SIL Never Says Thank You

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still curious how "the end is in sight" at the end of July. Based on OP, that is either the day they move back into the renovated house, indicating that they really did just need the free place to stay. Or it is when they enter MIL into a facility? Which of those it is makes a big difference in how I view the situation.

OP here. It's both. Her MC room is open on that date and our house will have been ready for about 2 weeks at that point. The freeloading comments are gross trolls so I won't address them but I will warn those of you living far from your aging parents. Us closer spouses do not care for ypur selfish laziness. We will most certainly be submitting a bill to the estate. If SIL thinks I'd change her mother's pjs and sheets a half dozen times after shitting and pissing herself she is mistaken.

Your grammar is atrocious. “We who live closer to our aging parents” would be a much better start to the fifth sentence.

Are you a moron? Us is plural inclusive. We isn't.

Boy, you made an ass of yourself.

DP. We is correct since it is the subject. "We (closer spouses) do not care for your selfish laziness." VS. "Us (closer spouses) do not care for your selfish laziness."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it elder abuse to give an Alzheimer’s patient so much alcohol they fall down drunk? Wow.

That’s what I wondered too. OP has not answered where the alcohol is coming from. And if MIL is a falling down drunk, maybe that’s the reason the SIL keeps her distance.

I work in a hospital and have had SO many instances of having patients with cognitive issues and have a history of alcohol problems. When we are trying to set up a family member to be their DPOA, it's not uncommon for their kids to want nothing to do with them due to issues caused by their alcoholism.

[Anonymous]

I think your expectations are out of whack

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just stop.

1. You can decide whether you want any relationship with your SIL based on whether your enjoy her company, the relationship works for you or whatever. She is not entitled to a relationship with you anymore than you are with her. It’s no a grand proclamation, or threat or strings attached thing.

2. Stop expecting other people to make the same choices you are making. You are choosing to move an Alzheimer’s patient into your home. It will be hell. It also is YOUR choice. It isn’t your SIL’s responsibility to lighten the load you chose to accept. Own your decision or change it don’t expect others to join in.

Found the child who isn't doing eff-all to help their sibs in parent care.

[Anonymous]

Wow. SIL is a see you next Tuesday and people are attacking OP. Why is it old women always hate their DILs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it elder abuse to give an Alzheimer’s patient so much alcohol they fall down drunk? Wow.

That’s what I wondered too. OP has not answered where the alcohol is coming from. And if MIL is a falling down drunk, maybe that’s the reason the SIL keeps her distance.

I work in a hospital and have had SO many instances of having patients with cognitive issues and have a history of alcohol problems. When we are trying to set up a family member to be their DPOA, it's not uncommon for their kids to want nothing to do with them due to issues caused by their alcoholism.

This is probably what is happening. No one really know the relationship between a mother and daughter. Mine from the outside looks great, but my mother was an emotionally neglectful/abusive addict and I was her target. She wasn't as bad to my siblings, so I very well may become the SIL in this case. I'll visit and be pleasant, but don't expect me to be involved. And, no, I don't expect my SIL to look after my mother - I expect her golden boy to do it or she can go into assisted living and I will visit twice a year.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL's lack of manners surrounding the care and whatever else you provide along w her brother isn't your concern.

Have your husband speak to his sister or ignor it.

If you bring it up -- she will more than likely call you a freeloader for staying in her parents home guessing rent/mortaqge free while your home is undergoing a renovation.

Might wanna' simply let that one go.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize with how tough your situation feels but you are blaming your SIL for YOUR choices. You chose to move in with your in-laws knowing your MILs health status. You didn’t set boundaries with your husband and his parents about what you were willing to do and not to do to take care of her. Your SIL is not local so has no way of knowing what you are doing. Your husband could ask if she is willing to provide assistance. It sounds like he hasn’t asked her for help but you both assume she should just offer it.

Your husband needs to communicate and then the SIL can say what she is willing and not willing to do. You need to tell your husband what you are willing and not willing to do.

This is all about adult boundary setting. It’s hard and uncomfortable. You are mad at your SIL for a situation of your own making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with how tough your situation feels but you are blaming your SIL for YOUR choices. You chose to move in with your in-laws knowing your MILs health status. You didn’t set boundaries with your husband and his parents about what you were willing to do and not to do to take care of her. Your SIL is not local so has no way of knowing what you are doing. Your husband could ask if she is willing to provide assistance. It sounds like he hasn’t asked her for help but you both assume she should just offer it.

Your husband needs to communicate and then the SIL can say what she is willing and not willing to do. You need to tell your husband what you are willing and not willing to do.

