Extended family socializing taking over everywhere I go

[Anonymous]

I didn’t realize we weren’t allowed to have people we like at places we pay to enjoy. The rules of yours are wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought being able to host parties was part of the point of joining.

I think our pool has guest count restrictions on weekends just to control crowding but not on weekdays and I frequently see birthday parties and such and it never occurred to me to be bothered by it at all.

OP and our country club is the place that encourages hosting parties, but that’s for formal rentals of specific spaces. It has very specific guest restrictions.

The pool has specific guest count restrictions, days, and fees, but they’re enforced only when the right manager is present. Otherwise it’s dictated by whichever 15 year old kid happens to be at the desk and if they have the guts to stand up to a group of 20 showing up on a restricted day.

I don’t think this is just about pool policy, though, because as I said it’s everywhere from kids’ soccer games to school.

My beef is that when those families just socialize with each other and it’s happening at multiple places, it makes it hard to find and build community.

Find people who don't necessarily have that type of larger family and friends already and start making your own "community"

I don’t want to be friends with these giant families. I just want to understand why it feels like they’re suddenly taking over all of the places I go!

Truly a terrible problem. How dare they exist in your space!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truly I can’t imagine being annoyed about this unless it was a space issue.

It means you haven't experienced it. I'm not op but have been in this situation. Imagine you've taken your kids to the county rec center and a family is trying to take over the pool for their kids birthday party and they try to get kids out of the pool. My hoa community center has this problem as people will try to take it over for parties without renting it out and will try to make people leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought being able to host parties was part of the point of joining.

I think our pool has guest count restrictions on weekends just to control crowding but not on weekdays and I frequently see birthday parties and such and it never occurred to me to be bothered by it at all.

OP and our country club is the place that encourages hosting parties, but that’s for formal rentals of specific spaces. It has very specific guest restrictions.

The pool has specific guest count restrictions, days, and fees, but they’re enforced only when the right manager is present. Otherwise it’s dictated by whichever 15 year old kid happens to be at the desk and if they have the guts to stand up to a group of 20 showing up on a restricted day.

I don’t think this is just about pool policy, though, because as I said it’s everywhere from kids’ soccer games to school.

My beef is that when those families just socialize with each other and it’s happening at multiple places, it makes it hard to find and build community.

Find people who don't necessarily have that type of larger family and friends already and start making your own "community"

I don’t want to be friends with these giant families. I just want to understand why it feels like they’re suddenly taking over all of the places I go!

Truly a terrible problem. How dare they exist in your space!

Not op. You're a jerk and clearly haven't experienced it. Often the people will try to make you uncomfortable and act as if you and your kids shouldn't be at whatever facility you've paid for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought being able to host parties was part of the point of joining.

I think our pool has guest count restrictions on weekends just to control crowding but not on weekdays and I frequently see birthday parties and such and it never occurred to me to be bothered by it at all.

OP and our country club is the place that encourages hosting parties, but that’s for formal rentals of specific spaces. It has very specific guest restrictions.

The pool has specific guest count restrictions, days, and fees, but they’re enforced only when the right manager is present. Otherwise it’s dictated by whichever 15 year old kid happens to be at the desk and if they have the guts to stand up to a group of 20 showing up on a restricted day.

I don’t think this is just about pool policy, though, because as I said it’s everywhere from kids’ soccer games to school.

My beef is that when those families just socialize with each other and it’s happening at multiple places, it makes it hard to find and build community.

Find people who don't necessarily have that type of larger family and friends already and start making your own "community"

I don’t want to be friends with these giant families. I just want to understand why it feels like they’re suddenly taking over all of the places I go!

Truly a terrible problem. How dare they exist in your space!

Not op. You're a jerk and clearly haven't experienced it. Often the people will try to make you uncomfortable and act as if you and your kids shouldn't be at whatever facility you've paid for.

