Boyfriend told me to “shut the F up”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

"He only hit me once"
"He only raped me once"
"He only stabbed me once"
wtf is wrong with you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend of a year recently told me to “shut the f up”. He had been drinking when he said it. We were having a convo about his dog, who he loves deeply like family. Recently he’s been being more strict with her, making her wear a muzzle, keeping her leash tighter, etc. I suggested he lighten up and little and told him whenever I watch her she’s well behaved.

Then he told me to “shut the f up”. He said as someone who’s never owned a dog I’m not an expert on the matter, and that he would be devastated if she died or hurt someone, so he was doing what he saw fit.

I’m good with him doing what he wants. I didn’t feel super strongly about my views, just was offering them up. He’s never spoken to me like this before. He is very sweet with me, faithful, and we’ve been discussing getting married.

I had an abusive relationship in the past that started with my ex talking to me like that constantly, then escalated to hitting, so I’m super sensitive.

Afterwards I told him how I felt and that I never want either of us to speak like that. He apologized and said he didn’t mean to hurt me and it won’t happen again. How big a deal is this?

You are stupid to keep such a boyfriend. Please get a good therapist for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a raised voice?

That’s not how have an important discussion.

If his dog is out of control, neighbors are complaining about noise or attacks, and he is t doing anything or even talking about id be done. He has no conflict resolution or communication skills.

Offering a person unsolicited advice about something that isn't even your business while they're minding theirs and having a drink isn't how to have an important conversation either.

Nitpick and nag me while I'm enjoying my peace and I'll swear at you, too! Y'all need to take responsibility for the energy you bring to a space. You can't just jump into someone's space and business, mind it like it's your own, and then expect to be treated with civility and boundaries you yourself didn't respect.

"Would you like some feedback about that?" "Would outside advice be useful to you?" "Would you like my thoughts on the subject?"

A lot of y'all seem to think you have all the right answers, but NOBODY ASKED. All unsolicited advice is criticism. You started it, and now you want to be mad that he swore? Don't start with disrespect and then act surprised you're met with disrespect.

Men justifying abuse. Classic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a raised voice?

That’s not how have an important discussion.

If his dog is out of control, neighbors are complaining about noise or attacks, and he is t doing anything or even talking about id be done. He has no conflict resolution or communication skills.

Offering a person unsolicited advice about something that isn't even your business while they're minding theirs and having a drink isn't how to have an important conversation either.

Nitpick and nag me while I'm enjoying my peace and I'll swear at you, too! Y'all need to take responsibility for the energy you bring to a space. You can't just jump into someone's space and business, mind it like it's your own, and then expect to be treated with civility and boundaries you yourself didn't respect.

"Would you like some feedback about that?" "Would outside advice be useful to you?" "Would you like my thoughts on the subject?"

A lot of y'all seem to think you have all the right answers, but NOBODY ASKED. All unsolicited advice is criticism. You started it, and now you want to be mad that he swore? Don't start with disrespect and then act surprised you're met with disrespect.

Men justifying abuse. Classic.

And then they expect us to care about the "male loneliness epidemic" 🥱

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re otherwise inclined to stick around you need to mentally commit to no more strikes - anything more and you’re out.

It’s not great - but some guys speak that way to their friends, especially when drinking, and when drinking may have forgotten where he was.

That said if he said it with real vitriol and anger/meanness, I’d take it as a pretty big warning sign

Gross. Condoning abusive behavior is NOT it. This was a glaring red warning sign, the fact that you would encourage someone to give their abuser another chance is disgusting.

Exactly. Mentally ill people tend to attract each other. It’s most tragic for the innocent children who didn’t ask for two sick parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow this got a
Lot of responses. I will answer some of the questions asked.

He said it in a way where he was annoyed. He wasn’t yelling. I think he was upset that I wasn’t treating the dog the same way he does, when I have her by myself.

The dog bit someone a few weeks back and thus the muzzle and his tight leash. He is very serious about dog training. We were in an area though that has light traffic, so I was just suggesting maybe the dog good get a moment of freedom since no one was around.

He said that he wasn’t saying it in a way to hurt me. I think as another poster said he is more liberal with words and the alcohol definitely aided that. I just don’t ever want to talk like that with each other. I’ve never seen any signs of him speaking poorly to me before this instance.

You've put up with abuse before. Don't fall for this again. You are making the same mistake, again. Please, have some self respect and stand up for yourself. Being single is not worse than staying with an abusive man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a raised voice?

That’s not how have an important discussion.

If his dog is out of control, neighbors are complaining about noise or attacks, and he is t doing anything or even talking about id be done. He has no conflict resolution or communication skills.

Offering a person unsolicited advice about something that isn't even your business while they're minding theirs and having a drink isn't how to have an important conversation either.

Nitpick and nag me while I'm enjoying my peace and I'll swear at you, too! Y'all need to take responsibility for the energy you bring to a space. You can't just jump into someone's space and business, mind it like it's your own, and then expect to be treated with civility and boundaries you yourself didn't respect.

"Would you like some feedback about that?" "Would outside advice be useful to you?" "Would you like my thoughts on the subject?"

A lot of y'all seem to think you have all the right answers, but NOBODY ASKED. All unsolicited advice is criticism. You started it, and now you want to be mad that he swore? Don't start with disrespect and then act surprised you're met with disrespect.

