Boyfriend told me to “shut the F up”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, that's awful.

I've been married to my wife for twenty years and have never, ever said that to her. To me, it's s deep sign of disrespect.

I am not this poster but would say exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

Not for me. I know that I will never be with a man who speaks to me this way.

So when dating partners did, I left until I found one who does not have temper tantrums like a child.

Temper tantrums is adding context that hasn’t been shared.

Context matters. Was it said in anger/maliciously? Was it said in an exasperated way while rolling eyes? The degree matters here. The literal words aren’t great but context very much matters. Some people are liberal with their profanity but the intent behind it isn’t as meaningful. Others can be spitting acid.

[Anonymous]

So women who are married should put up with cheating, gaslighting, physical abuse, verbal abuse, stealing, etc. But this woman who possibly went on for a long time about something she doesn't know about should leave this guy who had been drinking and probably had a headache from her? Maybe he should leave if she's so free with her advice and won't let up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is the dog wearing a muzzle?

Agree as it seems as though your boyfriend is the one who should be wearing the muzzle.

My best advice (taken from a movie) is: Run Forrest Run !!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is the dog wearing a muzzle?

Agree as it seems as though your boyfriend is the one who should be wearing the muzzle.

My best advice (taken from a movie) is: Run Forrest Run !!!

Are you sure that’s from a movie? Which movie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

Not for me. I know that I will never be with a man who speaks to me this way.

So when dating partners did, I left until I found one who does not have temper tantrums like a child.

Temper tantrums is adding context that hasn’t been shared.

Context matters. Was it said in anger/maliciously? Was it said in an exasperated way while rolling eyes? The degree matters here. The literal words aren’t great but context very much matters. Some people are liberal with their profanity but the intent behind it isn’t as meaningful. Others can be spitting acid.

This. From the conversation he sounded exasperated. And did he say F instead of the real world? That would indicate he's exasperated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't care for the way he is treating you or the way he is treating his dog. The signs are there, time to exit.

+1

[Anonymous]

Red flag - he’s trending towards being abusive. Honestly I’d break up over something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is the dog wearing a muzzle?

Agree as it seems as though your boyfriend is the one who should be wearing the muzzle.

My best advice (taken from a movie) is: Run Forrest Run !!!

Are you sure that’s from a movie? Which movie?

Can't recall at this time.

[Anonymous]

(Serious post.)

OP, your boyfriend is treating you just as he is his dog; pay attention to the metaphor as he wants to muzzle you & keep you on a tight leash. Get out now as his treatment of you will only worsen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, that's awful.

I've been married to my wife for twenty years and have never, ever said that to her. To me, it's s deep sign of disrespect.

Was his tone rude and angry as well? If so I’d be done.

If it was playful and STFU and do me now/ don’t want to talk about my dog, then I’d do Strike 1 and tell him so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(Serious post.)

OP, your boyfriend is treating you just as he is his dog; pay attention to the metaphor as he wants to muzzle you & keep you on a tight leash. Get out now as his treatment of you will only worsen.

I am the pp who thinks context matters.

But I agree, the dog treatment (even if the dog is snarling at people, a muzzle is a temporary solution and training is the fix) together with the drinking and telling someone to “shut the f up” paints a concerning picture.

That said, missing details here could shift the narrative completely. And I’d want to consider those too before ending a relationship.

[Anonymous]

In a raised voice?

That’s not how have an important discussion.

If his dog is out of control, neighbors are complaining about noise or attacks, and he is t doing anything or even talking about id be done. He has no conflict resolution or communication skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

Not for me. I know that I will never be with a man who speaks to me this way.

So when dating partners did, I left until I found one who does not have temper tantrums like a child.

Temper tantrums is adding context that hasn’t been shared.

Context matters. Was it said in anger/maliciously? Was it said in an exasperated way while rolling eyes? The degree matters here. The literal words aren’t great but context very much matters. Some people are liberal with their profanity but the intent behind it isn’t as meaningful. Others can be spitting acid.

There is no context in which this is acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

Not for me. I know that I will never be with a man who speaks to me this way.

So when dating partners did, I left until I found one who does not have temper tantrums like a child.

Says you, having a snit over the mere discussion of it on DCUM? What exactly do you think you bring to the table, sweetie?