They do this at some of the kids play areas especially the ones that don’t charge admission for adults with a kid. Of course, they aren’t supposed to and it’s against the rules. But are the teen/college age employees going to confront a group of 15 adults who pushed together all the tables at Scramble … probably not. Are they going to confront the large extended family taking up all the seats under the tent at the splash pad (not even sitting in all the seats but their stuff is spread out all over them), again probably not.

[Anonymous]

My ILs love taking advantage of “free” club events most especially resort pools. For years, they went to great lengths to get essentially fake ids for all of their very young grandchildren (7 total) by claiming they were all guests of a resident relative. Never mind that they had to drive an hour just to use the pool and gym…it was free!

So I know that for several summers, one resort pool/gym/private beach was overtaken by fraudsters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure they are guests? One of my SILs is from a huge extended family and many still live in the midwestern city they grew up in. Many of them are very close and join the same clubs, go to the same schools, etc.

OP is saying the "guests" are extended family. OP is questioning why the family, and friends gather at the club instead of their homes. OP thinks clubs/leagues/games should only be for members/participants and their nuclear family. As someone pointed out, there are no social rules in these spaces but OP thinks they seem to know what is supposed to be happening and where it should be happening.

I don’t think these things are just for nuclear families. It’s just off-putting when these big families show up and only socialize amongst themselves. I was raised in a place where it was considered incredibly rude to not acknowledge someone sitting next to you in the bleachers or on the sidelines, or to not say hi when you sit down at a chaise adjacent to someone else. When people are turned inward and only talking to their people, whether it’s relatives or a clique, that’s weird and rude.

I’m surprised to find that I agree with OP, though I have no interest in joining any clubs. That is insular behavior and makes for a less rich social scene for everyone. We’ve made so many good friends through our kids’ sports, but we definitely see these families who come en masse and show zero interest in non-family members. That’s their prerogative, of course, but they are missing out.

they don't see it as missing out. You do. OP does. But not everyone does.

Yes. Obviously, or it wouldn’t happen. Just adding my vote to the “It’s annoying.” tally. Not suggesting there should be rules against it in public places or that anyone should be publicly shamed for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ILs love taking advantage of “free” club events most especially resort pools. For years, they went to great lengths to get essentially fake ids for all of their very young grandchildren (7 total) by claiming they were all guests of a resident relative. Never mind that they had to drive an hour just to use the pool and gym…it was free!

So I know that for several summers, one resort pool/gym/private beach was overtaken by fraudsters.

We had one large group at our pool that always swam laps together in the evenings. Then all of the women would lock themselves in the locker room to shower in privacy- like they would turn the interior deadbolt used in winter to secure the clubhouse doors. Their argument to the guards was that they were family.

Somehow we were always on the same schedule. My child was toilet training at the time so I would have to have a guard unlock the bathroom, and then they’d give me death stares. I was happy the year they moved away.

[Anonymous]

Well clearly there should be rules about reserving times to host guests, and how many you can bring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs love taking advantage of “free” club events most especially resort pools. For years, they went to great lengths to get essentially fake ids for all of their very young grandchildren (7 total) by claiming they were all guests of a resident relative. Never mind that they had to drive an hour just to use the pool and gym…it was free!

So I know that for several summers, one resort pool/gym/private beach was overtaken by fraudsters.

We had one large group at our pool that always swam laps together in the evenings. Then all of the women would lock themselves in the locker room to shower in privacy- like they would turn the interior deadbolt used in winter to secure the clubhouse doors. Their argument to the guards was that they were family.

Somehow we were always on the same schedule. My child was toilet training at the time so I would have to have a guard unlock the bathroom, and then they’d give me death stares. I was happy the year they moved away.

Creepy - what on earth were they doing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs love taking advantage of “free” club events most especially resort pools. For years, they went to great lengths to get essentially fake ids for all of their very young grandchildren (7 total) by claiming they were all guests of a resident relative. Never mind that they had to drive an hour just to use the pool and gym…it was free!

