoon so decided to accompany abuela, ok, nothing wrong even if it's not how it was when you were in second grade (

It’s not just a Hispanic families thing though, I know my white friends at a different school are big offenders, she’ll post pics on FB of the neighbors and both sets of grandparents and multiple little cousins at the mid-day preschool graduation and it’s like … why lol.

Yeah, it's definitely a you thing. Right question is 'why not?'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the behavior OP is pointing out and also find it annoying. A lot of people are focused on the “private club” thing and zeroing in on it. But instead, think of it as “people bringing the entire extended family to every possible event and taking over the space.” I was at kid swim lessons this morning at the rec center and there was a family on the bleachers - what looked like mom and dad, another adult woman, that woman’s 2 children, and what I’m assuming were the grandparents. With their stuff and coffees and water bottles spread out everywhere as well. No, no one was staying after for open swim or additional lessons or whatever that I could tell.

I agree, it would be off-putting to go to your pool club, there’s not too many people there, but of the, say, 50 people there, 10 are part of one group and there are also two groups of 6-8 and they only want to talk to/play with/hang out with each other.

m

Same thing at swim lessons yesterday! I was hanging out in the bleachers with a book, and below me a huge family slowly trickled in- mom, dad, grandparents, what might have been an aunt/sister, siblings, etc. for one kid. It was more people than could fit in a single vehicle, so they planned to meet to watch a 20-minute lesson? Who knows.

They set up shop and took over the small area and surrounded me (I was up high and in the middle so I wasn’t blocking an end or anything). A few other parents trickled in, saw there was no room in the bleachers, and spent the lesson standing awkwardly to the side on the deck. I eventually got up and moved because it was so uncomfortable to be surrounding by 9 family members are talking past/over/around me. So weird. Meet for lunch or at the park after!

My 3rd grader’s recorder concert - really just a half hour long thing after school, set up in the risers in the cafeteria, pretty low key - became standing room only because of the HUGE family groups. They literally ran out of folding chairs. I don’t know that you need to roll 20 people deep to the recorder concert. Parents and siblings sure, a grandparent if they want to come, ok. But I was seeing groups of multiple adults, the teen/college age siblings and their SO’s, multiple grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, etc etc. It’s just SO MUCH. That’s why graduations have a number of tickets available and every year it’s, “we need more than 6 tickets to accommodate all my relatives, can anyone give me their extra tickets?”

When did all of this start? Same thing happened for the 2nd grade xylophone “share-out” (not even a concert!). I had to text my DH to cancel a call and race over because everyone else had a huge family group at 2 pm including HS siblings and grandparents and cousins, not just the one parent suggested by the music teacher. DD didn’t mind when DH didn’t make it but did express confusion and said she had thought it wasn’t a real concert so why did so many people come?

Is this a post-covid thing?

Joy of being a part of a larger group than just two parents and a sibling of average Americans. Plus, abuela's neighbor didn't have anything that afternoon so decided to accompany abuela, ok, nothing wrong even if it's not how it was when you were in second grade (

It’s not just a Hispanic families thing though, I know my white friends at a different school are big offenders, she’ll post pics on FB of the neighbors and both sets of grandparents and multiple little cousins at the mid-day preschool graduation and it’s like … why lol.

Yeah, it's definitely a you thing. Right question is 'why not?'

Because it’s rude, a lot of these smaller events have limited space and seating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the behavior OP is pointing out and also find it annoying. A lot of people are focused on the “private club” thing and zeroing in on it. But instead, think of it as “people bringing the entire extended family to every possible event and taking over the space.” I was at kid swim lessons this morning at the rec center and there was a family on the bleachers - what looked like mom and dad, another adult woman, that woman’s 2 children, and what I’m assuming were the grandparents. With their stuff and coffees and water bottles spread out everywhere as well. No, no one was staying after for open swim or additional lessons or whatever that I could tell.

