A very uncomfortable situation- how to handle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am friends with a group from my sons school. We get together once a month for lunch or dinner.

So happens we went out for lunch today for our monthly get together. We are a real mix of personalities. Of the 8 of us, 2 are Jewish the rest are mixed religions. We all never bring up politics or religion as an unspoken rule however today the most outspoken of the bunch came out and blasted Israel for what they are doing. She really unloaded, once she got started, she didn't let up (with encouragement from others). We were all kind of surprised and in shock at first. One of the moms (Jewish) is married to a christian husband and is not religious and was one of the first to agree. Then a few others did too. The other Jewish mom however did not take this well. She started to defend whats going on then abruptly got up and said she had to leave early.

Of all the moms, shes the one I am the least close with but I feel badly for how it went. I want to call her just to see how shes doing because I know it was upsetting to her. Not to say I agree with her at all but shes human and no doubt felt really outnumbered as the "ringleader" came on really strong. Should I call or leave it alone?

It sounds like she's uncomfortable with truth. It might be time for her to wake up to reality, even if it's uncomfortable. It doesn't sound like she was targeted or blamed because she's Jewish (and she should absolutely not be), but ethically, walking away when you feel uncomfortable is a bit childish. There are so many Jews of conscience who abhor what Israel is doing - this isn't a religious thing, it's a political litmus test.

Which is completely inappropriate at a monthly mom’s dinner.

I’d reach out and check in with her op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this thread on the Religion forum? It belongs on either the politics forum or the relationship forum. It has nothing to do with religion.

Well it is about religion because OP speculates her acquaintance is feeling hurt by antisemitism and wants to know what to do. But yeah what we have learned over and over again on DCUM is that Jews are not allowed to express themselves about antisemitism the ways others can express themselves about religious bias. We cannot even have posts about antisemitic attacks. It becomes political AND antisemitic every.single.time.

The issue here (and elsewhere) is the conflation of antisemitism with objecting to the actions of Israeli leadership. They are not the same thing.

nobody knows what was said. And based on my experience on DCUM and IRL, it is pretty rare for non-Jews to be able to have that conversation in a way that does not veer into bad territory. here you are just assuming as a default that the Jewish person MUST have been exaggerating and making things up and conflating.

[Anonymous]

I would call. Ring leader came on strong and that isn't nice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever been in a conversation with MAGA? I have, I have had people tell me thy don’t support LGBTQ rights and they want to deport all foreigners to my face and I was the only one defending it. People are not always going to agree with you and that’s ok. The group did nothing wrong. Your friend needs to grow up. If you call your friend to check in on her, it sends the message that you think her views are right but you couldn’t speak up at the group setting. She might even get mad that you didn’t defend her. I think your husband is right on this, leave it alone.

You got it reversed. In this scenario you are Jewish mom and ring leader is the MAGA.

And yet MAGA only agrees with the friend who walked out. You don't see that parallel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever been in a conversation with MAGA? I have, I have had people tell me thy don’t support LGBTQ rights and they want to deport all foreigners to my face and I was the only one defending it. People are not always going to agree with you and that’s ok. The group did nothing wrong. Your friend needs to grow up. If you call your friend to check in on her, it sends the message that you think her views are right but you couldn’t speak up at the group setting. She might even get mad that you didn’t defend her. I think your husband is right on this, leave it alone.

You got it reversed. In this scenario you are Jewish mom and ring leader is the MAGA.

And yet MAGA only agrees with the friend who walked out. You don't see that parallel?

wtf. You don’t know what was said and you assume the mom who walked out has certain political beliefs because she is Jewish. thanks for neatly illustrating why she walked out before things could go south.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am friends with a group from my sons school. We get together once a month for lunch or dinner.

So happens we went out for lunch today for our monthly get together. We are a real mix of personalities. Of the 8 of us, 2 are Jewish the rest are mixed religions. We all never bring up politics or religion as an unspoken rule however today the most outspoken of the bunch came out and blasted Israel for what they are doing. She really unloaded, once she got started, she didn't let up (with encouragement from others). We were all kind of surprised and in shock at first. One of the moms (Jewish) is married to a christian husband and is not religious and was one of the first to agree. Then a few others did too. The other Jewish mom however did not take this well. She started to defend whats going on then abruptly got up and said she had to leave early.

Of all the moms, shes the one I am the least close with but I feel badly for how it went. I want to call her just to see how shes doing because I know it was upsetting to her. Not to say I agree with her at all but shes human and no doubt felt really outnumbered as the "ringleader" came on really strong. Should I call or leave it alone?

