
This man does not align with OP's values. Good to find out now. |
Forest Gump |
Sorry no, you can’t. I refuse to be around people who talk to me like OPs date talked to her. I won’t remain in their presence and no vulgar jerk can choose to be around me if I don’t want it. |
This. That was a hugely aggressive response from him on a topic that really shouldn't be stressful and produce a strong reaction. You said you've been in an abusive relationship before that started with verbal abuse - are you following a pattern here? |
and that is how it should be. When you don't have personal boundaries and standards, you will put up with abuse. When an abusive person tests you and you respond in an accepting way, they up the next abuse session to see how much you'll take. Pp walking away at the first sign of abuse is the correct response. Anything else green lights your suffering. |
He's trash. Dump him. |
Mean to you and the dog. Big NO Move on from that relationship. 🚩 |
Exactly. PP who uses such language to “express themselves” and feel entitled to be around people sounds like a classic abuser. |
The mask is slipping.
Have you been in therapy after your abusive relationship? I’m wondering if you picked the same type of guy. Clearly he’s not a good, kind person, he was just able to hide it better. I’m sorry op. I’d peace out before he gets more comfortable using that type of language and behavior. |
OP here. Wow this got a
Lot of responses. I will answer some of the questions asked. He said it in a way where he was annoyed. He wasn’t yelling. I think he was upset that I wasn’t treating the dog the same way he does, when I have her by myself. The dog bit someone a few weeks back and thus the muzzle and his tight leash. He is very serious about dog training. We were in an area though that has light traffic, so I was just suggesting maybe the dog good get a moment of freedom since no one was around. He said that he wasn’t saying it in a way to hurt me. I think as another poster said he is more liberal with words and the alcohol definitely aided that. I just don’t ever want to talk like that with each other. I’ve never seen any signs of him speaking poorly to me before this instance. |
This is a major deal, OP. Your instincts are telling you that it’s the beginning of the end. Trust yourself and leave…don’t look back. |
Some people allow “stfu” to slip out and they don’t mean it like so many people here interpret it. That said, you’re well within your rights to request he not speak to you like that and expect that he not speak to you like that going forward. If a professional dog trainer, vet, or insurance company is suggesting the muzzle, then this isn’t really mistreatment. Though a dog that has bitten is a very difficult training subject. Both of you need to be reasonable about what outcomes you expect from training. My guess is he’s very attached to this dog and he’s nervous that he will need to put him down. Or, he knows he will need to put him down and it’s causing a lot of stress. If you think the comment was made in frustration and due to a lot of stress and not anger and there is no history - it seems reasonable to provide a second chance (but be strict about it - there’s no reason to stick around someone who won’t play by reasonable rules). I think a lot of posters imagined him screaming and being hateful. Being frustrated and saying it isn’t great but it’s several degrees less severe. |
There are two red flags. Something to think about,OP. Not only did he tell you to shut the F up, he made it clear that your opinion doesn't matter/you shouldn't have one. |
I’ve been with my husband for 22 years now. Neither one of us has ever cursed at each other or told the other to shut up. This is not because we’re perfect and it doesn’t mean we never argue or disagree. We both have made mistakes in arguments and said things that have hurt the others’ feelings BUT we’ve always been respectful toward each other. Telling someone to shut up is very disrespectful. Cursing at someone is very disrespectful. Will it lead to more abuse? I don’t know. I hope not. But it certainly isn’t a good sign of what’s to come. I’d be very cautious and if he ever crosses the line into disrespectful or abusive language again, that would be it for me. Maybe he’ll learn from this and never say anything like that to you again. But I am guessing most people who speak this way to someone they supposedly love will do so again in the future. |
Gross. Condoning abusive behavior is NOT it. This was a glaring red warning sign, the fact that you would encourage someone to give their abuser another chance is disgusting. |