I agree, it would be off-putting to go to your pool club, there’s not too many people there, but of the, say, 50 people there, 10 are part of one group and there are also two groups of 6-8 and they only want to talk to/play with/hang out with each other.

m

Same thing at swim lessons yesterday! I was hanging out in the bleachers with a book, and below me a huge family slowly trickled in- mom, dad, grandparents, what might have been an aunt/sister, siblings, etc. for one kid. It was more people than could fit in a single vehicle, so they planned to meet to watch a 20-minute lesson? Who knows.

They set up shop and took over the small area and surrounded me (I was up high and in the middle so I wasn’t blocking an end or anything). A few other parents trickled in, saw there was no room in the bleachers, and spent the lesson standing awkwardly to the side on the deck. I eventually got up and moved because it was so uncomfortable to be surrounding by 9 family members are talking past/over/around me. So weird. Meet for lunch or at the park after!

My 3rd grader’s recorder concert - really just a half hour long thing after school, set up in the risers in the cafeteria, pretty low key - became standing room only because of the HUGE family groups. They literally ran out of folding chairs. I don’t know that you need to roll 20 people deep to the recorder concert. Parents and siblings sure, a grandparent if they want to come, ok. But I was seeing groups of multiple adults, the teen/college age siblings and their SO’s, multiple grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, etc etc. It’s just SO MUCH. That’s why graduations have a number of tickets available and every year it’s, “we need more than 6 tickets to accommodate all my relatives, can anyone give me their extra tickets?”

When did all of this start? Same thing happened for the 2nd grade xylophone “share-out” (not even a concert!). I had to text my DH to cancel a call and race over because everyone else had a huge family group at 2 pm including HS siblings and grandparents and cousins, not just the one parent suggested by the music teacher. DD didn’t mind when DH didn’t make it but did express confusion and said she had thought it wasn’t a real concert so why did so many people come?

Is this a post-covid thing?

Joy of being a part of a larger group than just two parents and a sibling of average Americans. Plus, abuela's neighbor didn't have anything that afternoon so decided to accompany abuela, ok, nothing wrong even if it's not how it was when you were in second grade (

It’s not just a Hispanic families thing though, I know my white friends at a different school are big offenders, she’ll post pics on FB of the neighbors and both sets of grandparents and multiple little cousins at the mid-day preschool graduation and it’s like … why lol.

Yeah, it's definitely a you thing. Right question is 'why not?'

Because it’s rude, a lot of these smaller events have limited space and seating.

Are you the Principal of that school?
In charge of a country club?
Director or a sports field/park for games?
You do seem to love to police others' behavior though. May you find friends and a social outlet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the behavior OP is pointing out and also find it annoying. A lot of people are focused on the “private club” thing and zeroing in on it. But instead, think of it as “people bringing the entire extended family to every possible event and taking over the space.” I was at kid swim lessons this morning at the rec center and there was a family on the bleachers - what looked like mom and dad, another adult woman, that woman’s 2 children, and what I’m assuming were the grandparents. With their stuff and coffees and water bottles spread out everywhere as well. No, no one was staying after for open swim or additional lessons or whatever that I could tell.

I agree, it would be off-putting to go to your pool club, there’s not too many people there, but of the, say, 50 people there, 10 are part of one group and there are also two groups of 6-8 and they only want to talk to/play with/hang out with each other.

m

Same thing at swim lessons yesterday! I was hanging out in the bleachers with a book, and below me a huge family slowly trickled in- mom, dad, grandparents, what might have been an aunt/sister, siblings, etc. for one kid. It was more people than could fit in a single vehicle, so they planned to meet to watch a 20-minute lesson? Who knows.

They set up shop and took over the small area and surrounded me (I was up high and in the middle so I wasn’t blocking an end or anything). A few other parents trickled in, saw there was no room in the bleachers, and spent the lesson standing awkwardly to the side on the deck. I eventually got up and moved because it was so uncomfortable to be surrounding by 9 family members are talking past/over/around me. So weird. Meet for lunch or at the park after!