It sounds like she's uncomfortable with truth. It might be time for her to wake up to reality, even if it's uncomfortable. It doesn't sound like she was targeted or blamed because she's Jewish (and she should absolutely not be), but ethically, walking away when you feel uncomfortable is a bit childish. There are so many Jews of conscience who abhor what Israel is doing - this isn't a religious thing, it's a political litmus test.

Which is completely inappropriate at a monthly mom’s dinner.

I’d reach out and check in with her op.

Completely appropriate to discuss world events. These are intelligent women meeting for dinner. It’s not trad wife recipe sharing time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever been in a conversation with MAGA? I have, I have had people tell me thy don’t support LGBTQ rights and they want to deport all foreigners to my face and I was the only one defending it. People are not always going to agree with you and that’s ok. The group did nothing wrong. Your friend needs to grow up. If you call your friend to check in on her, it sends the message that you think her views are right but you couldn’t speak up at the group setting. She might even get mad that you didn’t defend her. I think your husband is right on this, leave it alone.

You got it reversed. In this scenario you are Jewish mom and ring leader is the MAGA.

And yet MAGA only agrees with the friend who walked out. You don't see that parallel?

wtf. You don’t know what was said and you assume the mom who walked out has certain political beliefs because she is Jewish. thanks for neatly illustrating why she walked out before things could go south.

Yeah, pretty sure that was clear in the post here. Reading comprehension, sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever been in a conversation with MAGA? I have, I have had people tell me thy don’t support LGBTQ rights and they want to deport all foreigners to my face and I was the only one defending it. People are not always going to agree with you and that’s ok. The group did nothing wrong. Your friend needs to grow up. If you call your friend to check in on her, it sends the message that you think her views are right but you couldn’t speak up at the group setting. She might even get mad that you didn’t defend her. I think your husband is right on this, leave it alone.

You got it reversed. In this scenario you are Jewish mom and ring leader is the MAGA.

And yet MAGA only agrees with the friend who walked out. You don't see that parallel?

wtf. You don’t know what was said and you assume the mom who walked out has certain political beliefs because she is Jewish. thanks for neatly illustrating why she walked out before things could go south.

Yeah, pretty sure that was clear in the post here. Reading comprehension, sweetie.

No it was not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever been in a conversation with MAGA? I have, I have had people tell me thy don’t support LGBTQ rights and they want to deport all foreigners to my face and I was the only one defending it. People are not always going to agree with you and that’s ok. The group did nothing wrong. Your friend needs to grow up. If you call your friend to check in on her, it sends the message that you think her views are right but you couldn’t speak up at the group setting. She might even get mad that you didn’t defend her. I think your husband is right on this, leave it alone.

You got it reversed. In this scenario you are Jewish mom and ring leader is the MAGA.

And yet MAGA only agrees with the friend who walked out. You don't see that parallel?

No, because it does not exist. The great majority of US Jews vote Democrat. For some reason you want to make a parallel happen that’s not there. In fact you don’t even know what walk-out mom thinks at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am friends with a group from my sons school. We get together once a month for lunch or dinner.

So happens we went out for lunch today for our monthly get together. We are a real mix of personalities. Of the 8 of us, 2 are Jewish the rest are mixed religions. We all never bring up politics or religion as an unspoken rule however today the most outspoken of the bunch came out and blasted Israel for what they are doing. She really unloaded, once she got started, she didn't let up (with encouragement from others). We were all kind of surprised and in shock at first. One of the moms (Jewish) is married to a christian husband and is not religious and was one of the first to agree. Then a few others did too. The other Jewish mom however did not take this well. She started to defend whats going on then abruptly got up and said she had to leave early.

Of all the moms, shes the one I am the least close with but I feel badly for how it went. I want to call her just to see how shes doing because I know it was upsetting to her. Not to say I agree with her at all but shes human and no doubt felt really outnumbered as the "ringleader" came on really strong. Should I call or leave it alone?

It sounds like she's uncomfortable with truth. It might be time for her to wake up to reality, even if it's uncomfortable. It doesn't sound like she was targeted or blamed because she's Jewish (and she should absolutely not be), but ethically, walking away when you feel uncomfortable is a bit childish. There are so many Jews of conscience who abhor what Israel is doing - this isn't a religious thing, it's a political litmus test.

Which is completely inappropriate at a monthly mom’s dinner.

I’d reach out and check in with her op.

Completely appropriate to discuss world events. These are intelligent women meeting for dinner. It’s not trad wife recipe sharing time.

You have the right to bring up controversial topics that you may handle poorly at a mom brunch. Then other moms have the right to leave and not come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another Jewish American here and I would absolutely appreciate a call or text to check in. Something like, "Hey, I wanted to check in after our lunch. I know we don't usually talk politics and it seemed like today's discussion really upset you, so I wanted to make sure you're ok."

