SIL Never Says Thank You

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In her mind, maybe you’re getting a freebie place to stay during renovations, and the price is elder care. I’m not saying that is right, but I am saying that there is a shytload of value in you not having to pay for a rental or stay in a hotel…

Uhhh, no. A rental would be $2800. Memory care in DC is $12,000. A month. Only a fool thinks OP is 'benefitting.'

When we look at short term rentals in 2001, when we did our renovation, the going rate was $3,000 month. While it wouldn’t be $12k, it would be much higher than $2800.

Who would be taking care of her if you had not moved in? Have you all been living there since FIL passed away?

1. I'm a DC area real estate agent and $2800 is EXTREMELY generous for a 2/3 bed home inside the beltway. Short term rentals are a scam. You are way better off signing a one year lease and breaking it when you need. Typically its a 2 month penalty. If you wanted to be unscrupulous you could always scream "mold!" and get out of the lease because its in every home and remediation is way more expensive than just letting them out.
2. The FIL was taking care of her so even if the reno was done before all of this, the options are still the same with the additional option of letting her move in with them. At which point I'd start charging the estate 12k a month for care unless the SIL coughed up support.
3. Eff all of you that think OP is more responsible to care for the drunk demented lady than her daughter is.
4. This is why my in laws will NEVER move into my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just stop.

1. You can decide whether you want any relationship with your SIL based on whether your enjoy her company, the relationship works for you or whatever. She is not entitled to a relationship with you anymore than you are with her. It’s no a grand proclamation, or threat or strings attached thing.

2. Stop expecting other people to make the same choices you are making. You are choosing to move an Alzheimer’s patient into your home. It will be hell. It also is YOUR choice. It isn’t your SIL’s responsibility to lighten the load you chose to accept. Own your decision or change it don’t expect others to join in.

It's like you didn't even read the post.

[Anonymous]

let DH handle his sister.

[Anonymous]

I'm still curious how "the end is in sight" at the end of July. Based on OP, that is either the day they move back into the renovated house, indicating that they really did just need the free place to stay. Or it is when they enter MIL into a facility? Which of those it is makes a big difference in how I view the situation.

[Anonymous]

There's a lot you're leaving out, OP.

Was SIL at any point told how hard it was, caring for MIL?

Has she already been asked to help?

What's happening to MIL after July 31st?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm still curious how "the end is in sight" at the end of July. Based on OP, that is either the day they move back into the renovated house, indicating that they really did just need the free place to stay. Or it is when they enter MIL into a facility? Which of those it is makes a big difference in how I view the situation.

OP here. It's both. Her MC room is open on that date and our house will have been ready for about 2 weeks at that point. The freeloading comments are gross trolls so I won't address them but I will warn those of you living far from your aging parents. Us closer spouses do not care for ypur selfish laziness. We will most certainly be submitting a bill to the estate. If SIL thinks I'd change her mother's pjs and sheets a half dozen times after shitting and pissing herself she is mistaken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
There's a lot you're leaving out, OP.

Was SIL at any point told how hard it was, caring for MIL?

Has she already been asked to help?

What's happening to MIL after July 31st?

You think SIL needs a certified letter requesting help with caring for her own dingbat mom? Absent that, she is off the hook? Get bent, loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still curious how "the end is in sight" at the end of July. Based on OP, that is either the day they move back into the renovated house, indicating that they really did just need the free place to stay. Or it is when they enter MIL into a facility? Which of those it is makes a big difference in how I view the situation.

OP here. It's both. Her MC room is open on that date and our house will have been ready for about 2 weeks at that point. The freeloading comments are gross trolls so I won't address them but I will warn those of you living far from your aging parents. Us closer spouses do not care for ypur selfish laziness. We will most certainly be submitting a bill to the estate. If SIL thinks I'd change her mother's pjs and sheets a half dozen times after shitting and pissing herself she is mistaken.

And you think that's enforceable?
You're going to take it out of the estate before it's divided, meaning that you're reducing your own share?

You're not thinking straight, OP. This is why it's always best to communicate with people BEFORE you get terminally angry.

And you still haven't told us whether SIL was made aware, by you or your husband, how difficult this was, and whether you already asked her to help. If these things were not done, it is not fair of you to expect people to know how to act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
There's a lot you're leaving out, OP.

Was SIL at any point told how hard it was, caring for MIL?

Has she already been asked to help?

What's happening to MIL after July 31st?

You think SIL needs a certified letter requesting help with caring for her own dingbat mom? Absent that, she is off the hook? Get bent, loser.

Wow, you need to stop lashing out at people and distorting what they're writing on the tread *you* created, OP.

Note that you still haven't answered these questions.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You have plenty of sympathy from all of us, even those who have given you tough love, but you're not communicating clearly, which is making us ask legitimate questions, which is making you angrier.

