I’ve misgendered a colleague twice now and I’m mortified

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not your responsibility to affirm their delusions. You did nothing wrong.

Ok, well keep believing that. If a trans employee reports being misgendered even once, we must do mediation and assign sensitivity training. If it happens a second time, a PIP is put in place. If it happens again, we terminate.

Misgendering creates a hostile workplace.

You may think it's a delusion, but we must respect them and their choices.

I think those who believe in God are delusional.
I think Santa is a delusion and the Easter bunny as well.

I still respect those who do. That's called being a decent human.

That’s insane. You must work for some kind of nonprofit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try working at a high school in the DMV. It is difficult to figure things out. I use they/them for everyone.

I can believe it! One of my kids had a pinned post in the group chat for members to update their gender identity in real time. I thought this was hilarious, but they took it very seriously. It settled out by 10th grade.

You thought it was "hilarious" that 8th/ 9th graders were fooling around with this? And you allowed them to take it seriously?

Wow.

Yep! I also called them Miss and Mister Lastname when they set up little classrooms for their stuffed animals. I called them Dr. Lastname when they set up a vet clinic for those same stuffed animals.

Kids are going to experiment. They're going to pretend, they're going to try on ways of being and see what feels good. And yeah, my daughter cut her hair short and tried on nonbinary pronouns for a while. I knew it wouldn't last; the kids who are genuinely trans are kind of rare, and they're the ones you'd expect. It's almost never a surprise. Getting bent out of shape about it is extremely short-sighted in terms of your long term relationship. It's also poor parenting to limit your children as they become their own people. You teach them how to work, how to navigate the world, how to be good members of society. You don't get to dictate who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Correct yourself and move on. It is not about your feelings.

This kind of attitude when someone like the OP is clearly acting in goodwill and asking for advice here (and did not say anything to or in front of the person in question) turns off so many people. It's how the trans movement lost support. Too much ordering around and shaming people who meant well.

If you hear shaming in that post, the problem is coming from inside your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My lovely colleague is trans and uses nonbinary pronouns and TWICE (not in their presence thank goodness) I’ve referred to them as “she”.

They’re on T and have a little beard, but otherwise present as pretty feminine. They joined the company already having transitioned so I don’t even have the excuse of having known them before the transition. Just built in perceptions and assumptions that are proving hard to shake. It’s weird though bc my kids have friends who’ve tried on various gender identities and I’ve been able to keep up with that…

I can only imagine how difficult it is if you’ve known someone for years prior to transition. Any tips from someone who’s been successful? I so want to be respectful. I’m deep into middle age and have some new sympathy for old folks who struggle with this 😕

She’s trying to do better and your repugnation self just couldn’t help it could you

[Anonymous]

You should be fired and sued. This can cause the coworker severe mental trauma. You’ve created a hostile work environment. Inexcusable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not your responsibility to affirm their delusions. You did nothing wrong.

Ok, well keep believing that. If a trans employee reports being misgendered even once, we must do mediation and assign sensitivity training. If it happens a second time, a PIP is put in place. If it happens again, we terminate.

Misgendering creates a hostile workplace.

You may think it's a delusion, but we must respect them and their choices.

I think those who believe in God are delusional.
I think Santa is a delusion and the Easter bunny as well.

I still respect those who do. That's called being a decent human.

Seems like you have a big problem with child labor at your workplace if you have a lot of colleagues who believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny.

[Anonymous]

Trans and non-binary at the same time? I'm old. I just don't get it. How can they be both?

I know. I don't have to get it.

OP, I feel for you. Just keep trying your best and correcting yourself in the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not your responsibility to affirm their delusions. You did nothing wrong.

Ok, well keep believing that. If a trans employee reports being misgendered even once, we must do mediation and assign sensitivity training. If it happens a second time, a PIP is put in place. If it happens again, we terminate.

Misgendering creates a hostile workplace.

You may think it's a delusion, but we must respect them and their choices.

I think those who believe in God are delusional.
I think Santa is a delusion and the Easter bunny as well.

I still respect those who do. That's called being a decent human.