So I know that for several summers, one resort pool/gym/private beach was overtaken by fraudsters.

We had one large group at our pool that always swam laps together in the evenings. Then all of the women would lock themselves in the locker room to shower in privacy- like they would turn the interior deadbolt used in winter to secure the clubhouse doors. Their argument to the guards was that they were family.

Somehow we were always on the same schedule. My child was toilet training at the time so I would have to have a guard unlock the bathroom, and then they’d give me death stares. I was happy the year they moved away.

Creepy - what on earth were they doing?

Showering naked and walking around. To their credit, they were Eastern European and I think there was just a big gap in the approach of American pool hygiene and what is more normal there, and our pool shower setup wasn’t conducive to anything more than a brief rinse but they were trying to make it work better.

[Anonymous]

It wouldn’t bother me one bit. But, I’m not snobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the behavior OP is pointing out and also find it annoying. A lot of people are focused on the “private club” thing and zeroing in on it. But instead, think of it as “people bringing the entire extended family to every possible event and taking over the space.” I was at kid swim lessons this morning at the rec center and there was a family on the bleachers - what looked like mom and dad, another adult woman, that woman’s 2 children, and what I’m assuming were the grandparents. With their stuff and coffees and water bottles spread out everywhere as well. No, no one was staying after for open swim or additional lessons or whatever that I could tell.

I agree, it would be off-putting to go to your pool club, there’s not too many people there, but of the, say, 50 people there, 10 are part of one group and there are also two groups of 6-8 and they only want to talk to/play with/hang out with each other.

m

Same thing at swim lessons yesterday! I was hanging out in the bleachers with a book, and below me a huge family slowly trickled in- mom, dad, grandparents, what might have been an aunt/sister, siblings, etc. for one kid. It was more people than could fit in a single vehicle, so they planned to meet to watch a 20-minute lesson? Who knows.

They set up shop and took over the small area and surrounded me (I was up high and in the middle so I wasn’t blocking an end or anything). A few other parents trickled in, saw there was no room in the bleachers, and spent the lesson standing awkwardly to the side on the deck. I eventually got up and moved because it was so uncomfortable to be surrounding by 9 family members are talking past/over/around me. So weird. Meet for lunch or at the park after!

My 3rd grader’s recorder concert - really just a half hour long thing after school, set up in the risers in the cafeteria, pretty low key - became standing room only because of the HUGE family groups. They literally ran out of folding chairs. I don’t know that you need to roll 20 people deep to the recorder concert. Parents and siblings sure, a grandparent if they want to come, ok. But I was seeing groups of multiple adults, the teen/college age siblings and their SO’s, multiple grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, etc etc. It’s just SO MUCH. That’s why graduations have a number of tickets available and every year it’s, “we need more than 6 tickets to accommodate all my relatives, can anyone give me their extra tickets?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the behavior OP is pointing out and also find it annoying. A lot of people are focused on the “private club” thing and zeroing in on it. But instead, think of it as “people bringing the entire extended family to every possible event and taking over the space.” I was at kid swim lessons this morning at the rec center and there was a family on the bleachers - what looked like mom and dad, another adult woman, that woman’s 2 children, and what I’m assuming were the grandparents. With their stuff and coffees and water bottles spread out everywhere as well. No, no one was staying after for open swim or additional lessons or whatever that I could tell.

I agree, it would be off-putting to go to your pool club, there’s not too many people there, but of the, say, 50 people there, 10 are part of one group and there are also two groups of 6-8 and they only want to talk to/play with/hang out with each other.

m

Same thing at swim lessons yesterday! I was hanging out in the bleachers with a book, and below me a huge family slowly trickled in- mom, dad, grandparents, what might have been an aunt/sister, siblings, etc. for one kid. It was more people than could fit in a single vehicle, so they planned to meet to watch a 20-minute lesson? Who knows.