Lesson for you: don't post while angry and please write down all relevant info in the first post. Otherwise people are going to prod and poke into your story, and they will be correct to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still curious how "the end is in sight" at the end of July. Based on OP, that is either the day they move back into the renovated house, indicating that they really did just need the free place to stay. Or it is when they enter MIL into a facility? Which of those it is makes a big difference in how I view the situation.

OP here. It's both. Her MC room is open on that date and our house will have been ready for about 2 weeks at that point. The freeloading comments are gross trolls so I won't address them but I will warn those of you living far from your aging parents. Us closer spouses do not care for ypur selfish laziness. We will most certainly be submitting a bill to the estate. If SIL thinks I'd change her mother's pjs and sheets a half dozen times after shitting and pissing herself she is mistaken.

And you think that's enforceable?
You're going to take it out of the estate before it's divided, meaning that you're reducing your own share?

You're not thinking straight, OP. This is why it's always best to communicate with people BEFORE you get terminally angry.

And you still haven't told us whether SIL was made aware, by you or your husband, how difficult this was, and whether you already asked her to help. If these things were not done, it is not fair of you to expect people to know how to act.

+1. OP I truly hope you get compensated for this difficult work you’ve done to make your MIL comfortable, but your husband needs to talk to his sister about how this time is compensated, plans going forward AND put it in writing. Just because something is fair doesn’t mean it’s legally enforceable.

[Anonymous]

If you knew what you were getting yourself into, OP, would YOU have moved in with your MIL to save a few on rent?

Be honest.

Your answer will illuminate how mad you should actually be with your SIL. It will show you that NO ONE adequately measures how horrible it is to look after a patient like that.

If you didn't know, then your SIL doesn't know either, and it's not fair to either of you that no communication was made before you suddenly decide SIL is dead to you. Maybe SIL would have been fine with helping out. You should NEVER expect anyone to offer. With some people, you need to ask, and that doesn't make them bad people.

I hope when you're calm, you will see the truth in this reasoning. You've responded very rudely to a lot of posters, so I don't expect you to see this right away.

Bottom line: don't do anything rash and blow up the family in your current state of mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still curious how "the end is in sight" at the end of July. Based on OP, that is either the day they move back into the renovated house, indicating that they really did just need the free place to stay. Or it is when they enter MIL into a facility? Which of those it is makes a big difference in how I view the situation.

OP here. It's both. Her MC room is open on that date and our house will have been ready for about 2 weeks at that point. The freeloading comments are gross trolls so I won't address them but I will warn those of you living far from your aging parents. Us closer spouses do not care for ypur selfish laziness. We will most certainly be submitting a bill to the estate. If SIL thinks I'd change her mother's pjs and sheets a half dozen times after shitting and pissing herself she is mistaken.

And you think that's enforceable?
You're going to take it out of the estate before it's divided, meaning that you're reducing your own share?

You're not thinking straight, OP. This is why it's always best to communicate with people BEFORE you get terminally angry.

And you still haven't told us whether SIL was made aware, by you or your husband, how difficult this was, and whether you already asked her to help. If these things were not done, it is not fair of you to expect people to know how to act.

I don't know why you used the word 'enforceable' (probably because you are an illiterate troll) but, yes, OP is most certainly entitled to compensation independent from estate inheritance. Just like if my son was cutting his grandmothers grass, he gets paid and it doesn't reduce my 'share' anymore than her paying her electric bill does

Sometimes I forget that DCUM is inhabited not by educated DC professinals but mostly by hayseeds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still curious how "the end is in sight" at the end of July. Based on OP, that is either the day they move back into the renovated house, indicating that they really did just need the free place to stay. Or it is when they enter MIL into a facility? Which of those it is makes a big difference in how I view the situation.

OP here. It's both. Her MC room is open on that date and our house will have been ready for about 2 weeks at that point. The freeloading comments are gross trolls so I won't address them but I will warn those of you living far from your aging parents. Us closer spouses do not care for ypur selfish laziness. We will most certainly be submitting a bill to the estate. If SIL thinks I'd change her mother's pjs and sheets a half dozen times after shitting and pissing herself she is mistaken.

Your grammar is atrocious. “We who live closer to our aging parents” would be a much better start to the fifth sentence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm still curious how "the end is in sight" at the end of July. Based on OP, that is either the day they move back into the renovated house, indicating that they really did just need the free place to stay. Or it is when they enter MIL into a facility? Which of those it is makes a big difference in how I view the situation.

OP here. It's both. Her MC room is open on that date and our house will have been ready for about 2 weeks at that point. The freeloading comments are gross trolls so I won't address them but I will warn those of you living far from your aging parents. Us closer spouses do not care for ypur selfish laziness. We will most certainly be submitting a bill to the estate. If SIL thinks I'd change her mother's pjs and sheets a half dozen times after shitting and pissing herself she is mistaken.

Your grammar is atrocious. “We who live closer to our aging parents” would be a much better start to the fifth sentence.

Are you a moron? Us is plural inclusive. We isn't.

Boy, you made an ass of yourself.