SIL Never Says Thank You

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just stop.

1. You can decide whether you want any relationship with your SIL based on whether your enjoy her company, the relationship works for you or whatever. She is not entitled to a relationship with you anymore than you are with her. It’s no a grand proclamation, or threat or strings attached thing.

2. Stop expecting other people to make the same choices you are making. You are choosing to move an Alzheimer’s patient into your home. It will be hell. It also is YOUR choice. It isn’t your SIL’s responsibility to lighten the load you chose to accept. Own your decision or change it don’t expect others to join in.

Hahaha generous of you but I don’t think the addition Reno is so MIL can move into their home.

[Anonymous]

I’m curious as to where your DH stands on all of this. Did you agree to be her primary caregiver and did he discuss any of this with his sister? There is no way my DH would have asked or expected me to be his mother’s primary caregiver. If she needed assistance for personal care he would have informed his sister they needed to hire an aide. If we were living there during renovations we could have taken care of the house and ensured she was cared for and had meals.

If she has memory care issues but also a drinking issue, how is she gaining access to alcohol?

Seems there is a lot more to this story that hasn’t been shared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still curious how "the end is in sight" at the end of July. Based on OP, that is either the day they move back into the renovated house, indicating that they really did just need the free place to stay. Or it is when they enter MIL into a facility? Which of those it is makes a big difference in how I view the situation.

OP here. It's both. Her MC room is open on that date and our house will have been ready for about 2 weeks at that point. The freeloading comments are gross trolls so I won't address them but I will warn those of you living far from your aging parents. Us closer spouses do not care for ypur selfish laziness. We will most certainly be submitting a bill to the estate. If SIL thinks I'd change her mother's pjs and sheets a half dozen times after shitting and pissing herself she is mistaken.

And you think that's enforceable?
You're going to take it out of the estate before it's divided, meaning that you're reducing your own share?

You're not thinking straight, OP. This is why it's always best to communicate with people BEFORE you get terminally angry.

And you still haven't told us whether SIL was made aware, by you or your husband, how difficult this was, and whether you already asked her to help. If these things were not done, it is not fair of you to expect people to know how to act.

I don't know why you used the word 'enforceable' (probably because you are an illiterate troll) but, yes, OP is most certainly entitled to compensation independent from estate inheritance. Just like if my son was cutting his grandmothers grass, he gets paid and it doesn't reduce my 'share' anymore than her paying her electric bill does

Sometimes I forget that DCUM is inhabited not by educated DC professinals but mostly by hayseeds.

Why do you keep insulting people? We aren't all estate lawyers here.

Please explain better. Why isn't billing the estate not cutting into your share? Who gets to decide what bills the estate pays and what it doesn't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious as to where your DH stands on all of this. Did you agree to be her primary caregiver and did he discuss any of this with his sister? There is no way my DH would have asked or expected me to be his mother’s primary caregiver. If she needed assistance for personal care he would have informed his sister they needed to hire an aide. If we were living there during renovations we could have taken care of the house and ensured she was cared for and had meals.

If she has memory care issues but also a drinking issue, how is she gaining access to alcohol?

Seems there is a lot more to this story that hasn’t been shared.

To be honest this is sounding like a troll thread. The OP keeps coming back to insult people who have genuine questions.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it is typical for estate settlement to include payment for past services rendered to mom. I am my mom’s executor, and it wasn’t in the materials our probate attorney gave me. I can claim some money for my work on the estate after death but I won’t because my brother wouldn’t like it.

[Anonymous]

Seems like the thank you should be from your MIL, not your SIL. You aren't taking care of her and she is not living in your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it is typical for estate settlement to include payment for past services rendered to mom. I am my mom’s executor, and it wasn’t in the materials our probate attorney gave me. I can claim some money for my work on the estate after death but I won’t because my brother wouldn’t like it.

So grandma dies July 1 and every bill owed before then is voided? That's not how it works, to put it in simple terms. Death doen't mean your mortgage was paid, sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Have you noticed that nowhere in OP's story is there any whiff of what her husband thinks, or what he's said or done.