My 3rd grader’s recorder concert - really just a half hour long thing after school, set up in the risers in the cafeteria, pretty low key - became standing room only because of the HUGE family groups. They literally ran out of folding chairs. I don’t know that you need to roll 20 people deep to the recorder concert. Parents and siblings sure, a grandparent if they want to come, ok. But I was seeing groups of multiple adults, the teen/college age siblings and their SO’s, multiple grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, etc etc. It’s just SO MUCH. That’s why graduations have a number of tickets available and every year it’s, “we need more than 6 tickets to accommodate all my relatives, can anyone give me their extra tickets?”

If anyone in my family tried to make me attend a 3rd grade recorder concert, they would be out of the will immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the behavior OP is pointing out and also find it annoying. A lot of people are focused on the “private club” thing and zeroing in on it. But instead, think of it as “people bringing the entire extended family to every possible event and taking over the space.” I was at kid swim lessons this morning at the rec center and there was a family on the bleachers - what looked like mom and dad, another adult woman, that woman’s 2 children, and what I’m assuming were the grandparents. With their stuff and coffees and water bottles spread out everywhere as well. No, no one was staying after for open swim or additional lessons or whatever that I could tell.

I agree, it would be off-putting to go to your pool club, there’s not too many people there, but of the, say, 50 people there, 10 are part of one group and there are also two groups of 6-8 and they only want to talk to/play with/hang out with each other.

m

Same thing at swim lessons yesterday! I was hanging out in the bleachers with a book, and below me a huge family slowly trickled in- mom, dad, grandparents, what might have been an aunt/sister, siblings, etc. for one kid. It was more people than could fit in a single vehicle, so they planned to meet to watch a 20-minute lesson? Who knows.

They set up shop and took over the small area and surrounded me (I was up high and in the middle so I wasn’t blocking an end or anything). A few other parents trickled in, saw there was no room in the bleachers, and spent the lesson standing awkwardly to the side on the deck. I eventually got up and moved because it was so uncomfortable to be surrounding by 9 family members are talking past/over/around me. So weird. Meet for lunch or at the park after!

My 3rd grader’s recorder concert - really just a half hour long thing after school, set up in the risers in the cafeteria, pretty low key - became standing room only because of the HUGE family groups. They literally ran out of folding chairs. I don’t know that you need to roll 20 people deep to the recorder concert. Parents and siblings sure, a grandparent if they want to come, ok. But I was seeing groups of multiple adults, the teen/college age siblings and their SO’s, multiple grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, etc etc. It’s just SO MUCH. That’s why graduations have a number of tickets available and every year it’s, “we need more than 6 tickets to accommodate all my relatives, can anyone give me their extra tickets?”

When did all of this start? Same thing happened for the 2nd grade xylophone “share-out” (not even a concert!). I had to text my DH to cancel a call and race over because everyone else had a huge family group at 2 pm including HS siblings and grandparents and cousins, not just the one parent suggested by the music teacher. DD didn’t mind when DH didn’t make it but did express confusion and said she had thought it wasn’t a real concert so why did so many people come?

Is this a post-covid thing?

Joy of being a part of a larger group than just two parents and a sibling of average Americans. Plus, abuela's neighbor didn't have anything that afternoon so decided to accompany abuela, ok, nothing wrong even if it's not how it was when you were in second grade (

It’s not just a Hispanic families thing though, I know my white friends at a different school are big offenders, she’ll post pics on FB of the neighbors and both sets of grandparents and multiple little cousins at the mid-day preschool graduation and it’s like … why lol.

Yeah, it's definitely a you thing. Right question is 'why not?'

Because it’s rude, a lot of these smaller events have limited space and seating.

Are you the Principal of that school?
In charge of a country club?
Director or a sports field/park for games?
You do seem to love to police others' behavior though. May you find friends and a social outlet.

I mean do whatever you want, sure. But try to have some situational awareness and don’t spread out where space is already limited.

[Anonymous]

My parents are really involved with my kids. They're the only grandkids. My parents love to show up for everything. Field day needs a volunteer? Swim meet needs a timer? They're there. Soccer games, swim meets, kindergarten graduation, Karate belt ceremony, class end of the year party where "family is invited"- they love to come. They're active, helpful, and not in the way. They're very excited about my kids' academic progress and they tutor them. They read the same books that my oldest is reading at school so they can discuss together. Preschool lets my dad come in once a week to read to the kids.

