SIL Never Says Thank You

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still curious how "the end is in sight" at the end of July. Based on OP, that is either the day they move back into the renovated house, indicating that they really did just need the free place to stay. Or it is when they enter MIL into a facility? Which of those it is makes a big difference in how I view the situation.

OP here. It's both. Her MC room is open on that date and our house will have been ready for about 2 weeks at that point. The freeloading comments are gross trolls so I won't address them but I will warn those of you living far from your aging parents. Us closer spouses do not care for ypur selfish laziness. We will most certainly be submitting a bill to the estate. If SIL thinks I'd change her mother's pjs and sheets a half dozen times after shitting and pissing herself she is mistaken.

what is a MC room?

Nevermind,I just got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still curious how "the end is in sight" at the end of July. Based on OP, that is either the day they move back into the renovated house, indicating that they really did just need the free place to stay. Or it is when they enter MIL into a facility? Which of those it is makes a big difference in how I view the situation.

OP here. It's both. Her MC room is open on that date and our house will have been ready for about 2 weeks at that point. The freeloading comments are gross trolls so I won't address them but I will warn those of you living far from your aging parents. Us closer spouses do not care for ypur selfish laziness. We will most certainly be submitting a bill to the estate. If SIL thinks I'd change her mother's pjs and sheets a half dozen times after shitting and pissing herself she is mistaken.

what is a MC room?

Memory Care, I suppose.

[Anonymous]

If your MIL’s dementia is so pronounced that she qualifies for Memory Care, how is she getting the alcohol? How likely will she have detox issues when she enters MC and no longer has access?

[Anonymous]

So I was right, the Reno has nothing to do with MIL…color me unsurprised.

[Anonymous]

Is it elder abuse to give an Alzheimer’s patient so much alcohol they fall down drunk? Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it elder abuse to give an Alzheimer’s patient so much alcohol they fall down drunk? Wow.

Maybe SIL can call adult services. OP isn't getting a cent of that money.

[Anonymous]

OP has retired from the fray

[Anonymous]

Where is your DH's voice?

[Anonymous]

You guys did 5 mos. and now SIL can do 5 mos. Then it’s all even and you can put Grandma in a home for the remainder of her time.

And then you can take it up with your husband that he left you to do the work. Maybe he can reciprocate by caring for your parent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you knew what you were getting yourself into, OP, would YOU have moved in with your MIL to save a few on rent?

Be honest.

Your answer will illuminate how mad you should actually be with your SIL. It will show you that NO ONE adequately measures how horrible it is to look after a patient like that.

If you didn't know, then your SIL doesn't know either, and it's not fair to either of you that no communication was made before you suddenly decide SIL is dead to you. Maybe SIL would have been fine with helping out. You should NEVER expect anyone to offer. With some people, you need to ask, and that doesn't make them bad people.

I hope when you're calm, you will see the truth in this reasoning. You've responded very rudely to a lot of posters, so I don't expect you to see this right away.

Bottom line: don't do anything rash and blow up the family in your current state of mind.

Sounds like a husband problem to me. OP's husband isn't communicating and I suspect dumping most of the work on OP.
It all sucks either way. The SIL will need to get involved at some point and OP needs to stop enabling her DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you knew what you were getting yourself into, OP, would YOU have moved in with your MIL to save a few on rent?

Be honest.

Your answer will illuminate how mad you should actually be with your SIL. It will show you that NO ONE adequately measures how horrible it is to look after a patient like that.

If you didn't know, then your SIL doesn't know either, and it's not fair to either of you that no communication was made before you suddenly decide SIL is dead to you. Maybe SIL would have been fine with helping out. You should NEVER expect anyone to offer. With some people, you need to ask, and that doesn't make them bad people.

I hope when you're calm, you will see the truth in this reasoning. You've responded very rudely to a lot of posters, so I don't expect you to see this right away.

Bottom line: don't do anything rash and blow up the family in your current state of mind.

Sounds like a husband problem to me. OP's husband isn't communicating and I suspect dumping most of the work on OP.
It all sucks either way. The SIL will need to get involved at some point and OP needs to stop enabling her DH.

I was sympathetic to OP at the beginning but she's attacked everyone for daring to ask questions, and hasn't answered any about her SIL or husband.

So either she's a troll, or she knows very well that she's not entirely in the right. As you said, she may be projecting her anger on SIL when really it's her husband who lets her do most of the work, without wanting to bother his sister.

As for the bit about billing the estate, ha. Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but have you done the obvious and asked them for help? I am sure they would contribute money to her care. Don’t resent if you haven’t asked.

[Anonymous]

Please please tell me the SIL is the husband’s sister (and the MIL’s daughter). If not, you have yourself a husband problem if it’s all falling on you plus that is some wild sexism to be furious at SIL and not her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it elder abuse to give an Alzheimer’s patient so much alcohol they fall down drunk? Wow.

That’s what I wondered too. OP has not answered where the alcohol is coming from. And if MIL is a falling down drunk, maybe that’s the reason the SIL keeps her distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is she getting alcohol if she has “pretty severe Alzheimer’s”?

This stuck out to me. too. Stop having alcohol in the house - it's really bad for her and clearly she can't control how (way too) much she drinks.