Men justifying abuse. Classic.

Why do tons of women justify abuse?

[Anonymous]

I’d give it one more chance. I’d also consult a dog trainer or at least watch a bunch of dog training videos.

Alcohol just highlights who people already are inside, so I’d keep an eye on how he is when he drinks and see what you learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow this got a
Lot of responses. I will answer some of the questions asked.

He said it in a way where he was annoyed. He wasn’t yelling. I think he was upset that I wasn’t treating the dog the same way he does, when I have her by myself.

The dog bit someone a few weeks back and thus the muzzle and his tight leash. He is very serious about dog training. We were in an area though that has light traffic, so I was just suggesting maybe the dog good get a moment of freedom since no one was around.

He said that he wasn’t saying it in a way to hurt me. I think as another poster said he is more liberal with words and the alcohol definitely aided that. I just don’t ever want to talk like that with each other. I’ve never seen any signs of him speaking poorly to me before this instance.

Welp. He talked to you like that. What are you going to do about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend of a year recently told me to “shut the f up”. He had been drinking when he said it. We were having a convo about his dog, who he loves deeply like family. Recently he’s been being more strict with her, making her wear a muzzle, keeping her leash tighter, etc. I suggested he lighten up and little and told him whenever I watch her she’s well behaved.

Then he told me to “shut the f up”. He said as someone who’s never owned a dog I’m not an expert on the matter, and that he would be devastated if she died or hurt someone, so he was doing what he saw fit.

I’m good with him doing what he wants. I didn’t feel super strongly about my views, just was offering them up. He’s never spoken to me like this before. He is very sweet with me, faithful, and we’ve been discussing getting married.

I had an abusive relationship in the past that started with my ex talking to me like that constantly, then escalated to hitting, so I’m super sensitive.

Afterwards I told him how I felt and that I never want either of us to speak like that. He apologized and said he didn’t mean to hurt me and it won’t happen again. How big a deal is this?

Sounds like you handled it perfectly, and he was contrite. Full speed ahead -- unless he does it a second time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow this got a
Lot of responses. I will answer some of the questions asked.

He said it in a way where he was annoyed. He wasn’t yelling. I think he was upset that I wasn’t treating the dog the same way he does, when I have her by myself.

The dog bit someone a few weeks back and thus the muzzle and his tight leash. He is very serious about dog training. We were in an area though that has light traffic, so I was just suggesting maybe the dog good get a moment of freedom since no one was around.

He said that he wasn’t saying it in a way to hurt me. I think as another poster said he is more liberal with words and the alcohol definitely aided that. I just don’t ever want to talk like that with each other. I’ve never seen any signs of him speaking poorly to me before this instance.

You've put up with abuse before. Don't fall for this again. You are making the same mistake, again. Please, have some self respect and stand up for yourself. Being single is not worse than staying with an abusive man.

Do not listen to the miserable misandrist harpies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a raised voice?

That’s not how have an important discussion.

If his dog is out of control, neighbors are complaining about noise or attacks, and he is t doing anything or even talking about id be done. He has no conflict resolution or communication skills.

Offering a person unsolicited advice about something that isn't even your business while they're minding theirs and having a drink isn't how to have an important conversation either.

Nitpick and nag me while I'm enjoying my peace and I'll swear at you, too! Y'all need to take responsibility for the energy you bring to a space. You can't just jump into someone's space and business, mind it like it's your own, and then expect to be treated with civility and boundaries you yourself didn't respect.

"Would you like some feedback about that?" "Would outside advice be useful to you?" "Would you like my thoughts on the subject?"

A lot of y'all seem to think you have all the right answers, but NOBODY ASKED. All unsolicited advice is criticism. You started it, and now you want to be mad that he swore? Don't start with disrespect and then act surprised you're met with disrespect.

Men justifying abuse. Classic.

Why do tons of women justify abuse?

because they love them! Alright?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

"He only hit me once"
"He only raped me once"
"He only stabbed me once"
wtf is wrong with you

She only abandoned him once...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

"He only hit me once"
"He only raped me once"
"He only stabbed me once"
wtf is wrong with you

She only abandoned him once...

LOL men comparing a man stabbing a woman to a woman leaving a man 😵‍💫 These men are genuinely deranged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow this got a
Lot of responses. I will answer some of the questions asked.

He said it in a way where he was annoyed. He wasn’t yelling. I think he was upset that I wasn’t treating the dog the same way he does, when I have her by myself.

The dog bit someone a few weeks back and thus the muzzle and his tight leash. He is very serious about dog training. We were in an area though that has light traffic, so I was just suggesting maybe the dog good get a moment of freedom since no one was around.

He said that he wasn’t saying it in a way to hurt me. I think as another poster said he is more liberal with words and the alcohol definitely aided that. I just don’t ever want to talk like that with each other. I’ve never seen any signs of him speaking poorly to me before this instance.

You've put up with abuse before. Don't fall for this again. You are making the same mistake, again. Please, have some self respect and stand up for yourself. Being single is not worse than staying with an abusive man.

Do not listen to the miserable misandrist harpies.

Do not listen to the creepy misogynist weirdo who whines and argues on a mommy forum