I’ve misgendered a colleague twice now and I’m mortified

[Anonymous]

I understand OP. The best trick I have is I’ve tried to become way more conscious of EVERY time I use pronouns and be more mindful about it in general so it stays more top of mind for me. Over time I have become more conscious of it.

Everyone being dismissive….even if you don’t care about someone’s pronouns, when you’re in a workplace your own professional reputation will suffer if you are seen marginalizing employees. So maybe at least do it for selfish reasons.

[Anonymous]

I’m a HS teacher and you are way overthinking this. You didn’t even use the wrong pronouns in front of the person. Move on.

It’s happened to me, in front of the actual student. I try my best but it’s especially difficult when I knew them last year as one gender and this year it’s something else. I correct myself and don’t make a big deal out of it and move on. People know your intent and if you are trying and it’s not intentional it’s generally okay.

[Anonymous]

sometimes it is hard to remember, most people understand that. don't beat yourself up.

[Anonymous]

I just use “shim”. Amalgamation of she and him. Also covers they.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try working at a high school in the DMV. It is difficult to figure things out. I use they/them for everyone.

I can believe it! One of my kids had a pinned post in the group chat for members to update their gender identity in real time. I thought this was hilarious, but they took it very seriously. It settled out by 10th grade.

Kids today.


Just get used to using THEY for everyone you are talking about. It is a hard habit to break, that they=singular, but once you get through that, They will just become your norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep accidentally using “him” with a coworker who uses “they.” And I work in HR! I try to speak more slowly around/about that person, to give my brain a chance to remember. Their beard makes my brain automatically think “him,” so I am retraining myself.

Because it seems a little odd to use a non-gendered pronoun when you present yourself as male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pronouns are so 2023.

Say more. Like, newly invented in 2023? Pretty sure they’re an original feature of language.

Or do you mean that non binary *people* went out of fashion in 2023? That we can comfortably assign our own preferences to other people? Are you cool with being referred to as “him” (assuming you’re a woman)? Is it just a free for all in enlightened 2025? That could be fun!

Maybe it’s just that respect for others has gone out of fashion. That, I can believe. Thanks maga. But I’m not real concerned with trends— I just want to be nice. If I know someone’s preferences on almost any topic I’m going to try to respect it. I wouldn’t serve a steak to a vegetarian. I wouldn’t make my son wear a Cowboys jersey. I guess we’re just very different.

Reality is in fashion in 2025. Human can tell with a glance the sex of another human 99.99% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Only on a college campus or on DCUM would this generate this much angst.

[Anonymous]

You’ve spent decades calling a woman she and a man he. And now you need to remember to call a woman he if she wants to be called he. It’s confusing and I think that trying hard to use the name they want in front of them and then apologizing and correcting yourself if you realize that you didn’t do it is all anyone reasonable can ask for. You shouldn’t need to lose sleep because of someone else’s psychological issues. You’re not trying to be offensive, and that’s clear. That’s enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pronouns are so 2023.

Say more. Like, newly invented in 2023? Pretty sure they’re an original feature of language.

Or do you mean that non binary *people* went out of fashion in 2023? That we can comfortably assign our own preferences to other people? Are you cool with being referred to as “him” (assuming you’re a woman)? Is it just a free for all in enlightened 2025? That could be fun!

Maybe it’s just that respect for others has gone out of fashion. That, I can believe. Thanks maga. But I’m not real concerned with trends— I just want to be nice. If I know someone’s preferences on almost any topic I’m going to try to respect it. I wouldn’t serve a steak to a vegetarian. I wouldn’t make my son wear a Cowboys jersey. I guess we’re just very different.

Reality is in fashion in 2025. Human can tell with a glance the sex of another human 99.99% of the time.

I'm about as progressive as you can imagine, but the "you must say up is down" of the 2020 to 2023 era was exhausting. We're over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pronouns are so 2023.

Say more. Like, newly invented in 2023? Pretty sure they’re an original feature of language.

Or do you mean that non binary *people* went out of fashion in 2023? That we can comfortably assign our own preferences to other people? Are you cool with being referred to as “him” (assuming you’re a woman)? Is it just a free for all in enlightened 2025? That could be fun!

Maybe it’s just that respect for others has gone out of fashion. That, I can believe. Thanks maga. But I’m not real concerned with trends— I just want to be nice. If I know someone’s preferences on almost any topic I’m going to try to respect it. I wouldn’t serve a steak to a vegetarian. I wouldn’t make my son wear a Cowboys jersey. I guess we’re just very different.

Reality is in fashion in 2025. Human can tell with a glance the sex of another human 99.99% of the time.

I'm about as progressive as you can imagine, but the "you must say up is down" of the 2020 to 2023 era was exhausting. We're over it.

That makes you sound MAGA AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try working at a high school in the DMV. It is difficult to figure things out. I use they/them for everyone.

I can believe it! One of my kids had a pinned post in the group chat for members to update their gender identity in real time. I thought this was hilarious, but they took it very seriously. It settled out by 10th grade.

Kids today.


Just get used to using THEY for everyone you are talking about. It is a hard habit to break, that they=singular, but once you get through that, They will just become your norm.

“it” also suffices and conveys no gender either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not your responsibility to affirm their delusions. You did nothing wrong.

Ok, well keep believing that. If a trans employee reports being misgendered even once, we must do mediation and assign sensitivity training. If it happens a second time, a PIP is put in place. If it happens again, we terminate.

Misgendering creates a hostile workplace.

You may think it's a delusion, but we must respect them and their choices.

I think those who believe in God are delusional.
I think Santa is a delusion and the Easter bunny as well.

I still respect those who do. That's called being a decent human.

No you don’t. You’re lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not your responsibility to affirm their delusions. You did nothing wrong.

Ok, well keep believing that. If a trans employee reports being misgendered even once, we must do mediation and assign sensitivity training. If it happens a second time, a PIP is put in place. If it happens again, we terminate.

Misgendering creates a hostile workplace.

You may think it's a delusion, but we must respect them and their choices.

I think those who believe in God are delusional.
I think Santa is a delusion and the Easter bunny as well.

I still respect those who do. That's called being a decent human.

No you don’t. You’re lying.

Nope. I genuinely love and respect many theists. I think they're wrong, but they think I'm wrong! And yet we coexist lovingly. If you can't manage that, or even imagine it, I pity you.

[Anonymous]

I’ve done this as well. Not to the person but in conversation about the person with others. I was corrected privately. I felt embarassed, annoyed, and also proud of my coworker who called me out. I just try to do my best and hope people aren’t too offended when I get things wrong.