We Jews have all been a little on edge since October 7. Plus, it's always difficult to be ambushed by people we thought were friends.

Totally agree with this as a Jewish American.

I think you are trolls. I have never heard anyone describe themselves as “Jewish American.”

I’m not a troll. I identified that way to make it clear I’m not Israeli, but am Jewish. I used the other poster’s nomenclature.

Why would you feel the need to clarify you are not Israeli? Nobody thinks Israelis are posting here. I think you are trolling.

If you honestly think I’m a troll then report my post. You know that Israelis walk among us, right? Some of them fled to the US, or the parents moved here to raise kids here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another Jewish American here and I would absolutely appreciate a call or text to check in. Something like, "Hey, I wanted to check in after our lunch. I know we don't usually talk politics and it seemed like today's discussion really upset you, so I wanted to make sure you're ok."

We Jews have all been a little on edge since October 7. Plus, it's always difficult to be ambushed by people we thought were friends.

Totally agree with this as a Jewish American.

I think you are trolls. I have never heard anyone describe themselves as “Jewish American.”

I’m not a troll. I identified that way to make it clear I’m not Israeli, but am Jewish. I used the other poster’s nomenclature.

Why would you feel the need to clarify you are not Israeli? Nobody thinks Israelis are posting here. I think you are trolling.

If you honestly think I’m a troll then report my post. You know that Israelis walk among us, right? Some of them fled to the US, or the parents moved here to raise kids here.

OK well I have literally never heard a Jewish person identify themselves as “Jewish American” because they thought that there would be some confusion about whether they are Israeli.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not Jewish, and I am completely against the genocidal actions of Israel.

I think this woman and many like her have really struggled after a lifetime of brainwashing and cognitive dissonance. It's okay to disagree with her politically and yet to empathize with her distress. You feel for your friend, and it's okay to reach out to her.

This is not a religious issue, though it's close to her due to her religious identity.

Wow yeah ok: “Your belief that you experienced antisemitism is all in your head - the Jews brainwashed you.”

OP hopefully comments like this can make you understand why this woman noped out. Even if the comments were just about Gaza and couldn’t be seen any other way, she had no way of knowing what kind of bizarrely offensive comment might pop out of the mouth of someone who would never make the equivalent comment about other groups. Maybe she just did not want to take that risk at that moment.

FWIW, I (also Jewish) read that "brainwashing" line as referring to brainwashing about Israel, not brainwashing about antisemitism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not Jewish, and I am completely against the genocidal actions of Israel.

I think this woman and many like her have really struggled after a lifetime of brainwashing and cognitive dissonance. It's okay to disagree with her politically and yet to empathize with her distress. You feel for your friend, and it's okay to reach out to her.

This is not a religious issue, though it's close to her due to her religious identity.

Wow yeah ok: “Your belief that you experienced antisemitism is all in your head - the Jews brainwashed you.”

OP hopefully comments like this can make you understand why this woman noped out. Even if the comments were just about Gaza and couldn’t be seen any other way, she had no way of knowing what kind of bizarrely offensive comment might pop out of the mouth of someone who would never make the equivalent comment about other groups. Maybe she just did not want to take that risk at that moment.

FWIW, I (also Jewish) read that "brainwashing" line as referring to brainwashing about Israel, not brainwashing about antisemitism.

I don’t believe you are Jewish. You thought the comment “The Jews brainwashed you” is an okay statement? Can you share another group that you think that would be okay to say that to/about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not Jewish, and I am completely against the genocidal actions of Israel.

I think this woman and many like her have really struggled after a lifetime of brainwashing and cognitive dissonance. It's okay to disagree with her politically and yet to empathize with her distress. You feel for your friend, and it's okay to reach out to her.

This is not a religious issue, though it's close to her due to her religious identity.

Wow yeah ok: “Your belief that you experienced antisemitism is all in your head - the Jews brainwashed you.”

OP hopefully comments like this can make you understand why this woman noped out. Even if the comments were just about Gaza and couldn’t be seen any other way, she had no way of knowing what kind of bizarrely offensive comment might pop out of the mouth of someone who would never make the equivalent comment about other groups. Maybe she just did not want to take that risk at that moment.

FWIW, I (also Jewish) read that "brainwashing" line as referring to brainwashing about Israel, not brainwashing about antisemitism.

Yes, that's what I meant. I've heard it from so many people questioning what they've been taught all their lives by people they trusted. Many people were taught the Nakba didn't even happen. That is brainwashing. These are good, decent, American Jews who've been taught lies for political reasons.