This is all about adult boundary setting. It’s hard and uncomfortable. You are mad at your SIL for a situation of your own making.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with how tough your situation feels but you are blaming your SIL for YOUR choices. You chose to move in with your in-laws knowing your MILs health status. You didn’t set boundaries with your husband and his parents about what you were willing to do and not to do to take care of her. Your SIL is not local so has no way of knowing what you are doing. Your husband could ask if she is willing to provide assistance. It sounds like he hasn’t asked her for help but you both assume she should just offer it.

Your husband needs to communicate and then the SIL can say what she is willing and not willing to do. You need to tell your husband what you are willing and not willing to do.

This is all about adult boundary setting. It’s hard and uncomfortable. You are mad at your SIL for a situation of your own making.

Ohh, BS. I'm not local or even family and I know how hard it is dealing with Alz patients. You want to give the sister a get out of jail free card on a simple" I didn't know!"? Eff that. At a minimum she knows she is elderly and only being looked after by her brother's family. That is enough to know to check in. That is, if she's a decent person. But she sounds like a selfish POS.

OP- don't do another damn thing for this witch. Let her lay in her filth. Let her starve. Don't take her to appts. DO NOTHING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the last 5 months we have been living locally with my husband's mother, in his childhood home.

This is partly because we are adding an addition to our home, but mostly because my MIL has pretty severe Alzheimers. My FIL was her care taker until last fall when he died of a massive heart attack. All options for care facilities are either full, under construction, or just too gross.

So, here we are providing care for her. I have cooked for her, picked her up when she falls drunk, taken over sooo many domestic duties, etc.

The end is in sight (July 31) but I can't hold my tongue anymore.

My SIL is in San Diego and has not done a single thing to assist in any of this. She has not visited, offered to instacart groceries, fly out for a week to give us a break. NOTHING. It is not for lack of time or money. She is 'retired' at 48 and her husband makes several million dollars a year and her kids are grown.

She is dead to me.

Do I let her know? Do I carry this to my grave?

I thought typing this all out would help me but it actually just made me more furious.

I don't understand your fury. She knows her brother is living with her mom for a limited time. It's brother's time to take care of mom. Why would she fly out to crowd the house further, or pay for your family's groceries while you're living with your MIL?

If she doesn't do anything for her mom after you're gone, then I guess you can be mad at her, but it sounds like you should be mad at your husband for making you his mom's caretaker while he's in the house, not your SIL who lives elsewhere for not saying thank you to you for doing your husband's job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the last 5 months we have been living locally with my husband's mother, in his childhood home.

This is partly because we are adding an addition to our home, but mostly because my MIL has pretty severe Alzheimers. My FIL was her care taker until last fall when he died of a massive heart attack. All options for care facilities are either full, under construction, or just too gross.

So, here we are providing care for her. I have cooked for her, picked her up when she falls drunk, taken over sooo many domestic duties, etc.

The end is in sight (July 31) but I can't hold my tongue anymore.

My SIL is in San Diego and has not done a single thing to assist in any of this. She has not visited, offered to instacart groceries, fly out for a week to give us a break. NOTHING. It is not for lack of time or money. She is 'retired' at 48 and her husband makes several million dollars a year and her kids are grown.

She is dead to me.

Do I let her know? Do I carry this to my grave?

I thought typing this all out would help me but it actually just made me more furious.

I don't understand your fury. She knows her brother is living with her mom for a limited time. It's brother's time to take care of mom. Why would she fly out to crowd the house further, or pay for your family's groceries while you're living with your MIL?

If she doesn't do anything for her mom after you're gone, then I guess you can be mad at her, but it sounds like you should be mad at your husband for making you his mom's caretaker while he's in the house, not your SIL who lives elsewhere for not saying thank you to you for doing your husband's job.

Do you have Asperger's? Your level of detachment is nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the last 5 months we have been living locally with my husband's mother, in his childhood home.

This is partly because we are adding an addition to our home, but mostly because my MIL has pretty severe Alzheimers. My FIL was her care taker until last fall when he died of a massive heart attack. All options for care facilities are either full, under construction, or just too gross.

So, here we are providing care for her. I have cooked for her, picked her up when she falls drunk, taken over sooo many domestic duties, etc.

The end is in sight (July 31) but I can't hold my tongue anymore.

My SIL is in San Diego and has not done a single thing to assist in any of this. She has not visited, offered to instacart groceries, fly out for a week to give us a break. NOTHING. It is not for lack of time or money. She is 'retired' at 48 and her husband makes several million dollars a year and her kids are grown.