I didn't have any of that growing up and I was an only child, so was kind of lonely. It's been a very welcome surprise how much my parents wanted to be involved and present. Enough so that we felt we had enough bandwidth to have a 4th kid.

I have a pretty big social life though and don't think my parents are taking too many seats. Often it's just one of them and one of us (either dh or me) since we have 4 kids and often have multiple events at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are really involved with my kids. They're the only grandkids. My parents love to show up for everything. Field day needs a volunteer? Swim meet needs a timer? They're there. Soccer games, swim meets, kindergarten graduation, Karate belt ceremony, class end of the year party where "family is invited"- they love to come. They're active, helpful, and not in the way. They're very excited about my kids' academic progress and they tutor them. They read the same books that my oldest is reading at school so they can discuss together. Preschool lets my dad come in once a week to read to the kids.

I didn't have any of that growing up and I was an only child, so was kind of lonely. It's been a very welcome surprise how much my parents wanted to be involved and present. Enough so that we felt we had enough bandwidth to have a 4th kid.

I have a pretty big social life though and don't think my parents are taking too many seats. Often it's just one of them and one of us (either dh or me) since we have 4 kids and often have multiple events at the same time.

I don't think OP is talking about your situation. I think people are discussing having what are essentially family reunions at events that are tangential to the family gathering, or at sites where bringing 20 guests is inappropriate or in violation of the actual rules or spirit/culture of a club or space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought being able to host parties was part of the point of joining.

I think our pool has guest count restrictions on weekends just to control crowding but not on weekdays and I frequently see birthday parties and such and it never occurred to me to be bothered by it at all.

OP and our country club is the place that encourages hosting parties, but that’s for formal rentals of specific spaces. It has very specific guest restrictions.

The pool has specific guest count restrictions, days, and fees, but they’re enforced only when the right manager is present. Otherwise it’s dictated by whichever 15 year old kid happens to be at the desk and if they have the guts to stand up to a group of 20 showing up on a restricted day.

I don’t think this is just about pool policy, though, because as I said it’s everywhere from kids’ soccer games to school.

My beef is that when those families just socialize with each other and it’s happening at multiple places, it makes it hard to find and build community.

Find people who don't necessarily have that type of larger family and friends already and start making your own "community"

I don’t want to be friends with these giant families. I just want to understand why it feels like they’re suddenly taking over all of the places I go!

Truly a terrible problem. How dare they exist in your space!

Not op. You're a jerk and clearly haven't experienced it. Often the people will try to make you uncomfortable and act as if you and your kids shouldn't be at whatever facility you've paid for.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs love taking advantage of “free” club events most especially resort pools. For years, they went to great lengths to get essentially fake ids for all of their very young grandchildren (7 total) by claiming they were all guests of a resident relative. Never mind that they had to drive an hour just to use the pool and gym…it was free!

So I know that for several summers, one resort pool/gym/private beach was overtaken by fraudsters.

We had one large group at our pool that always swam laps together in the evenings. Then all of the women would lock themselves in the locker room to shower in privacy- like they would turn the interior deadbolt used in winter to secure the clubhouse doors. Their argument to the guards was that they were family.

Somehow we were always on the same schedule. My child was toilet training at the time so I would have to have a guard unlock the bathroom, and then they’d give me death stares. I was happy the year they moved away.

Creepy - what on earth were they doing?

Showering naked and walking around. To their credit, they were Eastern European and I think there was just a big gap in the approach of American pool hygiene and what is more normal there, and our pool shower setup wasn’t conducive to anything more than a brief rinse but they were trying to make it work better.

Weird since it should be expected rhat people shower naked even at pools. Many dont but that’s their choice. I’m Eastern European with family still abroad. I find it strange that these people felt the need to lock the door. Are you sure they were Eastern European? How did you know?