If your religious colleagues required you, as a part of their faith, to listen to them proselytizing for a minute or two on a daily basis, would you listen and consider that “respecting” them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trans and non-binary at the same time? I'm old. I just don't get it. How can they be both?

I know. I don't have to get it.

OP, I feel for you. Just keep trying your best and correcting yourself in the moment.

It means everything gets chopped off, but nothing gets added.

[Anonymous]

That will be the next thing. Its insane what people have to put up with and the sad thing is that the actual work is taking a back seat to all this "emotional hostility". Sure if someone makes fun of you I can understand why you might have a grievance If you dress like a man and are a man but want to be called a woman I dont. People also switch jobs all the time so often an employee needs to learn hundreds of names and people on a daily basis and a quarter of them change within a year or two. We dont all work in HR where relationa is a top priority. Its too much for many to process and keep up with the complications of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That will be the next thing. Its insane what people have to put up with and the sad thing is that the actual work is taking a back seat to all this "emotional hostility". Sure if someone makes fun of you I can understand why you might have a grievance If you dress like a man and are a man but want to be called a woman I dont. People also switch jobs all the time so often an employee needs to learn hundreds of names and people on a daily basis and a quarter of them change within a year or two. We dont all work in HR where relationa is a top priority. Its too much for many to process and keep up with the complications of work.

It is if you’re not too bright.

[Anonymous]

People forget that most adults have multiple decades of using him/her for everything, even animals. If you don’t interact with nonbinary/trans people on the regular it is a very difficult thing to switch to and of course people will mess up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try working at a high school in the DMV. It is difficult to figure things out. I use they/them for everyone.

I can believe it! One of my kids had a pinned post in the group chat for members to update their gender identity in real time. I thought this was hilarious, but they took it very seriously. It settled out by 10th grade.

You thought it was "hilarious" that 8th/ 9th graders were fooling around with this? And you allowed them to take it seriously?

Wow.

Yep! I also called them Miss and Mister Lastname when they set up little classrooms for their stuffed animals. I called them Dr. Lastname when they set up a vet clinic for those same stuffed animals.

Kids are going to experiment. They're going to pretend, they're going to try on ways of being and see what feels good. And yeah, my daughter cut her hair short and tried on nonbinary pronouns for a while. I knew it wouldn't last; the kids who are genuinely trans are kind of rare, and they're the ones you'd expect. It's almost never a surprise. Getting bent out of shape about it is extremely short-sighted in terms of your long term relationship. It's also poor parenting to limit your children as they become their own people. You teach them how to work, how to navigate the world, how to be good members of society. You don't get to dictate who they are.

It’s poor parenting not to provide your kids guidance as they become who they are. You sound like one of those idiots who tells their kids they can “be anything they want to be!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not your responsibility to affirm their delusions. You did nothing wrong.

Ok, well keep believing that. If a trans employee reports being misgendered even once, we must do mediation and assign sensitivity training. If it happens a second time, a PIP is put in place. If it happens again, we terminate.

Misgendering creates a hostile workplace.

You may think it's a delusion, but we must respect them and their choices.

I think those who believe in God are delusional.
I think Santa is a delusion and the Easter bunny as well.

I still respect those who do. That's called being a decent human.

And this is why we have the president we do. I went through years of meetings where people said Sit Down Gentlemen and tons of men only discourse. If misgendering 3 times results in termination, you can forget about a lot of people wanting to work at your company.

Not a problem.
We don't want hostile, walking liabilities working at our company. We want people who come to work as a team, not start political battles over their right to abuse people.

So you blatantly disregard the Constitution? Sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That will be the next thing. Its insane what people have to put up with and the sad thing is that the actual work is taking a back seat to all this "emotional hostility". Sure if someone makes fun of you I can understand why you might have a grievance If you dress like a man and are a man but want to be called a woman I dont. People also switch jobs all the time so often an employee needs to learn hundreds of names and people on a daily basis and a quarter of them change within a year or two. We dont all work in HR where relationa is a top priority. Its too much for many to process and keep up with the complications of work.

It is if you’re not too bright.

America in general is not too bright. But go ahead and spend thousands on new employees. You are so bright Im sure it will work out great.