She is dead to me.

Do I let her know? Do I carry this to my grave?

I thought typing this all out would help me but it actually just made me more furious.

I don't understand your fury. She knows her brother is living with her mom for a limited time. It's brother's time to take care of mom. Why would she fly out to crowd the house further, or pay for your family's groceries while you're living with your MIL?

If she doesn't do anything for her mom after you're gone, then I guess you can be mad at her, but it sounds like you should be mad at your husband for making you his mom's caretaker while he's in the house, not your SIL who lives elsewhere for not saying thank you to you for doing your husband's job.

Do you have Asperger's? Your level of detachment is nuts.

This response makes no sense. Is this OP? Do you think that anyone who responds to a thread with less than fury is on the autism spectrum? Do you think your baseline level of unfettered rage is how the rest of society functions? It's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the last 5 months we have been living locally with my husband's mother, in his childhood home.

This is partly because we are adding an addition to our home, but mostly because my MIL has pretty severe Alzheimers. My FIL was her care taker until last fall when he died of a massive heart attack. All options for care facilities are either full, under construction, or just too gross.

So, here we are providing care for her. I have cooked for her, picked her up when she falls drunk, taken over sooo many domestic duties, etc.

The end is in sight (July 31) but I can't hold my tongue anymore.

My SIL is in San Diego and has not done a single thing to assist in any of this. She has not visited, offered to instacart groceries, fly out for a week to give us a break. NOTHING. It is not for lack of time or money. She is 'retired' at 48 and her husband makes several million dollars a year and her kids are grown.

She is dead to me.

Do I let her know? Do I carry this to my grave?

I thought typing this all out would help me but it actually just made me more furious.

I don't understand your fury. She knows her brother is living with her mom for a limited time. It's brother's time to take care of mom. Why would she fly out to crowd the house further, or pay for your family's groceries while you're living with your MIL?

If she doesn't do anything for her mom after you're gone, then I guess you can be mad at her, but it sounds like you should be mad at your husband for making you his mom's caretaker while he's in the house, not your SIL who lives elsewhere for not saying thank you to you for doing your husband's job.

Do you have Asperger's? Your level of detachment is nuts.

This response makes no sense. Is this OP? Do you think that anyone who responds to a thread with less than fury is on the autism spectrum? Do you think your baseline level of unfettered rage is how the rest of society functions? It's not.

All throughout this thread, OP has been sock-puppeting and being exceptionally aggressive without identifying herself. Even if her story is real, I now have zero sympathy for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the last 5 months we have been living locally with my husband's mother, in his childhood home.

This is partly because we are adding an addition to our home, but mostly because my MIL has pretty severe Alzheimers. My FIL was her care taker until last fall when he died of a massive heart attack. All options for care facilities are either full, under construction, or just too gross.

So, here we are providing care for her. I have cooked for her, picked her up when she falls drunk, taken over sooo many domestic duties, etc.

The end is in sight (July 31) but I can't hold my tongue anymore.

My SIL is in San Diego and has not done a single thing to assist in any of this. She has not visited, offered to instacart groceries, fly out for a week to give us a break. NOTHING. It is not for lack of time or money. She is 'retired' at 48 and her husband makes several million dollars a year and her kids are grown.

She is dead to me.

Do I let her know? Do I carry this to my grave?

I thought typing this all out would help me but it actually just made me more furious.

I don't understand your fury. She knows her brother is living with her mom for a limited time. It's brother's time to take care of mom. Why would she fly out to crowd the house further, or pay for your family's groceries while you're living with your MIL?

If she doesn't do anything for her mom after you're gone, then I guess you can be mad at her, but it sounds like you should be mad at your husband for making you his mom's caretaker while he's in the house, not your SIL who lives elsewhere for not saying thank you to you for doing your husband's job.

Do you have Asperger's? Your level of detachment is nuts.

This response makes no sense. Is this OP? Do you think that anyone who responds to a thread with less than fury is on the autism spectrum? Do you think your baseline level of unfettered rage is how the rest of society functions? It's not.

All throughout this thread, OP has been sock-puppeting and being exceptionally aggressive without identifying herself. Even if her story is real, I now have zero sympathy for her.

I am not OP and Jeff is more than welcome to confirm. I've read this entire thread and its very clear to me that there are two women sock puppeting in opposition to the OP. Why, who knows? But the idea that OP's anger at her sister for doing nothing while she cares for her abusive drunk mother is in anyway misplaced is... hilarious, simply put. OP is being used by her sister and a child can recognize this.

I hope the womne sock puppeting get dementia and they lay in their own piss.