It's amazing how in all these stories it's always a woman's fault. OP is hell-bent on HATING her SIL, no matter what we say!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it is typical for estate settlement to include payment for past services rendered to mom. I am my mom’s executor, and it wasn’t in the materials our probate attorney gave me. I can claim some money for my work on the estate after death but I won’t because my brother wouldn’t like it.

So grandma dies July 1 and every bill owed before then is voided? That's not how it works, to put it in simple terms. Death doen't mean your mortgage was paid, sweetie.

Surely you understand that all bills are not created the same? A service bill by a family member isn't the same as a mortgage where a bank will sue the estate to recover the money.

Are YOU going to sue your MIL's estate to recover some money?

You're really not making any sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it is typical for estate settlement to include payment for past services rendered to mom. I am my mom’s executor, and it wasn’t in the materials our probate attorney gave me. I can claim some money for my work on the estate after death but I won’t because my brother wouldn’t like it.

So grandma dies July 1 and every bill owed before then is voided? That's not how it works, to put it in simple terms. Death doen't mean your mortgage was paid, sweetie.

“Sweetie,” there is no contract here where MIL is paying OP money to care for her. You can’t just bill for services without an agreement about it ahead of time. That is not legal and the SIL could probably challenge it in probate and win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it is typical for estate settlement to include payment for past services rendered to mom. I am my mom’s executor, and it wasn’t in the materials our probate attorney gave me. I can claim some money for my work on the estate after death but I won’t because my brother wouldn’t like it.

So grandma dies July 1 and every bill owed before then is voided? That's not how it works, to put it in simple terms. Death doen't mean your mortgage was paid, sweetie.

“Sweetie,” there is no contract here where MIL is paying OP money to care for her. You can’t just bill for services without an agreement about it ahead of time. That is not legal and the SIL could probably challenge it in probate and win.

Wouldn't put it past OP to try and forge something.

At least OP's behavior on this thread clarifies why SIL hasn't volunteered any help and has stayed away on the other side of the US. She didn't want to get in the middle of the crazy. Probably OP's husband is staying mighty quiet as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it is typical for estate settlement to include payment for past services rendered to mom. I am my mom’s executor, and it wasn’t in the materials our probate attorney gave me. I can claim some money for my work on the estate after death but I won’t because my brother wouldn’t like it.

So grandma dies July 1 and every bill owed before then is voided? That's not how it works, to put it in simple terms. Death doen't mean your mortgage was paid, sweetie.

“Sweetie,” there is no contract here where MIL is paying OP money to care for her. You can’t just bill for services without an agreement about it ahead of time. That is not legal and the SIL could probably challenge it in probate and win.

1. You have no idea if a contract is in place.
2. No probate court would ever let a care giver go empty handed.

[Anonymous]

So the person attacking everyone is OP? Sometimes she doesn't identify herself.

If that's the case, wow, what a rager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it is typical for estate settlement to include payment for past services rendered to mom. I am my mom’s executor, and it wasn’t in the materials our probate attorney gave me. I can claim some money for my work on the estate after death but I won’t because my brother wouldn’t like it.

So grandma dies July 1 and every bill owed before then is voided? That's not how it works, to put it in simple terms. Death doen't mean your mortgage was paid, sweetie.

“Sweetie,” there is no contract here where MIL is paying OP money to care for her. You can’t just bill for services without an agreement about it ahead of time. That is not legal and the SIL could probably challenge it in probate and win.

1. You have no idea if a contract is in place.
2. No probate court would ever let a care giver go empty handed.

That would be a no on both counts. OP, just give up. We can see right through you. Of course you don't have a contract, otherwise you wouldn't have written it the way you did. And of course probate doesn't give a damn about caregivers.

But by all means, knock yourself out and see for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still curious how "the end is in sight" at the end of July. Based on OP, that is either the day they move back into the renovated house, indicating that they really did just need the free place to stay. Or it is when they enter MIL into a facility? Which of those it is makes a big difference in how I view the situation.

OP here. It's both. Her MC room is open on that date and our house will have been ready for about 2 weeks at that point. The freeloading comments are gross trolls so I won't address them but I will warn those of you living far from your aging parents. Us closer spouses do not care for ypur selfish laziness. We will most certainly be submitting a bill to the estate. If SIL thinks I'd change her mother's pjs and sheets a half dozen times after shitting and pissing herself she is mistaken.

what is a MC room?