They set up shop and took over the small area and surrounded me (I was up high and in the middle so I wasn’t blocking an end or anything). A few other parents trickled in, saw there was no room in the bleachers, and spent the lesson standing awkwardly to the side on the deck. I eventually got up and moved because it was so uncomfortable to be surrounding by 9 family members are talking past/over/around me. So weird. Meet for lunch or at the park after!

My 3rd grader’s recorder concert - really just a half hour long thing after school, set up in the risers in the cafeteria, pretty low key - became standing room only because of the HUGE family groups. They literally ran out of folding chairs. I don’t know that you need to roll 20 people deep to the recorder concert. Parents and siblings sure, a grandparent if they want to come, ok. But I was seeing groups of multiple adults, the teen/college age siblings and their SO’s, multiple grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, etc etc. It’s just SO MUCH. That’s why graduations have a number of tickets available and every year it’s, “we need more than 6 tickets to accommodate all my relatives, can anyone give me their extra tickets?”

When did all of this start? Same thing happened for the 2nd grade xylophone “share-out” (not even a concert!). I had to text my DH to cancel a call and race over because everyone else had a huge family group at 2 pm including HS siblings and grandparents and cousins, not just the one parent suggested by the music teacher. DD didn’t mind when DH didn’t make it but did express confusion and said she had thought it wasn’t a real concert so why did so many people come?

Is this a post-covid thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the behavior OP is pointing out and also find it annoying. A lot of people are focused on the “private club” thing and zeroing in on it. But instead, think of it as “people bringing the entire extended family to every possible event and taking over the space.” I was at kid swim lessons this morning at the rec center and there was a family on the bleachers - what looked like mom and dad, another adult woman, that woman’s 2 children, and what I’m assuming were the grandparents. With their stuff and coffees and water bottles spread out everywhere as well. No, no one was staying after for open swim or additional lessons or whatever that I could tell.

I agree, it would be off-putting to go to your pool club, there’s not too many people there, but of the, say, 50 people there, 10 are part of one group and there are also two groups of 6-8 and they only want to talk to/play with/hang out with each other.

m

Same thing at swim lessons yesterday! I was hanging out in the bleachers with a book, and below me a huge family slowly trickled in- mom, dad, grandparents, what might have been an aunt/sister, siblings, etc. for one kid. It was more people than could fit in a single vehicle, so they planned to meet to watch a 20-minute lesson? Who knows.

They set up shop and took over the small area and surrounded me (I was up high and in the middle so I wasn’t blocking an end or anything). A few other parents trickled in, saw there was no room in the bleachers, and spent the lesson standing awkwardly to the side on the deck. I eventually got up and moved because it was so uncomfortable to be surrounding by 9 family members are talking past/over/around me. So weird. Meet for lunch or at the park after!

My 3rd grader’s recorder concert - really just a half hour long thing after school, set up in the risers in the cafeteria, pretty low key - became standing room only because of the HUGE family groups. They literally ran out of folding chairs. I don’t know that you need to roll 20 people deep to the recorder concert. Parents and siblings sure, a grandparent if they want to come, ok. But I was seeing groups of multiple adults, the teen/college age siblings and their SO’s, multiple grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, etc etc. It’s just SO MUCH. That’s why graduations have a number of tickets available and every year it’s, “we need more than 6 tickets to accommodate all my relatives, can anyone give me their extra tickets?”

When did all of this start? Same thing happened for the 2nd grade xylophone “share-out” (not even a concert!). I had to text my DH to cancel a call and race over because everyone else had a huge family group at 2 pm including HS siblings and grandparents and cousins, not just the one parent suggested by the music teacher. DD didn’t mind when DH didn’t make it but did express confusion and said she had thought it wasn’t a real concert so why did so many people come?

Is this a post-covid thing?

Joy of being a part of a larger group than just two parents and a sibling of average Americans. Plus, abuela's neighbor didn't have anything that afternoon so decided to accompany abuela, ok, nothing wrong even if it's not how it was when you were in second grade (